Nefretiri
What the fuck am I doing?
I've had a dozen opportunities to scream for help, but I haven't even tried.
My treacherous body has a mind of its own, refusing to do anything I want it to. The second Ivan stood, my arms found their way around his neck, and I was resting against his shoulder as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Every time I breathed in, I indulged in his scent, the fragrance of storms, and that flower, calming my anxiety.
Was that what was keeping me from fighting?
What magic is he using on me?
Magic explains all of this, but I can't check until he puts me down. I need to focus, and that's impossible with him so close. He's too addictive, and the shame fogs my brain.
This shouldn't be happening.
He can't be my mate.
'Mates…'
No, he has to be wrong. Someone like him can't be with someone like me. I'm no one.
Ivan's right. Werewolf culture isn't my strength, but I've learned enough to understand that the Alpha is a werewolf pack's leader.
It made me remember the second room in my basement, the one Ricky labeled the Alpha room, and I shuddered.
I clung to Ivan, my face buried in his shirt.
What I'd seen in that basement would live with me forever. Even after I died, I'd never forget the horrors I'd seen.
That's enough reason to get away from Ivan. He didn't understand the danger he's putting himself in by being around me, but I can't tell him. I can't share that knowledge with anyone.
"You okay?" Ivan paused in front of a car as the others moved on. He didn't seem to care that he's giving me an opening.
Not that it helps. I can't use it.
There's no way I can outrun a pack of werewolves, even without the injuries. Not to mention the fact that Taylor had Penelope, and getting the stroller back would give them time to grab me again.
The worst part? I don't want to leave his arms.
'You're fucked,' the voice scoffed, exhausting me. If I closed my eyes and went to sleep, would Ivan keep holding me?
"No."
Did he really expect me to be?
"I'm sorry this turned out this way…" He stared at me helplessly, as if that's enough to justify any of this. What bothered me more was the fact that he looked adorable doing it. What's wrong with me? I'm attracted to my kidnapper in such a short amount of time, and it made no sense.
'Not a kidnapper, mate,' my thoughts corrected, but I pushed them away.
'No. Not mate. I don't have a mate. I don't deserve one.'
"Let me go," I pleaded again, and this time I meant it. The sun's setting, meaning I'm more than a little late. Ricky might already be back if some remorse hit him, and even if he isn't there, I still had to walk. "Please. If I'm not there…"
"No."
His answer came out clipped, and I realized there's no room for discussion. Ivan won't let me go, and I contemplated the risk of telling him the truth.
What would he do?
Would he hurt me for justice? I'd deserve it for being complicit, but I didn't want to die. Or would he dump us on the side of the road and drive off, leaving me to carry my baby home because they'd gotten rid of my stroller and they wouldn't give me the one they bought?
Somehow, that's more alarming than them killing me.
"Vince, you guys go ahead, set up everything, and order some Chinese for us." Ivan's all business when we reached his truck. Even in the dying light, I marveled at how nice it looked. It's my favorite shade of royal blue, the finish polished, and it's obvious Ivan took good care of it. I'd always liked trucks, but Ricky refused to get me one, forcing me to buy a little two-door that always seemed cramped and suffocating. "Get everything on the menu. Steven, you're in charge until we get there. Danny? You have your kit on you?"
"Always." A leaner wolf than the others, with a mass of raven curls, held up a backpack that looked like it'd had better days. "I'll check them over when we get back to the house."
Check us over?
"No!" I struggled against Ivan's grip. I didn't want anyone touching me or seeing what Ricky had done. "Don't touch me!"
"Hey, it's okay." Ivan set me on the truck's hood, cupping my face as I pushed at his chest. It did nothing. The man's made of cement. "I just want him to check you over. That's all. I'll be there the entire time, and we won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable."
"No!" I didn't want him to see my body. It's humiliating, and I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me. "I can take care of myself. I want to go home! Let us go!"
Tears burned the corners of my eyes. My throat burns like I'd swallowed a knife, and my chest constricted, but I refused to cry.
Why did he keep saying he wouldn't do anything I didn't want, but he wouldn't let me leave? It didn't matter that I didn't want to go back to Ricky. Ivan should respect what I'm saying and let me leave. It would have been safer for all of us if he had just forgotten me and gone on his way.
'But you want him to stay...'
"Shut up!" I screamed, realizing too late that I'd said that out loud.
Fuck.
Ivan stares at me, his expression stricken instead of angry. I only said that to Ricky once, and I ended up hiding in the house for two weeks while the bruises healed. Part of me feared Ivan would do the same, so I let him go and pushed myself back onto the hood.
I had no reason to expect anything different, and all I can do is try to escape. Ivan's larger than Ricky, both in height and mass, so whatever he did to me would be much worse.
"Okay," that caught me off guard. Ivan let me go, taking a step back. That's not the reaction I expected. "I'm sorry."
This is too much.
The first tear fell, and I didn't have the strength to wipe it away. The next one came, and something inside me broke. All the pain, grief, and humiliation bubbled to the surface, refusing to stay behind the protective wall I'd built.
So, I did the thing I'd dreaded for so long at the edge of a grocery store parking lot in front of a man who claimed he's my soulmate. I broke down, buried my face in my hands, and cried.
I wish my sobs stayed silent, but I'm years beyond that. It didn't matter who watched or heard; I let it all out, needing to express the pain I'd been in until I'm bled dry.
If I'm being honest, I've forgotten why I'm crying anymore. Maybe for the disaster my life had become. Or something older and deeper.
"I'm here." Ivan's arms were around me; his presence was an anchor from the grief that threatened to wash me away. I should've pushed him away, but I didn't want to pretend anymore. "I'm right here. Let it out. It's okay, baby. Just let it out."
He understood what I needed to hear, repeating it like a mantra.
Ricky would've told me to get over myself or that I needed to stop crying, but Ivan didn't stop me from falling apart. I pressed my face into his chest, breaking down without worrying about the consequences, Ivan rubbing soothing circles along my spine. It's stupid that someone respecting a boundary pushed me over the edge, but when you have no one look at you like your voice matters, it's more jarring than being punched.
I knew what to do if someone put their hands on me or threw insults and accusations my way, but kindness and respect?
I'm helpless against those things.
'Is that all it takes? a hug and some comforting words, and you give in?' I'm so tired of that voice. I wanted it to stop, but how did I make it? Ricky told me I needed to get checked for it, but he never let me tell anyone when we went to the doctor's. Am I really this crazy? 'Are you crazy or waking up?'
It made no sense for it to change from scathing to helpful; that only made things worse.
"Let… me go…" I sobbed but clung to his shirt, afraid of letting him go. "He'll kill you… please."
I didn't mean to say it, but now it was out and there's no taking it back. Sadly, that's what scares me. Not my safety, because I've never been safer, and not the unknown of what this werewolf would or could do.
Watching him die terrified me, seeing the evil in Ricky's eyes as he took Ivan's lifeless body downstairs and… No, that can't happen!
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," that's not how I expected him to respond. The agony in his voice brought on a fresh wave of tears, whimpers replacing the sobs.
I hate being this exposed.
Not because it's wrong, but because someone always used it against me. Now, I was with someone who seemed to care, which terrified me more. So, when something wet touched my temple, it took me a few seconds to realize Ivan was crying.
He wasn't ugly crying like I was, but the tears hid behind his long bangs, which refused to be tied back with the rest of his long hair.
He looked as helpless as me, never letting me go as I pulled back.
I was still a mess, with the remnants of my makeup now on his shirt, my face blotchy and red again, and my hair half out of its ponytail, which was disastrous since it was well past my knees. There was no salvaging it without a brush, which I didn't have, so I reached behind me and pulled off the hairband at the bottom and unbraided it. I didn't need to do it in that second, but I needed something to focus on.
It also helped cover my face some.
"Here," Ivan started combing his fingers through my hair, disentangling the tangled sections in the front. He's so gentle, working his fingers like anyone who experiences the joys of knots in their hair can. "I've got a brush in the truck."
He stopped, narrowing his eyes, but he didn't move away.
I watch the change in his body, how his muscles ripple and his stance tightens, preparing for anything, but I don't move. Honestly, I liked the attention. As sad as this is, I'm an affection whore.
I enjoy physical contact, which made what Ricky did that much worse. So, I almost embarrassed myself by demanding Ivan continue, but then the sound of the cop car and its lights drew my attention.
Who called them?
'Isn't this what you wanted?' My demonic inner voice leered. 'You're too stupid and deprived to save yourself from being kidnapped, so someone else did it for you.'
I'm not deprived. That's what I'd like to pretend, but I'm not foolish enough to buy that. I'm hesitating because I needed this, a chance to get away.
Ivan's kidnapping me, and his sister's taking my baby in their car. They should all go to jail.
'But you trust them.' The softer side of my insanity reminded me, and I'm back in the civil war. 'They've been kind, patient, and understanding. He's your mate. You know what that means. Don't lie to yourself.'
'You don't deserve a soulmate, especially one so powerful. Ricky is with you because that's all you deserve. You aren't worthy of a man like this.'
"Ma'am?" an authoritative voice called me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see the officer looking at me with concern. The bright lights of the squad car hurt my sensitive eyes, but I said nothing. "Do you want help down?"
"I..." What's happening? Where was Ivan? "Where's my-"
I was about to say, mate, wouldn't that be an interesting conversation?
"My partner's talking to him," the officer didn't look surprised. Whatever his assumptions, he's convinced his tone is assuring me. It's not.
"He didn't do anything wrong," the words came out before I could stop, and even I surprised myself with the conviction.
"Okay..." the officer stepped closer, being gentle and as nonthreatening as possible. He didn't believe me—hell, I shouldn't either. "I just want to ask you a few questions. Is that okay?"
'You've got a choice to make... Ricky or Ivan. Which is it going to be?'
"Okay..." It's not like I had much of a choice.
"Can you tell me what happened?" he was polite, which I appreciated, but he got the wrong idea from my face.
Yes, I'm hurt, but not by Ivan.
"Nothing happened." I should've said that in a better way because he didn't believe me. "Not... here. Nothing happened here."
"Okay. Can you tell me more?"
"I..."
"Ma'am, I promise you're safe. He can't hurt you as long as we're here."
'Oh, how wrong you are.'
The way he spoke about Ivan pissed me off, and I don't understand why.
It made me want to defend the werewolf because he did nothing wrong except take me against my will. That was bad, but not what the cop assumed. Though I doubt he'd think much better of him once, I explained the rest.
"He didn't hurt me... someone else did it." That was the truth, which was easier to share with the cop than with anyone else.
"Alright... Can you help me understand what's going on...?"
"My ex... he hurt me, and Ivan was... helping me get away..." I felt as if I were having an out-of-body experience. My mouth spoke, but I wasn't controlling any of it. "Please let him go. He didn't do anything wrong."
Either I'm losing it more, or someone's doing something to me.
'It has to be magic.'
Now that I was away from Ivan's influence, I could check. It wouldn't take long, and no one would notice. I might not be a powerful sorceress, but detecting magic was one of the simplest things to do, especially with a full belly of food.
So, as the cop kept asking me useless questions, which I seemed to have the answer to, including a made-up story about how I got to this situation, I'd cast the spell without my eyes changing color.
The results were both horrifying and a relief.
None of them were using magic. A few held the potential, but none were active.
The most surprising thing was Ivan himself.
He's full of raw potential, but the most dormant, meaning he couldn't do any magic without hurting himself. That meant all of this was me. I was doing this of my own free will.
"Where do you live, ma'am?" the officer had asked me if I'd filed a report about Ricky, but I hadn't answered. Now, he was asking me a new question, and my head was unfogging from the magic. "We'll have to do a follow up-"
"No!" I half-screamed. I saw Ivan trying to come to me from the corner of my eye, but the other officer stopped him. "No... we don't live here. We're just passing through. I just want to go home. That's all."
"Where are you from?" Now, he was treating me like a wounded animal—someone he had to treat with care but assumed she'd attack just as quickly.
"Colorado..." Where had that come from? I've never been to Colorado...
I'm sure the guy would've kept pressing me for answers, but something strange happened. One second, he was about to open his mouth to ask something else, and the next, his eyes glazed over, and he turned around and walked to his car. His partner did the same, with the same distant expression in his eyes.
My body tensed because I'd seen that happen once before. There was only one person powerful enough to do something like that from a long distance, and the fact that he knew what was going on was creepy and awe-inspiring.
"Liam," I whispered, watching as the cops drove away, leaving me sitting on Ivan's hood.
"What just happened?" Taylor came over, jumping on the hood.
"I have no clue," I thought it best not to mention Liam yet. Sarah once told me Liam owned all of Farmington, but I thought she was exaggerating. Now, I'm not so sure.
"Weird..." I half expected Ivan to come back, but he walked past us and went to talk to Steven. The others had left already, so the truck and the dark gray car were the only ones left on this side. "Listen... thank you for not... selling Ivan out..."
"I can't tell you why I didn't." I shouldn't talk to the guy's sister, but something about her made me want to share my thoughts. She seems like a person I could sit and talk to for hours, which was further proof of my impending insanity. "I don't know why I didn't tell them what you're doing or why I'm not screaming for help right now."
"I think you know." She kept her voice low so no one could hear us, and I wondered how good werewolves' hearing was. "Please give him a chance."
"I can't." Covering my eyes, I tried to think rationally, but failed. "I'm not his anything... I'm not his..."
I couldn't even say the word.
"Nefretiri... I can't pretend to understand what you've been through, and hopefully, someday, we'll be close enough for you to share, but I can promise you that you and Ivan are mates. Take it from one mated woman to another. You know it too. We all saw it... and sensed it." I want to believe her. She's so sincere, and I sense she genuinely cares, but that worsens things. "Whatever that guy did to you... he's not worth protecting. No one who loves you would put their hands on you. No one who claims to be your partner deserves your protection when they're being the scum of the earth."
"I'm not protecting him!" That was the last thing I would ever do. "It's complicated... But I'm not protecting him or anyone else."
'Except Ivan! You protected him.'
'Shut up!'
"Well, you're in luck," Taylor grinned, and her smile was so infectious that I nearly did, too. "Because we are experts at solving complications. I'm not asking you to fall into his arms and declare your undying love. All I'm saying is to give him a chance. He's a pain in the ass, but my brother is a good man at heart. He'll drive you crazy, but always have your back."
She didn't understand that the more she tried to sell Ivan to me, the guiltier it made me. It's not that my heart didn't want to give him that chance. It's that doing it would sign their death warrants.
Yet, I'm too weak. Staying means burning my life to the ground, and dear gods, it felt like the only choice.
'Selfish.'
'Yes.'
'It's not just your life you're risking.'
"I can't."
"Please... please don't do that to yourself or him," she said, holding my hand. Her expression was no longer joking. She looked heartbroken. "I know this is insane, and no one in their right mind would go for it, but don't destroy yourself and Ivan for something you don't deserve to go through. Please."
"Taylor, Steven's ready to go," Ivan interrupted, his voice clipped. Did he not want Taylor to talk to me?
"Okay..." Taylor gave my hand a last squeeze before sliding off the hood. "Don't worry. Penelope will be waiting in her new bed when you guys get there. I'll show you all the cute little outfits I got her."
"She means that too," Ivan sighed as we watched his sister hurry to her mate's car. "My sister... might have a shopping addiction."
"Nothing wrong with that," I couldn't say anything. I had the same addiction, just no money to indulge in it.
"You didn't sell me out," he said. It was just us now, with the rest of the pack gone or leaving, including his sister- and brother-in-law, who had my child. "Thank you."
"I... don't know what's happening."
"Would you give me a chance to help you understand?"
"What... do you have in mind?"
"Give me a day."
"What?" What was he talking about?
"All I ask for is a full twenty-four hours with me. Let me show you what we can be together. I'm not asking for a commitment or anything else. Just for you to stay with me. If you still don't want to try... I'll reject you and help you get wherever you want. I won't let you stay with him, but I'll get you somewhere safe. Just one day, you can see what we could be together. To be... a family."
"Family..."
"Yeah, I know I'm asking for a lot, but you deserve to be happy, and I can be what you want and need. We're soulmates, Nefretiri. Would you be willing to try, even if it's just for a day?"
He sounded so vulnerable, and I saw how his eyes glistened. This time, he wasn't hiding the raw emotion like he was when his pack was still here. Ivan showed strength and hid his feelings like I did, and he trusted me with who he really was.
Despite his warrior appearance, I'm surprised to see his capacity to express emotion. He's open and breaks another fissure in my defenses.
"Ricky... he doesn't like me being away for an hour..." I'd avoided using my husband's name until now, and it tasted like acid on my tongue. "He'll lose it if I'm gone for a full day."
'Especially so close to the weekend. Who's on duty? Fuck, is it Darla or Jackie? I can't handle three weekends of Jackie. Not again.'
"I'm not scared, Nefretiri," cupping my face again, Ivan brushed back my hair, offering me his warmest smile. "Not to toot my own horn, but I'm the most sought-after warrior on the West Coast. Every pack from California to Alaska wants me to train their warriors. I've never been in a fight I couldn't win... well, except for one, but that was an exception."
"I have to go back to the house. There are things I can't leave behind." I was worse than crazy. I was delusional. "Would you take me back to get our things?"
"Yeah..." His smile was tight, and his shoulders stiffened, but he didn't deny me. That was a good thing. "Just give me the address, and we'll head that way. If he's there, I can handle him before we leave."
I don't think he was joking.
Before I could stop myself, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer. I don't know what came over me, but hearing him talk about Ricky like that opened a door that refused to be closed in my head. Ivan's willing to defend me after knowing me for a day, while Ricky had known me for years and was the one hurting me.
That was a bad way of thinking, but I'm too worn down to process anything.
So, I kissed him.
It wasn't rough: a butterfly kiss, just to see what it was like, and I realized how fucked I was because of it. It was supposed to be a second, but the shock and pleasure threw us both off.
His lips tasted like velvet, Fanta, temptation, and seduction. All the things I'd been missing and all the things I craved.
He made me feel things I'd forgotten, and the thought of kissing anyone else was unthinkable.
"A day?" I whispered, enjoying how stunned he was by what I'd done.
"Yeah..." it sounded like his throat was as dry as mine.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Uh-huh..."
As if to seal the deal, he leaned in, pausing as his lips brushed against mine, waiting for me to react.
Kissing him was a mistake, but I'd do it a million times.