Friday.
We're halfway through the year.
I was sitting in the courtyard, on a bench beneath the shade of a tree.
My birthday is a week away.
During all this time, nothing particularly interesting has happened to me.
But…
The good thing is, I keep seeing Asia getting closer to Kunze.
I always see them talking during break, and sometimes… I even catch them holding hands.
Though what's strange is that they're still not officially together.
Maybe Kunze hasn't found the courage to confess yet…
or maybe Asia is still getting used to everything.
I understand her.
After all… it was only this year that they started getting to know each other.
Asia is one of the few girls I know who's reserved…
and who loves in such a sincere way.
She…
A year ago, she told me she would keep loving me even if my heart belonged to someone else.
…
It hurts… losing her.
But at the same time, I'm glad… because I achieved my goal of helping my best friend.
I could've been with someone who truly loved me.
And even so… because I was obsessed with someone else, I made that mistake.
But… things happen for a reason.
Right?
Ayae still doesn't want to talk to me.
I don't know what I did.
And that… hurts more than it should.
But it's probably because of her boyfriend.
She said she didn't want me getting into trouble because of her.
I wish I could go back to how things used to be.
Even so…
Lately, Natsuki and I have been spending more time together whenever we go out.
With her, I feel a strange kind of calm…
a calm that sometimes disappears without warning.
Even so…
I don't feel the same way I used to feel with Ayae.
And the worst part is…
That feeling…
I don't even remember it the same way anymore.
It's like it's fading.
Like something inside me is slowly going out.
I have this feeling that what I felt for Ayae…
was far more intense than this.
So why does it feel so distant now?
Why do I feel like this?
At that moment, I saw someone familiar walking by with a girl.
They were holding hands.
And when I saw that…
I felt something strange.
An uneasiness I couldn't quite explain.
The sound of the bell, signaling the end of break, interrupted my thoughts.
I went back to the classroom.
Some time passed.
In the middle of class, Kunze tossed a piece of paper at me.
I read it.
He said he was going shopping after school and asked if I wanted to come along.
I looked up.
He was watching me.
I nodded.
After that, nothing interesting really happened.
Until classes ended.
I saw Ayae pack her things and leave… with that distant, melancholic look she's had ever since the day she told me she had a boyfriend.
That expression…
It hasn't changed since then.
Kunze called out to me, and we headed out to go shopping.
On the way, we talked about random school stuff.
Until suddenly, Kunze asked me something.
—Hey, Itsuki…
His tone was curious… but there was something else.
Like he was hesitating.
—What is it?
—I've noticed you and Ayae don't spend time together like before… —he paused slightly—. I was wondering why you've been drifting apart so much.
He noticed.
Probably… not just him.
The whole class has likely noticed too.
That distance…
It's no longer something I can hide.
Should I tell him the truth?
Should I tell him everything?
Tell him I don't understand anything… that from one day to the next, she just pulled away?
Tell him that… it hurts?
No.
I don't want him to see me like that.
I don't want to become someone pitiful.
—I honestly don't know —I replied—. Ayae probably has her own reasons… but we're not fighting or anything.
Kunze looked at me in silence.
As if trying to see through my words.
—Really?
For a second…
I felt like if I hesitated, everything would fall apart.
—Yeah… really.
I looked away.
We kept walking.
But the conversation didn't feel finished.
Just… avoided.
We kept walking.
And when we were near the store… I saw him again.
That guy I had seen during break.
This time, he was with a different girl.
They were hugging.
Like nothing.
Like it was the most normal thing in the world.
—Hey, Kunze… —I said quietly.
—What is it? —he replied.
I pointed subtly.
—Wasn't he with another girl earlier? During break, I saw him holding hands with someone else.
Kunze looked in the direction I pointed, then nodded.
—Yeah… that was someone else.
He didn't sound surprised.
That was the strange part.
—But that's actually pretty common —Kunze added—. Here… and in a lot of places.
I looked at him, confused.
—Common?
—Yeah —he replied calmly—. Some people aren't looking for anything serious.
He paused briefly before continuing.
—Just someone to spend time with. Go out, distract themselves… not feel alone.
His tone wasn't critical.
Just… direct.
—And when it stops working… they just move on —he added.
—It's not like everyone is like that —Kunze continued—, but it's not rare either.
—It's easier.
—You don't get too attached.
—It doesn't hurt as much when it ends.
I stared ahead for a few seconds before speaking.
—And that… is enough?
Kunze didn't answer right away.
—It depends on the person —he said finally—. Some people are okay with that.
He lowered his gaze slightly.
—As long as they don't get too involved… it works for them.
He didn't sound happy saying it.
Just… honest.
—But there are others… —he added— who can't. Who, even if they try… end up feeling empty.
Something uncomfortable tightened in my chest.
—Why? —I asked.
Kunze answered without hesitation.
—Because deep down, they expect something more.
A brief pause.
—Something that can't be replaced so easily.
I lowered my gaze for a moment before speaking again.
—What about you?
Kunze let out a small, humorless laugh.
—I'm not built for that —he replied—. If I like someone… I can't pretend it doesn't matter.
I believed him.
—That's why I prefer something serious —he continued—. Even if it's more complicated. Even if it hurts more.
He stayed silent for a few seconds.
Then he said something… almost like he was thinking out loud.
—In the end… what stays with you the most isn't how many people you've been with.
A slight pause.
—It's the one you couldn't stay with.
I didn't respond.
But that line stayed with me.
We arrived at the store and did the shopping.
Everything seemed normal.
But for some reason…
What Kunze said kept repeating in my mind.
Like an echo.
Like it had touched something inside me that I didn't want to face.
When we finished, we said goodbye and I headed home.
I reached the door.
And that feeling was still there.
It wouldn't go away.
I went inside and did what I always do.
I was hungry.
Luckily, before leaving, my mom had left some rice ready. I just had to figure out something to go with it.
I started cooking.
And for a moment, I managed to distract myself.
Minutes passed.
Until finally, I was done.
I looked at what I had made.
It wasn't anything special…
But it was mine.
Just as I was about to serve myself, someone knocked on the door.
I stopped.
I put everything down.
I walked over to the window to see who it was.
And...