Meanwhile, several blocks away by now, Jewelry Bonney stalked down the streets, eyes narrowed, and lips pursed in thought at what she had overheard.
He didn't know. Jeremiah Cross, the man who'd earned one of the biggest bounties in the world solely due to knowing a bunch of things he shouldn't, while being completely willing to blare them to the world, didn't know about her, or even most of the other Supernovas, for that matter!
Well. He didn't know the important things. He'd have mentioned her association with Kuma if he'd known or her ability to get into Mariejois at will. Hmm. Now that she thought about it, she was near the Red Line, maybe she could nip up there for a week and sneak out a cask of that excellent Century Soup they kept stockpiled, and maybe some of the Jewel Me—
Bonney shook her head. No, that wasn't important. What was important was that she was an enigma to Jeremiah fucking Cross—and that, apparently, she was cruising for a showdown with Akainu. And some dude named Blackbeard, but who cared about some nobody she'd never heard of? Regardless, an encounter with an Admiral, that Admiral in particular, was the last thing she wanted.
And there was an out just sitting there, about to be maimed by his own crewmate. Cross had knowledge and allies; she had leverage. Information he didn't have. Yeah. Yeah, teaming up with the Straw Hats was looking more appealing the longer she thought about it.
But…
"Do I really wanna get hitched to another crew?" she wondered, idly swiping a half dozen meat skewers off a passing food cart and shoving a wad of bills in the face of said cart's owner before he could raise a stink. "I've got a good thing going solo. But… Akainu. Ugh." Scarfing down a hefty chunk of meat, she thought it over again, the familiar chewing helping her think. Sadly, it did not help her actually conclude. Which left only one real solution.
"Daaaahhhh!" the pink-haired captain howled, scratching impatiently at her head. "Fuck it, where's the nearest restaurant!? I need to do some serious thinking!"
A flash caught her eye and a scent her nose at the same time, and she turned to notice that she'd inadvertently wandered into the unofficial-official 'Wano District' that had been slowly springing up around the Whitebeards' similarly themed inn, and she'd just come across one of the latest types of stores in the style. Expansive, homey, well-decorated, spic and span. The sign proclaimed "Goya's Noodles!" and looked brand new.
"What the heck," Bonney decided, before marching in.
The inside was as quaint and homey as the outside, but most of the tables were vacant… and only a momentary glance was needed to see why.
Sitting at opposite ends of one table in the center were Monkey D. Luffy and freaking Lucky Roux of the Red-Haired Pirates, menus up and hiding each other. Memories of both the time at the takoyaki stand and the bar brawl flashed through her head, and Bonney eagerly sat down at a table that gave a good view of the two.
One put their menu down briefly. Then they put it back up as another put the menu down. Then the inverse. Then they put their menus down and looked toward the kitchen, still not seeing each other. Then they drank their drinks and raised their menus at the same time.
The entire exchange left Bonney half-collapsed out of her chair, quivering with laughter suppressed only because her guffaws would disturb the hilarious scene in front of her. Her vision narrowed to a tunnel within which the two pirates continued to trade off menus, drinks, and glances towards the kitchen.
Finally, after what might have been thirty seconds or thirty minutes, Bonney felt a tap on her shoulder. Cheeks puffed out, she glanced up at a dead-eyed waiter.
"Your menu, ma'am," he intoned, voice as dead as his eyes.
"Fffffffffffffffff—"
Nodding, the waiter placed down the menu and trotted off. Bonney didn't so much as glance at it. Forget the noodles, this was way better!
Ultimately, however, all games had to come to an end sooner or later, and this one ended with the arrival of two massive bowls loaded with noodles, placed in front of the world-famous/infamous gluttons. Luffy and Roux knocked their bowls back, gobbling down the massive amounts of noodles in a span of seconds at the same time, and when they thunked their bowls down, they couldn't miss one another.
Their eyes met, Bonney held her breath intently as their eyes met, eagerly awaiting whatever would come from the meeting…
And then the pair just let out a pair of rafter-shaking belches and sagged in their seats with contented sighs.
"Man, that tasted great!" Luffy chortled, patting his distended stomach in satisfaction. "These Wano-style noodles are delicious! And they're even better over there? I gotta swing by and try them sometimes!" He then tilted his head down and grinned… straight at the Red-Haired Pirate?! "Thanks a lot for bringing me to this place, Roux! It's been awesome hanging out with you again, you always know where to find the best grub!"
"Heheheh! Not even a morsel of a problem!" Roux laughed back, waving his hand dismissively. "What can I say, you remind me of this whiny little runt I used to hang out with, always underfoot and causing a racket and trying to steal my meat from me!…oh wait! That was you! HEHEHEHEHEEEH!" The rotund pirate roared with mirth, pounding the table with his fist.
"Shishishi! Yeah, you always had the best meat back in the day!" Luffy snickered, rubbing a finger beneath his nose and beaming happily. "It's really great to see you again, Roux, and I'm happy to hear that everyone else is doing alright too! I'm really happy that Shanks and Benn and you are having fun in the New World…" Luffy's smile faded into a more honest grin. "And I'm really happy about Yasopp. Thanks a lot for bringing that Tone Dial to Usopp; it meant a lot to him."
"Heheh! Moron!" Roux scoffed, picking up a bottle of soy sauce and casually bouncing it off his junior's head. "As if something like that could be a crumb of a problem! Your sniper is our sniper's kid. How could I not do something like that, eh? I'd, eh, have brought an actual number for the brat to call on, but…"
"Yasopp wants to see him in person like Shanks and me, I get it!" Luffy waved him off. "Usopp knows he's getting to him through the SBS. He can wait! Besides…" the Straw Hat captain leaned forwards intently, his smile taking on a distinctly predatory sheen. "It's not like we won't be seeing them soon anyway. We're gonna be past the Red Line before you know it!"
Roux's bravado… noticeably faltered at that declaration. Only for a moment, but he did flinch, and it was almost certainly the cause of the sudden coughing fit the pirate developed as he shoved himself away from the table. "A-Anyway! It's been really fun hanging out with you again, Luffy, but I really gotta bounce. Places to see, meat to eat, jackass's skulls to smack around, you know how it is!"
"Shishi, yeah, alright!" the rubber-man nodded, animatedly waving farewell. "Tell everyone I said hi, and thanks again for hanging out with me this week!"
"And thank you for picking up the tab!" the rotund buccaneer nodded back, shooting his younger friend a salute in farewell. "Seriously, out of everything I've heard of you doing over the SBS, this has to be the bravest thing by far."
Luffy blinked at his old mentor, tilting his head in honest confusion. "Eh? Why? What makes you say—?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE COVERED THE BILL?!"
The rubber man winced sheepishly as a shriek of feminine outrage cracked through the air, without Soundbite's aid. "Uh-oh. I think the receipts just got back to Nami."
"No, you think?" Roux scoffed, thumbing his goggles with a morbid chuckle. "As I said, you're a brave idiot, Luffy."
"Eh… not that brave," Luffy shrugged, relaxing as he got over the shock of the outburst. "I mean, it's not like lightning can hurt me, remember?"
"HE OWES HOW MUCH?!"
"Excuse me, sir?" the establishment's dead-eyed waiter spoke up as he stepped up to the table, staring past Luffy as he addressed him. "I believe your crewmate would like a word with you, posthaste."
"Eh?" Luffy blinked at him in surprise. "How do you know that?"
"Because I can imagine no other reason for a twister reaching into the sky to have suddenly sprung into existence halfway across the city, sir."
Luffy paled dramatically, prompting a chuckle from Lucky Roux. "You forgot your navigator has more ways to kick ass than just lightning, didn't you?"
"Yup," Luffy nodded jerkily, shoving himself out of his seat. "Uhhh, remember all those times you told me stories about how you could dine and dash without a trace?"
"Need a refresher lesson, kid?"
"FACE ME LIKE A MAN, MONKEY D. LUFFY!"
"Yup!"
"Follow my lead, then," Roux chuckled, bounding out the door without a glance back to see if Luffy was indeed following him.
Bonney sat and stared for a while, once again weighing the pros and cons of approaching the Straw Hats. This time, however, she sighed, "I'll have what they were having, if there's any left."
The waiter nodded and turned away; Bonney shook her head to herself. Allying with them was the right way to go, but at this point, she'd wait until Trafalgar approached her. She had already allied with the Heart Pirates once before anyway; she could count on them to be saner. And perhaps more importantly, not as close to the spotlight.
"Jeeze…" she groaned, the heels of her palms moving up to rub her eyes. "And to think this shit used to be so fucking easy…" Thankfully, the migraine passed quickly, leaving an eager smile in its place.
"Zazaza… guess I really can't say it ain't fun though, that's for sure!"
-o-
THREE DAYS TILL START
"Bullshit! This is bullshit!"
"Oh, quit your whining, Cross, and just face your beating like a man."
I felt my face go through some… interesting spasms, and I pressed myself against the walls of the wire-mesh octagonal cage I currently found myself in. It wouldn't let me strangle Franky, and neither would the cyborg's metal neck, but dammit, I could try!
"I am going to die!" I snarled—borderline wailed, really—as I jabbed a finger at Brook. The skeletal bastard was doing the same thing he'd done since dumping me in this cage: practicing his thrusting techniques. In complete silence.
Oh, no, wait, my mistake, Brook wasn't being silent.
He was humming. The bastard.
"Eh, you're exaggerating," Franky said dismissively. "I'm pretty sure he'll only mostly kill you."
"Indeed!" Brook cheerily added. "I'm sure medical science has come a long way in the last fifty years. Why, I'll bet I could even cut off a limb, and dear Chopper could reattach it!"
"That's not how anything works!" I howled.
"Aww, your praise totally doesn't make me happy, you bastard," Chopper said, doing his happy dance.
"WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT?!"
"Cross."
I locked eyes with Nami with all the desperation of a starving man given a sumptuous feast. And then that hope crashed and burned from 80,000 feet when I saw her counting out the wad of Berries in her hand.
"Try not to die too quickly, okay?" she said, all smiles and not even glancing at me. "The odds work out best for us if you can last five or six minutes. After that, though, feel free to keel over."
"I'LL PUT 5000 ON HIM LASTING FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES!" someone from the crowd shouted.
"Sanji, go take care of that, will you?"
"Of course, Nami-Swan!"
Hands quivering in repressed rage, I turned to Vivi and Carue, who were handing out pamphlets!?
"Just a basic bio on the combatants and why they're fighting," the princess hummed patiently, casually floating one of said pamphlets over to someone who waved her down.
We made eye contact. I was promptly greeted by the smuggest, most evil grin I had ever seen on Vivi's face. No help from that quarter, though I suppose surprise should have been my last reaction, given how many bridges I'd burned with her, literally. Maybe Usopp and the dugongs?
They were on the other side of the cage, near Brook, and I had to pray that Brook would follow the rules. Needless to say, my progress was slow and halting, especially when that damn sword swished by. But eventually I got into earshot.
"I say, why do I need to play up my scariness? This is supposed to be a friendly match."
"Because have you seen the looks on Cross' face? Hilarious!" I heard Raphey cackle.
"Now, come on. Swishing your sword around is good, but I think sharpening it would be even better!" Usopp added. "And don't forget to be as threatening as possible once the fight actually starts!"
… Right. They were going to pay. I'm not sure how, but I'm sure there'd be plenty of opportunities during the Dead-End Race.
"Psst!"
A hissed whisper caught my attention, and I turned to find Leo standing a ways from his fellow Dugongs, waving me over. Well, I was desperate, so I walked over and kneeled. "What is it?"
"Well, since you looked like you were kind of freaking out—"
"Freaking out?" I chuckled. "I'm totally not freaking out right now, because this is me not freaking out! What do I have to freak out over anyway?! Nothing! Because I'm not! I'm just… about two minutes away from getting fucking maimed by a crewmate while the rest of you assholes watch! And play it up! And profit off of it! I'm totally not—yow!"
"Where I come from, that's called freaking out," Leo deadpanned, pulling back one of his swords.
"Can you blame me?!"
Leo tilted his head in some bewilderment. "…Cross, you do know we're all just playing this up for a good show, right? If you really want out that bad, just throw Funkfreed against the cage. I can tell you right now that this thing is not rated for an elephant charge. Alternatively, there's a backup plan for Conis to bust open a hole in the cage if things go really bad. All part of the show, of course."
For a long moment, I was silent. And then…
"Let me get this straight," I said, very calmly. "You guys made me think you were going to have Brook eviscerate me… for the sake of a show… that you didn't ask me to participate in?"
The Dugong's bewildered expression flattened. "Two questions. First, would you or would you not try the same thing on any of us?"
I opened my mouth to say, no, of course not! … And then closed it, because that would be a bald-faced lie.
"And second, more importantly… do you really have that little faith in us? If memory serves, you haven't provoked anyone on the crew enough to justify this much payback. Lately."
…guess the TDWS hadn't slept in their hammocks recently, but if that's what they thought of me…
Still, in the interest of leaving them still thinking I was innocent, I heaved a sigh of defeat. "Alright, fine. I'm still pissed, but I'll go along with this little charade, and I'll consider not retaliating."
"That's all we ask," Leo sighed in relief. "Good luck out there."
"…and you get to tell that witch I'm taking a clean quarter of the profits for my personal cut, and nothing less."
That got a tortured grimace out of Leo's mug, but he still nodded. "I will go and get a stiff drink and get right on that."
We separated, me back towards my half of the arena and Leo back to the rest of the dugongs. Well, if I was going to do this… might as well do it right. So as I passed Zoro, I made sure to make eye contact with him. Pleading eye contact.
"It'll build character."
Yeah, that's about what I expected. I took a moment to tap my throat, and then, when I heard an electric whine (and even though I couldn't see him, I just knew that slimy little bastard was wrapped up in this too…) I sucked in a deep breath… and let loose.
"ASSHOLES!" I roared, swinging my hands out in as dramatic a manner as I could manage. "YOU'RE ALL ASSHOLES! I HOPE EVERYONE OF YOU STEPS ON A LEGO AND DIES! BUT HEY!" I flung my arms up in a show of exasperated defeat. "YOU WANT A SHOW BEFORE I GUT YOU ALL LIKE FISH!? FINE BY ME! AND YOU!" I snapped a finger up at Brook, making him pause his posturing. "I HOPE YOU'VE RENEWED YOUR WILL, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT AGAIN!" And with that, I thrust my arm out. "SOMEONE GET ME MY SWORD!"
Honestly, pissed though I was, I do have to admit that the roar of approval that erupted from the crowd was undeniably invigorating.
"WELL, WHADDAYA KNOW, FOLKS, LOOKS LIKE THE OTHER HALF OF OUR ENTERTAINMENT FINALLY FOUND HIS BALLS! FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING, I GUESS! APAPAPA!"
"AT LEAST WE CAN ALL pretend we're watching a half-decent fight, INSTEAD OF AN OUT-AND-OUT SLAUGHTER! HEEHEEHEEhohohoHAHAHA!"
…the sound of yet more of my 'friends' riling up said crowd, however, put a bit of a damper on the subsequent cheers. Slimy little traitor, siding with my 'nemesis', he'd get his too, I swear to—
A flash in the corner of my vision snapped me out of my morbid thoughts, and I snapped my hand out, snatching Funkfreed mid-air. I gave the elephant-blade a few testing swings before regarding him with a firmly gimlet eye. "Be straight with me, ivory farm, or else I'll be polishing you with salt water for a week: did you have a trunk in this as well?"
The sword's extended silence did not inspire confidence. "I did not say no when they asked for my participation. Does that count?" he carefully posited.
I stared at him for a few seconds more, letting out a sharp tsk. "Congratulations. You get deemed a 'bystander'."
"Oh, thank you, merciful elephant Buddha!"
"…there's an elephant—? No, wait, let me guess: you assume?"
"How'd you know?"
"Pattern recognition."
With that, I returned to my corner and went about making myself look as angry as possible as I limbered up. Which, frankly, wasn't that hard. Still, thinking about it, maybe I really wouldn't retaliate this time. After all, I had a nice, convenient target right there, didn't I? Brook was going to regret his part in this little charade; I would make sure of it… much as I reasonably could, at any rate. Seriously, half the reason I was so incensed about this display was how asinine it was! It was obvious who was going to win here, especially if we were going sword-on-sword, no matter what abilities mine might bring to the table. But hell, if I was going down, no reason I couldn't and try to break a bone or two dozen on the way.
Of course, because the universe hates me, it was right when I'd made that conviction that a freaking bear crashed into the cage.
And not just any old random, average bear either, I'd seen a few of those wandering around the city already (don't ask), and this was not that. This was an 8-foot grizzly that weighed 900 pounds if it was an ounce, wearing a top hat, an ascot with a little bow tie, and a monocle. A monocle, which it promptly removed along with the hat and tossed to a boy at the edge of the crowd before throwing its head back and roaring.
"Uh, he says that he agrees that this is bullshit," the boy translated, pausing as he listened to several more growls. "And that to make it more interesting, he declares that this shall be a three-man battle royale." Another growth. "Unless someone wants to make it a two-team tag battle?"
No response from the crowd, despite me trying to telepathically compel someone to take up the offer… which actually raised a serious question in my mind.
"Where the hell is Boss, and why isn't he all over this?!" I hissed under my breath.
"Drinking contest with the giant squad," Mikey deadpanned right back via Soundbite. "He's up 2-and-1, so we won't be hearing from him for a while."
Yeah, that would be my luck, wouldn't it…
A few seconds after that hurried conversation, the bear roared again.
"Uh, Sir Bearington has just declared—in light of circumstances—his intentions to tear your heads off your shoulders and shove them up your… I, uh, think I won't translate that part."
And of course, he was named Sir Bearington. I don't know what I expected.
"RIGHT!" I shouted to the crowd, my ire re-spiking to incandescent levels as I glared bloody murder at Nami, who actually had the decency to look honestly sorry and chastised. Not that she was actually doing anything to help me, damn witch. "SLIGHT CHANGE OF PLANS: WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, I AM GOING TO RAIN DOWN SUFFERING ON YOU ALL SO GREAT THAT IT'LL BECOME A STORY TO FRIGHTEN CHILDREN FOR TEN GENERATIONS!" I then jabbed my sword at the bear, a twitching scowl on my face. "RIGHT AFTER I GET THROUGH SKINNING THIS WALKING RUG FOR OUR SHIP'S PARLOR!"
That got another growf from Bearington. This one didn't need translating: it sounded respectful. Lovely. At least I'd have this bear's respect when I was laid up after this whole mess. Yay me.
Shaking my head and forcing a calming snort out through my nostrils, I spun Funkfreed in my grip before falling into a ready stance. "Alright… alright, I'm good," I declared through clenched teeth. "Let's get this over with."
"Agreed," Brook solemnly answered, flourishing his blade in a proud salute.
Bearington growfed and nodded, and we all tensed for the bell—
"Hey, that guy's not a pirate captain, he's really just a bear!"
I turned around, saluting the poor fellow who'd shouted that as he was dogpiled and carried off kicking and screaming. Any sort of delay in this farce was welcome, after all. Alas, it wasn't long before the man was dragged away, screaming obscenities. Nami, for her part, sighed and bowed politely at the offended party, "So sorry about that, Captain Bearington."
The bear grunted, shrugging. Yes, shrugging. Because somehow, to me, of all people, that was still unbelievable.
Suddenly, the bell rang. Bearington and I whirled around, but there was no Brook about to skewer our asses. Instead, there was Brook, standing on guard but otherwise unperturbed.
"Ah, good," he remarked. "It was tempting to attack while you were distracted, but I—YOWIE!"
"Tsk, missed," I groused as Funkfreed pulled back.
"Honorless cur!" Brook roared, charging my way.
"You mean 'normal pira—' GRK!"
Right, size was deceiving because holy crap the bear was fast; I'd barely gotten the words out and Funkfreed up to block when Bearington swept in, raking the air with his claws. Brook frantically backpedalled, and when he was sufficiently far away, I drew Funkfreed up and brought him down on my ursine opponent in an overhead chop.
The bear snorted, bringing his paws up to catch, at which point the elephant-sword transitioned into his hybrid form and brought his full mass to bear. Eyes wide, Bearington barely tumbled out of the way before several tons of elephant crashed onto the floor of the cage.
I had no time to savour that brief victory, because Brook was on me, jabbing relentlessly. Now it was my turn to backpedal, catching most of the stabs on my gauntlets and then the rest on Funkfreed once he'd snapped back. I collected a few nicks for my troubles, but it was better than getting fully skewered.
"Groar!"
"Yow!" I yelped, ducking under a paw swipe from Bearington. I felt my tailbone hit the cage wall, at which point I became aware of a significant flaw in my earlier actions: namely, Bearington and Brook looked ready and willing to gang up on the 'unskilled powerhouse' of our trio. I did not like the look in their eyes, and I didn't miss the glance they sent at each other, either.
I tsked at the situation and, after taking a moment to consider my position, I decided I had only one viable course of action: flipping the script in the only way possible. "As much as saying this is a bad idea…" I faux-grumbled to myself, raising my voice just enough so that my opponents could hear me. "I'd just like to point out that at least as long as none of the other Supernovas want to try curb-stomping all three of us at once, this situation cannot possibly get any worse."
"Well, I wouldn't go that far."
Jackpot and bust at the same time. And it really said something that my opponents also turned to look at the speaker.
"I have no interest in 'curb-stomping' you, as you put it," Basil Hawkins intoned from where he stood outside the border of the cage, the rest of the spectators giving him a wide berth. "But one of my crewmates has been looking for an opportunity to cast off his restraints. And as you have so kindly offered…" And with that, he made a beckoning gesture.
Two of his robe-wearing crewmates stepped forward, heaved something they were carrying and… tossed a man-sized Japanese straw doll into the ring? What the heck—?
Before I could voice my confusion, the infamous Magician brushed the edge of his coat back and revealed that he had not one but two blades strapped to his side, the second previously hidden by his coat. He withdrew the second blade from his cloth-belt, sheath and all… which just raised further questions, because unless I was seeing things, I couldn't think of a reason for a two-handed jian to be locked into a seal-tag covered sheath with what had to be three different kinds of rope!
Before I could question what the hell he was doing—or better yet, demand that he not do it period—the straw-man reeled his arm back and tossed the blade up and over into the cage as well—
SCHUNK!
—where it pierced the prone doll square through the back, sheath and all.
"I do hope that you're still eager to fight," Hawkins proclaimed. "Shichiseiken has been quite restless since I shanghaied him."
It didn't take three guesses to figure out who—or rather, what—Hawkins was talking about. After all, I'd grown somewhat used to what cursed swords by what felt like necessity after sailing with Zoro and Sandai Kitetsu for the better part of the last year. Heck, I'd even managed to pick up some kind of whisper from Kikoku whenever it came near me.
So, in this instance, with a sword that is obviously evil? The question wasn't 'is it cursed?', but rather 'how cursed is it?'
The question had barely left the proverbial station when every seal tag on the sheath suddenly burst alight and were incinerated by emerald flames. And the second, the tags were ash, cracks splintered up and down the naked sheath before the entire damn thing burst off the sword like some kind of hellish verdant firecracker, displaying the sword's bare, malevolent, glowing blade to the world.
The spectacle wasn't slowing down, either; the glow slowly grew brighter and brighter, manifesting from the blade… no, at this point, it was on fire. And the fire was spreading into the scarecrow beneath it. Some part of me had an idea of what was going to happen next. The logical part of me, meanwhile, expected the supernatural flames to, you know, burn the doll?
But no. The flames seeped into the scarecrow, the scarecrow caught fire, and then the flames outright animated the straw, letting it crawl its way to a kneeling position. The head then snapped upright, and the straw that made up the 'face' tore apart, a pair of squinting eyes and a jagged grin stretching from side to side of the head, leering at us. And then, as the entire thing pushed itself to its feet, one blazing straw arm reached over its shoulder, grabbing the hilt of the sword and tearing it out of the doll's back. Sword removed, the entire thing rolled its 'muscles' in anticipation.
"You can take consolation in that Shichiseiken has not yet learned how to talk on its own, at least. I do believe that even the Voices of Anarchy would find his tongue to be quite… caustic," Hawkins drawled, one lilt away from chuckling. "So then. Who would like to try their luck first, hm?"
The blade-wielding flaming doll 'cackled' in silence as it spun itself into position with a degree of skill I could only describe as the work of a true master.
"…Well, this was fun, but I believe I have panties to raid. So long!"
The steel behind Brook neatly fell out of place, leaving a dust trail as the skeleton absconded.
"Gro-rargh!"
The bear wasn't far behind, literally ripping its way through its own section of wall. And the wall beyond that, for that matter.
…which left me alone with what looked to be an actual blade from Hell.
I grimaced, tightening and re-tightening my grip on my sword's hilt. "Funkfreed… please tell me that you don't still want to fight," I said calmly. Said, and definitely did not plead.
"A minute ago, I would have somewhat minded, Cross," Funkfreed returned in the same tone. "Now, though…"
"Run like children?" I prompted, my eyes following every twitch of that glowing green blade.
"Unless you want to try your luck against him in no-sword style. Yes. As in, now!?"
"Go ahead and step back, then. I'll take this."
I barely glanced at Zoro—who already had all three swords drawn—before leaping through the hole he'd cut and shoving as many warm bodies between me and the stage as I could manage, Funkfreed's flat offering incentive to anyone too slow to move for good measure.
Zoro ignored us in favour of the Supernova standing beyond the twitchy scarecrow. "Shichiseiken, huh? A sword with a curse so strong that, given a half-decent vessel, it can move on its own?"
"That's correct," Hawkins responded. Meanwhile, on stage, Shichiseiken twitched in place and repeatedly and impatiently sliced itself back and forced through the air. "The treasure of Asuka Island, possessed with an endless thirst for blood and carnage. It was attempting to become strong enough to bring about a minor apocalypse when I found it, but I thought it was interesting enough to take along with me. Honestly, its last wielder seemed rather glad to be rid of the thing." The straw-man tilted his head ponderously. "His name escapes me, however…"
"Sssss…"
"Hm?" he blinked in surprise. "What was-?"
"Sssssaaaagaaaaa…" the doll—or rather, Shichiseiken itself—hissed out, an infernal voice clawing its way from the sword's fleshless throat.
Hawkins grimaced and slapped a hand to his forehead. "Oh, wonderful, he's devised a way to communicate. Now he's just going to be insuffera—hm?" His eyes shifted around, casting about for the source of the sudden change in atmosphere.
A sensation that everyone nearby shared. For no reason I could immediately discern, that unholy, literally demonic sword didn't seem all that concerning anymore.
"…what was that name, again?" Zoro asked, his eyes slightly blurring.
"Saga, I now recall. A retired Marine, I believe? He and his fiancée were in good health—minus a nasty migraine and some inevitable bruising and bone breakage—when I left Asuka, if that matters to you," Hawkins nonchalantly answered.
Zoro relaxed and turned his attention back to the possessed scarecrow, with a look of perfect calm and serenity.
And then, with that very same calm and serenity, Zoro started to untie his bandana from his arm.
Yeah, you'd better believe that every other Straw Hat watching took that as our collective cue to scram.
"Apapa, things are getting inte—! Eh? Why's everyone—?"
"RUN, YOU IDIOT!"
The shockwave that nearly knocked me off my feet two seconds later both vindicated my decision and made it clear that I needed to run much, much faster.
-o-
"I anticipated—purely the best case scenario, of course—that Skelter Bite would one day become popular enough that even New Worlders would flock to it. But you know, even after the Whitebeard Pirates set up Oden's Cottage, I thought that I'd at least have another couple of years before I needed to worry about that magnitude of collateral damage from a single fight."
Lola's palm slammed onto the table as an exclamation to the glare she was already directing our way. "Straw Hats, I thought that only your enemies paid for underestimating you, not your allies."
I glanced around briefly before answering. We were in the lobby of the Lucky Rabbit—the rather crowded lobby—but Soundbite was blurring sound, and everyone was very studiously and nervously ignoring us. Ah, the perks of reputation.
"The only reason you're having this much trouble is that the other Supernovas are here at the same time, and we'll all be out of here as soon as our preparations are complete," I said. "Still, in my defence?" I jabbed my fingers at the other two occupants of the room. "Blame these jagoffs, they're the ones who dragged me into their bullshit, as I so loudly proclaimed!"
"Not so fast," Zoro scoffed, waving his hand dismissively. "I only got involved because that bastard sword got involved in things. You want someone to blame?" He pointed at the last remaining suspect. "Blame the one who put this mess together to begin with so that the rich could get richer."
"Hey, that's not true!" Nami yelped indignantly, shooting to her feet and sweeping her finger out. "If you want to blame anyone, blame—! Ah…" She faltered as she realized that there was nobody else in the room to point to. At which point she collapsed back in her seat with a groan, her halo hanging dark and heavy over her head. "Crud…" She raised her head and stared at us, her eyes shimmering with tears. "I-It was all going so well until the bear got involved… why, why did the bear have to get involved?"
"That is a phrase I never wanted to hear in this office again, if ever," Lola deadpanned.
"And do you really THINK ANY OF us ARE BUYING THAT?" Soundbite asked with honest incredulity.
"Tch," the navigator snorted, her face instantly drying up. "Worth a shot…" She cast a resigned look at Lola. "Alright, how much do I owe you?"
The governor-captain wordlessly slid a sheaf of papers across her desk to the witch. Said witch flipped to the final page, took one look at the bottom line—
"GYARK!"
And froze up in her seat with a look of total terror, a hand clawing at her chest, and her Eisen Tempo abruptly spiking like a hedgehog.
Zoro and I both glanced over her shoulder and actually winced in sympathy.
"My advice?" Zoro 'comforted', as much as he could, patting her on the back. "Lie back and think of the prize."
"Hrrgrggk…" Nami… uttered pitifully.
"…you know, overall?" I idly noted. "Property damage aside, I'd say this ended pretty well."
"Gggh…"
-o-
TWO DAYS TILL START
Nami stared out over the crowd of assembled pirates. Assembled navigators. This was something she'd dreamed of, ever since the first time she'd dreamed of assembling a true world map: that one day, she could stand in front of an audience and share her findings.
Now, if only it wasn't a bunch of pirates, most of whom hated her and the rest of whom had a schadenfreudic desire to see her fail. But in all fairness, of those who hated her, half felt that way because she'd fleeced their crews over the past week and the other half. After all, they envied just how damn good she was, and those who wanted her to fail only felt that way because it was their best shot at the grand prize too…
But to hell with all of them. She wasn't going to fail. And she knew just how to attack.
"You're all here," she announced, securing their attention with a sharp crack of thunder from her looming halo. "Because this is a race, and the entire point of a race is to reach the finish line in one piece. Something that will not happen if you go the wrong way and end up running face-first into the blockade on your own. That, and you all decided that I was too much of an advantage to the Straw Hats to keep to themselves." And now, to unbalance them. "Good thinking. I'd want to do the same if I were in your shoes."
The rabble all reeled back, shocked. The navigators for the Supernovas and a minority of the rest… they just smirked knowingly, having seen how she was trying to play the rest. Asses.
"But!" Nami forged on, clapping her hands primly. "Seeing as I am where I am, I guess if I have to do this, I'm going to do it right. So I suggest you all sit down, shut up, and listen. Because if on race day you wander off or get in our way?" She tilted her head ever so slightly, a perfectly serene smile on her face. "Then I'll either let the Marines hang your sorry hides from the gallows or kill you myself, m'kay?"
Now that sent a collective shiver through everyone present, and they all shoved their asses a little deeper into their seats, ears wide open.
Her audience properly focused, Nami flicked her wrist and sent a white cloud billowing out of her Clima-Tact, forming the same map she'd shown Drake.
"Alright, so here's where we're all starting," Nami declared, tapping the map with the butt of her staff. "And these—" Here she traced several routes, most direct but one winding and snakelike. "Are the potential routes we could take?"
No questions came her way, and Nami smiled, tracing a rather straight line to the archipelago. "This is the most direct route to Sabaody from the starting point that also takes proper advantage of the wind and currents, and it's the most lightly defended spot in the blockade." She promptly smudged the line out of existence. "We will not be using it. The reason is the sheer complexity of that route. That same current that makes it so fast is also incredibly narrow and decidedly vicious. If two ships try to take that route, they're liable to get smashed together. Oh, and did I mention the reefs you need to navigate?"
Several of the assembled navigators visibly winced at that. Her staff shifted, tracing the more serpentine, roundabout route.
"This is the route we're going to be using because, well, it's the one I intend to use." Nami paused to let a smattering of begrudging laughter and grumbles work their way through her audience. "It's not as fast as the direct route, but the current is large enough to hold all of us and, like the direct route, it hits a weak spot in the blockade that our scouts have pointed out." The Weather Witch let out a faux-wistful sigh as she regarded the depiction of the blockade line with pity. "Poor privateers, they just don't have the knowledge of currents I do…"
A little muttering broke out at the wistful look on Nami's face, but it died in a hurry when she turned a glare on them. "Oh, and just a reminder? Since we're all going to be using this route, that means we'll all be bunched together until we hit the blockade. As such, I have two words of warning for you: if you're gonna come for the king?"
Nami sent a minute bolt of lightning up to the roof. And then the roof-covering bank of clouds everyone had missed until then roared as it disgorged a true bolt of lightning, obliterating her makeshift map in an instant.
"Don't miss."
With everyone recovering and reeling, Nami reverted to all smiles again. "And just for the record, the rest of the routes constitute the standard shipping lanes to Sabaody. These were the ones originally suggested, but because they're standard, they also have the tightest defences, and they're not as fast as the race course, so I chucked them out. Of course, if anyone wants to try their luck off the main race course—and, of course, wants to leave the safety and comfort of the largest pirate fleet since the last time one of the Emperors got in a fleet action—they're free to. I'm sure you'll do fine, just ask the Kid Pirates how well that went for them."
From the shudders through the audience and the way the Kids' navigator looked all too ready and eager to shank anyone who even looked at him, nobody wanted to try that. Re-coalescing her map, Nami waved her hand, flowing lines springing up both on the map's surface and hovering just above.
"Alright, here's the shape of the currents and wind patterns…"