Konoha Village, Orochimaru's residence.
"Orochimaru, Congratulation on your wedding."
Originally, the moment Orochimaru saw Jiraiya, he had already planned out the perfect combo to repay him for past grievances.
But upon hearing such a sincere blessing, he froze.
"What kind of trick are you playing now, Jiraiya?"
Orochimaru narrowed his eyes suspiciously, refusing to accept the gift being handed to him.
Who knew what ridiculous prank lay inside this time?
"Trick? What trick? I just wanted to congratulate my childhood friend, that's all. Here, take it—this is a Mount Myoboku-brand 'Marital Bliss and Longevity Lock' (Viagra) I begged the Toad Sage for!
You know Fukasaku-sama and Shima-sama, right? Rumor has it they've had no major marital issues for centuries thanks to this very lock!"
Orochimaru was utterly baffled but remained vigilant, keeping his gaze locked on Jiraiya without accepting the gift.
He remembered every foolish thing this man had tricked him into doing during his amnesia!
This was definitely another attempt to mess with him!
"Your expression seems off, by the way. Why do you look like this when you're about to get married? Shouldn't you be happier?" Jiraiya laughed heartily and clapped Orochimaru on the shoulder, then pulled him closer with a sly grin as he continued.
"Out of the Sanin, who'd have thought you'd be the first to settle down—the least likely candidate! I bet Tsunade would want to punch you if she found out."
Orochimaru gave Jiraiya's overly familiar hand a disdainful glance but didn't dwell on it, instead focusing on the key point in his words.
"What are you talking about? What marriage?"
Seeing Orochimaru's reaction, Jiraiya immediately took offense and scolded him.
"Damn you, Orochimaru! We grew up together—peeing together, drinking tea together, getting foot massages together, gathering materials together! You can hide it from others, but why hide it from me?"
"Stop spouting nonsense. I have no interest in women," Orochimaru said coldly.
His research was far from complete—how could he be swayed by trivial emotions?
Besides, he'd never felt anything for women!
Those times Jiraiya dragged him out for tea didn't count because he had no memory of them!
Was he even himself without his memories?
That wasn't him at all!
"You bastard, Orochimaru! The whole village is talking about it! Are you holding a grudge because I helped restore your memories those times and now you're deliberately keeping me in the dark? How petty! Instead of thanking me, you push me away? Unbelievable!"
"Heh..." Orochimaru let out a cold laugh.
Thank him? He'd rather feed Jiraiya to Manda right now!
Tricking him into being his lackey, making him gather materials, taking the fall for him—how dare this shameless man call himself a friend?
He was the unbelievable one!
Wait a minute...
Orochimaru suddenly realized something.
What did Jiraiya mean by "the whole village knows"?
Now that he thought about it, though he rarely went out lately, whenever he did, he noticed villagers whispering about him.
And his neighbors—they'd already hung up red lanterns, even though the New Year was still far off...
"Jiraiya, who told you this news?"
"Never mind that. Don't worry about the wedding—I can't speak for Tsunade, but I'll definitely be there! Hey, while you're still single, why don't we throw a bachelor party—"
Before Jiraiya could finish, Orochimaru shoved him out the door.
BANG!
Staring at the forcefully shut and locked door, Jiraiya rubbed his nose in confusion.
Why was Orochimaru so angry?
Shouldn't he be happy about getting married?
*****
I'm getting married!
And the whole village knows—except me!
And I don't even know who the bride is!
This was the conclusion Orochimaru reached after touring Konoha with a transformation jutsu, confirming he'd been set up.
Fuck!
So that very night, Orochimaru stormed into the Hokage's office, ignoring people who attempts to stop him.
"Minato, who started this rumor?"
"Uh... heh..." Minato could only force an awkward smile.
He hadn't expected this either—they were still investigating who had spread such rumours.
Though one of his Uchiha students was a prime suspect, he couldn't jump to conclusions without solid evidence!
"Um, Orochimaru-san, perhaps this is just someone playing a prank. Please don't take it to heart. If needed, I can step forward to clarify things for you."
Minato said this while subtly glancing at the Third Hokage beside him, who was stroking his beard pretending not to hear or know anything.
The Third Hokage remained as steady as an old dog, completely unfazed.
Even if the news spread, so what?
As long as you lose your memory again next time, I'll make sure to arrange things properly for you!
"Is that so?" Orochimaru coldly glanced at Hiruzen Sarutobi.
"Are you sure it's not some old man who stepped down but still can't stop meddling, trying to forcibly arrange a family for his former student while he's suffering from memory loss?"
'What sharp insight!!'
Both Minato and the Third Hokage were inwardly shocked.
This Orochimaru truly lived up to being one of the Legendary Sanin of Konoha!
"Hehehe, what are you talking about, Orochimaru-san? How could such a thing possibly happen? How could Konoha have someone who would interfere with a ninja's private affairs?"
"You better not!"
With those final words, Orochimaru turned and left, slamming the door behind him without the slightest hesitation.
BANG!!
...
After Orochimaru left, the Third Hokage looked somewhat embarrassed.
After hesitating for a long while and stroking his beard, he finally spoke to Minato.
"Minato, I take responsibility for this matter. A few days ago, I accidentally mentioned it while chatting with the two elders. Though I clearly reminded them to keep it confidential... and the clan heads of the Ino-Shika-Cho trio—I definitely told them to keep it secret too..."
Hearing this, Minato was speechless.
'Good grief, so it was your own big mouth that leaked the news?!'
'I almost started suspecting my own students!'
Before Minato could say anything, a knock came at the door, prompting him to quickly straighten his posture.
"Come in."
Creak—
As the door opened, Kakashi entered, pointing to the group of ninja behind him—including Obito and Gintoki—and reported to Minato.
"Hokage-sama, the investigation is complete. These are the culprits responsible for spreading the rumor about Orochimaru-sama getting married in the village. I've brought them all here."
Looking at the several dozen ninja, all around Obito's age and from the same graduating classes, Minato felt a headache coming on.
There was more than one source of the rumor?!