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The live chat was moving at a pace that made the rapid currents of the Guyun Stone Forest look like a stagnant pond. Every second, a new wave of messages flooded the interface, as the viewers from all over Teyvat reacted to the bizarre romantic tension unfolding on the screen.
Childe: Hahahaha! A straight girl. This is way too much of a straight girl move, hahahaha.
Xu Hao: I can't stop laughing. Seriously, Beidou, Lady Ningguang has made things so incredibly explicit, yet you still managed to dodge the point entirely. That takes a special kind of talent.
Beidou: Can you all stop linking this ridiculous video with me? How could it ever be possible for me and a woman like Ningguang to go on a date? It's all fiction. It's fake. It's a total fabrication!
Ningguang: Xu Hao, you're really pushing it. Don't you want to keep living in Liyue? I'd suggest you think very carefully before you type your next message.
Xu Hao: Oops, did I say something out loud just now? I must have slipped.
Huixing: Honestly, if the Captain ended up with Master Ningguang, I'd actually be pretty supportive of it.
Yinxing: Hee hee! I agree too. It would definitely make the trade negotiations between the Crux Fleet and the Qixing a lot smoother.
Beidou: You two! Do you want me to throw you into the sea to feed the fish? Shut it!
The scene on the big screen continued to play out, ignoring the protests of the real-life subjects. The digital version of Ningguang leaned closer to the digital Beidou, her eyes soft and full of hidden meaning. The moon hung high in the sky, reflecting off the shallow water of the pavilion.
Ningguang: Beidou, do you know the saying? A night of the spring festival is worth a thousand gold.
Beidou: Ningguang, do you... do you really want to do that?
Ningguang: Hmm.
Beidou: Well, then let's just do it right now! No sense in waiting around if the time is right.
Ningguang: No, wait. You're being way too straightforward. I was hoping for something a little more romantic first.
Beidou: Oh, okay. I can do romantic. How romantic are we talking here?
Ningguang: The atmosphere is so perfect tonight. How about you play a piece of lyrical, soulful music to set the mood?
Beidou: No problem at all. I've got just the thing.
The digital Beidou stood up and walked over to an old-fashioned record player sitting on a stone pedestal. She fumbled with the needle for a moment before the music began to swell. However, the song she chose was a bit too soulful, and certainly not in the way Ningguang had intended. A melancholic, high-pitched vocal began to fill the air.
"Oh mother, mother by the candlelight... why did your eyes lose their light?"
The song was an absolute heart-breaker. On the screen, both Beidou and Ningguang were suddenly overcome with emotion. Their eyes welled up with tears, and soon they were both sobbing loudly into their sleeves. The romantic tension had evaporated instantly, replaced by a profound, agonizing sense of filial piety and grief.
Many of the viewers watching the live broadcast also felt a sudden lump in their throats. The song struck a chord with anyone who missed their family.
Master Mao: Boo hoo! Why did you have to play such a touching song? It reminds me so much of my poor old mother who passed away years ago.
Yae Miko: What is going on here? I thought this was supposed to be a comedy show. Why are we listening to music that makes everyone want to cry into their tea?
Venti: It really is a very sad song. It's a melody I've never heard before in all my travels. It has a very strange, haunting quality to it.
Xu Hao: But Beidou is still being such a straight girl. Is she pretending to be this oblivious or is she actually just that dense when it comes to romance?
Beidou: Xu Hao, you better watch your back. Just wait for me, boy. I'm heading back to Liyue harbor soon, and I'm definitely going to have a long talk with you.
On the screen, Ningguang finally managed to stop crying long enough to wipe her eyes, though she still looked miserable.
Ningguang: Why... why would you play that? It's way too sad. I said I wanted something romantic and lyrical, but I didn't need it to be that lyrical!
Beidou: But you asked for soulful music! What's more soulful than a song about a mother's love and the passing of time?
Ningguang: You... that's not what I meant at all. Can't you just play something that makes us both feel passionate? You know, something where our hearts beat a little faster after listening to it?
Beidou: Oh! I get it now. You want something with a bit of energy. Something to get the blood pumping. Alright, coming right up.
Beidou switched the record again. This time, the music didn't start with a soft melody. Instead, it exploded with a heavy, rhythmic intensity. The vocals were deep, ancient, and filled with a terrifying power.
"The king is always in disobedience, the country is full of chaos... accumulate resentment and increase grievances... panicked, the shackles are on the way! Home! The stone mountain and the mountain hub turn around. The turbulent flow of the myriad rivers swallows the dome. Landslides and falling rocks. Is the guilt eliminated?"
The song was incredibly exciting, but the level of emotional intensity was far beyond what anyone would call romantic. It sounded like a battle hymn for the end of the world. It was the kind of music that made you want to charge into a dragon's lair, not hold hands in a pavilion.
The digital Ningguang looked like she was about to have an aneurysm. Her face went from pale to a bright, angry red as she stood up and pointed a finger at the exit.
Ningguang: Get out! Just go away!
The viewers in the live broadcast room were completely dumbfounded by the sudden shift in tone.
Xinyan: That second song is so intense! Does anyone know what it's called? I need to get my hands on that score!
Yun Jin: That song... it sounds like it's describing something specific. The lyrics are very evocative of ancient history.
Cloud Retainer: It sounds like someone is singing about the history of the mountains. It sounds almost like a tribute to a very specific, ancient existence.
Xiao: Judging by the lyrics, it really does seem to be talking about the history of that person.
Hu Tao: Hey! Don't start talking in riddles like everyone else! Who are you talking about? Just say the name!
Zhongli: ...
Deep within the city, Zhongli let out a heavy, silent sigh. He recognized the themes of the song immediately. It was about an old friend, an old brother who had been lost to the fog of time and the cruelty of erosion. After so many thousands of years, he feared that his old comrade had likely forgotten everything that once made them friends.
This was the tragedy of immortality. Even the Seven could not escape the slow, grinding wear and tear of time. Eventually, even the deepest friendships would be worn away until nothing remained but resentment and hatred. He, the God of Contracts, was doing everything in his power to avoid that fate, which was precisely why he was seeking a way to step down.
At this point, the second creation video on the big screen had reached its final segment. The music faded out, and the scene shifted one last time, leaving the audience wondering how this disastrous date could possibly end.
Xu Hao watched the skyrocketing engagement metrics on his system. The "emotional value" he was collecting was higher than anything he had seen during the Keqing video. People were crying, laughing, and arguing all at once. It was the perfect storm of content. He leaned back in his chair, wondering what the final gag of the video would be. He knew that the legendary "straight daughter" Beidou wouldn't disappoint him. The real Ningguang was probably already halfway to his house to arrest him, but for now, the show was still going, and the entire continent of Teyvat was watching.
The digital Beidou on the screen looked at the angry Ningguang with a confused expression, still holding the record she had just played. "What? You said you wanted something to get the heart excited! That song is about the literal shaking of the earth! You can't get much more excited than a landslide!"
Ningguang just covered her face with her hands, defeated by the absolute lack of common ground. The screen began to dim as the final credits prepared to roll, but there was still one more small scene left to play out in the fading light of the digital moon. The audience waited, breathless, to see the final punchline of the night.