For several days in a row, Shen Er refused to talk to me.
I was anxious but helpless. Shen Er seemed gentle, but he was actually the most stubborn. If he didn't want to speak, no one could force him.
I convinced myself—maybe some gossipmonger told him. It's normal; Xu Anchang and I were almost married. Many people knew about it since no one expected my father to actually sell me off.
"Husband, I would never do something as shameful as eloping. I promise."
Shen Er vigorously dried his hair but simply refused to acknowledge me.
I really panicked. I rushed forward and sat on his lap, tightly hugging his neck: "Talk to me, please! I'm dying! You're the only one I can talk to in this household."
Shen Er dropped the towel and hugged me, resting his chin on my shoulder.
I touched his wet long hair: "Don't be like this—don't talk. If there's something, let's discuss it. Don't be angry."
Shen Er sighed and said softly: "I'm not angry. I was just thinking—if one day you really leave me, I..."
I fiercely cupped his face: "What do you mean? I said I won't leave."
"But he's good at everything. How can a blind man like me compare?" Shen Er grabbed my hand, his eyes curved but his smile was faint: "You can pity me and take care of me for a few days, a few months—but you can't pity me for a lifetime. You'll leave me eventually, right? I might as well let you go now, so you'll resent me less later."
So you'll resent me less later.
For days, this sentence repeated in my mind.
Shen Er was right. I don't love him. What I feel for him is pity, nothing more.
I don't know how long this pity can sustain us. I only know that since I married him, no matter what, I cannot leave him easily.
What confused me even more was that Shen Er seemed very dependent on me—this trust couldn't be built in ten days or half a month. This inexplicable feeling...
And that sweet, helpless "Yuan Yuan."
Am I like a substitute, replacing someone else?
This suffocating feeling—I have no one to tell, nor dare I ask Shen Er to confirm.
Time passed very quickly. In the blink of an eye, it was deep winter.
Yunzhou was in the central region with distinct seasons—it got very cold in winter.
I and Shen Er sat around the fire, talking and drinking tea.
I heard from the servants that in previous years, Shen Er wouldn't have a brazier in his room. First, it was troublesome. Second, being blind meant he was afraid of getting burned or causing a fire. Because of this, he had a chronic illness—every winter he would be sick for ten days to half a month.
I held Shen Er's hand and slowly moved it toward the small flames. His fearful yet excited expression made me laugh. I said: "Don't be afraid—little flames can't hurt people."
Shen Er opened his eyes wide, curiously touching things he had never touched before.
"Don't keep touching—it will get burned." I pulled his hand back.
There were many things in this world that Shen Er only had a vague understanding of—like a newborn child, waiting for me to explore them for him.
His mother died early, and his father was busy with business. There was no truly caring elder in the family to teach him about the world. This resulted in his current innocent disposition—I really couldn't tell if it was good or bad.
[Translator's Note:] Shen Er's insecurity is revealed! He thinks the protagonist will leave him for her true love. The couple's relationship is at a crossroads!
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