"Eri?"
Kirill's voice…
Fenric and Kael immediately straightened immediately, dropping low bows and backing off. "Lord Kirill!," Fenric said.
Kael, trying to match but stumbling over words, added, "Lord Kirill! Lady Eri… awake safely, yes?"
They both stepped aside instantly, like the floor itself was theirs to leave.
Kirill entered, his tall frame filling the room. His eyes fell on me and there was no softness today, only… anger.
I tried to steady myself and stood. "Brother… why am I—why am I being—"
"Meredia," he said, voice cold, adjusting the blue clasp at his collar with a unease calm. "Do not speak unless I permit it."
The door shut behind him with a soft click that tightened my chest.
"Sit."
"But brother…" I hesitated, trying to explain, "I didn't—"
"Meredia! Sit on the bed!" His voice boomed this time, echoing against the walls. My body flinched involuntarily.
He had never spoken to me like this before not even in Meredia's memories. The force behind his voice was enough to make my knees buckle.
I swallowed hard, my throat tight, and lowered myself onto the chaise at the foot of the bed. My hands clenched in my lap.
Kirill walked over, the sound of his boots against the floor was almost like a drumbeat in my chest. He stopped at the sofa facing the bed, sitting down. His gaze didn't waver from mine, piercing straight through me.
I couldn't look away. My heart thudded painfully in my chest and the fear curling around me was suffocating.
"What have you done, Meredia?" His tone was quiet now, but the anger behind it was like coiled steel.
I couldn't even breathe properly…
Kirill's jaw tightened. His eyes flicked to my wrist. I instinctively pulled my sleeve down.
"You did it again."
My stomach flipped. My mouth opened but nothing came out. Prince Kairan's name sat on my tongue, burning like fire, but I swallowed it. Would he even believe me? Kairan was powerful enough to erase me like an ant. One word against him and he could destroy not just me but everyone in this family.
So I bowed my head and whispered, "I apologise…"
Kirill's hands clenched upon his knees.
"Apologise?" His voice snapped like a whip. "Do you believe an apology undoes what you have done?"
"I—"
"Do you have any notion what this house has become since morning?"
His voice rose, each word a blow against my chest.
"Mother came to your chambers at dawn. She found your wrist bound in blood. She has not ceased weeping since. Father paces the halls. The entire household lives in fear."
I shrank under his words.
He stood, towering over me now. "What is it we fail to give you, Meredia? What have we done amiss?"
His eyes were wet and I only wanted to wipe his tears away but I couldn't. My hands faliled in air, to grab him.
"We have not compelled you into marriage. We have not bound you with duty. All we have ever sought… is to love you."
My throat closed.
"Do you believe we have given you less than any other? Answer me," he demanded.
"Since morning, not a soul has eaten. The household sits in silence, each questioning themselves wondering in what they have erred… how they have failed you."
His words cut deeper than the wound on my wrist.
I pressed my palms to my eyes, tears spilling out anyway.।Meridia and my feelings always got mixed up, and that's why every word Kirill said stung me so much, as if he was disappointed in me. "I didn't—I don't want to die either…" My voice cracked, barely audible.
But his pain was bigger than my explanation.. seeing that raw hurt on his face was worse than any blade.
I wanted to be loved, spoiled, cherished. I didn't want them to look at me like a problem to be solved.
Kirill's voice dropped low now, shaking slightly. "We gave you everything. We tried to make you happy. Why… why did you do this to yourself?"
I stared at the floor, my vision swimming. My whole body trembled.
𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰, 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨.
My lips moved but no words came.
Kirill exhaled sharply, rubbing his hand over his face. "You are not a burden. But this—" He gestured to my bandaged wrist. "This will break us. This will kill our mother. Do you understand?"
My tears fell freely now. My voice was a whisper. "Forgive me.…"
But even as I said it, I knew forgiveness wasn't easy to come.
"You have left me no choice," he said at last. "Fenric and Kael will remain at your side, day and night. They are your knights. You are not to be out of their sight."
I blinked, throat tight. "You… you don't trust me anymore?"
He leaned forward a little, eyes hard but glassy like he'd been awake all night. "The family does not. And I… I cannot lose you. So long as you are a daughter of this house, you will live. Even if it must be under watch, though you come to hate me for it. We will not allow you to throw your life away while you remain under our care."
The words stung. My nails dug into my palms.
Kirill's jaw tightened. "Kael is near your age. He lacks experience, but he is cheerful and of an easy nature. He will see that you do not feel confined. Fenric is his opposite but he will ensure your safety."
His voice dropped lower. "Considering all of this… do not dare to do anything again."
He straightened his coat, and without another glance at me, walked to the door. "You've forced me to do this, Meredia."
And then he left, closing the door behind him, leaving the silence heavy and unfamiliar.
𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘰...
I pressed against my chest. Even my heart was aching. I didn't understand why his disappointment was falling so heavy on me...
"I am sorry..." I whispered.
I swiped at my wet cheeks. Crying wasn't going to fix anything. I needed to think. I needed a plan. Anything to stop this marriage with Kairan.
Now even Kirill and Duchess wouldn't look at me. My only chance was my father but… would he even listen after all this?
𝘕𝘰, 𝘚𝘪𝘢, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨.
I spun around, crossing the room in quick, uneven strides. The door creaked when I yanked it open. Kael and Fenric straightened immediately, posted like statues on either side.
Kael flashed me that puppy smile. "Lady! What happened?"
I glanced from his face to Fenric's stony one. "I want to see my father."
Fenric eyes wandered on my face, brows furrowing. He didn't say anything for a moment but then dipped his head slightly. "We'll come with you."
Fine. I didn't even have the energy to argue. They didn't mean harm and, if anything, maybe one day they'd actually shield me from Kairan.
We walked through the corridors, their footsteps echoing behind me. By the time we reached my father's office, my hands were trembling on the door handle. Just thinking about the look on his face...disappointment, shame...made my stomach twist.
"Lady… nervous?" Kael's voice was soft 𝘢𝘯𝘥 clueless.
I turned my head just enough to give him a weak shake.
𝘋𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯. 𝘋𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵.
"It's okay, Sia. You can do it." I whispered it under my breath and pushed the door open.
The Duke was at his desk, pen in hand, papers stacked around him. He looked up. I braced for the coldness, for the same anger I saw in Kirill's eyes.
But instead… he smiled.
"Eri… you should be at rest."
I stepped in, voice small. "Father… I need to talk to you."
He stood, sensing my nerves before I even spoke. "Yes… tell me. What weighs upon your mind?"
He didn't even glance at my bandaged wrist but still my fingers instinctively wrapped tighter around it.
"I… I wanted to apologize."
He walked around the desk and stopped right in front of me. His presence had always felt larger than life. Normally it gave me comfort. Today it just made me feel small.
"Apologize?" His brows lifted gently. "For what, child?"
My throat burned. "For… everything. For worrying you. For—" my fingers dug into the bandaged wrist, "for doing this…"
His smile faded, not into anger but into something worse...sadness. The kind that pierced deeper than shouting ever could.
"Eri," he said softly, "you don't need to ask forgiveness for feeling weak."
I stared at him, wide eyed. He wasn't scolding me. He wasn't even upset in the way I'd prepared for. Instead, his voice was so kind it made me want to cry again.
"But I made everyone upset," I whispered. "Brother won't even look at me. Mother must be angry. I… I just—" my words came out messy, "I don't want to disappoint you."
He reached out, slow enough for me to pull away if I wanted, but I didn't. His hand rested gently on my head like it had when Meredia was a child. "You've never disappointed me."
That almost broke me. My lips trembled, my eyes blurred. "Then why… why does it feel like everyone is angry with me?"
He crouched slightly so we were eye to eye. His voice stayed soft. "Yes, they're angry. Because they love you. They don't want to lose you." He paused, his thumb brushing away a tear before it fell. "I know these past months have been difficult for you. We gave you a life of care, and then suddenly placed upon you a great weight of expectation. It is no wonder you find yourself in doubt. "
The lump in my throat turned to a burn. If the real Meredia had known her father could sound like this, maybe she wouldn't have left at all.
His hand lingered at my cheek. "I know you may feel yourself without worth in this moment… but hear me, my little Eri, nothing could ever diminish my love for you."
The sob ripped out of me before I could stop it. I covered my face with both hands, shoulders shaking. For a moment I just stood there crying quietly.
"I'm sorry, Father. I don't understand how to survive… I don't know how to do anything. I don't understand anything." The words spilled between gasps. I had never imagined breaking down in front of the Duke, but the comfort he gave me...though not what I thought I needed, made me feel safe.
He gently wrapped his hands around my wrists and lowered them from my face. "I will help you."
I bit my lip hard. "Father… I… I don't want to get married to anyone."
His eyes widened for a second before he smiled faintly. "And?"
"And…" I dragged in heavy breaths. "I want to help you. I can...I will. I want to help you with the duchy's work and everything else. I'm not useless. I want to prove it."
He didn't say anything, just nodded and kept listening.
"And… and Father, I don't ever want to get married. Let me stay with you."
"Eri—" he exhaled slowly through his nose.
I moved closer and grabbed his coat tightly. "No, Father. Please. Let me stay with you. I do not want to go."
His eyes softened as he looked at me clinging to his coat, like he was seeing not just his daughter, but a fragile bird that didn't know where to perch.
"You wish to help me?" he asked quietly.
I nodded quickly, almost desperately. "Yes. I can learn. I can do whatever you ask me to. I don't want to just sit and–and rot away like some fragile doll. I want to do something."
He searched my face, and for a moment, I thought he would scold me again or tell me I wasn't ready. Instead, he sighed, long and heavy, and reached up to smooth a hand over my hair.
"Eri… the world you wish to step into is not gentle," he murmured. "It is full of calculations, endless discussions, harsh realities. It is not kind to anyone, least of all someone as tender-hearted as you."
"I don't care," I blurted. My hands gripped his coat tighter. "I'll learn. Please. I don't want to be useless."
The Duke's expression tightened, like he was fighting a war inside himself. Finally, he pulled me gently into his arms. His embrace was comforting, the kind of hold that said I won't let you break again, not if I can help it.
"You are not useless," he said into my hair, his voice almost fierce. "You never were. You are my daughter. That alone is enough."
I swallowed hard, shaking my head against his chest. "It's not enough for me."
Silence stretched between us for a few seconds, his heartbeat even beneath my ear. Then at last, he sighed again, that reluctant tone I'd half-expected.
"Very well," he said. "If this is truly what you desire, I will permit it, but not all at once. You will begin slowly. To listen, to learn, to observe. No burden shall be placed upon you beyond what you can bear. Do you understand me?"
I pulled back just enough to see his face, my eyes still wet and eyelids heavy with tears. "I understand."
His hand cupped the back of my head as he looked down at me. "I will not let you drown yourself in this, Eri. You wish to help, then I will teach you. But you will promise me one thing."
My lips trembled. "What?"
"That you will live." His eyes glimmered, heavy with both love and exhaustion. "No matter how difficult things feel… you will live."
The words hit harder than any scolding. My throat burned as I whispered, "I promise."
He studied me for a long moment, then nodded once. "Good."
When he finally let me go, it felt like I could breathe again, though my chest still ached from everything.