Zayne was in a consultation meeting with Dr. Greyson when his phone buzzed.
Hamster š¹:Bringing lunch! Be there soon! š
*She's bringing lunch. This is sweet. Normal wife behavior. Nothing could possibly go wrong.*
Everything was about to go wrong.
He returned to discussing a patient's cardiac enzyme levels when he heard it.
A BELL.
A bicycle bell.
Ring ring! Ring ring!
In the hospital corridor.
...
*That sounds like a bicycle bell. But that's impossible. This is a hospital. A HOSPITAL. You can't ride bicycles inā*
Through the WINDOW of the meeting room, he saw her.
Nana.
On a bicycle.
RIDING DOWN THE HOSPITAL CORRIDOR.
*No. NO. This isn't happening. This is a stress hallucination. I've finally snapped. My wife is NOT riding a bicycle through a sterile medical facilityā*
Ring ring!
She waved at a group of nurses, who DOVE out of the way.
*This is real. This is happening. My wife is violating approximately 47 hospital protocols simultaneously.*
Dr. Greyson looked up from his notes. "Is that... is someone riding a BICYCLE in the hospital?!"
Zayne stood slowly, face completely blankāhis clinical mask at maximum power.
*Poker face. Maintain poker face. Do not let anyone know that's my WIFE. My reputation is hanging by a thread.*
"Excuse me," he said calmly. "I need to... address a situation."
He exited the meeting room.
The corridor was CHAOS.
Patients pressing themselves against walls.
Doctors staring in disbelief.
Nurses abandoning their stations.
And in the CENTER of it all: his tiny wife, pedaling her bicycle like she was on a NATURE TRAIL, heading straight for the nurse's station.
*She's. She's going to PARK it. She's going to park her bicycle at the nurse's station like it's a PARKING LOT.*
She did exactly that.
Hopped off gracefully, used the kickstand, and PARKED IT right in front of the main desk.
The head nurse, Martha, looked like she'd seen a ghost. Or a bicycle. Same thing in a hospital.
"Hi!" Nana beamed. "Where is my handsome husband? Dr. Li? The VERY handsome cardiac surgeon?"
*She's asking for me. By physical description. In front of the entire staff. Of course she is.*
Martha's lips twitched. She was TRYING not to laugh. "Dr. Li is... he's right behind you, dear."
Nana spun around, face lighting up. "HUSBAND!"
* Everyone now knows. The entire hospital knows. The tiny bicycle woman is married to me. My professional reputation: deceased.*
He walked closer, trying to maintain composure, when he noticed the DETAILS of her bicycle:
- Leaves stuck in the spokes
- Twigs tangled in the front wheel
- A FLOWER lodged in the handlebars
- Mud on the tires
- What appeared to be GRASS STAINS on the seat
* She crashed. Into flowers. Again. My wife has a 100% collision rate with flora.*
"Nana," he said calmly, "why is there a bicycle in the hospital?"
She blinked innocently, holding up a lunchbox. "I brought you LUNCH! And bicycle is faster than walking!"
"You could have taken a car. Or called me. Orā"
"But bicycle is FUN! And good for environment! And I can ring the bell!" She demonstrated. *Ring ring!*
*She's environmentally conscious while violating sterile field protocols. This is. I don't know how to process this.*
Around them, nurses were LOSING IT. Trying to hide their laughter behind clipboards and medical charts.
Martha wasn't even trying. She was just GRINNING.
"You have a very... enthusiastic wife, Dr. Li."
*Enthusiastic. That's the polite word. Chaotic. Destructive. Adorable. Those are the accurate words.*
"She's unique," he said carefully, accepting the lunchbox from Nana's hands.
She beamed up at him, completely proud of herself. "I made it myself! Well, I SUPERVISED while the chef made it! Same thing!"
* She supervised. She watched someone else cook because she's BANNED from kitchens. This is technically accurate.*
"Thank you, hamster." He patted her head. "Now, can you please remove the bicycle from the hospital?"
"Oh! Right!" She climbed back on, wobbling slightly. "BYE HUSBAND! BYE PRETTY NURSES! BYE EVERYONE!"
*Ring ring!*
She pedaled away, WAVING with one hand (unsafe), leaving a trail of fallen leaves behind her.
*She just. She just left. After violating every protocol. And everyone's WAVING BACK. They're CHARMED by her. This is my life.*
Martha was full-on LAUGHING now. "Dr. Li, your wife is ADORABLE."
"She's a menace."
"A cute menace!"
*Cute menace. Accurate diagnosis.*
Dr. Greyson appeared beside him. "Was that Mrs. Li? On a bicycle? In our hospital?"
"Yes."
"She brought you lunch?"
"Yes."
"...That's actually very sweet."
*It's sweet AND catastrophic. Duality exists.*
"There's a flower on the corridor floor," Dr. Greyson observed.
* She shed parts of her bicycle collision. Like a trail. Hansel and Gretel but with flora casualties.*
"I'll handle it," Zayne sighed (#870).
But when he opened the lunchbox, it was his favorite foods. Perfectly arranged. With a little note: *"For my handsome husband! Love, your hamster wife! š¹š"*
*She. She made an effort. Even if 'made' means 'supervised.' And she biked all the way here. Breaking every rule. Because she wanted to bring me lunch.*
*I'm going to scold her SO thoroughly later.*
*But first I'm eating this.*
.
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.
.
š»š»š»
Nana sprawled on the couch, raiding Jisu's fridge for the third time.
"So," Mina was saying, pacing AGAIN (her natural state), "what do I WEAR for my first date with Guan Lin?!"
Jisu was on her bed, surrounded by OUTFIT OPTIONS. "Should I wear the blue dress for Mark? To match his eyes?! Or is that too obvious?!"
Nana emerged from the fridge with cheese, crackers, and what appeared to be leftover pasta. "Both sound good!" She munched thoughtfully.
"NANA, FOCUS!" Mina grabbed her shoulders. "This is IMPORTANT! How do I impress a Li family man?!"
*Husband is impressed when I... exist? Breathe? Accidentally say sunflower? Not sure what the strategy is here.*
"Just be yourself!" Nana said cheerfully. "Zayne likes me even when I break things!"
"That's because you're CUTE when you break things!" Jisu countered. "What if we're not cute?! What if we're just DESTRUCTIVE?!"
"Then you'll fit right into my marriage!" Nana beamed.
PFFFFT.
She farted.
Immediately, she COUGHED. Loudly. "COUGH COUGH! Sorry! Allergies! COUGH COUGH!"
Mina and Jisu STARED at her.
"Nana... did you justā"
"COUGH COUGH! THE POLLEN! SO BAD TODAY! COUGH!"
PFFFFT.
Another one.
"COUGH COUGH COUGH!"
Jisu was CRYING with laughter. "YOU'RE FARTING!"
"I'M COUGHING!"
"YOU'RE FARTING AND COUGHING!"
Mina collapsed on the floor, wheezing. "THE PILLAR STRATEGY! SHE'S DOING IT AGAIN BUT WITH COUGHING!"
PFFFFT.
"COUGHā okay fine yes I'm farting!" Nana admitted, cheeks RED. "I ate too much cheese!"
"HOW MUCH CHEESE?!"
She held up the empty cheese block wrapper. "This much?"
"THAT'S A WHOLE KILOGRAM OF CHEESE!" Jisu shrieked.
"It was GOOD cheese!"
* Cheese is delicious. No regrets. Except the gas. Some regrets about the gas.*
Mina was still laughing. "Does Zayne know about your... digestive concerts?"
"He heard me fart at the family dinner!" Nana said proudly. "Behind the pillar!"
"WE KNOW! THE WHOLE CITY KNOWS!"
"He laughed!" Nana added. "That means he LOVES me!"
PFFFFT.
All three dissolved into giggles.
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.
š»š»š»
Zayne sat on the couch, reading a medical journal, looking completely calm.
*Tonight's agenda: Address the bicycle situation. Address the hospital corridor situation. Address the fact that she's now INFAMOUS among my colleagues.*
In front of him stood Nana.
On ONE LEG.
Flamingo punishment position.
*Punishment initiated. Time: 20 minutes. Offense: Operating unauthorized vehicles in sterile medical facilities.*
"How long?" she whimpered, already wobbling.
He checked his watch without looking up from his journal. "Twenty minutes."
"TWENTY?!"
"You rode a bicycle. Through a hospital. Past patients. Past sterile fields. You could have caused a CODE SITUATION."
"But I brought you LUNCHā"
"Which I appreciated. After I recovered from the heart palpitations caused by seeing my wife CYCLING through my workplace."
* My colleagues will never let me live this down. Dr. Greyson already made three bicycle jokes during afternoon rounds.*
She wobbled.
He calmly reached into the hidden macaron stash beside him (her secret stash that she thought he didn't know about) and ate one.
"HEY! THOSE ARE MINE!"
"Were yours. Past tense. Everytime you wobble, I eat one."
*Operant conditioning. Negative reinforcement. Perfectly valid psychological training method. Also delicious.*
She tried SO HARD to stay balanced.
Five seconds passed.
She wobbled again.
He ate another macaron, maintaining eye contact.
"This is CRUEL!"
"This is educational."
*Educational punishment via macaron confiscation. I'm either a genius or a terrible husband. The macarons are very good though.*
"My leg HURTSā"
"Should have considered that before parking at the nurse's station."
WOBBLE.
Another macaron gone.
"ZAYNE!"
"Hm?" He turned a page in his journal, picture of calm.
*She's learning. Slowly. The wobble frequency is decreasing. Also, these are raspberry macarons. Excellent choice on her part.*
"You're ENJOYING this!"
"I'm enjoying these macarons, yes. Very thoughtful of you to hide them where I could find them."
"I HID THEM IN THE FLOUR CONTAINER! HOW DID YOUā"
"I'm a surgeon. I notice details. Including the fact that we don't bake, yet the flour container is suspiciously heavy."
* Also it smelled like macarons. Very obvious hiding spot. 2/10 stealth skills.*
She was SHAKING now, trying to maintain balance.
Ten minutes down. Ten to go.
*WOBBLE.*
"NO WAIT I DIDN'Tā"
He ate another one. "Mmm. Strawberry."
"That's my FAVORITE flavor!"
"Was your favorite flavor."
*Internal Zayne: I'm a monster. A macaron-stealing monster. This is effective discipline though. She's learning that actions have delicious consequences. For me.*
She lasted another three minutes before WOBBLING dramatically.
He ate two macarons in succession. "These are very good. Where did you buy them?"
"The fancy place downtown! They're EXPENSIVE!"
"I'm aware. I saw the credit card statement."
*WOBBLE.*
Another one gone.
She was CRYING now. Actual tears. "YOU'RE EATING ALL OF THEM!"
"Natural consequences of wobbling."
"I'LL NEVER RIDE A BICYCLE AGAIN!"
"That's the goal, yes."
*Internal Zayne: Behavioral modification: successful. She's verbally committed to never repeating the offense. This is good parenting. Wait. She's my wife, not my child. This is good... husbanding? Is that a word?*
Finally, twenty minutes passed.
"Done," he announced.
She COLLAPSED on the couch beside him, leg aching. "You're so MEAN!"
"I'm so effective."
She glared at him, then noticed the EMPTY macaron container.
"YOU ATE THEM ALL?!"
"Sixteen macarons. You wobbled sixteen times. Math checks out."
*Internal Zayne: Also they were delicious. No regrets.*
"I HATE YOU!"
"You love me."
She PAUSED, because he was right. "...I love you but I'm ANGRY!"
*Internal Zayne: Duality exists. She can be both. This is healthy relationship dynamics.*
He finally looked up from his journal, meeting her eyes. "You can't ride bicycles through hospitals, hamster. It's dangerous. Patients could get hurt. YOU could get hurt."
Her anger deflated. "I just wanted to bring you lunch..."
*Internal Zayne: And there it is. The genuine intention behind the chaos. She meant well. She always means well. The execution is just... catastrophically flawed.*
He pulled her into his lap. "I know. And I appreciated the lunch. But next time, walk like a normal person. Or call me. Orā"
"Or ride a SCOOTER?"
"NO WHEELED VEHICLES OF ANY KIND IN THE HOSPITAL."
She pouted, but nodded against his chest.
*Internal Zayne: She's agreeing. Probably. Maybe. She'll definitely do something equally chaotic next time. But different. Always different. Keeps me on my toes. Literally, since I'm constantly chasing her.*
"Can I have a kiss?" she asked quietly. "Since you ate all my macarons?"
*Internal Zayne: She's negotiating. Learning transactional relationship dynamics. This is either growth or I'm corrupting her. Probably both.*
"Fair trade."
He kissed her, soft and sweet, tasting like stolen macarons and victory.
When he pulled back, she was grinning. "You taste like MY macarons!"
"Our macarons now."
"THEFT!"
"Punishment protocol."
She TACKLED him on the couch, trying to tickle him in revenge. He didn't laugh (he's not ticklish), but he let her try, amused by the attempt.
*Internal Zayne: She's attacking me with tickles. This is her revenge strategy. It's ineffective but adorable. I'll allow it.*
"You're not even TICKLISH!" she complained.
"Occupational hazard. Steady hands require steady nerves."
"That's not FAIR!"
"Life isn't fair, Mrs. Li."
She HUFFED, but settled on top of him, using him as a human mattress.
*Internal Zayne: I'm furniture again. This is fine. She's warm. Smells like cheese for some reason but. Warm.*
"Zayne?"
"Mm?"
"Sorry about the bicycle."
"I know."
"And the hospital."
"I know."
"And eating all of Jisu's cheese."
*Internal Zayne: That explains the smell. And probably theā wait.*
"Did you fart at Jisu's apartment?"
She FROZE. "...No?"
"Nana."
"I COUGHED to cover it!"
*Internal Zayne: She used the coughing strategy. Evolution of the pillar method. She's adapting. Learning. This is concerning.*
He sighed (#871), but was smiling (#30).
"You're impossible."
"But you love me!"
"Unfortunately, yes."
She GIGGLED, snuggling closer. "Best husband. Even when you steal macarons."
*Internal Zayne: Best husband. I ate her secret stash and made her stand on one leg for twenty minutes. The bar is either very low or very high. Unclear which.*
"Best wife. Even when she commits traffic violations in medical facilities."
"It was ONE TIMEā"
"Let's keep it that way."
"...No promises."
*Internal Zayne: Of course no promises. Why would I expect promises from a woman who thinks pillars provide adequate coverage for flatulence?*
*But she's mine. My chaotic, bicycle-riding, hospital-disrupting, macaron-hiding, cheese-eating, fart-coughing hamster wife.*
*And I wouldn't change a single thing.*
*Except maybe hide the bicycle keys.*
---
**Meanwhile - Akso Hospital Staff Chat**
**Nurse Martha:** Did Dr. Li's wife really ride a bicycle through the hospital today?
**Dr. Greyson:** Yes. I witnessed it. She parked at the nurse's station.
**Nurse Chen:** She WAVED at me! So cute!
**Dr. Yuki:** The chief cardiac surgeon's wife is a MENACE.
**Nurse Martha:** A CUTE menace!
**Dr. Greyson:** Should we ban bicycles?
**Nurse Martha:** Too late. She's already gone. Left a trail of flowers.
**Dr. Yuki:** The flower is still on my desk. I'm keeping it.
**Dr. Greyson:** We're all keeping evidence of the bicycle incident.
**Nurse Chen:** Dr. Li looked SO done. But he ate the lunch she brought!
**Nurse Martha:** True love is eating lunch after your wife violates hospital protocols.
**Everyone:** Agreed.
---
**Meanwhile - Mr. Fluffytail's Tree**
Mr. Fluffytail watched through the window as the humans snuggled.
*"She rode a BICYCLE through a HOSPITAL."*
Mrs. Fluffytail nodded. *"I heard from the sparrows. Very impressive."*
*"She has no fear."*
*"She has no SENSE."*
*"...True."*
*"But they're happy."*
Mr. Fluffytail couldn't argue with that.
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To be continued.