I didn't sleep.
Not really.
My body lay still on the bed, my eyes closed, but my mind refused to rest. Every thought circled back to the same place, the same truth I could no longer escape.
Today… I was going to the clinic.
And somehow, that made everything feel heavier.
More real.
More final.
Morning came too quickly.
The light that slipped through the curtains felt harsh against my eyes, like the world was forcing me to wake up and face something I wasn't ready for.
My stomach turned before I could even sit up.
The nausea hit hard.
Sharp.
Unforgiving.
I rushed to the bathroom, barely making it in time. My body trembled as I leaned over the sink, the familiar wave of sickness taking over.
By the time it passed, I felt weak.
Drained.
I stared at my reflection again.
That same pale face.
Those same tired eyes.
But something was different now.
This wasn't fear anymore.
This wasn't just suspicion.
This was reality.
"Jessy?"
Starlet's voice came from behind me.
Soft.
Careful.
I hadn't even heard her come in.
"I'm okay," I said quickly, even though I wasn't.
She didn't argue.
She just walked closer and placed a hand gently on my back.
"We should get ready," she said quietly. "We don't want to be late."
I nodded.
Because there was nothing else to do.
No more running.
No more hiding.
The journey to the clinic felt longer than it actually was.
Every turn.
Every stop.
Every second felt stretched.
Like time itself was dragging me toward something I couldn't escape.
I sat quietly, my hands resting on my lap, fingers intertwined tightly.
Starlet sat beside me.
She didn't talk much.
And somehow, I appreciated that.
Because I didn't trust my voice not to break.
When we arrived, the first thing I noticed was the smell.
Clean.
Sterile.
Unfamiliar.
It hit me instantly.
This wasn't my room.
This wasn't school.
This wasn't a place I could pretend.
This was real.
The waiting area was filled with people.
Women.
Some alone.
Some with partners.
Some laughing softly.
Some quiet, like me.
I looked around, and for the first time, I felt… small.
Like I had been thrown into a world I didn't understand.
A world I wasn't ready for.
My hand moved slowly to my stomach.
Instinctively.
Without thinking.
And for the first time…
I didn't pull it away.
"Jessy," the nurse called.
My heart skipped.
This was it.
Each step toward that room felt heavier than the last.
Starlet squeezed my hand gently before I walked in.
"I'm right here," she said.
I nodded.
Then stepped inside.
The doctor was calm.
Professional.
Her voice steady in a way that made everything feel even more serious.
She asked questions.
Routine questions.
But each answer felt like I was confirming something I had been trying to deny.
"Yes… I missed my period."
"Yes… I've been nauseous."
"Yes… I've been feeling weak."
Every "yes" felt like a step deeper into a reality I hadn't fully accepted.
Then came the test.
The confirmation.
The process.
Everything moved quietly.
Precisely.
Like this was just another normal day.
But for me…
It felt like my entire life was being rewritten in that moment.
And then…
It was done.
The doctor looked at me.
Her expression soft, but certain.
"You're pregnant."
Even though I already knew…
Hearing it like that…
Saying it like that…
It hit differently.
It landed.
Deep.
Permanent.
She explained things.
Steps.
Care.
What to expect.
Her voice continued, calm and informative.
But I barely heard anything after that.
Because my mind had already stopped.
Frozen on those two words.
You're pregnant.
My hand moved to my stomach again.
Slowly.
Carefully.
And this time…
I didn't feel just fear.
I felt something else.
Something small.
Something confusing.
Something I couldn't quite name yet.
But it was there.
When I stepped outside, the world felt too loud.
Cars.
Voices.
Movement.
Everything felt overwhelming.
Like everything was happening too fast, and I couldn't keep up.
"Jessy?" Starlet called softly.
I didn't respond.
I just stood there.
Trying to breathe.
Trying to hold everything inside me together.
But it was too much.
The tears came suddenly.
Without warning.
I turned away, covering my mouth as my shoulders shook.
"I can't do this," I whispered. "I can't… I'm not ready…"
Starlet pulled me into a hug immediately.
"You don't have to be ready right now," she said firmly. "You just have to take it one step at a time."
But it didn't feel that simple.
Nothing about this felt simple.
And then…
"Jessy."
That voice.
My entire body froze.
Slowly…
I turned around.
And there he was.
Cypher.
Standing a few steps away.
Watching me.
For a moment, everything inside me twisted.
Because despite everything…
Despite the silence.
Despite the betrayal.
Despite what I had seen with my own eyes…
A part of me still reacted to him.
Still remembered.
Still felt.
"What are you doing here?" I asked quietly.
My voice wasn't strong.
But it wasn't weak either.
It was… different.
He stepped closer.
Not too close.
Just enough.
"I've been trying to reach you," he said.
I frowned slightly.
"That's funny," I replied. "Because I've been trying to reach you for days."
He exhaled, running a hand through his hair.
"I know… I just… I needed time to think."
Time.
The same word.
The same excuse.
"I went to the clinic," I said.
My voice cut through his explanation.
Simple.
Direct.
Final.
His expression changed instantly.
"What did they say?" he asked.
I held his gaze.
"They confirmed it."
Silence.
For a moment, he didn't speak.
Didn't move.
And in that silence…
I watched him.
Carefully.
Closely.
"I've been thinking," he finally said.
"We need to figure this out."
We.
That word used to comfort me.
Now it felt… empty.
"Figure what out?" I asked.
He hesitated.
"We have to decide what to do," he said. "This isn't something we can just ignore."
Something inside me shifted.
"Now you want to talk about it?" I asked quietly.
"Now you want to figure things out?"
"Jessy—"
"No," I said, shaking my head.
"You don't get to disappear when I needed you the most… and then come back when it becomes real for you."
He frowned.
"It's real for both of us."
I let out a small, bitter laugh.
"No," I said softly.
"It became real for me a long time ago."
Silence fell between us again.
Heavy.
Tense.
Different from before.
I looked at him.
Really looked at him.
And for the first time…
I didn't feel safe.
I didn't feel comforted.
I didn't feel like running into his arms.
I just felt… tired.
"I was scared," I said quietly.
"I needed you."
He didn't respond.
"And you weren't there."
That was it.
The truth.
Simple.
Unavoidable.
He looked away.
And that…
That told me everything.
I nodded slowly.
More to myself than to him.
"I don't know what I'm going to do yet," I continued.
"But I know one thing…"
I took a small step back.
"I'm not waiting for you anymore."
His eyes snapped back to mine.
"Jessy—"
But this time…
I didn't stay.
I turned.
And started walking.
Each step felt different.
Not lighter.
Not easier.
But stronger.
Because for the first time…
I wasn't walking toward him.
I was walking away.
And even though my heart still hurt…
Even though fear still lingered inside me…
Even though nothing about this was easy…
I knew something had changed.
Because for the first time…
I didn't need him to follow me…
To know I was finally moving forward.