15. "NOT AGAIN" / "SCARRED"
People keep talking to me about love and relationships, my father and my uncles too but I can't bring another girl into the mess that I am, I can't break another good girl's heart by bringing her into a life of a nigga who still loves his ex.
I got too much pain under my sleeve, loving a new girl is something I haven't done since the breakup, I've brought too many girls into my mess and I've hurt many good people because I can't be with the girl that I love. People are quick to tell me about love, how can I open up to love when I'm still trying to move on from a 2 year old breakup? Love isn't meant for us all and I can't put my heart through this shit again.
I've always chased after love and validation, maybe it ain't for me, I'll just keep indulging in fornication, make love to temporal lovers and save myself from another heartbreak.
16. "I DIDN'T KNOW"
I told her million times and more that I'm scared that one day I will wake up and she won't be in my life anymore but she told me that she wouldn't leave me and I took her word for it, now I wake up miserable, falling apart because of this heartbreak that she's responsible of.
I thought she'd bring me peace, love and a happy ever after, I guess I was fooling my fucking self, every fucking day it's something new.
I knew that losing her would bring me pain but I didn't know that it would be like this, sometimes I feel my heart beating against my chest as if it's looking for a way out, anxiety and depression at the same breath, now I'm falling deeper into addiction, I'm lost in deep mud and I can't seem to find my way out.
I knew that losing her would be detrimental to me but I didn't know that it would fuck me up like this, I find myself laying on the floor, out of strength and hope, my mind is running out of my own head, my soul is trapped in something bigger than me and the devil is pulling me to the flames.