I spent... the rest of the day in the garden.
Just sitting on the grass, staring at the stars. Thinking. Processing. Panicking.
I saw Llywelyn's dick.
That's a sentence I never thought I'd say. Or think. Or even imagine.
But I did. I saw it.
And it was... glowing.
Why was it glowing? I mean, I know why it was glowing, I can infer, but why?
Why does he have that? What purpose does it serve? Is it... natural? Is it... a mutation? Is it... a weapon?
It's. Probably not a weapon. That would be a... very weird weapon.
But still.
It's... distracting.
And confusing.
And... kind of... hot.
H-Hot?! No! Bad brain. Don't think that. Don't go there. It's Llywelyn. The guy who's been a jerk to me since I got here. The guy who's been my roommate, and my shadowing partner, and... my friend, I guess.
No, I can't. I shouldn't. I'm not. This is just... a weird reaction. A normal reaction. A human reaction. To seeing a naked man.
Even if he's not... technically a man. Or naked. Fully.
He's male, though. That's... something.
And- And I...
Am I...
I mean, there's Alistair, and...
Ugh. I don't know.
I rub my face, and groan.
This is the worst day ever.
And it's only going to get worse when I have to face him again.
I know I can't avoid him forever. I know I'll have to talk to him, eventually. Apologize. Explain. Something.
But I don't want to.
I don't know what to say.
"Hey, sorry I walked in on you while you were... glowing. It's cool, though. No big deal. We're cool."
Yeah, right.
That's not going to happen.
So I just sit there, and stew, and stare at the stars, and try not to think about him. Or his dick. Or the way his veins were pulsing, and his ears were twitching, and his eyes were...
"AAAAGH! IT'S YOUR FAULT YOU STUPID NAKED BASTARD!" I shout at the sky, and I'm very glad that no one is actually around to hear that because I feel like an idiot.
I cover my face with my hands, and just... breathe.
It's fine. It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine.
Everything is not fine.
I just need to...
I don't know.
I need to... sleep. Yeah. Sleep. I'll go back to my room, and sleep. And tomorrow, everything will be better.
Yeah. Right.
Walking into that room is like walking into the belly of the beast.
But then again... he's probably fled somewhere into the darkness like a bat. Surely he wouldn't still be in that room.
I am so...
Unwell.
That images flash in my mind that I refuse to describe, dwell on, dignify or-
I scream and stomp toward the manor. I'm going to bed if the stupid fish is dressed and gone. And if I hear him still complaining I'll go.
Drown myself in the glowing pool or something.
I just don't want to be alone and also awake because it makes me think things I don't want to think. So I need to sleep. I just woke up today, but I reject today. If I go to sleep I can start it over again. Like a computer. I'm rebooting my life. It's fine. Everything's fine.
I do not sneak toward the bedroom. There's nothing sneaky about it. I'm just... walking normally. Like a normal person. Nothing to see here.
I open the door quietly, because I'm not a monster. I'm still a considerate person.
And the room is empty.
I let out a sigh of relief, and step inside.
"Thank god."
The door shuts behind me, and I jump, turning around, my heart in my throat.
Llywelyn is standing there, fully dressed, his hair dry and pulled back, his collar a dull blue, and his eyes... unreadable.
I'm trapped!
"This is kidnapping."
That derails whatever serious thing he was about to say to me. His expression shifts from serious to confused, and he stutters and makes a face at me. "I-Wh-what? Huh?"
"This is my bedroom too, you can't just trap me in here, that's illegal!" I insist.
"I am not trying to do anything to you, you ridiculous-" He seems to shake himself and runs a hand through his hair, which makes it come half undone and fall into his face. He scowls and fixes it while talking. "This is about earlier. I need to-"
"I! Saw nothing!"
The expression on his face is one I've never seen, and yet I understand perfectly. His left eye twitches, his lips are pulled into a firm line, and he's giving me a look that says he cannot believe I just said that. "Were you struck with blindness?"
"M-Maybe!" I protest.
"You can't be-!" He lets out an exasperated sigh, and his collar flares a light pink. "If we are to continue living together there are some things we must be... clear about."
"Like how you're not allowed to walk around naked outside the bathroom?"
His collar turns bright blue, and he looks scandalized. "I was not-! I-!"
"Because I didn't do anything wrong! You were naked in the common space, Llywelyn!" I point at him. "That's not okay! There's Mira! I'm not even the only girl in the house!"
"I wasn't...! Naked-! Don't make it like I'm the one who's wrong! You're the one- the one who looked at-"
"I didn't mean to!"
"Then don't-! Look!"
"You could! Make that easier! If your dick didn't glow! Glowing makes the eyes GO places!"
"YOU SAID YOU SAW NOTHING!" His veins are lighting up in sync with his collar, and his cheeks flush a bright pink. "What are you accusing me of? You're the one being indecent-!"
"I just- I said-! You were-" I stammer, and then throw my hands up, frustrated. "I can't unsee it, okay?! I'm not. I'm not used to this! And you... why is it so... bright!?"
"WHY ARE YOU ASKING THAT?" He shouts, looking at me in abject horror. "How are you asking me that-"
"I don't know! It just- why?!"
"It's none of your business!" He snarls, his veins pulsing furiously. "You're not an Akutwasian! It's not something you'd understand anyway-!"
"I don't need to understand to ask why it's there!"
"You just! Need to not look! It's that simple!"
"Then don't walk out of the bath like that!"
He lets out an enraged sound, and turns around, stomping over to the couch and throwing himself on it. He sits there for a few minutes, seething.
"Is... that your way of ending the argument...?"
"I'm done with you." He says, and crosses his arms.
I hesitate.
This is probably just a normal fight - well maybe not but...
We're not...
This won't mean we're not friends, right?
I don't want to lose one of the only friends I have. Even if it's not an actual... friend-friend, or whatever. I can't help but feel a little sick with guilt.
"Llywelyn..."
"Don't talk to me."
"I'm- I'm sorry." I say, quietly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... see anything. I just... I didn't know you were there. And I was just..."
He doesn't say anything. He just stares at the wall, his veins a deep, sullen blue.
"It'd be. A lot easier. If you-"
I don't know. It's just. Difficult to apologize or find some kind of compromise or middle spot when he gets like this and-! It's not even my fault! I mean I was intending to gently torment him a little but not like that...!
He makes a sound I don't recognize, an air sound. As if he's about to sigh but just... doesn't. His head turns toward me and he says, "What is the point. I am already... the joke."
"What?" I blink. "I'm not making jokes about this-"
"I am. The punchline. The punchline to your dumb, ignorant jokes. Everyone makes jokes about my species. You all just-! Laugh. You don't even know what you're talking about. What you're seeing. Go on. Get it all out. No doubt your crude jokes will be hilarious."
"I'm not trying to make a joke?" I stare at him.
"No? You're not laughing at the 'glowing dick'?" He says, scornfully, mocking my words.
I... okay that sounds really bad when he says it like that. I guess that was sort of a joke, but... I wasn't trying to laugh at him. I was-! It was stress and...!
"I was just! Surprised! And embarrassed! And you don't have to be a jerk about it-!" I cross my arms, "I'm trying to apologize here-!"
"Go on." He tilts his head at me. "Let me hear it. Tell me more about how hilarious it is that my body has become a freakish show for the amusement of you and your kind. How I'm a glow-in-the-dark nightlight. How my species is the punchline to every crude, vulgar joke you can think of because we look like fish, how we shine in the dark like some stupid magical-"
"Stop it!"
I hesitate and then move over to sit near him.
"S'nilia...! What are you-"
"I'm not laughing." I settle my hands on my knees. I'm. Not sure I can look at him while I talk. "I mean. I don't understand your body at all. You're... alien and I've only ever really known humans. I don't get it. But you're..."
Someone that I like? Care about? My friend?
"I still. Won't concede. That it's not my fault." I say, glaring at him.
He opens his mouth, but I don't let him speak.
"But. I am sorry. That I saw. And that..." I swallow. This isn't my forte at all. I feel like some kind of... schoolyard PSA. But maybe such things don't exist here, alongside a lack of basic personal freedoms. In which case, he won't know how awkward it sounds. "That people have... made you feel like your body is a joke. That your species is a joke. That's not fair."
He looks at me, his veins flickering a soft pink and then deep blue. "Rich coming from the woman who has non-stop mocked me since she arrived."
"Yeah, well you called me a subsapient only good for mating."
"That's not-" He stopped. His mouth closed and his chest veins glowed. "You aren't..."
"I know." I sigh. "We're both assholes. But I-" I force myself to look over at him properly again. At the gold eyes watching me. "I guess I'm a hypocrite, because I was hurting you more than I thought, while getting mad at you when you did the same to me."
He looks away from me, and after a moment, sighs. "Ridiculous human. You can be as irritating as..." He pauses, and then shakes his head. "It's no matter. I don't. Find it. As you say, 'hurtful', from you. You're too stupid to understand anyway-"
"Wow."
"But. I do. Have boundaries." His ears flick and he glances over at me. "Glowing dick jokes. Are beyond those."
I...
This is a very serious moment. I should be careful. I should be apologetic.
I instead start laughing.
"Wh- what is wrong with you?!"
"I'm sorry! I can't- you sound so-" I press a hand to my mouth, trying to stifle the giggles. "Stop! Stop! You cannot call it that!"
He gapes at me. "I-! Do not! I was quoting-!"
I cannot help but wheeze.
He sighs and then shoves me off of the bed onto the floor.
Which I suppose is deserved.
He leans over the edge of the bed, glaring at me. "I do not like you."
I lay on the ground, clutching my stomach, breathless with laughter. "I- know-"
"You are a menace!"
I nod, tears leaking from my eyes.
He stares at me for a long moment, and then he sighs and vanishes, leaning back against the wall. "You're not forgiven. And it was your fault. But... fine. I accept your apology."
I sit up, wiping my eyes. "Thanks." I manage to say, before dissolving into more giggles.
"Fis'ia! You hetchki..." he grumbles, but there seems to be no heat to it.
So.
I think that means we're still friends.
Assuming I can stop laughing every time the term 'glow dick' bubbles back up.