While I was having a complete mental breakdown in the local teahouse, Lo Yu was embarking on his own networking mission.
He took his walking stick and strolled down the Avenue of Ascending Dragons, heading toward the Spring Breeze Pavilion to negotiate our rent with Madam Hua.
He felt invincible. The tapeworm case was a guaranteed victory. The firm was printing money.
He strolled into the lavish, silk-draped brothel and approached Madam Hua, who was smoking her jade pipe on a velvet couch.
"Ah, Lo Yu-er," Madam Hua smirked, blowing a ring of purple smoke. "I see your little legal shack is generating quite the foot traffic lately."
"We are highly sought-after professionals, Madam," Lo Yu proudly puffed his chest out.
"I'll say," Madam Hua chuckled, leaning forward. "My bouncers tell me there's a line forming in the alleyway outside your wall every night. I must admit, I didn't think you had the stamina to reopen the Wall of Anonymous Enlightenment."
Lo Yu froze. His single visible eye went wide. "The... the Wall is closed. My Junior Associate nailed the holes shut."
"Well, he missed the third one on the left," Madam Hua laughed, taking another drag from her pipe. "And whoever you hired to run it is a genius. A patron told me this morning that the suction was 'enthusiastic, desperate, and entirely unburdened by teeth.' Very sloppy. Very professional."
Lo Yu's blood ran cold.
Enthusiastic. Desperate. Sloppy. He immediately thought of He Lu.
Lo Yu remembered the Dowager Empress's chamber. He remembered the Junior Associate returning from the Glass Lotus covered in fluids. He Lu was a documented, absolute degenerate who leaked pre-cum just by smelling sweat.
The boy is operating the hole, Lo Yu's ancient mind deduced with horrifying clarity. He is a mortal. He lacks spirit stones. He is desperately servicing the alleyway to feed his Adamantine Pillar!
Lo Yu's grip tightened on his walking stick.
Or worse, Lo Yu shuddered, remembering the goat. The goat eats anything. If the goat is offering the 'toothless vacuum' service, the Sect Guards will execute us all for unspeakable crimes against nature!
Lo Yu didn't finish his conversation. He spun around and power-walked back to the office as fast as his geriatric legs could carry him.
When he burst through the beaded curtain, I was already there.
I was sitting on the client stool, staring at the third hole on the left.
Lo Yu stopped in the doorway. He glared at me.
I glared back at him.
The tension in the cabbage-scented office was so thick you could cut it with a sword.
"Junior Associate," Lo Yu rasped dangerously, slowly drawing his bamboo pipe like a weapon. "We need to have a serious discussion about the firm's extracurricular activities. Specifically... your desperate, sloppy behavior at the third hole."
"My behavior?!" I shrieked, jumping to my feet and pointing an accusing finger right at his mouth. "I heard what they said in the streets! They said it was a 'toothless, frictionless vacuum'! I have all my teeth, Boss! You're the one smiling like a cracked jack-o-lantern!"
Lo Yu gasped, deeply offended. "You accuse me of servicing the Outer Court?! I am a Litigation Master! I only absorb high-tier, premium Yin-musk! I do not stoop to anonymous alleyway Yang-roots!"
"Then it has to be the goat!" I yelled, pointing at the farm animal sleeping on Mr. Wiggles' head. "The beast eats everything! We have to take it out back and shoot it, Boss! It's a liability!"
"The goat has more dignity than you!" Lo Yu roared back.
We were standing inches apart, screaming at each other, both absolutely convinced the other was running a secret, illicit glory-hole operation to make ends meet.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
We both froze.
The sound came from the third hole on the left.
We slowly, simultaneously turned our heads toward the rotting pine wall.
"Hey," a muffled voice whispered from the alleyway. "Is the toothless master in? I brought extra stones."
Lo Yu and I looked at each other. I was here. Lo Yu was here. The goat was asleep.
If none of us were running the hole... who was?
We didn't say a word. We both silently tip-toed out the front door, slipping through the beaded curtain, and crept around the side of the building into the dark, trash-filled alleyway.
We peeked around the corner of the brick wall.
Standing in the alleyway, her tattered grey robes hanging open and her massive, leathery assets swinging lazily near her knees, was the Milk Tea Crone.
She was sitting on a turned-over milk crate directly in front of the third hole on the left.
A glowing pink Yang-root was thrust through the wood.
The Crone leaned forward.
"Hawk tuah," the Crone wheezed, her milky eyes completely vacant as her internet-poisoned brain misfired. "Spit on that thang... no cap..."
She went to work with the flawless, frictionless gum-technique of a broken reincarnator who had completely disassociated from reality.
"Oh, Heavens yes!" the man on our side of the wall groaned loudly. "The Ming Dynasty grip!"
Lo Yu and I stood in the alleyway, frozen in absolute, soul-crushing silence.
I looked at Lo Yu. Lo Yu looked at me.
We both slowly backed out of the alleyway, tiptoed back into the office, and sat down at our respective desks.
"So," I cleared my throat, staring blankly at a legal pad. "About the tapeworm lawsuit."
"We shall file the injunction tomorrow morning," Lo Yu rasped, staring blankly at the ceiling.
We never spoke of the Wall of Anonymous Enlightenment ever again