At first, when Yoon Ha-min told me that Kanna's condition wasn't good, I thought that was understandable.
She had just been discharged from the hospital and must be struggling. If I suddenly approached her saying, "I want to apologize for distancing myself from you. I'm sorry," how sincere would that really seem?
Depending on the situation, it might look like I was trying to take advantage of her vulnerable state to gain easy forgiveness.
So I planned to wait.
But when I heard Yoon Ha-min talk about intentionally becoming the Bottom Rank, and then later heard more details about Kanna, I began to wonder.
What exactly was going on with Kanna?
Eventually, I learned that after her discharge, she was actually staying at Yoon Ha-min's house, and I went to see for myself.
At first, I wondered why Kanna would be at Yoon Ha-min's place, but then I figured it made sense since they had been close friends. Kanna herself might not have anyone else to rely on besides Yoon Ha-min.
Anyway, that wasn't the issue.
I know making excuses is shameful, but I felt embarrassed about how I had distanced myself from Kanna, swept up in my family's atmosphere and following their lead. I wanted to apologize for that.
But the moment I faced Kanna, I couldn't do it. I felt it deeply—it was impossible.
"Who is it?" Kanna's voice was directed at me.
I couldn't say anything. I'd heard she had forgotten, but facing her directly made it feel completely different.
I swallowed hard. I tried to choose my words carefully, but there was nothing I could say.
And the moment Yoon Ha-min introduced me, Kanna immediately recognized me.
"Oh, Orca...! Hello! Nice to see you! You're so pretty!"
She didn't recognize my face, but the moment she heard the name "Orca," she seemed to recall who I was.
Perhaps Yoon Ha-min had told her about me? Otherwise, how could she know my name but not my face?
Her childlike way of speaking was a bit concerning, but I could see that she definitely had the lively personality Yoon Ha-min had described.
Even if someone regresses to childhood, their personality doesn't change this drastically. Children are either shy or outgoing, and Kanna was clearly the latter.
It was exactly as Yoon Ha-min had said.
If this was truly Kanna's personality before her Academy life, it meant the Academy environment had completely destroyed a person's character.
I could understand why Yoon Ha-min wanted to become the Bottom Rank. I could vaguely see what he hoped to achieve by doing so, but still...
I questioned whether he could actually achieve the results he was hoping for.
Learning that Kanna was originally this kind of person made my heart ache after meeting her in person.
I wondered what emotions Yoon Ha-min felt when Kanna regained consciousness.
How did he feel seeing her not recognize him, not remember what she had done, having forgotten all the things that had happened to her—with nothing left to be angry about or forgive?
I couldn't say anything.
I had planned to apologize after seeing Kanna's condition if she seemed okay, but not only could I not apologize, even wishing for her recovery somehow felt inappropriate.
Maybe it was fortunate for Kanna to have lost her memories.
But if she remained that way, she would live without knowing what had happened to her, forgetting both the perpetrators and the fact that she was a victim—was that really okay?
I wasn't apologizing to be forgiven.
If Kanna ignored me, I would accept it and continue my atonement in my own way.
That's why I wanted to respect whatever Kanna decided.
If she felt that recovering her memories would be frightening and painful, there was no need to force it.
What's wrong with escaping from suffering and pain?
Those who sincerely wanted to apologize might feel troubled by this, but I wanted Kanna to suffer less emotional pain, so I preferred to stay quiet.
Everything felt uncertain.
I thought I had made the right choice in deciding to apologize.
I was glad I had changed my mind.
If I had mindlessly followed my family's wishes like a parrot, without forming my own opinion, I might have done something irreversible.
Kanna had fought against the Strange One until she ended up like this. If this doesn't qualify someone to be a Hero, what does?
After seeing this, how could anyone still talk about her collaborating with the enemy?
Even if it wasn't about collaboration, if they tried to expel her because her very existence threatened the Wall, I wanted to vote against it.
As Yoon Ha-min said, if the Strange Ones cared enough about Kanna to break through the Wall to find her, then that alone should be enough to convince those who would decide her execution based on necessity.
It was a day filled with many thoughts.
I was the one who had asked to see Kanna, but after seeing her, my mind was so troubled that I couldn't focus on my studies or family business.
I could only think about how to resolve this situation and how to help Yoon Ha-min.
Even though my opinions differed from my family's, I couldn't follow Yoon Ha-min in opposing my family.
It might sound romantic to say, "I'll turn my back on my family and accomplish something as an individual." But in reality, I would gain small satisfaction now while failing to achieve greater things in the future.
It wouldn't be too late to change the world after inheriting the position of family head.
It might be impossible now, but I could eventually change the environment that causes people to despair.
I didn't need to walk the same path as Yoon Ha-min.
I could find and follow my own path.
Of course, that path might be rough and painful, but it wasn't a path created by someone else, so I had to accept it.
*
Kanna, Kanna Aurora.
They say that's me, which feels strange.
Was I Kanna Aurora? I see, so that's who I am.
Then what were all the things I knew? Were they all like future events?
Like reading a book, I knew things that would happen.
But the world was unfolding differently from what I knew.
I really thought I could do well, but that wasn't the case.
Am I just complaining too much? Should I not rely on those things so much?
Every time Ha-min told me things I didn't know, I hung my head.
With everything I knew turning out wrong, it was hard to figure out how to solve anything.
Orca loses her power. She loses it... because of a Strange One... that Strange One took Ha-min's ability.
Why? How did things end up like this?
This definitely wasn't supposed to happen—I never knew about this future.
It's strange. The things I can do are gradually decreasing.
Still, I'm happy that Ha-min keeps smiling at me.
Other Heroes are standing guard without me having to say anything. It's not dangerous. It's different from what I know, but it seems more hopeful.
"Ha-min."
"Yes?"
"It's delicious."
I wish this life could continue.
I wish Ha-min would continue his Academy life.
Waiting alone at home is hard, and it's frustrating that they keep calling me a patient and won't let me go out even though I'm fine, but I'm satisfied as long as Ha-min can go to the Academy, play with friends, create precious relationships, and protect those people until the end.
The reason I came here must be to make Ha-min smile.
But strange things keep coming to mind.
Ha-min was supposed to be with Orca, so why did Orca deny it?
Is it because of me? Did she brush it off saying they weren't dating because of me?
There shouldn't be any school rules forcing them to keep their relationship secret, so it's strange.
I've lost some confidence because nothing matches what I know.
Information that should be revealed later is already out now. The Strange One's scheme that was supposed to target Orca has targeted Yoon Ha-min instead.
What should I do? Orca could survive just by learning magic, but Yoon Ha-min is different, which worries me more.
In the end, Yoon Ha-min needs to be the one fighting, and he needs his ability for that.
Still, he asked me to trust him, so I have no choice but to believe.
I trust Ha-min. He will surely change the future I knew this time.
Seeing how much he's already changed, he'll definitely remove the tragedy that's coming at the end.
Though I don't know how things changed like this.
"Ha-min, Ha-min."
"What? Is it tasty?"
"How are you going to use your ability?"
"What?"
"You said the Strange One ate it."
I wanted him to recover quickly.
That's why I asked, but Yoon Ha-min seemed troubled.
"Hmm, I don't know. I'm looking for a way, but maybe finding and dealing with the Strange One would be faster at this rate?"
Wait, wouldn't that be too far in the future?
The news shows they're invading frequently, but hmm...
I really don't know.
What I used to know has all changed and become unknown.
I'm stupid. I don't know anything.
Even if I pretend to know, it's either common knowledge or completely wrong.
I don't know anything.
But Yoon Ha-min will handle it well.
I shouldn't just rely on him too much as it would burden him, so I should just watch.
If Yoon Ha-min says he can't do it, then I'll have to step up!
But I don't know how I should do that.
"Then should I try ability training too?"
"No."
Hmph.
I thought that was a good idea.