I found myself taken aback upon waking up. My arm had wrapped itself around his warm torso. But it was not that action that blew my mind beyond any wildest imagination. It was my bloody hand that naughtily slipped under his shirt!
Even when our bodies were separated by the thick blanket, my sleepy self had gone above and beyond to feel him up! At this point, I was contemplating whether to pretend to continue sleeping or remove myself from such a scandalous situation.
I courageously tried to sneak a peek and found him still asleep. Good! I took the opportunity and pulled myself together. When I thought I had successfully claimed my strayed arm, he stirred! Instinctively, I withdrew my hands to my chest, eyes shut tight as if that would make a huge difference in getting caught.
A second. Or three minutes. I could not tell. Either way, there was no movement from him. I waved my hand in front of his face and nope. Still no movement. That should have been enough confirmation but I still was not satisfied and I did not know why.
I looked at the sleeping face, intending to search for more confirmation. Instead, I found dark circles around his eyes. 'Hmm… Did he not have a proper sleep?'
I looked again but this time viewing at a slight distance. There were fine lines around his eyes that were never there before. The colour of his skin was visibly paler than usual.
'Has he been worried up to this point?'
My heart wrenched when I realised he was plain damn exhausted. I could not help but feel sorry for causing all of this.
After all, the whole situation had been such a roller coaster for him. And with the apparent anniversary coming soon, he must have been quite anxious.
My hand stroked the lining of his face with a heavy heart. My touches left a smooth trail at every wrinkle of his furrowed brow.
That was when a sudden realisation hit me. He had gone through all of this alone!
And all of these feelings, all of these troubles he had gone through, all of them were for me! The exhaustion was caused by me!
The mental overload must have been overkill that it was showing through physical means and to know I was the reason for all of that, I felt guilty. Enormously guilty for not making his life easier.
Despite being the problem in his life, he still chose to listen to me. He still laid down next to me when I asked him. I mean, LOOK! Even in his unconscious state, he respected my boundaries.
None of his body parts crossed the line in his sleep! And even when there were plenty of spaces on our bed, he was already leaning towards the edge of it!
On top of all that, I was even being such a horrible monster, behaving hot one moment and cold another. Oh, you poor poor man! You could have easily taken advantage of me, demanded that I understood my role as your wife and yet, I had been selfishly unfair.
Why could I not treasure this man when he had done far more for me than any one I had known?
'I'm sorry for taking you for granted. I hoped I was not too late.'
'Why are you pouting?" He whispered with deep sadness in his hoarse morning voice.
Embarrassed and startled, I recoiled my hand back and used them to cover my face.
His hand brushed against mine, sending an electrifying sensation that freezes me.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." No way could I let him see my flushed face! How bold of me to even dare touching a sleeping man! Eeep, what a violation!
He pulled my hand softly and cupped his face with it. "Why did you let it go?"
"I did not mean to wake you up," I mumbled underneath my breath.
"I would rather be awake and know your touches are real."
Oh, my achy breaky heart! Must he say that so melancholy?
"Tell me again about the fifth of November," I changed the topic.
His lips parted and then curled downwards. I did not realise that my thumb was already stroking his face willingly. He forced the curve of his lips upwards and said, "That was the anniversary of your first memory loss and -"
His breathing hitched, as though trying to swallow a huge lump in his throat.
"And I…"
He could not even finish his sentence. Instead, tears were streaming down his closed eyes. When I wiped them away, he chuckled nervously and took over wiping them. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't fall apart like this."
I remained quiet while patting his back. I mean, I was not sure what to say that could comfort him.
"I'm just… I am lost. I don't know what else to do, dewdrop."
"You have done more than you think you have," I assured him.
"I am fortunate that you were quite accepting of my help this time but I cannot say for sure next time."
My jaw dropped. All this time… Even after all this… He was still worried about helping me…? He feared that I would reject his help…? But why? I thought he would be much more worried about convincing me that I am married to him!
But this?