I'm alone in the library for a while. I lost track of time, flipping through pages and pages of art, of stories, of histories. I even found a book of poetry, though I couldn't understand most of it. The translator did its best, but some of the words and concepts were just... too alien.
Still, it was nice. Calming. Peaceful.
I'm just about to close the book, and put it back, when I hear footsteps. I look up, and see Mira walking towards me. She's holding a tray with two cups on it, and a plate of... something. It looks like cookies, but they're shaped like stars, and they're glittering.
"Hi, Sarah." She says, smiling brightly. "I brought you a snack."
"Oh. Thanks." I say, surprised. "You didn't have to do that."
"I wanted to." She says, and sets the tray down on the table next to me. "You looked like you could use a pick-me-up."
I smile, and pick up a cookie. It's sweet, and crunchy, and it... sparkles in my mouth. I can't describe the feeling better than 'sparkling'. It's... weird, but good. "It's delicious."
"I'm glad." She sits down in the chair opposite me, and takes a sip from her cup. "So, how are you liking it here?"
I hesitate, and then shake my head. "Just another prison." I say, with a shrug. "A very pretty prison."
She frowns, and tilts her head. "Why do you say that?"
"Because that's what it is." I say, leaning back in my chair. "I can't leave. I can't go home. I'm trapped here. Forever. That's a prison."
"It doesn't have to be forever." She says, softly. "Xilukulkas lets us travel with him. Maybe he'll take you somewhere else."
"Like a pet?" I scoff. "No thanks. I don't want to be paraded around."
She looks sad. I'm aware she... can't be sad, apparently, but it's what she looks like. "I'm sorry. I thought... maybe you'd like it here."
"I don't." I say, bluntly. "I don't want to be here. I want to go back. I want to see my family again." I don't mean to speak so intensely, so.... angry and raw, but as I say things that are so... simple, it just keeps pouring out. "I want to go home! I want to see Alistair and Hestia, I want to see my sun, I want to see the forests that I never cared about but Mia did, I want to see - my - Mom-" My throat closes up, and I can't speak anymore. I bury my face in my hands, and I feel the tears burning my eyes. I won't let them fall. I won't. I've cried enough. I'm done crying.
I just. I can't help it. I'm so tired. So... angry. So... scared.
"I'm sorry, Sarah." Mira says, quietly. "I brought cookies."
I-
The absolutely absurd, inappropriate comment startles me out of my spiral, and I peek at her through my fingers. She's holding out the plate of cookies, her expression... earnest. As if this could fix anything.
That thing-
Mira really can't understand sadness like a normal person, can she?
I let out a choked laugh, and it turns into a desperate, hysterical giggle that just won't stop. My shoulders shake, my chest heaves, and my eyes water. I'm laughing and crying at the same time, and I don't know which is which anymore. I can't think straight. I can't stop. I've lost my mind, and I'm not sure I want to find it.
I'm vaguely aware of Mira standing up and leaving, but it's distant. Unimportant. The world is spinning, and I'm falling, and I don't know if I'll ever land.
I wake up.
Not in the library. Not in my bed.
In a big, soft, comfy chair. There's a blanket draped over me, and a pillow under my head. I'm still in the library, I realize. And someone moved me here. Must've been... Mira, I guess. Or maybe someone else. I don't know.
I sit up, and rub my eyes. They feel dry, and sore. My head aches. My throat hurts. I feel like... hell.
And there's a cup of water on the table, next to the plate of half-eaten cookies. I pick it up, and take a sip. It's cool, and refreshing, and it helps a little. I wonder when it got here.
The door opens, and all of the light that would regularly spill through is blocked by a massive, imposing figure. I look up, and see Xilukulkas standing there, eyes glowing a soft, concerned pink. He's wearing a black and gold robe, and his hair is down, falling over his shoulders in waves.
"Sarah." He says, his voice low and gentle. "Are you alright?"
I blink, and then nod. "Yeah. I'm... fine. Just... had a moment." I don't know why I'm embarrassed. I guess I don't want him to see me like that. Weak. Vulnerable. Broken.
He observes me silently for a few moments, before he nods. "Your nutrition has been insufficient. Forgive me. I should have had the kitchen account for your particular needs."
"It's not that." I protest, but he's already walking into the room, and over to me.
"Humans have dietary needs I was unaware of." He says, and reaches out, touching my forehead. His hand is cool and smooth, and it makes me shiver. "You are warm."
"I'm fine." I repeat, but he doesn't seem to listen.
"Mira was quite distressed." He murmurs. "She left you alone, and went to find me. She was... worried."
I frown. "But...Kolumer can't...."
"Feel negative emotions?" He glances at me, and his eyes flash a soft yellow. "Yes. And yet, Mira tries. She knows that those around her struggle with her because she cannot, and so she makes attempts to emulate them. I choose to indulge her. Perhaps you could, as well."
I blink, and then look away. "I... I didn't mean to upset her. I just..."
I don't know how to explain it.
I've not had such a fit in a while, and... in the past when I had done...
Eric...
My chest hurts.
"I know." He says, his tone understanding. "It is hard. To be so far from home. To be alone. To lose everything you knew." He sighs, and sits down in the chair next to mine. "It is a lonely existence. Even when you are surrounded by others, if they are not your kind, they cannot truly understand. And it is... difficult to bear."
I look at him, surprised. "You... feel that way too?"
He smiles, a sad, wistful smile. "I am the last of my kind, Sarah. I have been for a long, long time. I have seen worlds grow and wither. I have seen stars born and die. I saw the Galactic Empire rise and I will see it fall. And I... shall never again see one of my own."
I swallow, and reach out, placing my hand on his. His hand is three times the size of mine. It's like a child's holding an adult's. "I'm sorry." I whisper.
"You add undue burden to yourself, if you pity me." He says, and turns his hand, wrapping his fingers around mine. His touch is gentle, and warm. "We all have a fate we must accept. This is mine."
"I don't want to accept mine." I say, my voice breaking.
"And what fate is it that you won't accept, Sarah?" He asks, leaning forward. His eyes are a deep, rich gold, and they seem to pull me in. "What is it you fear so much?"
I bite my lip, and look away. I don't want to tell him. I don't want to say it out loud. But... somehow, I can't stop myself.
"Never going home." I whisper. "Never seeing my friends again. Never... being free. I'm... just a thing. A toy. A pet. And I hate it." I choke out the last word, and my eyes sting again.
"That. Is not your fate." He says, his voice firm. "This is your today, little human. Your fate is your tomorrow."
There is...
Something. His words trigger a memory that feels faint now, but. The words Eric said once, what feels like a lifetime ago.
'those people who say 'tomorrow is another day' to survive today... this is tomorrow'.
I didn't want to believe him then. I wanted to side with Mia shushing and scolding him but...
In the end he...
"I imagine you wish not to hear such encouragement from one as I." He inclines his head. "But if you are willing, then consider... that it is hard to see the dawn at sunset."
I don't know what to say to that. It sounds like a platitude. Like something out of a fortune cookie. But... somehow, it resonates. It makes sense. It gives me... a little bit of hope.
"Thank you." I murmur, and squeeze his hand.
He smiles, and pats my hand. "Perhaps I have been pressuring you too much as well, little human. I wish not harm for you. Consider the three days reset."
"The three-?" I look up at him, surprised. "But I thought..."
"Three more days. If it is not enough, then ask for more. This is your home now. You must accept it on your own terms." He stands up, and looks down at me. "And I will wait, patiently, for you to do so."
I stare at him, and he just smiles that gentle, serene smile of his.
"Go ahead and rest, Sarah." He says, and walks away, as if to leave me alone.
Before he steps through the door, however, he looks back.
"I have no part of the lives of those in my manor, but..." He hesitates a moment, "I have heard your fights with Llywelyn persist."
I cringe, but he continues.
"He is... stubborn. And perhaps a bit foolish. A truly, uniquely lazy being."
My lips quirk into a small smile despite myself.
"But I believe that... you and he may not be as different as you believe." Those gold eyes settle on me for a moment. "Although it is not my place to speak more, I have observed that his heart also most fiercely yearns for home."
I feel my breath catch.
His eyes turn a gentle, patient purple, and he inclines his head to me once more. "Good night, Sarah. Rest well."
And then he's gone.