"A d-dine-and-dash?!" Aqua, listening from the side, flushed bright red, whether from agitation or embarrassment even she did not know, and shouted at the top of her lungs, "I am Aqua-sama, the Goddess worshipped by the Axis Cult! If word gets out that I got caught eating without paying and was dragged off to wash dishes, those fanatical followers of mine will cry themselves to death! They absolutely will!"
Kōichi turned to look at her coldly, his tone utterly flat. "Aqua-sama, would you rather starve to death on the streets of this Fantasy World as a Goddess, then drift back to the divine realm as a soul and get laughed at by that angel? Or would you rather become a down-to-earth Goddess who understands the suffering of the people, personally washes dishes, and begins your legend in this Fantasy World on a full stomach?"
Aqua's throat bobbed violently. Her eyes locked onto a server passing by the guild entrance carrying an enormous slab of meat, and drool was practically about to drip onto her expensive feather robe.
"...W-washing dishes and all that, if it is for the sake of saving a starving believer, meaning me, then I suppose that counts as a kind of training, right?" Aqua wiped her drool and flashed that saintly smile of hers that came out far too easily whenever she was about to compromise. "That is right! This is the mercy of a Goddess! To keep the food in that place from going to waste just because no one eats it, I will reluctantly go 'start work' there!"
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a glance and both broke into the same wicked grin of a plan coming together.
"Alright! Target, the Adventurers' Guild cafeteria! Kazuma-san, remember to order the most expensive stuff. The dishwashing time is the same either way!"
"No problem, Kōichi! I am getting that fancy juice with ice cubes in it. I would wash dishes for a month for that!"
And so, carrying the tragic air of people marching to their deaths, to wash dishes, the three of them strode boldly through the doors of the Axel Adventurers' Guild.
Inside the guild, the smell of steaming food came rushing at them, while noisy adventurers clustered together boasting and drinking.
The three of them picked the most conspicuous table they could find. Kōichi slammed a hand down on it and shouted at the busy server,
"Server! Bring us one of every one of your most expensive signature dishes! And three barrels... no, make that six barrels of iced ale! We are celebrating a glorious first day on the job!"
The server looked at the trio's shabby clothes, then at Kōichi's absurdly handsome face and Aqua's gorgeous, if filthy, outfit. Though clearly puzzled, he still answered enthusiastically, "Right away! Please wait just a moment, the food will be right out!"
Aqua was already wiggling in her seat with excitement, while Kazuma was quietly calculating how many dishes this meal was going to cost them in labor.
Soon the long table at the Adventurers' Guild was covered with steaming grilled meat, golden crispy fried chicken legs, and chilled ale crowned with fine foam.
To the surrounding adventurers, who had ordered nothing more than a plate of cabbage and a mug of cheap ale, this ridiculously lavish unpaid feast looked like three nouveaux riches throwing one last desperate celebration.
"Mmm! This meat... this texture! So this is what the Fantasy World tastes like? It is ten thousand times better than those dry offerings in the divine realm!" Aqua was eating with both hands, a chicken leg in one and a huge mug of ale in the other. Her face was shiny with grease, tears of emotion even hanging at the corners of her eyes, and she had completely forgotten that she had been protesting the idea of washing dishes just moments ago.
On the surface, Kōichi was wolfing down the food too, even thoughtfully handing Aqua a napkin, but his eyes, glinting with sly intent, kept flicking back and forth between the guild entrance and the future bill.
Hmph. Kazuma-san, you are still too young.
Kōichi sneered inwardly.
I may have been the one who suggested getting hired through dishwashing, but that was just an excuse to keep the two of you calm.
As long as I eat fast enough, I can just say I am going to the bathroom and slip away before the server comes to collect the plates. Then that astronomical bill will be left for the Goddess and the shut-in to deal with.
After all, whoever stays pays. That is an iron rule of the otaku world!
Kōichi sped up his chewing. He was so focused on efficiency he could barely even be bothered to spit out bones, stuffing every piece of meat into his mouth with perfect precision.
But when he glanced at Kazuma out of the corner of his eye, he realized things were not that simple.
Kazuma was pouring alcohol into himself at a deeply suspicious pace. His movements were mechanical and efficient. Even though his dead-fish eyes were fixed on the food, his whole body was tense like he was ready to sprint away at any second.
He had even quietly angled his feet toward the guild's side exit while eating.
Wait a second. That look in his eyes...
Kōichi's heart skipped a beat.
That depraved expression of better the other guy dies than me. Could it be he was thinking the exact same thing...?!
"Kōichi, why did you stop eating? Not hungry?" Kazuma suddenly looked up and flashed an extremely bright, and extremely fake, smile. With a casual motion, he pushed the last plate of fries toward Kōichi. "Come on, eat more. You are definitely going to be doing heavy labor once you start work. How can you manage if you do not eat your fill first?"
Kōichi looked at the fries, then at Kazuma's face, which practically screamed, Hurry up and eat so I can run, and the corner of his mouth twitched. Then he returned an equally dazzling smile.
"Oh wow, Kazuma-san, you are so thoughtful. But I think I just saw a pretty lady over by the counter who has been staring at you. Could it be your 'Fantasy World romantic luck' is finally about to begin? Why not go over and say hello first?"
"No way, no way. I think she was looking at you, pretty boy who snuck in through the back door," Kazuma shot back with a fake smile of his own, already lifting his butt a few centimeters off the bench.
"Burp!" Aqua let out a satisfied belch that echoed through the guild, then patted her stomach without the slightest awareness of the crackling rivalry between the two men at the table. "Ahh, I'm full, I'm full! Hey, why did you two stop moving? Were you both mesmerized by my elegant table manners? It's fine, really. As long as you keep offering me food like this every day, I, Aqua-sama, might just bless you!"
Just then, the server walked over holding an absurdly long bill, the same professional smile fixed on his face. "Your total for the three of you comes to 18,500 Eris. Which one of you will be paying?"
Kōichi and Kazuma shot to their feet at almost the exact same second, moving in perfect sync like battle-hardened special forces.
"I need to use the bathroom!" Kōichi shouted.
"My stomach suddenly hurts. Where's the toilet?!" Kazuma yelled at the same time.
The two of them were just about to bolt for different exits when they noticed Aqua staring blankly at the bill. Then, in an unbelievably innocent, matter-of-fact tone, she said to the server,
"Paying? What are you talking about? I'm a Goddess. Why would a meal cost me money? Besides, those two men just said they're my wallets, so you can ask them."
As she spoke, she reached out with those greasy little hands and clamped tightly onto Kōichi's and Kazuma's sleeves, afraid her two "automatic teller machines" might run off.
At that moment, Kōichi and Kazuma looked at each other and saw pure despair in the other's eyes.
The lights inside the Axel Adventurers' Guild seemed a little dim, but to Kōichi and Kazuma, nothing was more blinding than Aqua's greasy hands, which had latched onto their clothes like iron pincers.
The air itself seemed to freeze.
The noisy shouting of the drunken adventurers around them turned into distant background noise.
Kōichi slowly turned his head. His gaze passed over Aqua's blue hair, still sprinkled with fried chicken crumbs, and met Kazuma's dead-fish eyes, which were trembling with the same terror and despair.
In that tenth of a second of eye contact, a flood of information seemed to pass between them.
You were going to run too?
Obviously. You wanted to wash dishes?
Then why did you jump up at the exact same time as me?
Because we're both scumbags!
But the most important message hit both of them like thunder, and for the first time ever, they reached complete understanding.
The blue-haired Goddess in front of them had probably seen through everything from the start. She had calmly and elegantly cut off both their escape routes without them even noticing.
"Hehe... hehehe..." Aqua tilted her head, wearing a sly grin that mixed the satisfaction of a full stomach with the delight of catching someone red-handed. Her big aqua-blue eyes sparkled with a kind of pure idiocy, but the grip in her hands was shockingly strong. "You two were just about to use the bathroom excuse and never come back, weren't you? Tricks like that are ancient history in the divine realm! As your guiding Goddess, it's my duty to supervise you and make sure you live honestly and honorably in this world!"
"Honest and honorable my ass! You're obviously dragging us down with you!" Kazuma finally exploded. He thrashed his arm wildly, trying to shake off the hand clinging to him like a shadow. "Let go, you idiot Goddess! The thing I regret most in my life is listening to Kōichi and bringing you down here! What can you even do besides eat and cry?!"
Kōichi took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down.
He could instantly picture countless escape maneuvers in his head, but every single one ended the same way, with Aqua crying and hugging his leg while the entire guild gathered around to watch.
"Kazuma-san, give it up." Kōichi let his shoulders slump, his expression ashen, his tone carrying the absurd resignation of someone who had seen through the futility of life. "We underestimated the power of a god. Even if she has to go to hell herself, she'll drag someone down with her as company. Is this the weight of divine majesty? It's too much."
The server still wore that chilling professional smile. He lightly tapped the bill, polite but impossible to refuse. "Well then, it seems the three of you have reached an agreement. Since you don't have the money to pay, please come with me to the back kitchen. We have stacks of dishes piled up like little mountains, and we happen to be short a few quick-handed newcomers."
"Uwaaaaaah! Washing dishes! I'm really going to wash dishes!" The moment Aqua heard that the plates were piled up like mountains, her tear ducts burst all over again. She clung desperately to Kōichi and Kazuma like a stray cat being dragged off for a bath. "Help! Kōichi! Kazuma! Hurry and use those evil brains of yours to think of something! As long as I don't have to wash dishes, I'll do anything..."
Kōichi looked at the Goddess bawling and making a complete spectacle of herself in the middle of the guild, then at Kazuma, who was already rolling his eyes back and entering a state of spiritual collapse, and could only let out a long sigh.
"Let's go, Kazuma-san." Dragging the blue bundle hanging from his arm, Aqua, Kōichi trudged toward the little door that led straight to dishwashing hell. "Let's just treat it as a life experience. After all, if we can't even wash the guild's dishes properly, how are we supposed to save this trouble-filled world?"
"Who wants to save the world?! I just want a room with air conditioning so I can play video games!"
Kazuma's wail gradually faded behind the kitchen curtain.