Waking up with a dry face is generally something no one likes, but I guess I am now used to it. That's why I always leave a bottle beside me before sleeping. Every day is like chaos in the morning. Waking up before Nathan, start preparing the food, taking out the trash, and sometimes a little lewd before leaving him for the office. After that, cleaning the whole house by myself, it is not like he doesn't help me, or we can't afford a maid. I love to maintain my house my way.
"Uwahahaha"
But days like today are something I feel like letting myself go free. Not thinking about doing laundry, or mopping the floor, or even bathing myself. Well, not because it's some weekend or anything. Today is Wednesday, and I am in the middle of the week. But I actually like it the most, the days like Wednesday or Thursday are the most stressful days for any corporate labour or govt. employee, but people like me just enjoy them with ease. The least amount of people in noon at cafe's, markets are not filled with crowds until evening, and not even too many people go to the theater at this time of the day.
"Hmmmm, he already ate breakfast and is gone. Wait, what's in cassaroll?"
He even made breakfast for me despite being late today. Wednesdays are the most hectic for him as he is a software engineer. I can't even imagine myself taking so much stress and earning. But if I even count some pros for it, he is on a bigger hike than I am. At least he gets paid regularly. If we were to compare each other, it would only make me sad knowing my income only comes once in a while.
"Well, I guess today I am alone for the day. Uh, who am I even fooling? The day has already ended, it's 11:30 a.m. I should get ready and go there".
I instantly run into the bathroom. I know I don't bathe generally today, but if I need to go out, I need to get tidy, or else I will be itching myself the whole day.
"Ohohohuhuhu, the water is so cold."
I genuinely get a chill whenever I have a bath. I guess it's a usual thing. Now, the big questions what to wear. This, no maybe this orange one, or maybe this blue. Nah, not these. I always feel confident when I wear what I like on days like this. Just taking on anything isn't something well suited. Wearing anything is someone's personal choice, no matter if they look good or bad in it, but there is always a difference in what you like to wear and what you look good in. It could be that they are both the same or that they are completely opposite. But you should always wear something that gives you confidence, not what someone else demands from you.
"I guess, I am talking to myself too much. I shall get ready now. Dishes and all can be taken care of at night".
I decided what it will be. I wore my brown cargoes and the moss green t-shirt. People call it very classic and cliche but I liked it how it was from my teen days. My face is ready with sunscreen, I even have my cap for sun protection, and now a check for notification.
[NO New Notifications Today. Alarm Is Set For Sunday, 5:37 p.m.]
So, no need for anything else to worry. Let's get out of here. As I was walking, I loved to see around me whatever is happing, like those two couples hanging around, labourers working on a construction site, Dogs playing with ea-- I guess I shouldn't have seen it. Now I have to wash my eyes with acid for this. Yes, right there, I am almost there. The only library I love in the town, it has all sorts of books ranging from comics to biographies, but I am here for my weekly studies.
"I am sorry, but the bookstore is closed today".
"But why, it's not even a weekend".
"We are actually renovating it from previous Friday, so it's going to be closed for a long time. I am sorry for the inconvenience".
And now my day is ruined. Well, I can't help but let it go. I guess a good cup of tea might help me. I was just thinking about it when my eyes glared at the shop in front of me. I entered inside, the cafe is not so empty. Places like this are the only things a college student can afford. I usually don't sit in corners because of the glass view. People outside are always staring while I enjoy myself. Not only that, but no fan or air comes to me.
As the waitress came i gave her an order of black tea and waited for it while I read the news on my phone. Suddenly, a voice drops in my ear,
"Would you like to share a cup with me?"
It wasn't the first time a girl had approached me like this. I generally say no, not because I am gay but because I love to enjoy myself alone. It even feels good sometimes to talk with strangers, but it is always the same story. She approaches me for dating, and I have to break their hearts every time.
"I am sorry, miss, but i don'----".
Out of all the possibilities, I was not expecting this. The girl I had slept with to meet me like this as I raised my head.
For a moment, when I saw him, I was in complete shock. A chill has gone through my spine. My hands are too sweaty, and not only that, but my throat is also parched.
"Gulp".
I never imagined seeing the man that I had met a night to meet again. But right now, I am not worrying about it. I am kind of pissed off.
"Hey, I am looking at you, and you are looking at the goddamn screen. Don't you have to talk about something?"
He nodded his head up and down and again started looking at the phone. Well, I was right about him. He is not gay, he is a straight man who slept with me that night. He just made up that story to run away from me. He even forgot about it, and I am the one who is panicking here because of all of it. Yes, it's all his fault.
"Oh, there are our cups. I'm sorry, if I don't have anything to eat or drink, I can't talk calmly".
"...."
"You know I was in fear when I saw you. I don't know what to say to you or what to feel about this situation. Right now, my chest feels so heavy it's like my heart's gonna drop".
Well, he definitely isn't lying. His hands are trembling with fear as he is drinking his tea. I can see the sweat as he rubs it from his forehead. Now, as he talks to me, he feels like a completely different person from a few minutes ago. I decided to confront him about what happened that night and what I was feeling, but before I could say something, he spoke about it.
"I actually don't remember anything".
"What"?
"When I ran from there, leaving you behind. I thought you would think I made that gay theory just to leave you. I thought you would think I am a person who takes advantage of drunk girls. But actually, I was so scared at that moment that it just felt like running away would be the best thing to do."
"..."
"I didn't think for once what would happen to you or what consequences you would have to face after this. It hit me after awhile and from that point on i have this burden on me. So, please accept my apology. I AM SORRY."
Tears went down his cheeks while he said it. He didn't take his eyes away from me, not even for once. I saw the hesitation, not only on his face but also on his hands as he tried to lift the teacup. His stuttering lips, teary eyes, everything is telling me only one thing. This man is not lying. He is taking responsibility for what he did. My mind is telling me to throw away the sorrowful feelings and accept his words. It is true that I also didn't remember if we had sex that night or not, but I can confirm it because there were blood stains on the bedsheet. Whenever I think of how he touched my body or what he had done with me when I was drunk i feel a bit more hesitant.
[Suddenly, Samayra remembers a moment of her past, a dread black shadow lurking all over her mind. Fog is going all around her. A rough sketch starts forming in her head. A complete emptiness, white lines move here and there as she forms a scenario. Her skirt is down, top is torn apart as she tries to scream, but only water comes down her eyes and nose. As she is trying to move her hands to keep herself safe, something is blocking her; someone is holding her. Please save me, save me, she speaks as no one listens to her. Remembering all of this makes her crazy to tell if the person sitting in front of him is even telling the truth or it's just a white lie. She wants to believe him, but.
But looking in Dylan's eyes, she can't do anything but trust him. He wasn't lying in any moment, but still, there was a wall that needed to be broken.
You do something wrong that you can't fix. The guilt always eats the ones for whom this becomes a fear. They don't talk to anyone, thinking that what if the person makes a joke on me or shows pity for me.
So what do you do? You either confront yourself or hide it.
Confrontation needs courage, while hiding something will only take it away from your eyes. It could be that confronting something can ruin your relationship, and hiding can even take it on a long, endless road. But it is up to you, can you live with fear of not telling, or are you ready to have everything on the line?]
When I was sitting with him, I thought he was going to blame everything on me, and we were going to be shouting at each other, but he was completely quiet. And now waiting for my answer. I don't know what to do, my mind is telling me something, while my oneself something else. Yes, this might be the right thing to do.
I was ready with this. People make mistakes they don't want to, and hide them as if nothing had happened. After a while, the hardships floating in them go away just like you throw a rock in water, it creates waves, but the water goes back to being still, like it was used to. But deep down, what we didn't notice is that water is a level up because of it. No matter if it's 0.000001%, it is still there.
I'm not going to keep it as a stone. The only way to overcome it, is by telling her how I see this situation. And I am ready for if she nev--
"I Forgive you".
"Are you se-- serious?"
"Yes, not only is it your fault, but mine too. And telling you a secret, I also don't remember if anything happened that night or not."
"Hupf, Hupf,"
"Why are you giggling?"
"OH, nothing, I just realized that it is a clumsy situation where we are in."
We both looks at each other and laugh. It is like a moment of silliness that we realize.
[Here are your pastries as you ordered].
We both looked at it with questions on our faces. I called Stella for it.
"Hey, I think you got the wrong orders. We actually haven't ordered them."
[I am so sorry, ma'am, I will just take them in a few seconds].
She was about to take them, but he stopped her.
"NO, please leave them. I would also like to add them."
He is having a faint smile. Like something different is going on in his mind. I don't know what it is, but I want to know what he is thinking right now. He takes the pastries and serves one for me and takes one for himself.
"Why don't we eat for the sake of meetup, or can I say it a start of a new friendship?"
It is so long since I met someone like him. A moment he was unserious, and then a bit fearful, after that I saw his soft side, and now I am watching him eating pastry like a little child. I don't know what to make of it, but he just feels too kind. For now, we have cried a lot, especially him. I can't even imagine what he has gone through in the past month, having so much burden on him. I tried to turn the questions.
"So what were you doing here? I haven't seen you here before."
"Not here, actually, I always come to the library, which is 4 streets across here."
"The one they closed this Friday."
"Yeah, now I have to find a new one. Well, do you come here often?"
"Why--Why do you ask me that?"
"Just, you said you don't see me often here. So I thought maybe you lived or worked or came here often."
"....."
Well, that was weird. Why did she just hesitate answering it? I guess she still feels uncomfortable talking to me about something personal. I should just give her some space so that she would not feel awkward. I looked at my phone.
[You Have 1 Missed Call: My Love]
The phone starts ringing again. I don't know how I didn't notice the first time. But this time, let's not waste any time and pick it up. But leaving from here to take a call would feel rude. I shall just take it here.
"Excuse me, but I have to take this call."
"No Problem, by the way, who is it?"
"My love."
As I heard the words, my mind instantly moved to the thought that it's a girl. But as I heard him talking on the phone. I can hear a man's voice from the other side. I know I am eavesdropping on his conversation, but he is in front of me. How can I not overhear it? Not only that, but it is now an assurance that he is gay. I know I shouldn't be watching him this much, but for some reason, I can't take my eyes off him.
"Okay, honey, I will have it ready before you come home."
"Love you."
"Okay, bye, love you too."
As I ended the call, I realized she was watching me the whole time. A smile on her face like a butterfly on a flower, she didn't even blink for a moment. Just looking into my eyes. For once, it felt a bit awkward. I decided to break the silence, so I asked her a question.
"What's your favorite movie?"
She didn't even flinch from my question. Still looking at my face. Is there something on my face, or am I looking like a monkey, or what is it? To break her freeze, I snapped my finger around her.
"Hello ma'am, where are you lost?"
"Oh no, just thinking how hot it's in here."
"Huh, inside the cafe, but A.C. is working. Let's be it, tell me about yourself. What type of movies do you like?"
"I really love the suspense and crime ones. I even enjoy watching other types, but the ones where police and investigations all come up i really love it."
"Which one do you like the most?"
"The recent one I watched was Weapons. I love its horror element with mystery."
"You loved weapons i also loved that. The plot is so good. The part where that second boy went missing was so good."
"Well, do you also like crime and horror ones?"
"I actually prefer a mix of genre movies. I am not overlooking only one but a vast one. Sometimes I like horror, sometimes I like romance. I watch anything if it has a good plot."
"But something must be your favorite."
"If you say it like that, I would recommend the romance one, which I watched recently, Weathering With You."
"That one is animated, right?"
"Yes, it was so good with its plot."
"Who cares if we don't see the sun tomorrow?"
"I want you more than any blue sky."
[They both say at the same time]
"The weather can stay crazy."
We both laughed, it had been so long since I met someone like her. Talking more and more makes me want to open up to her. I am having a feeling of comfort talking with her. Even before I could say something, she said to me.
"It feels so nice talking with you. I am having a feeling of comfort talking with you."
I just smiled at her and said, "Me too."
"I know it could be awkward, but would you like to meet again?"
"Yes, that must be great. What about we exchange numbers?"
"Hey, I just realized we didn't even ask each other's names."
"You are right. Until now, we just used designations."
"Because I am a lady, you shall start first."
"Okay, let me show my manhood. HI, I am Dylan, and you?"
"My name is Samayra, but you can call me Sam."
"Sam. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"NO, no, the pleasure's all mine, Dylan."
We both laughed together again. It was very heartwarming. We decided to be in touch with each other and be friends. Well, I guess it is good for everyone, and maybe like this we will overcome the hardships of ourselves.