Agitation for him leads to anxiety. I've learned to point that out without preamble. At the moment I know he wants to be in his own zone but he still doesn't want me involved which means finding an excuse to leave...the excuse found me though as I opened the door to see Taffy.
"Hey, can I talk to Blane..."
"Taffy!"
He had a bag with him which I am not sure of it's origins but I might know it's contents, from maybe the dorm. Before end of semester I had learned that his key was with Taffy, don't know how to take that though I have many sets in my possession from others.
"Should I be here as you talk?"
Maybe Taffy also knew about his habits during such periods.
"It's personal!"
"Oh! Okay, then let me step out in a bit. Send me a text if you want anything Blane."
"Is there milk, snacks..."
"Bathbombs, salts, there's a new set of puzzle pieces and he knows my password if you want to watch a movie."
"Ummm!"
Had I said too much, I turned from Taffy to Blane.
"I think if you want to talk something serious you should also relax yourselves. Feel at home Taffy."
The last thing I heard as I was closing the door was Taffy telling him I knew. Of course I knew. How many months have we lived together that he'd think I knew nothing about his general habits? I even know when he's spiralling, when he wants to feel like he owns the world, when he wants to be the tiniest organism...I know all that.
And I sure as hell know he doesn't want me trimming into that part so as of now, I'll just try to chip it off as well.
The panick written all over his face made me sigh, he quickly tried to cover it while blocking the door.
"Riley, you..."
"Don't lock the door and tell him to come out. We need to talk."
"No one's here, I am alone."
"If you were you wouldn't be blocking me. Also, I can hear all the rackus from where I am standing. We're grown ups, if he's serious he should be scrambling to meet me not to run off."
And anyway, where will he run off to this high up? Fall to his death, that would be a nice way to avoid questioning but the death would be gruesome. The aftermath more challenging with police and whatnot.
"I am sure it isn't the first time he's sneaked in here...and I have a key if you decide to lock the door."
"It is the first...its not sneaking and Don't quarrel!"
"I won't!"
"He isn't at fault."
"That's something I should be finding out on my own, right?"
The door opened wide and by the island was a disheveled looking Kaleb. From his hair that spiked towards every other direction to the clothes that were inside out.
"At least put on your clothes properly before we sit and talk."
It was already noon. I thought he'd already begun at the pastry school and they were still on...oh it was the weekend. Okay!
He looked at his shirt, cursed and turned around before slipping it out, turning it then putting it on and turning to me.
"Official introduction. I am Riley, the one person who could kill you and leave no trace if you do anything to make him sad, Riley Bellan Shore. You should have heard about me else you wouldn't have scampered around once you saw me through the peep hole."
"I...I am sorry!"
"What for?"
"I don't know, taking him from you. I like him a lot, please don't question that. I should have asked his dad before persuing him but I am always nervous around you except well, maybe when drunk."
Yeah! The last drunk episode was what told me these two were closer than everyone else thought.
"Sit, let's chat...get us tea Rashid!"
"Yes dad!"
I turned to him but he was making faces before sprinting away. I turned to Kaleb who was pretending not to be chuckling.
"Learn to pretend better."
Not that I wanted to be nosy...or maybe I did but Rashid has a lot of skeletons and cobwebs holding him back. I just wanted to know whether this guy was looking out for him or had another agenda. Rashid didn't like new people in or even around his closet so this was new and terrifying even for me.
"How much do you know him?"
"You learn about people everyday but I think I know him enough to stick around."
"Stick around?"
"I know him enough to stay. I know him enough to know not to step on some boundaries...know him enough to love him the way he is."
"What if one day you step over those boundaries?"
And they were a lot, the exact reason I was scared. I don't want him hurting and shutting himself off one day.
"I won't. I believe relationships are between people who take them step by step. I know you're worried about him but I am willing to wait and work it."
"You sure?"
Ever heard of people who are interested in relationships but not the sexual parts of it? Rashid is one of them. He enjoys the closeness, the holding hands, the telling each other secrets, the cuddling but nothing more than that.
Anything more and he goes back onto his shell. There was someone who'd said he was impotent just for wanting to connect with them on a level others thought unnecessary. But was sex really fundamental in a relationship?
My problem was, what if one day he likes someone who forces him through everything he doesn't want? He trusts people easy, is very easy going. Him flirting around is his way of trying to put himself out there so as not to be lonely. It's the reason each weekend he tries to slip into someone's bunk just to feel the closeness he'd tried to find but hadn't.
"I want to talk to him alone."
"What?"
"Give us a moment. I want to talk to him, go get some air, walk a dog or something."
"We don't have dogs."
"Then help him walk his cat. It was delivered the other day."
"You really know a lot huh!"
I just know I need to find out if he was spiraling to have not returned till now and know why this guy hadn't even realized something could be wrong.
"Leave the cat, go just give us twenty minutes ...or two hours."
I pushed him to the door, opened it and led him out before locking it. Hope those pants had his phone in or something to keep him busy. Or he could just go home.
The bedroom was dark, the heavy black curtains covered the windows making it hard to even know where one stepped. But I knew where he was, being used to such scenarios made sure of that.
"Hey cutie, playing without inviting me?"
"I want to hide."
"From me?"
"From everyone. Is he gone already?"
"You want him to?"
"Answering with questions ain't good."
I sighed as I tried to make myself comfortable in the wardrobe with him. It's great I'd had this thing remade once he decided to move out.
"I told you before, even with Blane around, it doesn't mean you aren't dear to me. I still love you the same."
"He told me he loves me. Told me he'd take care of me and learn me as much as I'll let him."
"And? Did you let him?"
"I don't really like it somehow, I feel vulnerable. Though I let him in yesterday, he slept on the couch. That's a step right?"
"Was it the first time you let him in?"
"Yeah! We did a game, he said he'll try to remember. I think he pretends to be all tough Infront of you and Quint but he's just all normal Infront of Barnard, Kristoff and your halfs."
"Are you comfortable with him?"
"I let him in."
"They aren't the same."
"I am...he has at least not lied to me or made me think otherwise about him."
He leaned on my shoulder and sighed before tagging at my shirt.
"You smell like Blane. It's nice and comfortable. When things go south, can I call dibs on your bed?"
"I'll have to ask him but sure. You can have it and a huge tub of ice cream."
"Mint chocolate!"
"Whatever you want love."
"Then it's high time I let go and let him in...like tell him he can hug me for more than ten minutes."
"A huge leap!"
"I know. I'll take it and see what he'll do."
Twenty minutes in and there was a knock at the door. I had planned on talking to him but that could wait. If Rashid was comfortable, Kaleb just had to know there were people who'd bury him alive if he took a misstep. I'll just let Rashid be and tell Quint to stop harassing Kaleb.
While going out, I saw the tub of chocolate mint in Kaleb's bag, maybe I should just watch from the sidelines for a while.