Chapter 3
There he was. A tall, fine, black, well-built man. He walked into the office confidently, like he owned the place.
"Good day, Pastor," he said.
"Good day, brother. Please have a seat."
I asked him, "Do I know you?"
(Of course I fucking know him, and you will soon find out how.)
He fidgeted for a little before saying, "I highly doubt that. Your line of work as a pastor can never be caught associating with… my kind of work."
I acted surprised and interested.
"Tell me, what is your line of work?"
He sighed.
"Pastor, I fear your reaction after finding out. Please don't judge me. I really meant the altar call when I surrendered my life to Christ."
I tried to look like I gave a fuck and that I was empathetic.
"Oh brother…"
"Zack," he said.
"Oh okay, Brother Zack. As a head over the flock of Christ, I am prohibited by Jesus Christ from judging any of His flock. You are very important to Jesus, and so are you to me. In case you don't know, the Holy Book says that heaven rejoices when one soul is won. Today your soul was won, and I know without any doubt that a feast is currently being held in heaven for you."
I smiled.
"So tell me… what do you do?"
"I used to," he corrected. "Because now I'm in Christ. I'm a new creature, and old things—including my past life—have passed away."
I screamed a believing hallelujah.
He continued.
"I used to be a porn star."
When those words came out, I wished he could see my heart and how wide I was smiling. Because immediately he walked in, I knew him. He was always one of the men who my love, Scarlet, was always fucking.
But as a performer being mistaken for a pastor, I had to keep a stern look that was both welcoming and supportive.
"I bless the Lord for your life, brother," I said. "You have taken a bold step. I don't know what pornography is or how it is used, but whatever it is… I'm sure God is happy with your repentance and accepts your soul."
I leaned forward.
"I have counseled many porn addicts, but never have I met an actual porn star. You know the power and hold of the enemy—the devil—dwells in secrets. If you must be genuinely free and walk in the light of your freedom, you must expose everything."
Now it was time for me to get up close and personal.
Because I was about to find out details about the industry… and of course, my lover girl.
I asked him, "Why did you join the industry? And where is it based?"
"I was broke," he said. "My parents own a small farm here in Texas. That's all I've known all my life. We were so poor they couldn't afford to send me to college."
He shook his head.
"And I didn't want regular Starbucks jobs, feeding from hand to mouth. I wanted something real. Something that gives money and authority."
"I also didn't want to become a criminal. I didn't want to be part of the narrative that black men are bad and dangerous. I got an opportunity to push drugs, but it was too risky. I admit I can be a fearful nigga sometimes, so I backed out."
He laughed nervously.
"I was an addicted porn watcher. One day on the site, I saw a comment saying: if you have a big dick—please pardon my language."
"Oh, it's okay," I said. "Go on."
"They said they needed someone with a big dick. Black and built. I looked down at myself and saw I had all the qualities."
"I was skeptical at first about clicking the link. But when I did and saw how much I was going to be paid… I froze."
"How much was that?" I asked curiously.
"Fifteen thousand dollars."
My mouth opened so wide that five dicks could have fit in it.
But of course, that reaction was only inside my head.
Remember, I had to be empathetic as "Pastor."
"This is a free space," I encouraged. "Express yourself."
"The money was the biggest I had ever seen in my whole life," he continued. "I thought if I did it six times, that would be ninety thousand dollars. Then I would quit and start a business."
He paused.
"But I lied to myself."
"The industry is more addictive than the watchers. After I shot my first video, everyone was impressed. Commenters started praising me, producers wanted me more, and the money increased drastically."
"From fifteen thousand for my first video to earning fifty thousand dollars for a single video."
I almost fainted.
"Sadly," he continued, "my parents found out. My father asked me to stop. I refused. He had no idea what the money and fame were doing to me."
"Besides getting paid to enjoy hot women, regular women on the streets started throwing themselves at me. Life was happening so fast."
"From being addicted to watching porn and having no girl wanting me… to controlling multiple women because they loved how I fucked."
"Wow," I said. "Brother Zack, that's a lot revealed."
Then I asked softly, "Are you okay?"
"Well… I'm not," he admitted. "But I will be. Since I accepted Christ, I have this peace I haven't felt in years."
I smirked and nodded in agreement.
But I knew I was just a fucking liar.
Do I even know what peace means?
He continued.
"I haven't spoken to my parents in five years. I arrived last night and neither of them spoke to me. This morning when they were leaving for church, I followed them to ease the tension."
"But God had other plans today."
"I saw a glimpse of pride and joy on my mother's face when I walked out for the altar call. For a moment I thought… this might be a dream come true for her."
He sighed.
"You know, growing up in Texas and moving to New York for the industry—it's been a crazy ride."
"I stayed in the best apartments. Drove the biggest cars. I have millions worth of jewelry. The fast life."
"And now I'm here for counseling because I don't know where to go from here."
"Should I relocate back to Texas?"
"Will I ever be content starting a small business that won't give me the life I'm used to?"
"As a new Christian, does Christ require that I sell everything I earned from this lifestyle?"
"I just have so many questions running through my mind."
I didn't realize I had drifted away during the conversation.
Not because I sympathized with him.
Actually—scratch that.
I didn't give a fuck.
I was lost thinking about how much this industry pays.
And he doesn't know that if not for this shitty family I was born into, I wouldn't mind being in his shoes.
Did you hear all the benefits he mentioned?
I have never found any girl who thinks I'm attractive.
And in that industry, because it's a job, those women don't even have a say.
"Hello, Pastor."
He snapped me out of my thoughts.
I jerked back to reality like a pussy about to orgasm.
"Y—yes, Brother Zack. Sorry for the break in transmission. God was revealing some things to me which I will share shortly."
I leaned forward.
"I want to ask a serious question. Are you currently in a relationship, or does the industry not permit that?"
"Well," he said, "right now I'm single. But I used to date a fellow porn star."
"It got really toxic."
"I mean… she's the best in the industry. Every man wants a scene with her. At first I thought it was cool, but some started offering her extra money for extra hours that had nothing to do with work."
"So for my sanity, I called it quits."
"Oh nice," I said casually.
"Well, I don't know anyone in the industry, so asking who she is probably wouldn't make sense."
"Oh, I can say her name," he replied. "You probably don't know her, and she's not important anymore."
He paused.
"Her name is Scarlet Bond."
Instantly I felt mixed emotions.
My dick got hard hearing her name.
I felt anger because one of the men who vandalizes my woman's body was sitting right in front of me.
But I also felt excitement.
Because I could use him as bait to learn everything about her.
Then he dropped a bombshell.
"I still love her," he said quietly. "And now that I've accepted Christ… I think I know what to do."
I blinked.
What the fuck?
"What do you want to do?" I asked.