I dream about cuddling with a glowing, warm man whose face I don't see but feels familiar. We watch... a movie in a drive-in theater. Laying on the grass. Under the stars. He's warm, muscular, an arm links around me and he smells like... the beach. The ocean, I think. A woman on rollerskates rolls up to us, carrying a platter of drinks.
We're floating in water and the seagulls are too loud. I don't like it, because we need to, I need to... go. But I don't want to. The appointment that I need to go to is annoying and I just want to float with him in the water, but the tub is too small and we can't even float anymore.
I fall out of bed. Which is what wakes me up.
I groan, and rub my eyes. The room is dark, and I'm on the floor. It takes me a moment to remember where I am, and what happened. And then I feel my cheeks heat up, and I cringe.
That dream was...
Weird. And annoying. And... suggestive.
I don't know why I dreamed that. It's probably just because of... yesterday. And the... weird tension. And the... glowing.
I shake my head, and push myself up. I'm still in my clothes from last night, and I feel gross. I need a shower. And a change of clothes. And maybe a new brain.
I stand up, and look around. Llywelyn is asleep on the bed, curled up under the covers. His hair is splayed out across the pillow, and his face is... peaceful. Serene. Cute.
I look away, and walk to the bathroom. I don't want to disturb him. Not after... everything.
Plus if he's asleep I get the rare opportunity to bathe before a certain someone else makes the bath their part time job. It's a small victory.
I strip, and step into the water. It's warm, and soothing, and I sink down, letting it cover me. I close my eyes, and just... float. For a while.
I think about the nebula, and the stars, and the singing. I think about Xilukulkas, and his offer. I think about Llywelyn, and his secrets. I think about...
I sputter and sit up in the bath.
Don't think about that.
I groan, and rub my face. I need to stop. I need to get over this. It's not a big deal. It's just a body. A weird, alien body, but still. It's not like I haven't seen worse.
I've seen the dead. I've seen the horrors of the Empire. I've seen the pain, and the blood, and the fear. I've caused some of it.
A glowing dick is nothing compared to that.
It's possibly weirder than those, though. Weird that it glows, anyway. Not that it's a... weird dick. I don't know what an unweird dick is. I mean, I have a general idea, but I've only ever seen that one.
Oh no, no, no that makes it worse!
I splash angrily in the tub.
No!
I have wasted a day on his anatomy, had a fight, apologized, it cannot take me again. I am not going to be defeated by the mere existence of his. His-!
His fish parts. No, he isn't a fish. His... lizard parts? No, that's not right, either. He's not a lizard at all.
He's not an alien I know.
Which means he's... Llywelyn.
His Llywelyn parts.
Oh my god.
I cover my face with my hands, and try not to scream. Or laugh. Or cry. Or all three.
I hate him.
I hate everything.
I'm going back to sleep.
I may not ever wake up.
I'll marry the glowing faceless man in my dreams and not be weirded out by the fact that he has no face.
I sink back into the water, and try to forget. It doesn't work, but at least I'm clean.
I get out, and dry myself, and wrap a towel around myself. For about two seconds I reach out to take the handle of the door.
And then, because my brain has not entirely short-circuited and died, I remember that Llywelyn and Mira are out there, and even though they're asleep, I know exactly what will happen if I tap-dance in front of fate by going out to get another set of clothes like this.
Better to put back on what I just slept in.
I quietly creep out of the bathroom, and tiptoe to the closet, where I grab a fresh set of clothes and slide them on. I'm just about to leave the room, when I hear a voice.
"Where are you going?"
I freeze, and turn to look at the bed. Llywelyn is sitting up, his hair a mess, his eyes half-lidded. He's still in his bed clothes - which are just a soft-looking robe, really - and he looks... sleepy. Cute. Annoying.
"I was going to go get some breakfast." I say, quietly. "You can go back to sleep."
He yawns, and stretches his arms over his head. "Mmm. No. I'm hungry." He stands up, and walks over to me, scratching his head. "Let's go."
I stare at him. "You're not going to... change?" I ask, gesturing at his robe.
He looks down at himself, and then shrugs. "Why? It's our house too. Not like it's obscene. come on, stop talking or you'll wake the jeweled menace." He walks past me, and opens the door.
I follow him, feeling a bit... flustered. I know it's not a big deal. I mean, we're both covered. It's not like he's naked. He's just... wearing a robe. A very soft-looking, cozy robe. That shows off his chest. And his legs. And his...
I shake my head, and try to focus on something else. Like the fact that we're walking to the dining hall in our pajamas. That's weird, right? That's not normal. Is it?
I glance at him, and see that he doesn't seem to care. He's just walking, like it's no big deal. Maybe it isn't, here. Maybe everyone wears whatever they want, whenever they want. Maybe I'm just... overthinking it.
Or maybe it's just a Llywelyn thing. Maybe he's just... weird.
That's more likely. After all, he's the one who walks around naked in the common area. He's the one who glows in the dark. He's the one who...
I'm doing it again.
I take a deep breath, and try to clear my head. I need to stop obsessing over this. It's not important. It's not... anything.
We enter the dining hall, and I'm relieved to see that no one else is here. At least not that I can see. It's still early, and most people are probably still asleep. Or busy. Or whatever.
Llywelyn walks over to the food table, and starts picking things up, putting them on a plate. I follow him, and do the same. We're both quiet, and it's... awkward. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to act. I feel like... something has changed.
It hasn't.
I'm just. Being unbearably awkward.
"Xilukulkas asked me to go somewhere with him." I blurt out, just to break the silence. It's the first thing that comes to my mind, and I regret it immediately.
Llywelyn looks at me, his eyes wide. "What?"
"I mean. He's going to the Galactic Center. For a trip. And he asked me if I wanted to go." I explain, feeling my cheeks heat up. "I... I don't know if I should."
"Why not?" He asks, raising a brow. "I assume you've never seen it, right? It's... pretty." He says, and then shrugs. "I don't care for it, but it's not a bad place to visit."
"Yeah, but..." I trail off, not sure how to put it into words.
Because...
The reason I'm unsure is because I don't know which option is more likely to let me escape. But if I talk to Llywelyn, neither will be.
And...
Well, escape means leaving. It means leaving this place, and him, and Mira, and... it's not like I'm getting attached, but I...
I don't hate it as much as I should.
So it's hard to think about leaving.
"You should go." He lifts a shoulder in a shrug. "He doesn't leave all that often, so it's an opportunity you'll regret when you get bored of starry skies." He picks up a piece of fruit, and takes a bite. "And also it'll be more bearable."
"Bearable?" I repeat, confused.
He nods, chewing. "Yeah. If you're there, at least there will be one person I can talk to without wanting to strangle."
I blink. "What?"
"I'm going, too." He says, as if it's obvious. "Master always takes me. I'm... useful, I guess. For some reason."
"Oh." I say, and then frown. "Why didn't he tell me that?"
"Maybe he thought you'd say no if you knew." He smirks. "You do seem to have some kind of strange aversion to me."
"I do not!" I protest, but my face feels hot. "I just... didn't think you'd want to go. It'd mean abandoning your bath."
He sniffs. "There is water elsewhere." He lifts his chin. "I can survive."
"Wow. Big sacrifice."
"Don't mock me." He says, but there's no bite to it. "It's more work, too. I'd rather stay here."
"But you're still going." I point out.
He sighs, and nods. "Yeah. I'm still going."
I look at him, and he looks back at me. There's something in his eyes that I can't read. Something that makes my chest feel... tight.
I look away first, and clear my throat. "Well. I guess... I'll go, too, then."
His lips twitch into a smile. "Big sacrifice."
"That doesn't mean anything coming from you." I huff.
I glance over at him as he shoves a pastry into his mouth, and his cheeks puff up slightly. His collar flashes pink.
It's. Kind of cute.
I have the sudden urge to shove him over. Just to be petty.
I refrain. Mostly because he's eating, and I'm no bully.
He swallows. "Why are you making an ugly face?"
"What-! What the hell does that mean? I've done nothing to you!"
He sniffs and walks ahead of me to the table. "I have a ten page list of things you've done to me." He settles into a chair and starts eating his food.
I plop down across from him and glare at him. "Bathing and making you do the Aquacave are two things, you stupid fish."
His lips quirk up into a faint smile as he picks up a fork. "But you've done them many times."
I can't help but gape at him for... a few moments. "Does your list just say 'she bathed in my bath' over and over?!"
He looks at me with such an air of innocence that I know he's lying when he says, "Maybe."
"You're. Awful. I'm going to take Mira along-"
"You wouldn't!"
"And I'll spend all my time with her instead." I say, triumphantly.
"Wh- how- I'll-! I'll tell her you're- you're-!"
I lift a brow.
He deflates. "She wouldn't believe me anyway." He mutters, stabbing at his food. "But fine. Be. Bored." He huffs.
I grin and lean my cheek on my hand.
"You will not be grinning when you realize you've trapped yourself on a small ship with that jewel-head." He sniffs, pointing his fork at me.
"Sure I will. Because you'll be there with me. I'll enjoy seeing you suffer with me."
"You're rancid. And cruel." He declares, lifting his nose into the air.
I laugh, and he glances at me, and then away, his ears flicking.
I wonder...
If I'll miss this friendship when I go home.