"C'mon, c'mon! Let's keep moving! Onward to the next event, nice and plain!"
I was currently walking down the hallway with an otaku girl whose excitement had hit critical mass. Thanks to that, I was already on the verge of total exhaustion.
"Hm? There's someone in the classroom..."
"Sounds pretty noisy too..."
After heading down to the first floor, we followed the racket spilling out of a classroom and pushed the door open.
"Hey, waiiit! Hold on a sec! I wanna be friends with the robot!"
"Please let go of me! At this rate, my arm is going to come off!"
"...Huh? That's a robot, isn't it?"
"Yeah... a plain but cool robot."
"What is this? Are you two robot bigots too?"
"Robot bigots?"
"I have a recording function, you know! If you make discriminatory remarks, I'll sue you later!"
Some random robot was glaring at me and snapping. More importantly, sue us? Could that even legally stick?
"Um... do robots have human rights?"
"...!!!"
The robot, who'd been angrily chewing us out, froze on the spot with a look of utter shock.
"Puhahahahaha!!! Seriously, though!? Do robots have human rights?"
"...Normally, no, right?"
"Th-that's so mean... Why would you say something so awful..."
The robot started looking at me with wounded eyes. I didn't remember anything, so I only asked because I wanted to confirm whether this was some world where robots had rights now—but apparently I'd triggered way more fallout than expected.
As a result, I had no choice but to spend a while soothing a sniffling robot.
...Though if a robot sniffles, does it actually produce tears?
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"...So your talent is [Ultimate Counselor]?"
"Yeah. Sorry about earlier, seriously."
"Well, since you apologized, I don't mind. I'm Kiibo, the [Ultimate Robot]! Pleased to meet you!"
Just like me, this guy didn't have a surname. Of course, in his case, that was because he was a robot.
But suddenly, I found myself wondering. I wasn't a robot, so why didn't I have a surname? And why was my name just "K"? It was bizarrely alien compared to the Japanese-style names everyone else had. What kind of person was I, exactly?
"Hey, don't leave me out of the introductions! I wanna introduce myself too! The robot and the counselor already stole all the impact, and it's seriously annoying!"
"U-uh, okay... then go ahead."
"I'm Oma Kokichi, the [Ultimate Supreme Leader]!"
"...Supreme Leader?"
"Yep! I'm the leader of an evil secret society!"
I genuinely couldn't tell whether this place had gathered Ultimates or just rounded up every deranged nerd in existence. The leader of an evil secret society? That was the kind of fantasy a little kid would come up with.
"It's a huge organization with ten thousand members, so you can imagine how impressive it is, right?"
"Umm... for someone plain like me, that's kind of hard to picture..."
"Haha, who knows? I'm a liar, after all."
"Huh? So that was a lie?"
"Well, it's true that I'm the head of an evil secret society!"
Now that I looked at him, he wasn't an otaku. He was just pure malicious chaos. From this point on, the nickname I'd assigned him in my head was simple: menace.
"Please ignore him. He's been saying stuff like that this whole time."
"Ah! Are you mad? You gonna show me your rocket punch?"
"I told you, I don't have a function like that!!"
"...Wouldn't it be better if we left?"
"...Yeah."
As the menace and the robot started bickering all over again, I could practically feel the air getting harder to breathe. In the end, unable to take it any longer, we quietly slipped back out of the classroom.
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"...This is the library, huh?"
"Sure is. Plainly speaking, there are a ton of books. Wonder if they've got light novels too?"
The moment we stepped into the library, an overwhelming sea of books greeted us. Honestly, this place hadn't felt like a school at all until now, but seeing a space like this made it sink in that it really was one.
"........"
"Oh, there's someone over there."
"Are you an 'Ultimate' too?"
"...Yeah, I am."
The girl, who looked cool and razor-sharp, shut her mouth again the instant she finished speaking.
'She's... a familiar type somehow...'
I didn't know why, but I did know exactly how to deal with people like this. If someone clammed up and I got timid, started fumbling, or hesitated, there was a very high chance I'd get written off immediately. So here, I had to say something—anything.
"I see. I'm K, the [Ultimate Counselor]. Nice to meet you."
"...Harukawa Maki. [Ultimate Child Caregiver]."
"A child caregiver? So... someone who takes care of kids, right?"
"...Why? Do I not look like someone kids would like?"
"Huh? I never thought that—"
"It's not completely wrong. I don't really like kids."
"Eh? Then how are you a child caregiver...?"
"Even if I do nothing, kids just cling to me because they like me..."
Yeah. An Ultimate really was an Ultimate. Even though she said she didn't like children, they still flocked to her.
"...It's not like I take especially good care of them, and it's not like I'm especially affectionate. Besides, I'm not a good person."
Harukawa's voice trembled as she said it. The moment I noticed, I found myself speaking to her before I even realized it.
"Even though I just met you, I feel like I can tell you're a good person."
"What are you talking about?"
"Kids have pure hearts, so they can see what people are really like. So if they like you even when you don't do anything special... then that probably means you're the kind of person who deserves that kind of affection."
"......"
After hearing that, Harukawa glared at me for a moment. Then she turned away and spoke in a voice cold enough to frost over.
"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't spout things like that when you don't know the first thing about me. It's extremely unpleasant."
"Ah... sorry. I didn't mean it like that..."
"If you're sorry, then disappear."
With that, Harukawa turned her gaze back to the towering shelves and sank into silence again.
"...She's like a wounded cat."
"...Why is she so guarded?"
Well, with her reacting that strongly, pushing any further would just be rude. As I left the library with the otaku girl, I found myself thinking that if I ever got the chance to learn what had happened to her, maybe I'd try counseling her.
'...Though would I actually be any good at counseling?'
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"...So? How's it feel, seeing a piece of trash who used his talent to kill?"
This guy was Hoshi Ryoma. Apparently, he was the [Ultimate Tennis Pro].
This guy, though? He was terrifying. According to him, he'd wiped out an entire mafia organization using murderous tennis that exploited his talent.
At first, I thought he was joking, so Shirogane and I had laughed it off together, quoting cheesy manga lines at him. That lasted right up until Saihara passed by, pale-faced, and told us it had all really happened.
And thanks to that, Shirogane and I were now on our knees, desperately apologizing to Hoshi while he stared at us with an icy expression.
"We're so sorry. Even if I had ten mouths, I wouldn't have an excuse..."
"Sorry... especially for saying, 'For me, tennis is murder,' like some dumb line..."
"Let me give you one piece of advice..."
"Huh?"
"...From now on, don't carelessly approach a murderer like me."
"....."
After leaving those words behind, Boss Hoshi vanished. If I didn't want a hole punched through my head in the future, I definitely shouldn't act recklessly in front of Boss Hoshi ever again.
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"I see... so you two were abducted and brought here as well, hm?"
This pretty laid-back-looking guy was Amami Rantaro, and his talent was apparently [Ultimate Adventurer].
"...Hm, this is pretty interesting. Seventeen 'Ultimates' getting kidnapped all at once... Makes you wonder what the people behind this are after, doesn't it?"
"Yeah... What kind of people could even pull something like this off...?"
"Well, if everyone works together, we should be able to overcome this just fine. So... for now, this is the time for all of us to join forces."
For the first time since Akamatsu and Saihara, it felt like I'd finally met someone normal. He was easy to talk to, straightforward, and had a good personality too. No matter what happened, I needed to get on good terms with this guy.
"Amami-kun is... lucky, huh?"
"Hm? What do you mean by that?"
"Well, when you're going on adventures, there have to be all kinds of unexpected dangers... so the fact that you're still alive and perfectly fine says a lot! That's not just ordinary luck!"
"You think so? Well... I'm not especially lucky or unlucky, really..."
"It's okay. At least here, your luck was good—will be good, I mean..."
"Haha, is that a compliment? A blessing? Either way, thanks for the kind words."
This otaku girl had been saying weird things for a while now, then quietly checking my expression afterward. Thanks to that, even I was starting to get treated like the strange one by the others.
What was her deal, exactly?
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"To think they'd imprison a mage like me here... Whoever did this must be quite formidable indeed..."
This girl was Yumeno Himiko, the [Ultimate Magician]—or no, according to her, a mage.
"Hey, so you're a mage? If you're a mage... what circle of spells can you use?"
"...Nyeh?"
"Can you control mana too? What about magic tools? A staff?"
"Hahaha! So you're someone who knows a thing or two about mages! In that case, I shall personally introduce you to my magic tools! Follow me!"
"....."
Even thinking it over again, something was deeply wrong. These so-called Ultimates were all...
"Kyaaaaaaaaaaah!!"
'You've gotta be kidding me.'
None of them were in their right minds.
"Um... why are you suddenly screaming...?"
"You don't know!? If you shout loudly enough, your brain's limiter breaks and your fighting spirit—wait, why are you, a degenerate male, talking to me so casually!?"
The girl stayed in a combat stance for a while, eyeing me with intense suspicion. Then, after apparently deciding I couldn't even kill an ant, she relaxed and introduced herself.
"I'm Chabashira Tenko! The [Ultimate Aikido Master]!"
"Um... what's aikido...?"
"You don't know aikido!!! How could you not know the martial art that I, Tenko, have devoted my entire life to!!!"
"Gah! H-hey, sorry!! I said I'm sorry!?"
I only asked what "aikido" was, and Chabashira nearly hit me for being some pathetic male who didn't even know that. This was all because of my damned amnesia.
"Aikido is a modern Japanese martial art... a noble discipline I, Tenko, use to punish evil men!"
"Ah... right... okay?"
"You should count yourself lucky! You're so weak and frail that you're only on the level of being able to fight Yumeno-san evenly, so I'll let you off specially—"
"When I hear 'martial artist,' I picture someone rough, scary, and ready to pounce on me at any second... well, something like that. So it's kind of surprising that someone cute like you does it too..."
"...Ugh."
The moment she heard that, Chabashira's cheeks flushed bright red and she started muttering to herself.
"D-don't do that... I-it's not like hearing something like that makes me happy at all... no, that's not it—how dare a degenerate male compliment me in the first placeeeeee!!!"
"Gweh!!"
Still blushing, Chabashira suddenly screamed and, in a violent burst of momentum, threw me straight to the floor with a technique.
...Were these people really Ultimates?
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"Um... what are you digging through like that—"
"Don't talk to me outta nowhere, you manwhore!"
"M-manwhore?"
Now I'd finally reached the point where I was getting called a manwhore the first time I met someone. At this rate, I was honestly scared of what the next student would throw at me.
"Um... talking like that to someone you've just met is a little—"
"Hey, limp-dick. You were just staring at my chest, weren't you?"
"...What?"
"Well, I guess that makes sense! A loser like you could never date a peerless beauty like me in a million years!"
"....."
"So just looking should—"
"...Pfft."
"Hah? What the hell are you grinning about? Creeping me out..."
"No, it's just kind of funny."
"...What?"
I didn't know why, but for some reason, everything that girl had just said felt completely inapplicable to me. A relaxed laugh slipped out before I could stop it.
"What the hell... is with that smug smile...? Don't tell me you're not actually limp-dicked or something..."
"Forget that. Just tell me your name and talent."
"Y-you... you don't know me?"
"Shirogane, do you know her?"
"Nope, first time I've seen her."
".....!"
The girl stared at us in stunned disbelief.
"You seriously don't know me, Iruma Miu, the [Ultimate Inventor] with the golden brain cells!?"
"Nope."
"N-no way..."
The instant I answered curtly, the girl who'd been so overbearing a second ago suddenly shriveled up and started sniffling.
"A-after all... this place just doesn't suit me... I need meds... I need meds..."
"Meds? What are you talking about? Are you hurt somewhere?"
"...I need strong stuff. Strong enough that if I huff a ton of it, I'll start hallucinating..."
"....."
"Ugh... I just wanna get totally blasted and forget this shitty situation already..."
"Are you out of your mind?"
"...Huh?"
"You've lost it, haven't you? Do you have any idea how badly that wrecks your mental health?"
"W-what would you know about it..."
"I know because I've done it before, so knock it off. That kind of thing ruins not just you, but everyone around you too."
"B-but... if I don't huff anything..."
"......"
"O-okay...! I won't do it, so stop looking at me like thaaat..."
"...Haaah."
Honestly, maybe this wasn't Saishu Academy at all. Maybe it was some treatment facility for lunatics who believed they had [Ultimate] talents. And my own symptom just happened to be an exceptionally severe case of forgetfulness.
If Akamatsu, Saihara, and Amami hadn't been here, I probably would've believed that thought completely.
"...Um, K-kun. Have you really done that kind of thing too?"
"Hm? What kind of thing?"
"What Iruma-san was talking about earlier. The drugs..."
We'd left the storage room and were walking down the hall when Shirogane quietly tossed me the question.
"Ah, that? Well... uh... I mean..."
Come to think of it, why had I said that? I couldn't remember at all. I thought about it for a long while, but no answer came, so I decided to bluff my way through.
"...Obviously I was lying. I just made it up on the spot to persuade Iruma."
"Hmmm... really...?"
"I-it's true! Believe me!"
"Hmmmmmm..."
Despite my excuse, Shirogane kept tilting her head and staring at me. One wrong sentence, and now I was on the verge of being treated like a complete weirdo by the otaku girl. This was all because of my unstable memory.
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"Um... this looks like the exit, right...?"
"Yeah... I think so. Then—"
"Wait, there could be some kind of device on the door—"
"Don't worry. I've already examined the door."
"W-who are you?"
"...'Who am I,' you ask? True enough... perhaps I should make that clear first."
This guy, with most of his face hidden behind a hat and mask, was Shinguji Korekiyo, the [Ultimate Anthropologist].
He looked a little gloomy, sure, but not as bad as me, and unlike the others, he didn't seem completely unhinged, so I figured I could probably count him among the normal ones...
"...You see, I believe human beings possess infinite beauty."
"...Beauty?"
"I've seen many people in many different places... and every person, even including their ugliness, is profoundly beautiful."
"Yeah, I can kind of relate to that. Even ugliness can, in a way, be part of what makes someone human—"
"And that's why I'm interested... in what kind of beauty people will reveal in a predicament like this."
"...Huh?"
"Kukuku... kukuku... Human beings really are... wonderful...!"
So much for that. Just when I thought there wasn't a single trustworthy person here, this guy turned out to have a few screws loose too.
Feeling vaguely sick, I left the still-creepingly-laughing Shinguji behind and stepped outside the school with Shirogane, thinking to myself—
'...Still, compared to the other lunatics, maybe Shinguji counts as relatively harmless.'