I took the slip, feeling the weight of my new purpose. I Bob, former data entry clerk, now F-Rank herb gatherer, was on my first official assignment. The thrill was... manageable.
It was at that exact moment that the guild's double doors flew open with a familiar, dramatic crash. All conversation died.
Standing there, once again backlit for maximum effect, was Leon. The Hero. He'd upgraded his wardrobe to include a simple, but brightly polished, leather cuirass and a longsword at his hip.
He looked every inch the classic hero, apart from the slightly lost expression in his beautiful blue eyes.
"People of Maplewood!" he announced, his voice ringing through the hall. "I am Leon, the Chosen One, he who shall stand against the coming darkness! I have come to test my mettle and begin my journey!"
A few adventurers rolled their eyes. Others looked mildly amused. Lily just sighed softly, a look of professional patience settling on her face.
Leon strode confidently towards the training area of the guild hall, a cleared space at the back with a few worn practice dummies.
A small crowd, sensing free entertainment, began to gather Driven by a morbid curiosity I couldn't suppress, I drifted to the peripheral, reactivating my low-level stealth.
"Behold!" Leon declared, stopping in front of a particularly scarred dummy. "The sacred magic of my lineage, passed down through generations of champions! With this power, i shall smite the forces of evil!"
He took a deep, theatrical breath, planted his feet, and thrust his palms towards the dummy.
"O spirits of light! Lend me your strength! Divine... Spark!"
Nothing happened. A bead of sweat trickled down Leon's temple. The crowd was silent.
"Ahem! Divine Spark!" he tried again, his voice crackling slightly. A single, pathetic flicker of light, no brighter than a firefly, sputtered from his fingertips.
It traveled about a foot before winking out of existence. It didn't even reach the dummy.
A snicker went through the crowd. Then another. Soon, the guild hall was filled with poorly suppressed laughter.
Leon's face flushed a brilliant scarlet. "It... the mana in this land is strange! It resists my pure-hearted energy!"
I couldn't help myself. 'Ultimate Appraisal.'
[Appraisal Target: Leon]
Race: Human
Age: 17
Occupation: The prophesied Hero (Currently Unemployed)
Level: 1
HP: 100/100
MP: 30/30
Skills:
[Sword Proficiency (Novice) Lv. 2]
[Charisma Lv. 5]
[Heroic Pose Lv. 4]
[Light Magic (Theoretical) Lv. 1]
Current Thoughts: 'Why won't it work? The old elder said to feel the light in my heart! I'm feeling it! I'm feeling it so hard! This is so embarrassing. I wish I was back in Oakhaven, milking the cows.'
Fate: To defeat the Demon Lord... (Probability of Success based on Current Metrics: 0.0001℅)
Oh, Celian. You poor, clumsy fool. You weren't just wrong,' you were cosmically, hilariously wrong. This kid couldn't spark a campfire with a gasoline and a matchbook.
The 'Probability of Success' metric felt unnecessarily cruel, even for a system error like me.
Leon, humiliated, drew his sword. "Very well! If magic is not the answer this day, then let my steel speak for me!"
He let out a battle cry and charged the dummy. His form was... enthusiastic. He swung the sword with all his might, overcomitting completely.
The blade connected with the dummy's shoulder with a solid thwack~and promptly bounced off, the force of the blow wrenching it from Leon's grasp.
The sword flew through the air in glittering arc, spun twice, and landed point-down in a large, steaming meat pie a burly adventurer was about to eat.
The hall fell completely silent for a moment, before erupting in full bellied laughter.
The adventurer with ruined pie slowly stood up, his face a thundercloud. "You... you little... that was Sister Margery's premium steak and kidney! You'll pay for that!"
Leon was backing away, hands raised. "A thousand apologies, good sir! It was an accident! A heroic miscalculation!"
I saw Lily massaging her temples. This was clearly a regular occurrence. She was about to step in, but the situation was escalating. The pie-owner was advancing, and Leon looked like he was about to cry.
A part of me, the tiny, atrophied part that had once been a semi-functional member of society, twinged with sympathy.
But the larger, more well-developed part of me, the part that cherished peace, quiet, and not being associated with disasters, screamed a single command: ABORT.
I had the power to stop this. A whisper of Mirage Crafting could make the man see his pie was untouched. A flicker of Physical Apex could have me trip him 'accidentally.'
But any intervention risked exposure. I was a background character. Background characters don't resolve main plot conflicts.
Just as the angry man was about to grab Leon by his pristine collar, a calm, authoritative voice cut through the laughter.
"That's enough, Rolf."
A man in the crisp, uniform of the Town Guard, a silver insignia on his shoulder denoting his rank as Captain, stepped into the circle. He had a stern, no-nonsense face, but his eyes held a glint of weary amusement.
"Captain Miles!" Lily said, her voice full of relief.
"But Captain, he ruined my pie!" Rolf the adventurer complained.
"I'll buy you another pie," Captain Miles said, his tone leaving no room for argument. He then turned to Leon, who was trembling like a leaf.
"You. 'Chosen One.' We've had complaints. About noise. About property damage. And now about airborne cutlery. This is your final warning. Cause one more public disturbance, and you'll be spending a night in the cells to contemplate the quiet, un-heroic parts of destiny. Understood?"
Leon swallowed hard and nodded, his bravado completely shattered. "Y-yes, sir. Understood."
The crowd, seeing the fun was over, began to disperse. Leon scurried away to a corner, looking utterly defeated.
Captain Miles glanced at Lily and gave a slight, almost imperceptible shrug, as if to say, 'What can you do?' Then his eyes, sharp and observant, scanned the room. For a heartbeat, they paused on me.
There was no recognition, no suspicion, just a brief noting of a new, unremarkable face before he turned and left.
My heart, which had barely sped up during the entire debacle, settled back into its steady, peaceful rhythm.
The crisis was averted, without my intervention. It was the perfect outcome.
I looked down at the quest slip in my hand. Common Moonlight Herbs. The Sunken Woods. It was time to go to work. My kind of work.
I slipped out of the guild hall, the bright sunshine welcoming me back into obscurity. The Hero's failure was someone else's problem.
My only concern was finding some plants, and with my skills, that was less of a question and more of a grocery run.
As I walked towards the edge of town, I allowed myself a small, satisfied smile.
The system was broken, the Hero was a mess, but my plan was intact. I was Bob the herb gatherer. And that was all I ever wanted to be.
Now, how hard could it be to find a few common Moonlight Herbs?