I stared blankly at the sound of Yoon Ha-min's voice.
His display of such intense emotion toward me was a first, causing my eyes to open wide involuntarily.
Of course, no matter how much I wished for it, this would be turning someone into a murderer. Because of that, asking him to kill me might sound disrespectful or even painful to him.
But still, if he truly cared about me, I had hoped he would listen to my request at least once.
Yet if even that desire was selfish, what should I wish for instead?
The desire not to feel pain,
The wish to no longer tremble in fear,
Were these feelings I couldn't properly sort out?
The setting sun allowed darkness to quickly devour the sky.
I felt my body shiver as the air grew cooler.
"I'll protect you from monsters and mysterious people. I'll make sure you don't have to worry."
That's what Yoon Ha-min said.
I smiled bitterly at his words.
Was that even realistically possible?
Previously, a monster had broken through the Wall just a week after someone left a totem behind, enraged by it.
If one week was the minimum time after placing a totem, it wouldn't be strange if they attacked right now.
And if there were already totems present, it could happen even faster.
If they realized totems could be broken, they probably wouldn't leave just one next time.
Was it really possible for him to fight incoming monsters and protect me from mysterious people?
Was it even possible to prevent the Wall from being destroyed in the first place?
Questions arose, but there was no one to answer them.
I could only shake my head, thinking it impossible.
But still, because he was the protagonist, because Yoon Ha-min said so, I could only smile like that.
I didn't want to bring him to his knees by saying, "You can't do it. It's impossible," to Yoon Ha-min, who could do anything.
I didn't want to tell him that no matter how hard he struggled, it wouldn't work.
When I asked him to kill me, it wasn't because I wanted him to give up. It was because if I had to die anyway, I wanted to die while minimizing what he would lose.
Of course, my desire not to suffer at the hands of mysterious people was stronger.
"Really?"
Maybe that's why.
In the end, I couldn't win against Yoon Ha-min.
Because there's no enemy Yoon Ha-min can't defeat.
Since he shouldn't be defeated now or in the future, I took a step back.
"I'll believe you."
Faith was all I could offer to Yoon Ha-min who promised to try.
Since he said he would do it, all I could do was hope he would keep his word.
If that gave him strength, I was satisfied.
Yoon Ha-min smiled brightly at my words.
*
My pounding heart grew uncontrollably.
I needed to find any remaining totems as quickly as possible, but there was a limit to how much ground I could cover in a day, so I had to return home.
Holding my racing heart, I entered to find Kanna hanging her blazer on the coat rack as usual.
I glanced at her. Though I was trying hard to manage my expression, I couldn't tell what she was thinking, which made me uncertain.
Was she perhaps secretly embarrassed about what she had said? Or was I the only one feeling embarrassed? Such worries cooled my feelings.
No, cooling down was actually fortunate.
Since Kanna would sleep beside me again tonight, if my heart kept racing until then, I might lack sleep and be unable to focus in class tomorrow.
As I silently calmed my heart, Kanna loosened her blue necktie with a swish and hung it on the coat rack with her blazer.
"Ha-min, can I shower first?"
"Huh? Oh, yes, of course!"
Oh no...
Kanna spoke casually and walked away, seemingly unaware of what she had just said.
She used to always call me "Yoon Ha-min," but now she called me "Ha-min."
Surprised by the sudden change, I stared wide-eyed at the firmly closed bathroom door after she entered.
I groaned softly.
When Kanna came out of the shower, a warm, fragrant scent tickled my nose.
I shook my head, trying to clear my mind before I became intoxicated by that scent.
Almost fleeing, I took my turn in the shower after her.
Behind my refreshed mind, complicated thoughts tormented me.
I tried to think about why Kanna wanted to die.
In truth, she had explained it several times, so I couldn't pretend not to know.
But the real problem was how to prevent the situation Kanna feared from happening.
If Kanna had really absorbed a totem and if she functioned as one, contact with mysterious people would be inevitable.
What should I do to prevent that?
I kept pondering this question.
I covered my unconsciously rising smile with my hand.
Kanna naturally entered my room, settled herself, tidied her hair, and perched on the edge of the bed.
I felt like I could drown in those eyes that gazed intently at me in the darkness.
"Shall we go to sleep now?"
"Oh, yes."
Kanna nodded at my words.
Then she gently lifted her feet onto the bed.
As I met Kanna's eyes, I recalled the voice I had heard earlier.
I couldn't have been happier that despite her fear—despite being so terrified that she asked me to kill her—she ultimately trusted me enough to make that decision.
But I had to deliver some not-so-good news to her.
"Kanna, we probably won't find the totem before the next monster attack. They'll likely come here. Since we're in the same agency, even if temporarily, we'll figure something out."
I saw Kanna flinch at the mention of mysterious people attacking.
Trying to find words to reassure her, I carefully chose what to say.
"So I promise I'll protect you. Whenever and wherever you need help."
"...!"
Kanna's eyes widened in surprise at my words.
Soon after, she smiled.
That expression, which softened just by looking at it, made my heart feel lighter.
Kanna spoke to me.
"Thank you, really."
There seemed to be much left unsaid, though she chose not to say it.
Of course, I couldn't know for sure if that was true, and since it was just my impression, I couldn't press her to speak.
With complicated feelings I couldn't express, I told her:
"Well, you must be tired, so let's sleep now."
"Okay."
Kanna nodded.
I pressed the switch, and with a click, the room's colors inverted.
In the darkened room, I slipped under the same blanket as Kanna.
Whether because she had just showered before getting in, the space under the blanket was warm.
My face felt hot, which I attributed to the warmth from the shower, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
With my eyes closed, I could hear my heart pounding loudly.
Though the heart beats all day, somehow it seemed to beat more intensely just because someone was beside me.
Whether it was because it was Kanna, or because she was so defenseless...
I turned my head toward Kanna and saw that she had already fallen asleep.
In the dim room with just a hint of light seeping in, I realized:
It was because it was Kanna, and because she was defenseless.
It was both.
With my heart pounding, I reached out my hand. My arm, crossing under the blanket, stopped before reaching Kanna's gentle breathing.
No matter how scared she was, no matter her trauma, this didn't seem good for my heart.
I clenched my fist and withdrew my arm.
Holding my racing heart, I breathed evenly.
Previously, I couldn't sleep properly because Kanna was beside me, which affected my studies, but tonight I was determined not to let that happen as I tried to fall asleep.
The sound of birds chirping.
The feeling of sunlight tapping on my eyes, urging me to wake up, greeted me.
Coming to my senses, I saw Kanna still asleep, tossing and turning defenseless.
Seeing her sweating and groaning, she seemed to be having a nightmare, and I wasn't sure whether to wake her or not.
"Ugh, mmm..."
I had promised to protect her wherever she was, but I realized painfully that I had no way to enter her dreams.
Since we needed to head to the Academy soon, and I didn't want to see her suffering anymore, I reached out to wake her.
I grasped her shoulder and gently shook her.
Kanna groaned with a furrowed brow.
"Ugh, ah..."
"Kanna, wake up."
"Oh, yes... I'm, I'm up."
Kanna quietly responded to my call.
"We need to get to the Academy soon."
"Okay, yes. I'll get up..."
Kanna answered in a somewhat weak voice, rising with a dark expression as if she wasn't feeling well.
"Come on, Kanna! Let's eat breakfast, brush our teeth, and go!"
"Mmm, okay..."
I led Kanna around, getting ready, and then we headed to the Academy.