"Wh-What... is this...?"
"......"
The moment we opened the door and stepped outside, what greeted us was a blue sky, warm sunlight, a crisp breeze, and... a gigantic structure like an enormous birdcage.
"What in the world... is this supposed to..."
The sheer oppressive scale of that cage-like structure wrapped around the entire school was so overwhelming that before we knew it, we were backing away.
""Ohakuma~!!!""
"Wahhh! You scared me!!"
"Kyaaaah!!"
As we stumbled backward, the Monokubs suddenly popped out and scared us so badly we collapsed onto the ground. Seriously, those useless bear brats never help with anything.
"Did we startle you? Well, duh! We look super vicious, after all!"
"I-I'm not vicious, I'm adorable!?"
"Anyway, it really is ridiculously huge! A size worthy of the name 'Last Wall'!"
"...Last Wall?"
"Yup! The 'Last Wall' is the wall that exists at the edge of the world! Which means there's absolutely nothing beyond it!"
After that, the Monokubs launched into a long-winded comedy routine while explaining the Last Wall. The rough summary? It was a perfect barrier with no entrance, impossible to climb, and impossible to destroy.
"Ah! I know what this is like! It's like that birdcage ability used by that string-user from a certain manga, and—"
"Shut up, you damn nerd..."
"D-damn nerd!?"
I was already frazzled enough as it was, and the otaku girl beside me kept spewing nonsense, so I finally snapped and shut her down.
As a result, Shirogane drooped and clamped her mouth shut. I felt a little bad, sure, but there was no other way to stop the nonstop torrent of weirdness she'd been spouting.
"...Anyway, the construction will be finished soon! We're gonna have the Exisals do the work in auto-adjustment mode!"
"So until then, you should all walk around and investigate the place yourselves!"
"W-wait!! What exactly are you even constructing—"
""Bye-kuma~!!!""
After chattering endlessly, the Monokubs vanished without listening to a word I said, leaving behind only the claim that the construction happening around the school would be finished soon.
"Um... I'm not a nerd, though... it's just a hobby..."
"...Haaah."
Forcing down the irritation surging through me, I started investigating the outside of the school together with the dejectedly muttering Shirogane.
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"A wall like that is nothing! Not compared to the vastness of space!!"
"I-is it?"
"Anyway, I haven't introduced myself yet! I'm Momota Kaito! The man who rules the cosmos! The one and only [Ultimate Astronaut]!"
After that thunderous self-introduction, Momota launched into a passionate speech about how he became an astronaut and the beauty of outer space.
Compared to the people I'd met so far, he was relatively normal. Well, aside from the part where he was such a terminal space freak that he even forged his academic records to become an astronaut.
"So what I'm saying is... a wall like that is no problem compared to my passion for going to space! There isn't a wall in this world that can't be overcome!"
"Uh... do you actually have a way to do that?"
".....That's not the point!!!"
The fact that a space maniac idiot counted as one of the more normal ones really drove it home. Ultimates were definitely all missing a screw somewhere.
"Why are you doing that now..."
"H-his spit was flying..."
"Even so, you don't have to hide behind my back, do you?"
"B-but saliva is crawling with germs... What if I catch some horrible disease... ow!!"
Shirogane had started glancing at me again while rambling more nonsense, so I flicked her on the forehead, apologized to Momota on her behalf, and headed toward the dormitory visible in the distance.
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"Pardon me, it seems I haven't introduced myself yet. I am Tojo Kirumi, the [Ultimate Maid]. If anything troubles you, please tell me at any time."
"Ah, so that's why you're dressed like that?"
Tojo, whom we met in the dormitory, was the first genuinely normal person I'd seen in a long while. No, scratch that. She went beyond normal—she was downright dependable.
According to Shirogane, she was a world-famous maid with a truly formidable reputation. And if even Shirogane, whose brain was packed to the brim with otaku delusions, knew about her, then that reputation had to be the real deal.
Apparently, she'd even once been asked to carry out the destruction of an entire nation—though she refused. Just hearing that made her competence almost impossible to fathom.
"So then, what are you two planning to do from here on?"
"Hard to say... what about you, Tojo-san?"
"...I have no wish or hope of my own."
"Huh?"
"To fulfill everyone's wishes—that is my wish. That is what it means to be a maid."
"....."
"So you should think in advance about what you want, and what requests you may wish to entrust to me. I will work for everyone's sake. No matter what happens from here on..."
Good grief. Tojo had to be a saint sent down by God to pity the poor souls trapped in this madhouse called Saishu Academy. Thinking I ought to say something—anything—to thank her, I opened my mouth.
"Serving everyone even in a situation like this... you're a really kind person. Seriously, I respect that."
"I am only doing what I must as a maid. I do not seek respect."
"The way you are kind of reminds me of a warm, comforting mother—"
"Excuse me, but no."
"U-uh?"
"...I dislike being treated like a mother. Very much."
She said it with such chilling seriousness that I found myself nodding before I even realized it.
...From now on, I'd better only call her Tojo Mama in my head.
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"Th-thank you! For talking to me..."
"Ahaha, you don't have to be that grateful just because I said hi..."
"B-but Gonta looks scary, so people don't really talk to him..."
This guy was Gokuhara Gonta, the [Ultimate Entomologist].
Apparently, he got lost in the forest as a child and was raised alongside wolves. Thanks to that, he claimed he could communicate with animals and insects.
In other words, to put it simply, he was an idiot who only cared about bugs.
"Still, this place is strange... there are so many plants, but no insects..."
"What? You're saying there isn't a single bug? That's kind of weird—"
"Huh? Do you like insects too!?"
"...Huh?"
"Hey!! What insects do you like!? What do you like about them!?"
"No, I don't really care about insects that much—"
"...You hate insects?"
"W-well, that's..."
"Y-you hate them!!!"
Gonta started glaring at me while radiating an aura from his entire body. The pressure was so intense I could barely stammer, and at that exact moment, Shirogane hurriedly cut in from the side.
"N-no! We like insects too! R-right, K!?"
"Y-yeah!! Of course!!"
"R-really...?"
"Yeah, yeah! I mean, how much do you think I love that comic where a spider-man hero saves the day, or that cartoon where two bugs do slapstick comedy? So... could you calm down?"
"...I see, then that's good! There are no bad people among those who love insects!"
Gonta smiled bashfully, apologized to us, and went back to searching for bugs among the grass.
Yeah. This place was definitely a psychiatric ward. The fact that the otaku girl ranked among the more normal people was proof enough.
Come to think of it, had Shirogane just saved my life? She'd been driving me insane with nonstop nonsense this whole time, but since she saved me once, I guess I could cut her some slack for a while.
Well, she was just a nerd. As a person, she seemed nice enough.
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"Nyahahahaha~! There's nothing good about thinking negatively all the time~! So let's all stay bright and healthy~!"
The girl smiling and greeting us now was Yonaga Angie, the [Ultimate Artist].
Being this cheerful in a situation like this was definitely a little weird, but still, she seemed nice, and compared to the others she looked relatively normal, so...
"...Or so says God, too~?"
'Ah, please...'
Never mind. Not even close. This one had a screw loose too.
"Um... if you're in the art club... do you draw manga and stuff too...?"
"Of course~! I can do anything related to art! Though really, Angie is just lending her body to God!"
"Lending your body?"
"Nyahahahaha~! I'm possessed~!"
"I-I see... then... maybe later, could you draw some manga for me?"
"Of course, of course~! In exchange, become a human sacrifice for me~!"
"H-human sacrifice!?"
As Angie started explaining human sacrifice, Shirogane's face went pale, and then she abruptly turned around and ran.
"Hey... are you interested in being a human sacrifice? It doesn't matter if it's a boy~!"
After watching the fleeing Shirogane with regretful eyes, Angie turned to me and started asking whether I had any intention of becoming a sacrifice instead.
"Uh, so... sorry."
"Aww, don't be like that~! It won't hurt that much...!"
"W-wahhh! Get away from me!"
Obviously I refused, but then Angie came at me holding the sharp shell hanging around her neck, and I freaked out and bolted.
"Nyahahahahaha~! Don't run away~!"
"They're... they're all insane... this place is a nest of lunatics..."
Seriously, why had the kidnappers specifically chosen people like these to abduct? Was the kidnapper insane too?
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"Huh? This is... I've definitely heard that somewhere before..."
"It's a chime... right? Where's it coming from?"
We had only just managed to escape from Angie and catch our breath when the sudden bell made us look around in confusion.
"Ah! Look at that monitor!"
After scanning the area for a while, Shirogane spotted something and pointed at a monitor.
""Ohakuma~!!!""
Honestly, I had a feeling it'd be better not to look.
"Well, well~! Sorry to keep you bear-waiting~!"
"....."
"You've waited long enough, you brats!"
"So with that settled, everyone please gather in the gym!"
"At long last, it's time to begin the opening ceremony!"
"Hey, isn't that out of order?"
"Phew... this is seriously exhaus—"
I figured I'd already heard the important part, so rather than stand there listening to more of their infuriating comedy routine, I decided it'd be better to head to the gym first.
"Huh? K-kun? You're not gonna listen to the rest?"
If I were being honest, I wanted to leave that airheaded nerd girl behind. But she had saved my life earlier, and for some reason I couldn't quite stop worrying about her...
"Forget it. Just hurry up and follow me."
"Th-that line just now sounded exactly like a tsundere male lead from a dating sim! Wait, did you do that on purpose—"
"....."
"Come to think of it, K-kun, you're perfect as a dating sim capture target! You've got that super youthful face, and you keep accidentally raising flags all over the place, and you're basically the protagonist's trophy too—"
...Now that I thought about it, I wasn't worried about her at all. Yeah. Leaving her behind really did sound like the better option.
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"...So this makes all seventeen of us, right?"
"Heh, seventeen 'Ultimates' all gathered in one place... that's not exactly a sight you see every day, huh?"
A sight, sure. Mostly because a bunch of lunatics who thought they were Ultimates were all gathered together, radiating enough presence to make the air feel warped.
"Everyone... you'd better be nervous... this may be the last time we can talk so casually..."
"If that's how it is... then I guess there's no helping it... And thus Tsumugi stopped thinking."
"Nngh... what in the world did they gather us all here for... this is such a pain..."
"Um, Yumeno-san! Yumeno-san, you can use psychic powers, right? Right?"
"They're not psychic powers. It's magic."
"Kyaah! Amazing! I absolutely have to incorporate that into my Neo Aikido!!"
"I knew it... this is bad... what exactly is about to happen...?"
"Nyahaha~! Don't worry~! I'm sure God will help us~!"
"Really? Then I feel better already! Nishishishi..."
"You morons! Are your brains all flower fields!? I'll mow the whole damn lot of you down with herbicide!!"
I was listening with the expression of someone who had attained enlightenment to the inane banter of these self-proclaimed Ultimates when Momota, who had been standing there quietly, suddenly declared in a booming voice:
"Everyone, don't worry! The second those stuffed-toy freaks show up, I, Momota Kaito-sama, will smash every last one of them to piec—"
"Huh? What's that sound..."
"What is this?"
"Ah! That's the sound of a robot engine from a mecha anime...!"
""Ohakuma!!!""
"Kyaaaah!!"
"E-everyone, get behind Gonta!!"
"Wh-what is this monster!?"
Out of nowhere, a high-tech robot appeared and began menacing us. The students were thrown into chaos, and right then—
"Everyone, stay calm. If it intended to hurt us, it would've done so already."
Amami stepped forward with an unruffled expression and asked,
"So what exactly are you planning to make us do, that you'd threaten us with this kind of 'overwhelming violence'?"
"Hoh... pretty sharp, aren't you?"
"Alright! Then let me tell you what we're going to make you do..."
"...a killing game."
At the words spoken by the bear who hadn't said a single thing until now, every one of the students froze solid.
Bzzzzzzzt!!
And I was no exception.
"...Huh?"
Because the [E-Handbook] in my pocket had started vibrating violently.
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