Even though it was the weekend, my routine remained unchanged. I sat on the nursing bed in the hospital room, watching over Kanna.
As time passed and I listened to the doctor's words, I swallowed emotions close to despair, realizing there was nothing I could do except ruminate on those words and keep watch.
"For now, we're preparing for surgery assuming the worst-case scenario. There's no deterioration yet, but she doesn't appear to be regaining consciousness, so we'll continue to monitor and gather information."
"Yes, yes..."
I nodded blankly in response.
It was exhausting to know there was nothing I could do.
If I brought her totem and gave it to Kanna, would it temporarily fill what she had lost?
The reason Kanna hadn't fully recovered was because she had used all her mana to heal her broken neck and fractured skull, right?
But before, when her ability leaked out enough to go berserk, her prosthetic arm and leg didn't fall off. What could be the reason?
Sitting on the nursing bed like a chair, I looked at Kanna lying there, breathing shallow breaths as if nearly dead.
I had seen it. I had seen Kanna fighting for others.
To some, it might seem like I was taking Kanna's side too much. But Kanna knew things others didn't.
Heroes are certainly good people, and they surely have clear purposes for the greater good. But I couldn't accept that.
If Kanna had kept quiet about the information she alone knew, if she had stayed silent not wanting to draw attention from the Strange Ones, what would have happened inside this Wall?
People would have died trampled by the new type of monster, only realizing after hundreds or thousands of heroes had their hearts ground to dust.
If she hadn't revealed the concept of totems, we would have been helplessly toyed with as the Strange Ones repeatedly attempted to breach the Wall.
Even when dragged away by Strange Ones, even when hunted to the point of trauma, Kanna chose to fight even when she was on the verge of death.
Isn't this what a true hero should be?
Yet the greater good, the peace of others, wanted to keep Kanna at a distance.
With the sole desire to maintain the peaceful life they'd had until now, they tried to cast out anything that seemed different, driven by some strange notion of the greater good.
There must be good people, and heroes who think like me, but just because some think that way doesn't mean everything will flow in that direction.
"Kanna..."
I held Kanna's soft hand.
Unlike her prosthetic arm that had been covered with something like human skin but gave only a hard sensation without warmth, this was different.
This hand had bones, flesh, and warmth.
Ah, I can feel her pulse in her hand. I can feel her body heat.
Overwhelmed by this fact, I pressed my lips tightly together.
Suppressing the tears that threatened to rise, I whispered words she couldn't hear.
"Wake up... the heroes you saved, they've opened their eyes..."
That's what I told her.
They say people who have lost consciousness sometimes hear voices just before they regain consciousness, so I hoped she would hear this and be happy.
Better yet, I hoped she would wake up from happiness.
"Surely, since you saved them, those heroes will speak well of you. They'll testify that you have nothing to do with the Strange Ones. That you fought hard against them... that you won't be taken away..."
As I spoke, my voice trembled more and more.
Choked with emotion, I could barely get the words out.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... I don't understand what you said..."
I wanted to hear what Kanna was trying to tell me, but I couldn't understand what she meant, and tears spilled out.
What did she mean by becoming like a star?
Kanna thought she was going to die. So in her own way, those were her last words, but no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't understand their meaning.
That's why, that's why I wanted her to wake up and explain.
Could someone like me be called a hero? Of course, if it makes citizens feel safe, then perhaps even someone like me could be called a hero.
But it was clear I would only be called a "hero" as a job title, never becoming a true hero.
After all, I was this weak.
I couldn't accept sacrificing someone for the greater good.
I couldn't even push someone away for the sake of peace.
Perhaps it was selfish and only possible because I was thinking of myself, but I wanted Kanna.
I also thought that with Kanna, surely anything could be resolved.
Look even now. When the Wall collapsed and three Strange Ones came, didn't she stop them all at the Wall before any damage reached civilian areas?
Because she revealed the existence of totems, heroes began searching for and removing them.
Because she revealed the monsters' weaknesses, they could also deal with the new species.
When the heroes momentarily left a gap and the Strange Ones rushed in, she threw herself in to block them, and when the explosion occurred, she made sure the surrounding heroes only lost consciousness rather than dying.
All of this was possible because Kanna was there.
Now, no matter what greater good was invoked, Kanna shouldn't be cast aside.
Someone more heroic than anyone else shouldn't be driven away in the name of the greater good or everyone's peace.
But no matter how much I cried out inside, no one would listen.
I didn't even think that speaking out would change anyone's mind.
It's unfair. How can the world be like this?
Think about it—this time, didn't the Strange Ones try to kill her? Doesn't that mean Kanna's very existence is the most irritating thing to them?
Because of Kanna's existence, Strange Ones frequently break down the Wall and invade. Looking at just that fact, Kanna might appear to be disrupting the peace inside this Wall.
But conversely, the Strange Ones tried to kill Kanna even using their monsters, even driving their own kind to death. Doesn't that one fact give Kanna value?
If she has value, they might try to use her, but they wouldn't reject her.
But wondering if I was thinking too naively, I tilted my head again.
These were just my thoughts, not Kanna's.
It was about what the hero Ruder said—after saving someone "by any means," if that "any means" causes problems in their life, can I take responsibility for the person I saved?
It meant I couldn't offer Kanna a life of being used just to ensure she wasn't rejected.
It was frustrating.
I couldn't understand why the conversation always flowed in this direction.
The situation seemed that desperate.
What should I do?
How can I protect Kanna?
Thinking about it, people inside the Wall have already received protection from many heroes.
Until recently, heroes were just there—nice to have, but not essential. Now, their presence was definitely felt.
Heroes threw themselves into danger to protect people and strived for peace through their sacrifices.
Of course, not everyone was protected or saved, but overall, one could say that heroes minimized the damage as much as possible.
Then who would protect Kanna?
If heroes and the Association keep pushing Kanna away because she draws in Strange Ones and disrupts peace, who can she rely on?
It's questionable whether she can protect herself, and even if she were that capable, it's doubtful she could endure such a world alone.
It's good to rely on good heroes, but there's already a precedent.
I couldn't let them take her limbs again this time. Especially since many heroes had died, it might not end with just limbs.
That's why I wanted to prevent that at all costs.
I won't let you die.
I won't let you leave.
I want you to live longer and show me.
What you desire, what you wanted to do.
And tell me the things you've kept inside, the words you wanted to say.
If no one else will protect you, I'll protect you.
Right now, the power of stars isn't felt well because of what the Strange Ones did to you, but I'll find it again and reassure you. I'll become stronger, much stronger, so other heroes can't harm you.
Even if everyone calls you the Bottom Rank, even if they look at you like someone who just came for a secure job, I know.
Having seen you up close, I can tell.
You're more heroic than anyone at the Academy, more heroic than any hero.
How could I abandon someone who fought for humanity despite experiencing trauma-inducing events, despite the fear that Strange Ones might chase after you again, despite having your limbs cut off, despite knowing that if you get entangled again, you might be executed next?
"You are—"
Just as I was about to tell the unconscious Kanna to be reassured, that I would protect her, my words were cut short.
"..."
Something changed in Kanna lying on the bed.
Her eyes, which hadn't even made it to the operating table, slightly opened.
She seemed to be checking where she was, and soon her gaze turned to me.
"Kanna...!"
She woke up. But how did she wake up? She hadn't had surgery, and no special measures had been taken, so how?
No, I should be happy that she woke up.
Right now...
"Who are you?"
Right now... what was it again?
Clutching my pounding heart, the corners of my mouth that were about to rise froze in place.
"It's... it's me. Yoon Ha-min."
Don't you remember? Have you forgotten me?
That's not it, right? Please tell me it's not.
I couldn't say more, not wanting to pressure someone who had just woken up, but my choked breath also played a part.
"Kanna..."
"Ah, yes. It's Ha-min."
Relief washed over me as I exhaled deeply, but then she said something strange.
"...So that's what you look like."
As if she knew me, but was seeing me for the first time.