The line to enter Heavenly Peak City was agonizingly slow, and every step forward felt like a march to the executioner's block.
As we got closer, my earlier excitement about "premium human musk" completely evaporated, replaced by cold, hard terror. The guards at the gate weren't the lazy, pot-bellied militiamen of Mudwater Town. These guys were built like brick outhouses, clad in pristine silver-and-blue armor, and radiating a low-level spiritual pressure that made my teeth ache.
Worse, they were using a massive, bronze mirror mounted on a pedestal to scan everyone's luggage. Every time a cart full of spiritual herbs or beast cores passed it, the mirror would glow with a soft, blue light.
"Boss," I hissed out of the corner of my mouth, not daring to turn my head. "That mirror detects Qi. You told me these panties are practically overflowing with high-grade Yin energy. When that mirror hits this bag, it's going to light up like a nightclub."
Lo Yu stroked his scraggly beard. "Stay calm. A Litigation Master's greatest weapon is his unshakeable composure."
I was about to argue when a scent hit me. It didn't just drift on the wind; it struck my olfactory senses like a physical blow. It was a potent, intoxicating wave of lotus blossoms mixed with the heavy, undeniable tang of raw, primal human sweat.
Premium human musk.
I whipped my head around. Walking right past the merchant line, bypassing the security check entirely through a VIP gate, was a female cultivator.
She was breathtaking. She wore the flowing, icy-blue robes of a Jade Water Sect outer disciple, but the sleeves had been entirely torn off to allow for maximum mobility. She was incredibly curvy, her chest heaving slightly as if she had just returned from a rigorous monster-hunting expedition.
But what captured my absolute, undivided attention was her armpits.
As she raised her arm to wave a jade token at the guards, she revealed a luxuriant, untamed thicket of dark underarm hair. It wasn't shaved. It wasn't even trimmed to Lo Yu's "golden mean." It was wild, glorious, and completely drenched in sweat. Dark, heavy sweat stains ringed the armholes of her robes, clinging to her skin and broadcasting that divine, musky aroma directly into my soul.
My eyes rolled back into my head. I let out an involuntary, guttural groan, taking a step toward her like a zombie drawn to brains. "The... the Dao..."
"Hold the line, you idiot!" Lo Yu hissed, grabbing me by the collar and violently yanking me back into the dirt just as the curvy disciple disappeared past the gates.
The goat, clearly sensing my intense spiritual awakening, let out an aggressive baaaa and tried to chew on the hem of a traveling merchant's robes in front of us. I blinked rapidly, shaking the hypnotic musk from my brain, and yanked the leash back.
"Did you see that, Boss?" I whispered, my heart hammering. "The sweat stains. The sheer volume of the hair. It was magnificent."
"Focus, He Lu!" Lo Yu snapped, his eyes darting toward the guards. "If they ask to open the sack, I will deploy the Heavenly Thunder-Wind Talisman. It is a tactical sonic disruption device. Just follow my lead, keep your mouth shut, and look professional."
"Next!" a booming voice echoed.
My stomach dropped into my shoes. We were at the front of the line.
The Guard Captain, a man with a jawline so sharp it could chop wood, stepped into our path. He looked us up and down, his nose wrinkling in immediate, profound disgust.
"Name and purpose of visit," the Captain barked. "And what in the name of the Heavenly Dao is that smell?"
Lo Yu stepped forward, instantly transforming into Senior Lo Yu, Esquire. He threw his shoulders back and adopted a haughty, arrogant sneer. "We are here on official, highly classified business pertaining to a Class-Three Tort violation. We have a meeting with the local magistrate, and you are currently impeding justice."
The Captain blinked, momentarily thrown off. He looked at me, then at the goat. "And them?"
"My Junior Associate, He Lu," Lo Yu said without missing a beat. "And the firm's emotional support beast."
"Fine," the Captain grunted. "Put your luggage in front of the Insight Mirror. Standard contraband check."
My blood ran cold. I slowly stepped forward and lowered the burlap sack onto the stone pedestal.
For a second, nothing happened.
Then, the mirror began to hum. It didn't glow with a soft, polite blue light. It flared with a blinding, neon-pink radiance. The spiritual energy in the stolen underwear was so concentrated that the mirror began to vibrate, emitting a high-pitched whine. A thick, visible cloud of floral, musky scent puffed out of the top of the burlap sack.
Every guard at the gate drew their weapon.
"What is the meaning of this?!" the Captain roared. "That is pure, unadulterated Yin Qi! Open the sack! Now!"
"Captain, I must object!" I yelled. "Client-attorney privilege! Opening that sack constitutes an illegal search and seizure!"
"I don't care about your mortal laws!" The Captain shoved past me, reaching for the knot on the burlap sack.
Lo Yu shoved his hand into his robes. "Motion to dismiss!" he screamed.
He slapped a crinkled, brown talisman onto the stone wall. The result was apocalyptic.
It was a concussive, bowel-rattling BRRRRRAAAAP that echoed off the white jade walls like a cannon shot. A shockwave of thick, green, sulfurous smoke exploded from the paper, instantly engulfing the entire checkpoint in a cloud of weaponized flatulence.
It smelled like a garbage fire inside a slaughterhouse. Guards immediately began gagging and dropping their weapons. The merchant in front of us openly vomited onto his own shoes.
"My eyes!" the Captain screamed. "It's a demonic poison gas attack!"
"Run!" Lo Yu bellowed.
I snatched the burlap sack off the pedestal, grabbed the goat's leash, and sprinted blindly through the gates. Through the chaos, the goat lunged forward, grabbed the official Heavenly Peak City registration ledger in its mouth, and swallowed the last three pages whole.
We didn't stop running until we had zig-zagged through three alleyways and collapsed behind a large dumpster smelling of rotting cabbage.
I hit the cobblestone, gasping for fresh air. Lo Yu collapsed next to me, wheezing so hard I thought his lungs were going to shoot out of his mouth.
I immediately ripped open the burlap sack, panic gripping my chest. "Boss! The gas! We have to make sure the evidence wasn't contaminated by the fart cloud!"
Lo Yu sat up instantly, his Litigation Master persona vanishing, replaced by a master sommelier of degeneracy. He reached into the sack and began pulling out the garments one by one, holding them up to the dim alleyway light.
"Ah, fear not, Junior Associate," Lo Yu breathed a sigh of relief, pulling out a massive pair of golden-threaded bloomers. The crotch area was thick with a crystallized, fiery-red residue that radiated intense heat. "Madame Wang's Grade-Two Spirit Silkworm bloomers are safe. Look at the gusset. That thick, crusty layer of dried fire-attribute sweat... it smells of charred sandalwood and unbridled middle-aged rage. A true classic."
He tossed them aside and pulled out the crumpled blue thong I had stolen. "The Noodle Lady's daily wear. The residue here is thinner, but note the aroma! Broth, honest manual labor, and just a hint of yeast. A foundational musk."
"What about the high-tier stuff?" I asked, leaning in, completely mesmerized.
Lo Yu reached deep into the bottom of the sack and pulled out a pair of icy-blue silk boyshorts. The moment they hit the air, a layer of actual frost formed over my fingers. The crotch was coated in a shimmering, pearl-like residue that smelled like peppermint and cold, arrogant authority.
"A Frost-Peak Elder's training shorts," Lo Yu whispered reverently. "The Yin Qi is so concentrated in her... bodily expulsions... that it actually freezes the silk. Sniffing this clears the sinuses instantly."
Next, he pulled out a pair of green, lace-trimmed briefs that glowed with a faint, pulsing light. The gusset was stained with a thick, greenish-yellow residue. "From a pill-refining apprentice. That residue is a mixture of thick thigh sweat and crushed medicinal herbs. Extremely earthy. Very pungent."
Finally, with trembling hands, Lo Yu withdrew the Holy Grail. It was a pure white, semi-transparent slip. It didn't just glow; it practically vibrated. The center was stained with a heavy, crystallized layer of spiritual dew that smelled so intensely of premium human musk I actually felt dizzy.
"And this," Lo Yu said, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "This belongs to the Inner Court's Third Senior Sister. The Qi condensation in this residue is enough to push a mortal into the first stage of cultivation. It is priceless."
I looked at the glowing panties. I looked at Lo Yu, who smelled like a weaponized sewer. I looked at the goat, who was happily burping up pieces of official city paperwork.
Then, I looked up past the alleyway, toward the floating, majestic islands of the Jade Water Sect.
I started to laugh. A broken, exhausted, completely unhinged laugh.
"Boss," I wheezed, carefully packing the premium human musk back into the sack. "We're in."
Lo Yu gave me a wide, terrifying grin, flashing his missing teeth.
"Welcome to Heavenly Peak City, Junior Associate He," Lo Yu rasped. "Let's go open a law firm."