"Who do you think I'd look good with?"
Orca? No, I've never once thought about being with Orca.
Besides, the only person I want to be with is Kanna, so it was a bit irritating to hear her talking about this.
Still, I couldn't bring myself to be petty toward Kanna who was smiling so innocently.
"No, we're not like that."
"...Huh? Oh, we're not?"
When I casually denied it, Kanna realized it was different from what she'd thought and let out a surprised sound. Then she hung her head low.
"S-sorry..."
I had some idea why Kanna was acting this way.
Since she hadn't confirmed it, I couldn't be certain, but I wondered if she might have seen what would happen in the future, which would explain why she could make such assertions.
Look at this.
She naturally mentioned it earlier, but she's aware of the Mysterious Person's existence—something that shouldn't be in Kanna's current memories.
The Mysterious Person with the ability to consume and seal others' abilities wasn't even the first one to appear. If she remembers events from two or three months ahead, or if by some chance that incident had been moved up, she would clearly be aware of events from much further in the future.
Kanna's memories had returned to an earlier point, but they contained events she hadn't yet experienced.
They say people fear the unknown, don't they? I knew these events would exist, but the very fact that I didn't know about them was itself unknown, which made me afraid.
If I truly wanted to ask, I should wait until Kanna's mind had properly returned. Now might be the opportunity, but I thought it wouldn't be right to force the issue. I didn't think I could handle it when her memories returned either.
I didn't want to earn her hatred.
But if I asked whether Kanna could be restored, well...
It seemed unreasonable to try to restore her without treatment, based solely on a doctor's advice. So in the end, I had no choice but to rely on unconventional methods.
If one Totem wasn't enough, couldn't I just bring two or three more for Kanna to absorb?
Unless there were other conditions needed for healing the body, it didn't seem impossible, considering that limbs had regrown and she had barely managed to cling to life when she nearly died.
"You don't need to apologize."
"...Okay."
After comforting Kanna like that, I soon became lost in thought.
Totems—their existence was already known within the Wall, and heroes patrolled to remove them. Given that, it would be difficult for me to find one and give it to Kanna.
Even if I found one, I knew it would be extremely troublesome if someone else spotted me.
So where could I get a Totem?
The Wall was already being rebuilt, and I couldn't just go outside and ask a Mysterious Person for a Totem. Even if it hadn't been rebuilt, an ordinary person wouldn't be able to withstand the unrefined mana outside the Wall for long.
So ultimately, I would need to beg for one from the agency that collected and processed them, or from an even higher authority.
This was problematic.
They'd look at me strangely the moment I asked for such a thing, and if I said I needed it for Kanna's treatment, they'd immediately mark me and take me away.
They'd probably cut off my limbs again. No, losing limbs would be getting off easy—next time, I might not even have the certainty of coming back.
"Kanna, did you eat the lunch I prepared for you?"
"Yes! It was delicious."
"I'm glad. I'll make hamburger steak for dinner."
Looking at the delighted Kanna, I pondered over and over.
I wanted to heal Kanna. But I couldn't entrust her to anyone. Standing at that crossroads, I could only stare blankly ahead.
I couldn't protect Kanna with force because of the restrictions placed on me, but leaving things as they were without seeking help weighed on my mind.
I couldn't rely on anyone. Is this what it means to be unable to trust?
If I could get a guarantee that she would return safely without a scratch, I would have asked for help long ago. I just needed the Totem, but they wouldn't simply hand over something like that, which is why I kept going around in circles with these thoughts.
Should I just try? Would even trying be dangerous? Would Kanna get involved? If I kept quiet, would they know it was related to Kanna? Would they not realize it was about an Academy student if I kept my mouth shut? Well, that seemed unlikely.
Of course, heroes couldn't thoroughly search and find every Totem. Unlike Kanna, who could sense them when close by, heroes might miss some.
But to find one, I would need to go with Kanna, and I had to consider whether it was right to take her—someone who would be easily remembered—when there were already so many watchful eyes.
"Haah."
A sigh escaped me.
"What's wrong? Are you tired?"
"...No, I just have something on my mind."
"Really?"
After hesitating for a moment, I looked at Kanna.
"Kanna."
"Yes?"
"Would you like to regain your memories if you could?"
When I asked that, Kanna nodded.
"Whatever makes Ha-min happy makes me happy. Which do you prefer?"
I see.
Regaining lost memories wasn't actually that important to the person concerned. Especially if they weren't poignant memories like those of family.
Who would nod their head if suddenly told to thoroughly search for something they didn't even know they'd lost, something they didn't even know was theirs?
Those two or three months of memories didn't seem to hold much value for Kanna.
They were lost memories, but since she wasn't even aware they were lost, she didn't feel desperate for them. She didn't even feel any discomfort since losing them hadn't affected her daily life at all.
So my offer to help her find her memories probably seemed strange to her.
But still, instead of saying "I'm fine, don't worry about it," the way she asked which option I preferred somehow warmed my heart.
Truthfully, I wished she wouldn't regain her memories. Not out of any selfish desire, but because I wondered what good it would do to recover painful memories.
Part of me wanted to just start over from the beginning and continue living as we were now.
But nothing could be accomplished that way. What can truly be achieved by running away? Who would be happy to start over after losing their memories?
Would anyone really be glad to lose the self that existed during that time?
That's why, even while wishing for Kanna's happiness, I wanted her to regain her memories.
Surely, she could find happiness even after recovering her memories. Since she wouldn't regain them all at once, we could gradually change her surroundings in the meantime.
As I told Orca earlier today, I could start by becoming the Bottom Rank myself.
"...I'd still like you to regain your memories."
When I said that, Kanna nodded and was about to answer.
Thinking she might say "Okay, I'll do that then," I covered her mouth with my hand. Startled, Kanna looked at me with wide eyes.
"I'd rather you didn't say anything right now."
"Mmm?"
"Right now, anything you say would come too easily, and I don't want to escape with such a casual answer."
That's what I told her.
Kanna didn't seem to understand, but I was keenly aware.
Without those lost memories, everything would feel incredibly light. Since she didn't feel she had directly experienced those events, forgiveness came easily, and she would readily nod to words like mine.
But if she apologized that way, if she said she respected my opinion and would follow it, would she be able to say the same thing after regaining her memories?
I worried that the words spoken by her memory-less self might become an obstacle, only festering her emotions.
I left open the possibility for her to blame me—to ask why I made her regain her memories, to say she never wanted such painful memories.
Even if she called me a terrible person, I was prepared to accept it.
"...So, please don't say anything right now."
If I ran away, I would distance myself from Kanna and never be close to her again. With that thought, I stood proudly before her.
Kanna remained still for a moment, then nodded slightly.
Now my task was to obtain a Totem. Finding one would be easier with Kanna's help, but I had to consider whether to take her along. I resolved to use asking the Association directly only as a last resort.
As I renewed my determination, her lips, now free from my hand, opened.
"...Thank you."
"Huh?"
"I didn't know you would think about me that much."
"...No, I'm the one who should be sorry."
I wanted Kanna to smile. I wanted her to stay by my side. I wished she wouldn't be in pain or cry.
I had been moving with those wishes, but now guilt was added to them.
Just seeing her like this made my heart ache.
In a corner of my heart that I couldn't deny existed, guilt weighed heavily on me—the fact that everyone at the Academy, including myself, had turned Kanna, who was originally like this, into the Kanna I first met.
Because I truly did wrong. Because I should have saved her as quickly as possible, but I couldn't.
I wanted to apologize.