SF Chapter 92: The Dumpling Paradox Final
A few days passed, and it was Halo night once again.
Raj and Leonard were following Sheldon, who was just about to ring Howard's doorbell.
"Sheldon, think this through. You're really going to ask Howard to choose between sex and Halo?" Leonard asked in disbelief.
"Yes," he replied.
"Could we just play one-on-one? Until someone can make it," Leonard tried to persuade his roommate.
Sheldon stopped and glared at him. "One-on-one? We don't play one-on-one. We play teams, not one-on-one."
He scoffed before muttering again, "One-on-one."
"Well, the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half. I doubt you can get Howard either."
"Sure, cut the foreigner in half," Raj said with a face. "There's a billion more where he came from."
[Sheldon, Leonard and Raj commentary]
The taller physicist, sitting in his usual spot, immediately started explaining.
"It is Halo night again, and once again, we have a problem making it happen. Two weeks in a row." He made an annoyed face.
"With Daniel occasionally joining us, we finally had a backup player, which made everything work perfectly for team balancing, since I schedule exactly when everyone needs to rotate," Sheldon said proudly.
"But today, neither Daniel nor Howard showed up."
He continued his story. "I tried Daniel first. I knocked on Penny's door three times, like I always do. I thought I heard a 'come in,' so I entered."
Leonard was already putting a hand over his face.
"Penny and Daniel were having coitus on her kitchen table."
But Sheldon kept going. "I apologized and defended myself by explaining that I thought I had permission to enter. Daniel then clarified the misunderstanding."
Sheldon adjusted himself slightly before continuing.
"Apparently, Penny said 'cumming,' not 'come in.'"
Raj started laughing uncontrollably. "That explains the 'Sheldon, get out!' we heard Penny screaming," he commented.
Sheldon nodded.
"I do need to say this, however: Daniel was extremely committed. He did not stop his activity for even a single moment after I entered."
Raj and Leonard slowly turned to stare at Sheldon, clearly unsure which part of the story disturbed them more.
Whether it was Daniel… or Sheldon.
[Commentary ends]
Just as Sheldon was finally about to ring the doorbell, Christy's voice could already be heard yelling from inside the house.
"I'm just saying you can take the damn plastic off the couch once in a while!"
"Why? So you and Howard can hump on it?" a loud, raspy voice shot back.
It was Howard's mother.
"Ladies, ladies, I'm sure there's a middle ground here," Howard's voice tried to calm things down, only for both women to immediately yell: "Shut up!"
A few seconds later, Howard sighed.
"You guys talk. I'm gonna take my scooter out for a spin."
"You happy? You drove your son out of the house!"
"Why don't you stop butting in?"
The argument somehow kept escalating.
Howard suddenly opened the door and looked surprised to see his friends standing there. "What are you guys doing here?"
"It's Halo night," Sheldon remarked.
The screaming inside the house continued.
"He's not a man, he's a putz! And don't you take that tone with me, you gold digger!"
"What'd you call me?" Christy's angry voice yelled back.
"You heard me. You're barking up the wrong tree... because as long as you're around, Howard is out of the will!"
"You know what? I got better offers. I'm out of here!"
Howard slowly looked back at the apartment before turning to the group.
"So... Halo night, huh?" he asked while gesturing for everyone to leave immediately with him.
[Bernadette and Leonard commentary]
The petite blonde was sitting on her boyfriend's couch.
"So Penny is moving to North Carolina because she got a role in a new TV show, and Howard spent a few days with the Whore of Omaha," Bernadette summarized everything that had happened.
"And you told me that while I was away, the most interesting thing that happened around was you getting a ticket to the Lord of the Rings premiere?" she asked while staring at Leonard.
Leonard opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally defending himself.
"It's the final movie! And Dani said we might even get to meet Elijah Wood!"
[Commentary ends]
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The next day, Penny, Daniel and Alexandra were at Los Angeles Airport.
The blonde actress was surrounded by several suitcases.
"Take care, Penny," Lexi said as she pulled her into a long hug.
"Yeah," Penny smiled. "Take care of our little troublemaker," she added with a smirk.
But Dani was the one who answered, giving her a salute.
"I will, don't worry!"
Lexi just rolled her eyes.
Penny looked at them for a moment before nodding in agreement. "You're right. Lexi is the little troublemaker. You're the big troublemaker, Dani."
Daniel simply joined the hug.
"And we'll see each other again in less than two months," the blonde pointed out. "I already bought plane tickets to come back for the premiere of Dani's movie, Superbad."
"You're gonna love it. It is legen-" he paused dramatically, "wait for it-" "dary. Legendary!"
"Even I, the creator, couldn't stop laughing the first time I watched it," Dani revealed.
Lexi turned to him. "Didn't you give Howard money because he helped with some of the jokes for the movie?"
He nodded. "Yep. I even had his name added to the credits. I expanded a few of the joke ideas he came up with, and they turned out incredible."
Lexi kept nodding thoughtfully before turning toward her friend.
"I think you should reschedule your flight, Penny. I have a bad feeling about this movie," she said with a completely expressionless face.
"Yeah, Dani alone is already bad enough. With Howard involved too..." Penny agreed while laughing.
A moment later, she glanced at her phone after receiving a message.
She showed the screen to her friends.
"It's from the girl who replaced me on the late-night show. She's wishing me a safe trip."
"She's very cute, Dani," Penny teased him. "Her name is Robin Scherb... something." She couldn't remember the full surname.
"But don't worry, Lexi. She has absolutely no competition against you," Penny added while glancing noticeably below her friend's eye level.
Lexi just deadpanned, making both of them laugh.
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