BAO JI(LIA)
The last few days, the emperor spent almost all his time with me. He was only away at night and during the morning meetings with the officials. Other than that, we ate together, walked together, and spent every possible moment side by side.
I would wake up and find him either already with me, waiting at my door, or somewhere nearby—like the library. Sometimes I felt like even if I ran to the other side of the world, he would still find me. But there was one problem.
How was I supposed to face the Queen? Since that night when we got drunk… I hadn't gone to see her at all. I didn't even attend the morning greetings. I knew it looked disrespectful. But I just didn't know how to face her. What was I supposed to say? I couldn't lie and tell her I didn't feel anything for the emperor. I couldn't say the kiss was just because we were drunk and meant nothing. That would be a complete lie.
Every time the emperor was with me… he kissed me. He found every opportunity to hold my hand, to pull me close, to kiss me. Sometimes it almost felt suffocating—the way he surrounded me with his presence, his touch, his attention. And yet…
I didn't mind. I didn't push him away.
I was pacing in my room, walking from one corner to another, trying to figure out what I should say to the Queen. Today, I was determined. No matter what, I would go see her. But just imagining standing in front of her, looking into her eyes… My knees almost gave out.
God…
Why is this so hard? It's not like I stole something. It's not like I killed someone. I shouldn't feel like this.
And yet…
The anxiety was unbearable. She's like a big sister to me. I don't want to upset her.
Suddenly, the door opened. I stopped in the middle of the room. I turned and saw the emperor. He walked straight to me, kissed me, and then pulled me into a hug.
"I missed you," he said, still holding me.
"How was court?" I asked, lifting my head so I could look at him.
"As always. Awful," he said. "All they do is complain, but none of them can come up with a real solution."
"Maybe they just need a little push from behind," I said.
"Maybe," he replied. Then his expression softened. "Are you okay?"
His hands were still wrapped around my waist.
"Yes. Why?"
"You look worried. Like something's on your mind."
"I'm fine," I said. "I was just thinking about going to visit the Queen."
"I heard she's with the concubines," he said, kissing my forehead.
Brilliant.
"What are they doing?" I asked.
"I'm not sure. I heard they're playing some kind of game."
"Game? What kind of game?"
"I think one person says a word, and the others have to turn it into poetry."
"Well…" I sighed. "I'm definitely skipping that."
He laughed.
"Why?"
"I don't know any poems. I'll just make a fool of myself."
"You've read some. That should help."
"There's a difference between reading them and actually understanding them."
"You know… I could give you private lessons," he said casually.
The words got stuck in my throat the moment his lips touched mine. He kissed me gently.
"I don't think I'd learn anything if you were my tutor," I said with a smile.
"I would be a strict tutor," he said. "I'd make sure you learn."
"Can you even be strict with me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
He paused, thinking. Then he said:
"I lied. I could never be strict with you."
"If you really want me to learn, you could hire a tutor for me."
"A what?" he asked, suddenly serious.
A teacher."
"No," he said it so simply—and then kissed me again.
Not gently this time. He was devouring my lips. Well… that was definitely a very clear no.
When he finally pulled back, I said:
"I should go see the Queen."
"You want to leave me alone?" he asked, making a sad face.
"No. But I haven't even attended morning greetings these past days. It looks like I'm ignoring her, and that's not right."
"You're worried you upset her?" he asked softly.
I looked down. "Yes."
"She's not the type to get upset easily."
"I know… but when it comes to me, maybe she is," I said, looking back at him. "We're close. And now I've been avoiding her… maybe she's a little hurt."
"I'll go with you," he said. "If she's upset, I'll let her punish me."
My eyes widened.
"You? Let her punish you?"
"Yes."
"Oh, I really want to see that," I said, smiling.
"You'd actually enjoy seeing me punished?" he asked.
"Of course. I mean, who wouldn't want to see the emperor getting punished by the queen?"
"What kind of punishment would you give me?" he asked curiously.
"Hm… I'll think of something," I said with a grin.
"So you'd give her ideas?"
"Of course. Don't worry—I won't be too harsh," I laughed.
"You little devil," he said, laughing.
He kissed me once more, and then we left together.
I swear… He's going to drown me in kisses.
We walked all the way there holding hands. Many maids and servants were watching us.
But I didn't care.
When we reached the Queen's hall, I tried to pull my hand away before entering. But he tightened his grip. Not letting go. So I had no choice but to walk in holding his hand.
The moment we entered, all the concubines' eyes went straight to our joined hands. Jealousy was written all over their faces. I glanced at Bao Si. Her eyes darkened instantly. Her jaw clenched so tightly I thought she might break her teeth.
And honestly?
Seeing that jealousy made me feel… satisfied. When I looked at the Queen—
I immediately looked away. I couldn't meet her gaze.
"Greetings, Your Majesty," everyone said, bowing.
"Sit. No need for formalities," the emperor said.
He made me sit in the first seat, close to the Queen. Then he went and sat beside her.
"Is everyone enjoying themselves?" he asked.
"Yes," they replied one by one.
"We were just chatting," the Queen said.
"We thought we wouldn't see His Majesty today either," Concubine Yan added.
"Well, now that I'm here, we can spend time together," the emperor said. "We can chat."
Oh, for fuck's sake. Now they were going to drag this as long as possible. All I wanted was a moment alone with the Queen. But these women would do anything to keep his attention. From the corner of my eye, I kept looking at the Queen.
And I noticed…
She was doing the same. She didn't look upset. That was a relief. But maybe she just didn't want to show it in front of everyone.
The next few hours went exactly as I expected. The concubines talked nonstop, jumping from topic to topic just to keep the emperor engaged. Whenever he looked at me, they immediately asked another question to pull his attention back.
I just sat there, sipping my tea, watching everything. The Queen was doing the same. To my surprise, Bao Si was the one talking the most. She tried so hard to appear elegant, hoping to catch the emperor's attention.
"After a few days, it's nice to see His Majesty again," Bao Si said. "And Concubine Ji as well."
And here we go.
"I was spending time with Concubine Ji," the emperor replied calmly. "That's why she didn't come."
"I was just missing my cousin," Bao Si said sweetly.
Of course you were. Even you don't believe that.
Before I could stop myself, I rolled my eyes. Luckily, the other concubines didn't notice. But the Queen definitely did. I caught a small smirk at the corner of her lips. I wasn't sure if the emperor noticed. But he was looking at me.
"I hope everyone had a good time today," the emperor said. "Now you may all return and rest."
The concubines stood up, bowed, and left. I remained seated. The emperor stood, walked over to me, kissed my forehead, and said:
"I'll let you two talk."
I nodded with a small smile. Then he turned to the Queen.
"She didn't come because of me. I kept her with me," he said. "You can punish me if you wish. In the end, she missed the morning greetings."
The Queen blinked, clearly surprised.
"Punish His Majesty?" she asked.
"I didn't tell him to say that," I added quickly.
"That is… tempting," the Queen said slowly.
"I feel like both of you want to see me punished," the emperor said.
"As I said before, it's not something you see every day," I replied with a smirk.
"I will leave this to Concubine Ji", the Queen said.
"But Your Majesty can come up with something too. I really don't want to miss this," I said, turning to her.
"We will think of something and inform His Majesty," she said.
The emperor laughed, shaking his head. Then he turned to me.
"Let me know when you return."
"I will."
And with that, he left. Leaving me alone with the Queen.
I slowly turned to her.
My face is practically screaming, "Please don't scold me."
I could only hope…
This would go well.