đź’– If you enjoy my work, consider supporting me on Patreon. I'm offering advanced chapters there as a thank-you to readers.
--------------------
Check out advanced chapters on : patreon.com/DragonOP
--------------------
The dialogue on the massive floating screen continued, and the air in the virtual live broadcast room felt thick enough to cut with a claymore. Every resident of Teyvat, from the highest-ranking official in the Jade Chamber to the lowliest treasure hoarder in the ruins of Guili Plains, was glued to the display. The scene was playing out like a high-stakes drama, yet with a bizarre, localized twist that only Liyue's most prominent figures could provide.
Beidou gave a hearty, somewhat oblivious laugh. Really? No wonder it looks so good.
Ningguang looked a little shy, her digital counterpart blushing in a way the real Tianquan never would in public. So, Captain, do you want to know the taste of my lipstick today?
Beidou let out a sharp hiss of surprise, her eyes widening. Hiss!
The people eating melons in the live broadcast room felt their souls of gossip burning white-hot. The chat feed began to scroll so fast it was nearly a blur of text and emojis.
Albert: Oh, this is the true meaning of freedom!
Arataki Itto: What do you mean? Why didn't I understand it? Is lipstick even edible? Why is she asking if he wants to taste it?
Paimon: I don't understand either. Is it a special Liyue snack?
Lisa: Oh, my. You two innocent cuties. If someone asks if you want to taste their lipstick, they naturally want to kiss. It's a classic romantic invitation.
Paimon: What! No way!
Arataki Itto: What? That's ridiculous. If you want to know the taste of lipstick, you can just eat the lipstick. Why make it complicated?
Kuki Shinobu: The brain circuit of the boss is truly something else. It's a wonder he's survived this long.
Jean: Lisa, watch your language. There are children in the live broadcast room, and we should maintain a certain level of decorum.
Keqing: Ningguang! Ningguang! You... so you actually like Beidou? I knew you two spent a lot of time arguing, but I didn't think it was because of that!
Beidou: Ningguang, you actually have those kinds of thoughts about me? I'm shocked! Truly shocked!
Ningguang: I don't! I absolutely do not! This is fake! Didn't the broadcast room give a hint at the beginning? This is all a blind adaptation! None of this is real!
Baiwen: It turns out that Master Ningguang has been at odds with Beidou all this time just to cover up her true feelings! How romantic!
Ningguang: Baiwen, your salary for this entire month has been fully deducted. Don't think I won't follow through on that.
Baiwen: No! Master Ningguang, I'm sorry! I know I was wrong! Please have mercy!
Grandma Ping: Hey, I'm getting old. I really can't understand the young people of today. Back in my day, we were much more subtle about such matters.
Yanfei: Well, it seems that Liyue has never officially had a case of two women marrying in the legal records, but I can confirm it is not prohibited by any current law. If you two need a contract, you know who to call.
Qiqi: I don't understand. Qiqi doesn't care about lipstick. Qiqi just wants to drink coconut milk.
Staring at the barrage of messages, Ningguang felt the corners of her eyes twitching wildly. She pulled out a small notebook and began writing down the names of every person teasing her. She couldn't believe they were bold enough to gossip about her so openly. She was the Tianquan, for Rex Lapis' sake!
In the massive anticipation of the audience, the Beidou on the big screen finally moved. She reached out, but instead of leaning in, she grabbed the entire tube of lipstick that the digital Ningguang was carrying in her hand. Without a second thought, she popped the color out and ate the whole thing in one go.
Beidou chewed for a moment before swallowing. Well, I think the taste is average. A bit waxy, if I'm being honest.
Ningguang's digital avatar froze, her gaze turning blank. What?
The melon-eaters in the live broadcast room were stunned into silence for a fraction of a second before the chat erupted in a flurry of laughter and disbelief.
Xu Hao: I was looking forward to a romantic climax, but you just show me this? I think I'm going to vomit blood from the sheer disappointment!
Beidou: Then what else did you want to see, brat? And why did you make my image so stupid in this video? I'm a captain, not a glutton!
Xingqiu: Sister Beidou's behavior is what we generally call being a "straight daughter." She completely missed the romantic cue in favor of literal interpretation.
Arataki Itto: Did you see it? Did you see it! I told you! If you want to know the taste of lipstick, you just eat it! Beidou is a genius! She thinks just like me!
Yae Miko: Hahahaha! What an unexpected development. Maybe I should find my old friend and play this routine on her. I wonder if she'd eat the lipstick too.
Ei: Don't you dare.
Kamisato Ayaka: Liyue people, you're really playing like this? It's so different from the poetry and fan dances of Inazuma.
Thoma: Er, My Lady, please remember this is just an adaptation. It's very different from reality. At least, I hope it is.
Zhongli: Ahem. In terms of general theory, it is true that the interpretation of social cues varies wildly between individuals.
Venti: Hehe! This is better than any tavern story I've heard in a hundred years!
Hu Tao: Wangsheng Funeral Parlor has a big summer promotion! If you spend more than ten thousand Mora in our store, we'll include exquisite gifts! Perfect for those who die of embarrassment after watching this!
Zhongli: Hall Master, is it really appropriate to advertise our services here?
Hu Tao: Hehe! If you don't like it, maybe you can settle that massive tab you ran up this morning by yourself for once!
On the big screen, the digital Ningguang looked completely overwhelmed by Beidou's operation of eating the lipstick. She had clearly put a lot of effort into the "date," and seeing it dismantled so thoroughly by Beidou's lack of romantic awareness was painful to watch. However, it was hard to get the Captain to agree to an appointment, so the Ningguang on screen had to hold her breath and compose herself.
The two continued to sit in the pavilion, the water rippling gently around their feet. After a few moments of silence, they resumed their conversation.
Ningguang: Beidou, thank you for your company today. Despite the... snacks, I enjoyed the view.
Beidou: Yo, it's rare that the great Master Ningguang actually praises people. I should mark this day on the calendar.
Ningguang: On such a beautiful day, Beidou, don't you want to do something a bit more meaningful?
Beidou: I don't want to. I've got a ship to maintain and a crew to feed. This sitting around is fine, but I've got work to do.
The Ningguang on the big screen looked stunned. She had laid out the most obvious hint she could manage, and Beidou had simply shut it down without a second thought. The captain was simply too "straight" for her own good.
In the live broadcast room, the viewers were laughing themselves silly. This kind of comedic timing and character subversion was extremely rare in the entertainment available in Teyvat. Usually, stories were about ancient heroes or tragic lovers, not the two most powerful women in Liyue arguing over whether eating lipstick was a valid way to spend a date.
Xu Luo, watching from his rental house, leaned back and grinned. The emotional value was skyrocketing. Every laugh, every shocked gasp, and every angry message from Ningguang or Keqing was fueling his system. He could feel the energy building for his next draw. He watched as the video continued, knowing that the "straight daughter" Beidou had many more surprises in store for the increasingly frustrated Tianquan. The dynamic between the two was pure gold, and the people of Teyvat were clearly hooked on the drama.
Ningguang's digital self took a deep breath, trying one last time to steer the conversation toward something more than just casual friendship. She reached out and touched Beidou's hand, her expression softening even more. "Beidou, you know that I value our relationship more than just business. Don't you feel the same way?"
The real Beidou, watching from the Alcor, groaned and covered her face with her hand. "Oh, come on! Just let me go back to the ship already!"
The screen continued to play, the moonlight reflecting off the water as the two icons of Liyue sat in their strange, shallow pond pavilion. The tension was palpable, but so was the comedy. It was a masterpiece of "second creation," and it was exactly the kind of chaos Xu Luo had hoped to unleash upon the unsuspecting world. The viewers waited with bated breath to see if the digital Beidou would finally catch a hint or if she would find another piece of makeup to eat.
As the scene progressed, the digital Beidou looked down at Ningguang's hand and then back up at her face. "You know, Ningguang, you're right. We should do something more meaningful."
The audience leaned in. Was it happening? Was the straight-laced captain finally going to reciprocate?
"Let's go see if we can find some of those giant slimes near the shore," the digital Beidou said with an enthusiastic grin. "I bet we could knock 'em out in record time!"
The digital Ningguang let out a small, defeated sigh, her shoulders slumping. The viewers in the live broadcast room lost it once again, the chat filling with laughter. It was the ultimate "straight daughter" move—choosing combat over romance every single time.