Kōichi and Kazuma ran all the way to a large tree outside the city gates, gasping for breath. Only after confirming there were no pursuers behind them did they dare stop.
"Phew... phew... that was close..." Kazuma braced his hands on his knees, his face deathly pale. "We almost got hauled in. If we end up with a record, how are we supposed to survive in this Isekai...?"
Kōichi leaned against the trunk too, breathing hard as he tried to calm his pounding heart. "Yeah... but at least we shook them off. Aqua may be an idiot, but she is a Goddess, so she should... she should be able to handle herself, right?"
The instant those words left his mouth, both of them froze.
A chill of foreboding shot straight up their spines.
Kōichi and Kazuma looked at each other and saw the same deep terror in the other's eyes.
"Wait, Kōichi..." Kazuma swallowed hard, his voice trembling. "If Aqua gets dragged into the guard station and questioned, what do you think she's going to say?"
Kōichi thought about that idiot Goddess's usual behavior, and his face immediately turned even uglier than before. "She'll probably start crying and blurt everything out. Stuff like, 'Kōichi and Kazuma told me to do it!', 'I was forced!', or 'They're the real masterminds!', that kind of thing..."
"Not just that!" Kazuma crouched on the ground with his head in his hands and added in despair, "To lighten her own punishment, or just to get back at us, she'll definitely make up a bunch of crimes that never even happened! Like, 'They wanted to peek at me while I was bathing!', 'They wanted to blow up the guard station!', or even, 'They're actually spies sent by the Demon King's Army!'"
Kōichi sucked in a sharp breath. "With her intelligence and personality, that's completely possible! And she'd say it with that 'I'm a Goddess, I would never lie' look on her face. Those clueless small-town cops might actually believe her!"
"Then we're finished!" Kazuma sprang to his feet and grabbed Kōichi by the shoulders, shaking him wildly. "If we get branded as Demon King's Army spies or perverted criminals, jail will be the least of our problems! We could get publicly executed! Or exiled to some deserted island full of tentacle monsters!"
"Calm down! Calm down!" Kōichi shook off Kazuma's claws and forced himself to settle down. "Turning ourselves in is definitely not an option. That'd be walking straight into a trap. We need a way to get that idiot out without dragging ourselves down with her."
"Get her out? How?" Kazuma looked lost. "What, are we supposed to break her out of jail? Just the two of us? Don't be ridiculous. That's suicide!"
"Of course not." Kōichi narrowed his eyes as his brain raced. "We outsmart them. Since she's a Goddess, we use her Goddess traits."
"You mean the part where she's a Goddess? Who would believe that?"
"No. Aqua's defining trait is that she's an idiot." A wicked smile curled across Kōichi's lips. "For a Goddess like Aqua, who has absolutely no shame and no brains, all we have to do is go see her normally. Her behavior and the things she says will probably shock those patrol officers all by themselves. This is another world, sure, but people probably don't fine or jail someone just for being insane, right?"
Kazuma's eyes lit up. "You're right! Aqua just has to act normally, and she'll come across as even crazier than an actual lunatic!"
"Then the plan's on." Kōichi brushed the dust off his clothes. The panic had completely vanished from his face, replaced by calm confidence. "All we have to do is something very simple. Go to the guard station as her family and visit that poor psychiatric patient."
"Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!" Kazuma gave him a thumbs-up. "As long as we act sincere enough, and Aqua gives them her flawless idiot performance, those patrol officers will definitely feel sorry for us! They might even waive the fine and let us take her home to 'keep an eye on her'!"
The two looked at each other and smiled, the kind of smile born from absolute faith in their teammate's lack of intelligence.
So they straightened their rumpled clothes, adjusted their expressions, and swaggered toward the guard station.
Before they even stepped through the door, they heard heart-rending screams and the sound of pounding on a desk from inside.
"I want fried chicken! I want bubbly! How dare you mortals lock this Goddess up in a filthy, stinking place like this! I'm bringing down divine punishment! I'll flood this whole place!"
"Miss! Please calm down! This is a guard station, not a tavern!" came the breaking voice of one of the patrol officers. "And stop trying to turn the water on the table into rainbows! You've gotten it all over the floor!"
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a glance and silently gave Aqua their approval.
Nicely done.
Kōichi took a deep breath and pushed the door open.
The moment he stepped inside, he saw Aqua handcuffed to a chair. Her body might have been restrained, but her mouth was still firing off one incomprehensible piece of divine nonsense after another like a machine gun.
Several patrol officers stood around her, each one drenched in sweat, their eyes full of confusion and suffering.
When Aqua saw the two of them come in, her eyes lit up as if she had spotted saviors, or maybe punching bags, and she immediately burst into loud sobs.
"Waaah! Kōichi! Kazuma! You two bastards finally showed up! Hurry up and get me out of here! These insolent peasants are trying to murder me! No, I mean murder a Goddess!"
Kōichi ignored her yelling and quickly strode over to the patrol officer who looked like the one in charge. With tears and snot practically flying, he bowed over and over in apology.
"Sir! We're so terribly sorry! We've caused you so much trouble! This is my little sister. She... she's had something wrong with her head since she was young." Kōichi pointed at his temple, his face full of grief and anguish. "She's always imagining that she's some kind of Goddess and saying she's going to save the world. The second we take our eyes off her, she runs out and starts causing trouble. We only stepped away to buy her medicine, and she vanished..."
Kazuma immediately joined in, wiping at tears beside him. "Yes, sir! We've been looking for her everywhere! If she hurt anyone, we're willing to pay compensation! Just please don't lock her up. She can't handle that kind of stress!"
The patrol captain looked at the two tearful family members, then at the blue-haired girl still shouting from the chair, "I am Aqua-sama! I am the Goddess of Water!" The anger in his eyes instantly turned into deep sympathy.
"So that's what this is..." the captain sighed, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "I knew it. No normal person would go around claiming to be a Goddess and trying to bribe law enforcement by turning water into hot water. Since she's mentally ill, we won't pursue criminal liability."
"Really?! Thank you so much! You're a truly just and noble official!" Kōichi and Kazuma grabbed the captain's hand with tearful gratitude, acting so convincingly it was almost frightening.
"However..." the captain continued, changing tone, "she did openly harass a patrol officer on the street and caused a public disturbance, so a fine is still necessary. Considering your situation, I'll make it a symbolic fine of 2,000 Eris."
"2,000 Eris?!" Kazuma's face went white in an instant.
For the two of them right now, that was basically a fortune.
"What? Is that a problem?" the captain asked, raising an eyebrow.
"N-no!" Kōichi quickly clapped a hand over Kazuma's mouth and forced the words out through gritted teeth. "We'll pay! Even if we have to sell everything we own, we'll pay!"
Then Kōichi turned and shot Aqua a vicious glare. The meaning in that look was crystal clear: we'll settle this debt with you later.
Aqua seemed to sense that the mood had turned dangerous. She shrank back a little and muttered in a small voice, "B-but I really am a Goddess... why won't anyone believe me..."
In the end, after signing an IOU because they had no money and promising to pay it off within three days, the two of them finally managed to take the troublemaker back out.
When they stepped out of the guard station, the sunlight was still bright, but the mood between them felt like the stillness before a storm.
"2,000 Eris..." Kazuma stared at the IOU in his hand, looking like he wanted to cry. "We haven't earned a single coin yet, and we're already buried in debt. Is this what life in another world is like? This is way too hardcore!"
"Quit complaining." Kōichi sighed and glanced at Aqua, who still looked stubbornly unconvinced. "At least we got her out. Right now, there's only one goal. Make money and pay off the debt. Otherwise, in three days, all three of us are getting shipped off to that deserted island full of tentacle monsters."
"Hmph! This is all because you two abandoned me!" Aqua still refused to back down. "If you had run with me back then, I wouldn't have gotten caught!"
"Shut up!" Kōichi and Kazuma roared in unison.
Intimidated by the pressure coming off both of them, Aqua could only nod meekly.
"Oh..."