Chapter 256: A Mutually Beneficial Transaction
Somewhere in a corridor of Marine Headquarters, Kizaru was doing what Kizaru did during the last stretch before the end of a shift — walking at a pace that could generously be described as leisurely, one eye on the Chat Group. For the first time in recent memory, his characteristically unbothered expression had acquired an undertone of something approaching worry. The marine soldiers he passed noticed. One of them gathered his courage.
"Admiral Kizaru, sir — is something the matter? Is there anything this subordinate can assist with?"
Kizaru shook his head slowly, the concern on his face deepening.
He let out a quiet sigh. "It's over for me… I can feel it. A self-criticism at several thousand characters minimum. Possibly five figures."
The marine stared at him, thoroughly at a loss.
Whatever Admiral Kizaru had done — and a self-criticism implied he'd done something — remained entirely opaque. Asking for clarification was the kind of thing that required more nerve than a regular enlisted man typically had.
The marine watched Kizaru's figure recede in the direction of the Fleet Admiral's office, waited until he disappeared around a corner, and murmured to himself, "He seems strange today. Something must have happened. In all my time here, I've never seen him look like that — he's normally impervious to everything."
The most probable explanation: he'd irritated Fleet Admiral Sengoku. The Admiral's spectacular capacity for laziness was legendary throughout Headquarters, and Sengoku periodically came down on him for it. Probably one of those situations.
Probably.
Kizaru, for his part, had not deployed Observation Haki to pick up any of this. It was Marine Headquarters — friendly personnel — and casually reading people's thoughts in your own building was a habit that didn't sit right with him. More to the point, he couldn't be bothered.
His heart was already heavy enough.
Whatever happens, a multi-thousand-character written self-criticism is unavoidable. Possibly five figures. The Fleet Admiral joining the Chat Group — of all the things that could have occurred, this was not on any list I was working from.
The more pressing complication was Whitebeard. Kizaru knew perfectly well that Whitebeard and Sengoku were long-standing adversaries — and now here he was, demonstrably friendly with one and answerable to the other, caught exactly in the middle.
The thought made his expression heavier still.
He arrived at the Fleet Admiral's office without noticing when he'd arrived.
He hesitated for a moment in front of the door, then knocked.
"Sengoku-san? You called for me earlier?"
One last fragment of wishful thinking: the Sengoku in the Chat Group might be from a doujin variant of the One Piece world. Plenty of those existed. The Admin had said so himself. The sheer number of fan-made One Piece alternate worlds was comparable to the Fate franchise.
Then Sengoku's voice came through the door. "I did. It's unlocked. Come in."
The wishful thinking evaporated.
Kizaru pushed the door open.
Sengoku was at his desk, his goat nearby. They looked at each other. Kizaru, with the quiet competence of a man reading the room, shut the door behind him.
Sengoku had set aside the day's documents. His arms were folded across his chest, and the expression on his normally humorless face contained something that, on close examination, looked like mild amusement.
"You're the one in there as 'Admiral Kizaru,' I take it?"
Kizaru found a chair and occupied it. There was no point pretending otherwise, and beyond that — whatever his complicated feelings about the situation — he actually did respect Sengoku as a superior.
"And Sengoku-san is 'Senbei Is So Tasty,' I take it?"
Sengoku's expression went briefly rigid.
The handle. That was the thing currently causing him the most discomfort. And Borsalino had now said it out loud.
Back in the Chat Group, the day's events had generated predictable energy.
Edward Newgate: Gurararara! When did this mouth of mine become so prophetic? I mentioned Sengoku joining the group, and here he is. The coincidence is almost too much!
RawrSoFierce: There is no most coincidental thing. Only more coincidental things.
RawrSoFierce: The One Piece world now has the most members of any single franchise in the Chat Group — Whitebeard, Kizaru, Sengoku, three slots. Every other world has one.
Eternally Seventeen: That poor disaster-prone One Piece world.
RawrSoFierce: It does have a certain track record. Between the transmigrators and the reincarnators showing up there — though the transmigrator has become one of Whitebeard's sons at this point, so arguably that resolved itself.
Kaguya-sama: Kizaru-ojisan has suddenly gone quiet. What happened?
Senbei Is So Tasty: This old man instructed him to produce a written self-criticism of fifteen thousand to twenty-five thousand characters. His salary for the month is being withheld until it's submitted.
Edward Newgate: Gurararara — the young Kizaru is in genuine trouble this time.
Edward Newgate: Why do I feel such pleasure at this? Gurararara!
Senbei Is So Tasty: Whitebeard — be honest. Did you corrupt Borsalino?
Edward Newgate: Do I seem like that kind of person? Clearly not!
My True Form Is Cola: Speaking of which, I just thought of a serious scenario — if the World Government ever ordered Marine Headquarters to attack the Whitebeard Pirates, what would that actually look like?
Crazy Diamond: Both sides battle ferociously for ten days and nights. Final casualties: zero.
My True Form Is Cola: Zero casualties. That's almost too accurate lmao
"…"
Sengoku read the exchange and felt his mouth twitch.
If that scenario ever actually materialized, he genuinely wasn't sure what he'd do.
Kizaru had, in the interim, filled him in on the broader context of the Chat Group.
Joining it — he was willing to admit — was an opportunity. At his age, this kind of opportunity.
And maintaining his standing in the group was going to require some management. Being expelled was not an acceptable outcome.
Which meant his relationship with Whitebeard — his oldest adversary, now apparently significantly stronger than before, and an established group member — needed careful handling.
The question Umaru had raised in the chat was still sitting with him. If the World Government ordered the action… the result would probably be exactly as described. Ten days of dramatic-looking combat, everyone walks away. Which raised the question of whether what he was contemplating amounted to a betrayal of the World Government.
Well. Outside of himself, Kizaru, and Whitebeard, essentially no one would know what was actually happening.
His perspective was shifting, gradually, from what it had been. The change was slow — but it was different from the trajectory in the original story.
He was still sitting with this when Kizaru's voice interrupted.
"Well… Sengoku-san. What if we made a transaction? I transfer you a 200-Point red packet, and the matter of the self-criticism is, ahem—"
Sengoku raised an eyebrow and regarded Borsalino with a flat, expressionless look.
The look produced a slight cold sweat, despite the fact that Kizaru's current combat ability objectively exceeded Sengoku's. Combat ability was one thing. Control over one's salary and bonus was another matter entirely.
"Admiral Borsalino. Are you attempting to bribe a superior officer? What has become of your justice?"
"Not at all, Sengoku-san — this is simply a token of friendship between Chat Group companions!"
"Friendship token. You've become remarkably shameless. What happened to you?"
"About the self-criticism—"
"Ahem."
"Understood."
"…"
In the Fleet Admiral's office at Marine Headquarters, a transaction of questionable propriety was concluded in private. Had it become known — to anyone — the resulting scandal would have occupied the entire building for days.
Neither party had any intention of it becoming known.
Sengoku watched 200 Points appear in his balance. Then, experimentally, he tapped the daily sign-in.
The number jumped from 200 to 264.
"A random reward between one and one hundred… and I drew sixty-four?"
He gave a small, satisfied nod.
His luck, it seemed, was rather good.
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