My feet were discovering entirely new planes of existence, and all of them consisted of pure agony.
Back on Earth, a long walk meant traversing the distance from my gaming chair to the fridge. In this cultivation world, a "brisk stroll to the next town" apparently meant dragging a giant burlap sack full of stolen, magically-infused women's underwear up a dirt mountain path in the blistering heat.
"Boss," I panted, my tongue feeling like a piece of dry sandpaper. "If we don't stop soon, I am going to collapse, die, and sue you for workplace negligence from the afterlife."
Lo Yu, who was leaning heavily on a walking stick he'd fashioned from a dead branch, didn't even turn around. "A Litigation Master does not rest until he is safely outside the jurisdiction of the aggrieved party. Keep walking. And don't drag the evidence! Do you know what dirt does to Grade-Two silk?"
"It gives it earthy undertones!" I wheezed, shifting the massive sack higher onto my shoulder. It smelled faintly of jasmine and the wrath of a Golden Core cultivator.
As we trudged along, my mind started to wander to the concept of transportation. A Honda Civic would be a godsend right now. A bicycle. A horse. Hell, I'd even settle for that damn goat.
I paused, wiping a bead of sweat from my forehead. The goat. I had left it tied up near the door of the dilapidated hut on the mountain. For a brief, blistering second of exhaustion, I actually felt a pang of regret. Should I have brought it with me? It could have been useful. It could have carried this massive sack of contraband. It could have been emergency rations if things got desperate.
But then I remembered the way it had looked at me. That cross-eyed, expectant, deeply uncomfortable stare it gave me while I was doing my... manual system diagnostic back in the hut.
A shiver went down my spine that had nothing to do with the wind.
No. Leaving the goat was the right tactical move. I am a man of vision, heading toward the Jade Water Sect—a promised land of high-tier, spiritually-nourished beauties. If I walked through the gates of Heavenly Peak City standing next to a decrepit panty-thief lawyer and a goat giving me bedroom eyes, the rumors would write themselves.
I had to protect my brand. I was absolutely not catching a goat-fucker allegation in my second life. My reputation was going to be pristine. Or, at the very least, my degeneracy would remain strictly within the confines of consenting human adults and their unwashed laundry.
"Are you muttering to yourself back there?" Lo Yu snapped, whacking a weed with his stick. "Save your breath. We need to cover another ten miles before sundown."
I was about to tell him exactly where he could shove his ten miles, when the bushes to our right let out a violent, unnatural rustle.
Both of us froze. In a cultivation world, a rustling bush rarely meant a cute bunny. It usually meant something that wanted to eat your liver to absorb your Qi.