I return to the room we share, and find my clothes from yesterday neatly folded on the bed. I guess someone - maybe that weird deer man? - came in and cleaned up while we were gone. I change into the dress, feeling a little awkward. The fabric is soft, and it fits me well, but it's not what I'm used to. It's too pretty, too delicate. I feel like I'm wearing a costume.
The flower that Mira gave me yesterday is sitting on the bedside table. It's still bright and vibrant. I don't know if it's real, or some kind of synthetic. But I pick it up, and tuck it behind my ear again.
I go back to the dining room, and Llywelyn and Mira are gone. I guess they went off to do their own thing. I'm not sure where to go, or what to do. I don't have a schedule, I don't have a job. I'm just... here.
I wander around for a bit, and end up in the same room with the big window I was in earlier. The view is still stunning, still breathtaking. I sit down on the floor again, and just look.
I've never seen space like this. Never seen the stars from this angle, never seen the colors, the shapes, the movement of it all. I'd prefer there be a chair to watch it from, admittedly, but the ground is surprisingly soft.
I wonder what Mom is doing right now. If she's looking at the same sky, if she's thinking of me. I wonder if she's okay. I wonder if she... if she gave up on me. If she thinks I'm dead.
The thought makes my throat tight, and I blink away the tears that threaten to fall. I can't think about that. I can't.
I wonder... maybe. Could Alistair find her? Find my parents and tell them what happened? Would he even be able to find them? I never told him where I live. I don't think I ever told anyone, really. Not even Hestia.
I... I want to see them again. I want to go home.
I don't know if I ever will.
I don't know if they'll even remember me - my parents or Hestia, or Alistair - by the time I do. If I do. It could be years. Decades. I don't know how long I'll be here. I don't know if I'll ever get out.
I hug my knees to my chest, and rest my chin on them. I feel so... small. So lost. So alone.
I wish I could talk to someone. Someone who understands. Who knows what it's like. Who can tell me it's going to be okay.
But there's no one here. No one who gets it. Not really.
I hear footsteps behind me, and I tense. I turn my head, and see Jxyim approaching. She's wearing a different robe today, this one a pale purple with silver trim. She smiles at me, and sits down beside me. "Hello, Sarah."
"Hello." I say, my voice quiet.
"How are you feeling?" She asks, her tone gentle.
"I don't know." I admit.
Confused. Sad. Scared. Hopeless.
She doesn't press me, just nods. "It's a lot to take in, I know. It's a big change. A strange place."
"Yeah." I agree.
"It is a very nice place here."
"It isn't freedom."
"You care very much about that concept." She tilts her head. "I have never understood it, myself."
I look at her, surprised. "What do you mean?"
"I am a Nhimn." She says, as if that explains everything. "We are not... we do not have the same... attachments. To others. To ourselves. We are... fluid. We change. We adapt. We... blend. It is our nature. To be owned, or to be free. It is not a big difference. Not to us."
I frown. I don't understand. "But... don't you want to choose? To make your own decisions?"
She smiles, a little sadly. "We do not have... strong desires. Not like you. We are content. My people are starfolk."
"Star...folk?"
"Mmh." She points out the window at the distant, twinkling lights. "They are... we are in schools of light. We float aimlessly through the expanse. We just... exist. We do not strive. We do not struggle. We just... are."
I stare at her, trying to wrap my head around that. "So... don't you want to be back to that? Careless? Free? No masters?"
She shakes her head. "I cannot. I am among the last Nhimn. We were collected, one-by-one, and then in groups. For many reasons, and no reason. To watch us float, at times, or to have us do other things. But our light dies when we are alone. And so there are few of us."
I stare up at her. "That's...awful."
"No." She says, simply. "It is just... how it is. How we are. We do not feel the same as you."
"But... even so, doesn't that still mean you'd want to go back to them? Even moreso?"
"Xilukulkas sustains my light. I am content."
I can't understand... most of what she said. Clearly. Because if it were what it sounds like, she should be miserable and dying. And yet? She's glowing. Her skin is full of light.
"...I can't understand that." I admit. "I don't think I could ever be... content. As a slave."
"I know." She says, and pats my hand. "It is the way of things. Your people are not mine. But do not fret. You are still new here. You will find your way. You will find your...light. Whatever that may be."
I nod. I don't know if I believe her, but... it's nice to hear. To think that maybe, someday, I'll be okay. That I'll find my place here. That I'll... belong.
Even if it's not home. Even if it's not freedom. It'll be... something.
She stands up, and offers me her hand. "Come. Let me show you something."
I take it, and let her help me up. She leads me through the manor, down halls and up stairs, until we come to a large, open room. The ceiling is made of glass, just like the greenhouse, but there's no plants here. Just... a pool.
It's a big, round pool, with a fountain in the center. The water is clear, and it glows a soft blue. There are lights around the edges, and the floor is covered in cushions and pillows.
"This is my favorite place." Jxyim says, smiling. "It is where I... recharge."
I stare at the water. It does look... inviting. "You can swim?"
"Of course." She giggles. "We are made of starlight, after all."
I don't know what that means, but I nod. "It's beautiful."
"It is." She agrees. "You can come here, if you want. Any time. No one will bother you. Llywelyn has been banned from here."
"Thank- why?" I ask.
"He tried to drown."
"To- drown?"
She nods. As if that makes sense. "He is a very strange one."
Apparently. But I guess I'll take her word for it.
We stand there for a moment, and then she turns to me. "I must go. I have duties. But I wanted to show you this. I thought you might like it."
"I do." I say, and mean it. "Thank you."
She smiles, and touches my cheek. "You are welcome. And... do not worry. You will be alright."
I don't know if that's true. But I want to believe it. So I nod, and watch her leave.
I stand there, alone, in the quiet room. The only sound is the gentle trickle of the fountain, and the faint hum of the lights. I feel... a little better. A little calmer. A little less lost.
I walk over to the edge of the pool, and kneel down, trailing my fingers through the water. It's warm, pleasant. I'm tempted to just... strip off my dress and jump in. To float there, surrounded by the blue glow, under the stars.
But I don't. I've already spent a day floating in water, and while I'm sure it would be pleasant, I'm not nearly so addicted to it as Llywelyn is. Instead, I lie down on one of the cushions, and close my eyes.
I just... breathe. In and out. Slow and deep. I try to empty my mind, to let go of the fear, the pain, the longing. Just for a moment. Just for a little while.
And it works. A little. I feel... peaceful. Calm. Serene.
Maybe Jxyim is right. Maybe I will find my place here. Maybe I will be okay.
I don't want it to be that.
I want to go home.
But I...
I hope that...
I just want to hurt less.
I doze off again, lulled by the sound of the water, the warmth of the lights. I dream of nothing, just... darkness. And it's nice.
I wake up to the feeling of someone shaking my shoulder, and I open my eyes to see Mira's gem face hovering over mine. "Sarah! Wake up! It's time!"
I sit up, rubbing my eyes. "Time for what?"
"The shower!" She says, excited. "The asteroids are coming!"
"Huh- but that's...hours from now?" I was pretty sure it was an after-dinner event.
She nods, her ponytail bouncing. "Yes! But we need to get ready! There's so much to do!" She grabs my hand and pulls me up. "Come on, come on!"
I let her drag me along, still half-asleep. I don't know what she's talking about, but she seems to think it's important. So I guess I'll go along with it.
She takes me back to the room, where Llywelyn is waiting. He's wearing a black and silver robe, and he looks as annoyed as ever. "Took you long enough." He says, as we enter.
"Sorry." I mumble, still not fully awake.
He sighs, and gestures to a pile of clothes on the bed. "Put those on. They're for you."
I look at the clothes, and blink. They're... not what I expected. There's a pair of black pants, made of some shiny material, and a black top with long sleeves. But they're... tight. Skintight. And there's a long, silver coat with a high collar, and a pair of boots.
"Uh... what is this?"
"You can't wear a dress. It's crowded. It'll get caught on things. You'll trip. It's a safety hazard." He says, matter-of-fact.
I frown. "I don't know if I want to wear...that."
"I don't know if I want to be there. Unfortunate. That's how it is." He shrugs. "Come on. Get changed. We don't have all day."
I glare at him, but pick up the clothes. I guess I don't have much choice. I go into the bathroom, and shut the door. I strip off the dress, and pull on the pants. They're... really tight. Like, second-skin tight. They hug every curve, every muscle, and leave nothing to the imagination. The top is the same, clinging to my chest and stomach, and the sleeves are snug around my arms. I feel... exposed. Vulnerable.
But the coat is nice. It's heavy and warm, and it covers me up. I button it up, and it reaches down to my knees. The collar is stiff and high, and I can hide my face in it if I want to. The boots are also comfortable, and they fit perfectly.
I look at myself in the mirror, and I barely recognize the person staring back at me. I look like... I don't know. A spy. Or a superhero. Or something. It's weird.
Primarily because I don't see how this coat will be any different from just wearing a dress, if long fabric is a hazard. But I guess it's his house and his rules.
I open the door, and step out. Llywelyn looks me over, and nods. "Oh, you look half-decent for once. You've covered the ugly bits."
"You look like a fish. Maybe you should cover more."
"Excuse you." He's affronted, his veins flaring up in a blue-pink.
Mira claps her hands. "You both look wonderful! Now come on! We have to go!"
She grabs both of our hands, and pulls us out of the room. Llywelyn stumbles a bit, but keeps up. I just let her lead me, still feeling a bit out of it.
We go outside, to the gardens. They're... amazing. There are trees and flowers and bushes everywhere, in full bloom. The air smells sweet and fresh, and there are lanterns hanging from the branches, already lit up. There are chairs and tables set up, with food and drinks, and there are people milling around, talking and laughing.
I see Jxyim. She's standing still, staring up at the sky. I also see some of the other aliens I've seen around the manor. The deer man, the bug-eyed woman, the red furry creature, the sickly looking man. They're all here, dressed in their best, enjoying themselves.
It really is a party. I don't know what I was expecting. Some... horrifying alien twist, I suppose. But no. It's just a... gathering. A celebration. Like any other.
Mira lets go of our hands, and runs over to a table, grabbing a drink. Llywelyn sighs, and walks over to a tree, leaning against it. He looks... bored. Or maybe tired. I can't tell.
I just stand there, feeling awkward. I don't know anyone here, I don't know what to do. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be celebrating.
"Sarah!" A voice calls out, and I turn to see Jxyim waving me over. "Come! Come sit with me!"
I hesitate, but then walk over to her. She's sitting on a blanket, spread out on the grass. I sit down beside her, and she hands me a glass of something. It's fizzy and sweet, and it tingles on my tongue. I like it.
"So." She says, smiling. "How do you like it?"
"It's... nice." I say, and take another sip. "It's very pretty."
"I'm glad you think so." She nods, and looks up at the sky. "It will be even more so, soon. Just wait."
I nod, and we sit in silence for a while. I watch the other guests, the way they interact, the way they laugh. They all seem so... happy. So content.
I wonder if any of them are like me. If any of them are here against their will. If any of them wish they were somewhere else.
I don't know. I can't tell. They all seem so... at ease.
I feel a pang of jealousy, and I push it away. It's not fair of me. I don't know their stories. I don't know what they've been through.
But I still can't help but feel... a little bitter. A little angry. That they can be so carefree, while I'm stuck here, missing home.
I sigh, and take another drink. Maybe I'll get drunk. Maybe that'll help.
The last time I've been drunk, I snuck out at fifteen to a party that I definitely should not have been at. I got shit-faced and vomited all over the place and then passed out on someone's lawn and woke up in the hospital with an IV in my arm.
My mom was not pleased.
I miss her.
I...
I can't believe I miss her so much.
I feel tears welling up in my eyes again, and I blink them away. I don't want to cry. Not here. Not now.
I look up at the sky, trying to distract myself. It's still dark, still full of stars. But then... I see it. A streak of light. A flash of brightness. And then another. And another.
The asteroids.
They're coming.