Chapter 286: In Tony We Trust — For Money!
Ethan frowned at Thor's SOS, unable to figure out what exactly the man had gotten himself into this time.
He genuinely couldn't tell whether Thor was just clowning around or actually in real trouble.
Ethan thought back over Thor's current strength — not quite at his full peak yet, sure, but more than enough to walk through most of the Marvel world unopposed.
He understood that Thor, for all his power, wasn't invincible — up against certain particularly strong opponents, even he could find himself out of his depth.
Still, even if Thor lost a fight outright, his ability to run from one was first-rate — his speed and raw strength were both well beyond mortal limits.
Which only deepened Ethan's confusion. Just who exactly had Thor run into this time, that had him rattled enough to actually ask for help?
Thor wasn't the type to joke around about something like this. Ethan didn't know exactly where he currently was, but he guessed it had to be Earth — if this had happened on some other planet, Thor would surely have called on his father Odin instead of him.
But there weren't many people left on Earth right now who could actually beat Thor in a fight — and the ones who could were all sitting right here in this chat.
Wait. Actually, there was someone. A thought clicked into place — that guy who never went anywhere without his magenta camera. Tsukasa.
He fit the bill perfectly for a situation like this — strong enough to beat Thor, but not the type to actually kill him.
Ethan rubbed his forehead, letting out a resigned sigh, a faint bitterness creeping in.
This guy. Always stirring something up. Give me a headache every single time.
He could already picture it clearly enough — Thor, fresh off recovering his godly power, getting a little too full of himself, underestimating Tsukasa, running his mouth, and predictably pissing the man off.
Ethan shook his head. Thor might be mouthy and prone to offending people, but deep down, his heart wasn't in a bad place.
The problem was just that his blunt, straightforward nature kept getting him into trouble in situations that called for a little more tact.
Still, Ethan wasn't in the business of cleaning up after Thor's messes as a full-time job. The man was thick-skinned enough — but that didn't mean he couldn't get hurt.
And honestly, this whole thing wasn't really Ethan's problem to begin with. He had no obligation to jump in.
With that thought, Ethan picked up his cup, took a sip of tea, and kept watching the newly-unlocked group chat feature unfold.
The chat, meanwhile, had descended into pure schadenfreude — nobody showed the slightest intention of actually helping.
Broke, Except for the Money: "Who's this 'God of Thunder' guy — that hammer-swinging Thor? Why's he begging Ethan for help again? Ever since I met this Thor guy, my whole opinion of 'gods' has been in freefall. Not that I put much stock in gods to begin with!
Honestly, you're better off trusting me, Tony Stark, than any of these so-called gods. Trust me, Tony — maybe I'll even send you some cash if I'm in a good mood. What good are these gods, anyway? When you can't make rent, when you're sick — are any of these gods handing you cash?"
Bratty Spider-Man: "In Tony we trust — for MONEY!"
Trying to Be Better: "In Tony we trust — for MONEY!"
Next Time I'll Hug You Tight: "In Tony we trust — for MONEY!"
Bros for Life: "In Tony we trust — for MONEY!"
Delivery Driver Extraordinaire: "Okay wait, the rest of these guys, sure — but Harry, you're actually RICH. You're gonna cut in on us poor folks' scraps too?!"
Bros for Life: "There's no such thing as too much money!"
Broke, Except for the Money: "Alright, alright, everybody keep it down — turns out this chat has a red-envelope feature too, though apparently it only pays out in gold. I'm feeling generous today, so here's a little something for everyone. Call it karma points for my future daughter!"
[You have an unclaimed red envelope!]
Ethan shook his head with a laugh, reading the chat's chaos. Only Tony. Completely on-brand for the walking billionaire he was — he hadn't even had a chance to check out the red-envelope feature himself before Tony beat him to discovering it.
Well. Turning down free money was a fool's move, and passing up a red envelope was practically a crime.
After grabbing his, a thumb-sized nugget of gold materialized out of thin air in Ethan's palm. He weighed it in his hand — at least 30 grams, easily worth around $2,000 at market rate.
As for why the red envelopes paid out in gold specifically, Ethan figured it made sense — this chat spanned multiple universes and timelines, and gold, as a rare, universally stable-value metal, functioned as a kind of common currency across all of them.
A design choice that made practical sense while also, conveniently, showcasing the System's own generosity.
Watching everyone in the chat gush their thanks, Ethan naturally joined in too.
Come Be My Family: "Generous boss!"
Little Punk: "FINALLY unmuted! Thanks, boss. Hey Tony, you looking for a wife? For you, I'd totally consider becoming a girl."
Little Punk: "Wait, hold on, wasn't there some guy asking for help a minute ago? Isn't 'Not the God of Thunder' Ethan's new friend? Betcha he swings that hammer real smooth. Send pics, quick!"
Delivery Driver Extraordinaire: "You people are BRUTAL. Someone's out there calling for help and you're all just laughing at him!"
Trying to Be Better: "Mr. Pietro, your username is absolutely perfect. If I had your superpowers I'd be rich doing deliveries too!"
Bratty Spider-Man: "Wait, shouldn't we actually go help Mr. Thor if he's in trouble? Is this really okay?"
Broke, Except for the Money: "He asked Ethan, not me — not my problem! I'm currently en route to buy out a baby-products company, by the way. Anyone shopping for baby stuff from now on, use my name — Stark — for 20% off!"
Little Punk: "Does that discount work on me too? I'm basically a baby! I want some baby-formula vodka! Waaah!"
Ethan felt a wave of secondhand nausea reading Deadpool's message, and without hesitation, muted him again — this time for a full 30 minutes.
Then he typed a message of his own.
Come Be My Family: "Thor. Not dead yet, are you? Come on, buddy, you can do it. Losing to some regular mortal? Really?"
Ethan sent it mostly just to check whether Thor was still alive.
An instant later, a System notice popped up: "Thor has claimed a red envelope!"
Not the God of Thunder: "It's true... I really can't beat them... those two are absolutely brutal... you Kamen Riders are all monsters!"
Seeing that Thor had grabbed a red envelope, Ethan didn't believe a single word of his message — claiming a red envelope meant the man was clearly alive and well enough to be browsing chat.
As for "those two" — Ethan had originally assumed Thor was just fighting Tsukasa alone. Now it was looking a lot more like Thor had walked straight into Tsukasa and Kaito's mixed-doubles routine together.
Broke, Except for the Money: "There's a video feature in this thing too! Let's actually see what's going on!"
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