"For now? Nothing. Diehauser has clearly had this information for some time. Him revealing it at this moment is a demonstration of his goodwill. But soon, we will have to meet. Inform Cleria that your protector will meet him in the coming month. I'll conclude the matter of the Shinto and…"
Baraquiel opened his eyes and his tone became grave.
"...further verify Diehauser myself."
Since things had come to this, he sincerely hoped Diehauser could become a potential ally instead of enemy. Because when it came to his family's safety, he had no bottom line.
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|DxD|- Chapter 71- Breakdown
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Time Chamber, 1 Year Later, 2 Years Since Entry
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"The concept of a spirit may seem like a bit of a conundrum, but I assure you, boy. You will understand it by the time I'm done."
"Liar."
Igor mumbled from his comfortable position on top of the hourglass. He gazed at the white skies to the sizzling sound of ash below him. The cabin was rustic as always, looking like it would collapse beneath a strong breeze. Marcei's mana ball of insight accompanied him in his long break, refreshing his understanding of the third training manual.
"Let's break it down for you, shall we? You have your physique, your vigour, and your health coming together to form your physical or bodily energy. Simple enough, right? Then we have your soul. By itself, it is a bit of an oddball, hence why it is the hardest part to train."
"You can say that again."
Igor idly spun around a golden ball of energy with his finger. It swirled in circles above his nose, like his own little kite dancing in the air.
"The soul is largely influenced and governed by emotions, experience, and will which collectively form your conscience. At the same time, you have your subconscious which largely contains your instincts. Now, do stay with me here. Your conscience and subconscious both have a symbiotic relationship with each other. Picture a bridge connecting these two units. Now picture these two spanning their own respective energies to a third party called the soul, thereby forming a multilateral triangle of three units. Hopefully you are with me so far."
"You didn't need to say 'multilateral' to sound fancy, teacher. But yes. I am with you."
Igor droned with slight boredom. The little golden ball sprouted wings, becoming a little butterfly fluttering about.
"These three units work together in cohesion and together, they are collectively referred to as the soul. Your subconscious is what governs your body at birth and as stated prior, holds most of your instincts. Your conscience governs your moral alignment and compass. Hopefully, this part is simple so far."
"Anything that's simple on the surface is far more complicated, teacher. By the way, did you have a wife? You never mentioned her in your books."
Igor glanced at the floating ball, but got no intelligent reply.
"The third aspect, the soul, is rather interesting. By itself, it is a clump of metaphysical energy that can transcend realms. But rather than bore you with all the interesting little trivia about the soul, what I need you to grasp, Igor, is that soul energy can make the impossible possible. On its own, the soul is nothing more than a supremely delicious snack for gods and other races who subsist off it. But if the soul is infused with the power of the conscience and subconscious, then it can create miracles. Interesting, isn't it?"
"I wonder what it's like to have a wife. The old man and aunty have a good thing going, you know? I wonder if I'll have what they have. What do you think, teach?"
"..."
"Hm?"
Igor glanced at the ball hovering silently. He stared at it listlessly for a few moments, his eyes growing less focused until he quickly pulled it together.
"Sorry, teach. I lost focus for a moment there."
Igor gestured with his finger and a tiny force pulled the ball closer. The moment it neared him, Marcei's insight continued.
"To reaffirm your understanding, the soul is made up of three parts. It is the subconscious, the conscience, and energy. These three form the soul as it is. To join the soul to the body, a link is needed. That link is called the mind. When the energy of the soul and body meet in the mind, the resulting creation is known as spirit energy. It is unfortunately not an energy you can consciously utilise: only feel as it collects. What spirit energy does for you however, is act as an enhancer."
"Do you think I could get a wife, teach? Should it be a human? Leave it up to fate? I'm worried about what to do once I reach that part of my life."
Igor wistfully stared at the sky. His arm laid atop his forehead with a clump of what-ifs circling inside.
"I blame puberty for this. And I blame aunty for all those books. Now I want to know what it feels like to hug a woman, hold her hand, and…smell her perfume. Is that weird, teacher? Oh what am I saying. It's definitely weird."
"The human body already produces spirit energy, but it is in small amounts and rarely usable beyond auxiliary purposes. Passively, a strong spirit does offer certain benefits, especially for vitality wielders. A stronger grasp over your energy, higher efficiency, and a higher passive growth rate are just key amongst the others."
"If I were put in a novel, I would be the weird kid in class. Nothing about me is normal and I wouldn't fit in."
He chuckled.
"I don't know whether to feel sad or concerned that I'm having these thoughts. They come more often these days."
Igor turned his head to the side. Marcei's insight hovered midair like always. How he wished he had someone to talk to.
"Yeah. I'm definitely the weird kid."
The sphere drew closer and Marcei droned on once more.
"What we are doing for this third edition of the series, is to not only increase the quantity, but the quality as well. The goal is to reach a state of unity. There is no direct training method, but I will advise you to get comfortable with meditation. You will face little trouble from the physical portion as long as you train. But for your soul, the most crucial aspect to achieve unity, is to accept yourself and have a firm idealogical sense of being and direction. That will come to you as you age and see the world, Igor. So do not rush. These kinds of things come gradually and more often, at the most surprising of times."
"I don't have the time to wait for decades like you, teacher. I need to be high-class before I leave here, not achieve it in my seventies."
Igor frowned. For his people, it was very normal to achieve spirit unification even in their hundreds. He had to do it earlier. He had the need and the drive to do that. He just needed a clear 'how'.
"What am I supposed to do? I always feel like I'm lacking something. I know what I want and it's very simple, right? So why do I still feel like something's still missing?"
He scratched his chest right over where his heart lay. Its strong beat thrummed through the thick layer of muscle.
"Or maybe all that I want is too conceptual for me to believe in? Is that it? Me not believing myself?"
Silence answered his query. For a moment, Igor felt a deep hollowness. He felt lost. He had a direction and a goal, but the road appeared blurry, especially in this moment.
"I must be going crazy. Anyone seeing me would believe I'm a lunatic. Look at yourself, Igor. You're talking to a recording like it was a real conversation. You're…a mess."
He forced himself to sit up. His eyes fell into the depths of the grey horizon. His body felt cold, an impossible feeling due to his vitality. He didn't feel well, both in mind and body.
"I miss them, teach."
Igor solemnly admitted.
"I miss them and it's cutting me deep. I'm only two years in, teacher. Two years and I'm ready to call it quits."
He rubbed his forehead for seconds that passed slowly. His eyes were closed, pulled shut by the weight of his words and feelings.
"I'm failing them, teach. I'm failing them. I know I'm failing them by being like this. I should be training, pushing for a way to reach high-class, but I'm losing drive. I can feel it."
A deep sadness took hold, a longing that watered the roots choking his heart.
"I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home."
That familiar forest flashed in his mind, an exquisite home filled with love and warmth. Compared to that heaven, this place was cold and unbearable. This place wasn't and could never be his home.
"I'm afraid that if I wake up in that room one more time, I'll just…"
Igor looked at it with growing animosity. An intense desire to destroy swelled within him, and he embraced it.
*Pa!*
The wind whipped as he swiftly snapped into the air. Igor floated with his hand raised high, and a menacing ball of vital energy rapidly spun into existence.
Three metres, five metres, nine metres, thirteen, sixteen, twenty metres: the ball increased in diameter, enlarging into a giant golden flame. All he needed was one gesture, one flick of his hand, and this hell-hole that was once his prison would be destroyed.
But this cabin had far too many important things inside. His clan's history, Shuri's care for him, all of it memorable items he could not lose. By the time that thought arose, his resolve had shrunk, but not his anger.
"DAMNIT!!"
Igor flung his arm, and the sphere shot far and wide into the horizon. Seconds later, it exploded afar into a giant blaze. The scorched chunks of rock reflected in his eyes. He watched the destruction, and it brought a measure of calm to him.
"You're hormonal, Igor. You're eighteen. You're feeling a lot of things. Emotions are haywire. But that is no excuse to lose control."
He spoke in a faint whisper, but one that held strong self-reproach and a sense of disgust.
"You're better than this. You hear me? You're better than this. Don't do it again, Igor."
His fists clenched.
"Don't destroy with your own hands."
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AN: Thanks for reading so far, guys. Since you've come this far, it means I'm doing something right.
Chapter 71
END