Emotions are hidden so deeply inside that unless they're brought out, there's no way for others to know they exist.
Though expressing emotions is easy, some people avoid it because they find it awkward or embarrassing.
Was Kanna that type of person? I didn't think so.
She wasn't particularly bad at expressing emotions.
When she was struggling, she said so; when she was sad, she cried. How could anyone say she was bad with emotions?
So why would someone like her hide her feelings?
I could only sigh, unable to figure it out.
Trying to forcibly draw out emotions from someone who hides them would surely cause wounds somewhere. Like forcing open a locked box might warp it somewhere, pressure would be applied and injuries would form.
That's why I couldn't ask anything more of Kanna, who consistently insisted she was fine.
I didn't believe she was fine.
If she truly were, she wouldn't have had such sad eyes.
I could only wait quietly.
I planned to create a comfortable space for her as we went through our ordinary days, at least until she felt she needed help and asked me for it.
I had no desire to forcibly approach her or make her uncomfortable by making her reveal her emotions, so I tried to be careful.
"If you say you're fine..."
It saddened me that I had to say this despite knowing she wasn't fine.
Nevertheless, I repeated to myself that there was nothing else I could do as I finished my breakfast.
Kanna cleared the dishes without another word, and I stared blankly at her.
As I hesitated, she casually picked up the rubber gloves beside her.
"...Huh? What are you doing?"
"Going to wash the dishes."
"Why? I'll do it."
"I can't just freeload here. Besides, you even help me bathe."
When I heard that, I felt my heart race.
I could feel my face getting hot.
I hadn't intended to split household chores when I let Kanna stay here.
But Kanna didn't seem to think that way as she put on the rubber gloves and started organizing the dishes in the sink.
Behind the clattering sounds, her hair swayed gently.
Belatedly realizing it was getting in her way, she let out a small sigh.
Then she quietly spoke.
"...Sorry, but could you get the hair tie from my blazer pocket?"
"Oh, sure."
I immediately found Kanna's blazer and retrieved the tie from the pocket.
When I returned, Kanna had already started washing dishes.
She turned her head toward me as I held out the hair tie within her line of sight under the rushing water.
"Just tie it up for me."
"Uh, what?"
Kanna paused and gripped the edge of the sink.
Then she tilted her head back slightly, as if asking me to tie her hair.
Her hair smelled nice.
The light ivory color that came close to me had a soothing effect on my eyes.
I hesitated for a moment, unsure what to do, then looped the tie around my fingers and grabbed her hair.
With my other hand, I gathered the loose strands and pushed them into my hand holding the tie, then when I thought everything was gathered, I pushed the tie through and pulled her hair out.
It was a bit messy, but tied well enough that it wouldn't bother her.
"Done?"
"Yeah, thanks."
Kanna said that and shook her hair from side to side.
Her ponytail created gentle waves as it swayed, and when she stopped, she continued with the dishes.
I stood still, listening to the clattering sounds.
After carefully observing Kanna's back, I cautiously spoke.
"Kanna, um, I'll clean up, so would you like to study with me when you're done?"
"Yeah, sure."
Kanna nodded.
Relieved by her answer, I went to get the vacuum cleaner.
Now, some time later, I sat across from Kanna at the living room coffee table to study.
Across from me, Kanna seemed slightly uncomfortable, gripping her pen and struggling as if trying to get used to a new sensation.
I couldn't take my eyes off her even before we started.
Watching her try to look natural while holding a pen made me wonder how painful it must be for her.
"I think it felt something like this."
Kanna finally gripped the pen naturally and moved it around a bit.
I found it impressive that she was practicing with those glove-like hands, presumably planning to wear them at the Academy too.
Despite having lost something so essential, instead of giving in to that sense of loss, she pretended to be fine even though she must be feeling more depressed and sad than anyone. Watching her made my heart ache.
When someone clearly in pain says they're not hurting, it makes the observer hurt instead.
"That looks pretty good."
"Really? Then I'll hold it like this."
When I encouraged her, Kanna nodded and began writing meaningless letters one by one in her notebook.
After writing for a while, she nodded as if she'd gotten the hang of it.
"I think I'm ready to start now."
"What should we begin with... Kanna, history was your weakest subject in note-taking, right?"
"Oh, y-yeah."
"Then let's start with this."
I pulled out a history book from the stack.
Kanna was both ordinary and unusual.
She showed some strength in subjects like language and math, but struggled with history—typical of many students.
Yet she could somewhat keep up with the newly added geography class, which made me wonder about her interests.
I thought history and geography were somewhat related, but maybe not.
"Kanna, do you know this? Why the Wall was built."
"...I know that."
"Then do you know who built it?"
"Saint Ramiris."
Seeing that she remembered some things, suggesting she had studied to some extent, made me smile.
"Then, the hero who drove away the Strange Ones and brought peace."
Kanna hesitated at that question.
Thinking she might not know the answer, I smiled wryly.
"There were five heroes who drove away the Strange Ones who caused massive damage to people through Unrefined Mana terrorism."
I gave her a hint and waited again.
But Kanna just stared blankly.
Then she quietly opened her mouth.
She gave an answer, but it seemed like she was thinking about something else, which gave me an odd feeling.
"...Are you not in the mood to study?"
Honestly, I thought that might be the case.
I was the one who suggested studying, and Kanna kept saying she was fine when she clearly wasn't, both yesterday and today, so she might just be forcing herself to sit here.
Just this morning, she had jolted awake from what must have been a nightmare, frantically looking for her arms and legs, saying they were gone—an image I couldn't get out of my head.
Kanna seemed to snap back to attention at my question, turning to me with wide eyes.
"Oh, no, I'm fine."
"No, if you're struggling, let's take a break. We don't have to do this right now. There's no test next week, so let's take it slow."
"...Okay."
Kanna hesitated for a moment before nodding.
We were already heading toward mid-April.
Time seemed to be passing quickly.
And looking at her arms and legs made everything feel surreal.
"Kanna, if you're uncomfortable, just tell me anytime. If you need help, say so. I'll help you with anything."
"Haha... R-right now, just helping me bathe is enough."
Kanna said with a bitter smile.
Then, perhaps feeling as embarrassed as I felt, she blushed slightly and added:
"...I'll only ask for your help until I can control my ability a little better."
"Yeah, okay."
I felt embarrassed because she was embarrassed.
We were clearly not just ordinary friends, but we weren't exactly something else either, making it awkward to define our relationship.
As the awkward situation continued, conversation naturally died out.
"Ah, it's hot. Want some juice?"
"Sure."
So I got up almost like I was escaping.
I took juice from the refrigerator, filled two glasses, and brought them to Kanna.
After taking a cool sip, Kanna closed her eyes tightly and let out a small "phew."
"Are you okay?"
"I feel a bit more alive now."
Kanna grinned.
Seeing that, I smiled wryly and gulped down my juice the same way.
Kanna, sitting beside me, stayed quiet for a moment before putting down her glass and speaking softly.
"Ha-min."
That low voice calling my name felt weighted.
I became a bit tense, wondering what she wanted to tell me.
As I waited quietly, Kanna continued softly.
"...I'm sorry about before."
"For what?"
"For asking you to kill me."
I froze at those words.
"I think I was being too selfish."
Kanna's expression looked somewhat resigned.
I wanted to tell her not to have such expectations, but seeing her let go of something made me uneasy.
"...Why? Why are you suddenly saying this?"
I felt anxious.
I wished I had something to hold onto, though I didn't want her to harbor such thoughts.
Yet I couldn't help worrying when she looked like she had given up or resigned herself.
Being around Kanna often made me feel conflicted, with contradictory emotions constantly colliding.
Kanna heard my question and thought for a moment before speaking.
"I guess I don't need to anymore...?"
Hearing that made me feel like I couldn't breathe.
A sensation like something gripping my throat rose up.
"...Suddenly? Why?"
I knew asking "why" repeatedly might annoy the other person, but I couldn't help it.
The question "why" kept coming from my mouth.
And Kanna just smiled bitterly at me.
"...Because I have you?"
Was she saying this because I promised to protect her?
But I couldn't even stop the heroes from taking her away for questioning under suspicion. She could have been executed, and I couldn't prevent it.
I was grateful if she trusted me enough to believe she didn't need to die, but I was left with only bitterness.
I feared she might be saying she now had the courage to kill herself.