Chapter 58
Yang Jian had barely stepped into the villa living room when the absurd scene in front of him made him burst out laughing.
A guy in a red bodysuit with white circles on his mask was currently being suspended upside-down in mid-air by Wanda's chaos magic.
His head dangled and swayed. Even in this embarrassing position, he kept chattering nonstop.
"Seriously, witch lady—in other universes you'd at most just shut me up. Literally, like magically sealing my mouth or something."
"But upside-down? What kind of new punishment is this?"
He tried to prop himself up on the floor with his hands, only to spin like a top.
"And can someone explain why Bumblebee is in the Marvel universe? And Megan Fox? Oh wait—is this some Marvel/Transformers crossover event? That's so cool! But usually big events like this come with a teaser trailer first!"
Wanda sat elegantly on the sofa, slowly sipping her juice, completely ignoring his rambling.
Mikaela lounged lazily on the other side, boredly flipping TV channels.
The funniest part was Bumblebee—he had his mechanical arm reaching in through the window, occasionally poking the dangling Deadpool. Every poke made him spin faster.
"Looks like I missed a good show?" Yang Jian walked in with a smile.
"Yang!" Mikaela immediately stood up.
"This chatterbox suddenly dropped from the ceiling—almost knocked over my juice!"
The upside-down Deadpool abruptly stopped spinning. Wanda kindly used magic to brake him, his mask's eyes widening dramatically.
"Whoa! Who's this new guy? Asian too!" Deadpool's white eye-pieces on the mask stretched comically wide.
"Are you Shang-Chi's brother? Did the Ten Rings get a new movie?"
Bumblebee reached in from the window again and poked him—making him spin even faster.
"Seriously, this place is too weird!" Deadpool continued babbling.
"Though I'd love to tweet about it: #MarvelCrossoverTransformers #TenRings2BrothersWar#"
He suddenly paused: "Wait, that plot actually slaps! Marvel's been bombing at the box office lately—how about a movie where Shang-Chi fights his dad's illegitimate son for control of the Ten Rings?"
Yang Jian crossed his arms with interest: "And how exactly did you end up in this universe? You fourth-wall breakers all seem to love coming here."
"We? Who else?" Deadpool suddenly stopped spinning.
"Gwenpool? Come on! That girl's way too chaotic!" He tilted his head, sizing Yang Jian up.
"By the way—who are you exactly? I need to take notes so next time I visit your parallel-universe counterpart I can say hi."
Yang Jian's eyes suddenly flared red: "Keep talking and I'll let you experience what it feels like to be grilled."
"Whoa whoa whoa!" Deadpool wasn't scared at all—instead he got even more excited and screamed.
"Heat vision! You're Superman!!" He flailed in mid-air.
"What kind of chaotic universe is this? Did Marvel buy the Superman rights? Wait! You're not Henry Cavill either!"
Bumblebee clearly couldn't take it anymore—his car stereo suddenly blasted a news broadcast clip.
"Let me down~" Deadpool suddenly whined.
"I promise not to spoil Deadpool 3! Though Wolverine's butt really is perky."
"Bumblebee!"
Deadpool suddenly turned toward the window: "Can you sign an autograph? My niece is obsessed with your movie!"
Bumblebee made a "get lost" gesture.
Wanda rolled her eyes and flicked her fingers. Deadpool dropped with a plop onto the carpet.
He immediately sprang up like a spring and crowded right in front of Yang Jian, looking left and right.
"So you're a Kryptonian? Do you get weakened by kryptonite? Have you ever tried with Wonder Woman—oh wait that's DC."
He suddenly covered his mouth: "Did I cross franchises again?"
He lowered his voice: "Seriously though, your universe is so weird. I just tried interacting with the readers, but they couldn't hear me? Can you guys hear me? Who do you think is hotter—this version of Superman or Henry Cavill? Voting starts now, winner gets Deadpool spending the night with them—but you better shower…"
"Hey hey!"
Yang Jian grabbed Deadpool by the collar: "Looks like we need to have a serious talk about how you broke into this universe."
"Wait wait wait! No heat vision!" Deadpool flailed dramatically like a startled crab, hopping back two steps.
"I'll talk! I'll talk!"
He cleared his throat and suddenly adopted a horror-storytelling pose: "Okay, so here's what happened. I was happily touring universes—visited the Tobey Maguire upside-down kiss scene, stole a sandwich from Tom Holland's universe."
Wanda impatiently flicked her fingers. Deadpool's mouth was instantly sealed by magic—he could only make muffled "mmph mmph" sounds.
Yang Jian laughed and waved. Wanda released the spell.
"Cough cough!"
Deadpool rubbed his mouth: "Anyway, I accidentally wandered into a super gross universe! Everyone there had turned into zombies! Zombie Captain America was chewing on Falcon's wings, zombie Iron Man's suit was crawling with maggots!" He shuddered exaggeratedly.
"The scariest was zombie Hulk! After turning, the big green guy still tried flirting! He chased me yelling 'Little Spider, don't run—let me bite your perky butt!'"
Mikaela listened raptly, forgetting to eat her chips: "And then?"
"Then I urgently activated my time-space belt!" Deadpool made an explosive hand gesture.
"But the coordinates glitched and I dropped right onto this red-haired witch's head!" He sneaked a glance at Wanda.
"Honestly—in other universes you have a much better temper."
Wanda's eyes flashed red. Deadpool immediately started doing an involuntary tap dance—his legs controlled by chaos magic.
"Ow! Stop stop stop!" Deadpool yelled while dancing.
"I haven't gotten to the main point yet!"
Yang Jian watched this living disaster with interest: "What's the main point?"
Deadpool suddenly broke free of the magic, darting in front of Yang Jian and squeezing his bicep: "Whoa! This texture! Firmer than Captain America's!"
He looked up at Yang Jian: "The main point is—that zombie universe's virus is spreading! I saw zombie Thanos already leading his zombie army to invade other universes!"
The shocking news made the living room fall dead silent.
Deadpool took the chance to sneak another squeeze of Yang Jian's abs: "By the way, your universe is really weird—Transformers and Superman together? Did some writer do drugs when creating this?"
Bumblebee suddenly transformed, his mechanical arm slamming down in front of Deadpool—scaring him into jumping onto Yang Jian's back: "Save me! The car guy's gonna kill me!"
Yang Jian plucked him off like a kitten: "You said the zombie virus is spreading? Is it the 2149 universe?"
"Absolutely true!" Deadpool suddenly turned serious.
"I saw at least three universes already fallen. Even scarier…"
He lowered his voice: "…the zombies seem to retain their pre-death superpowers."
"Wait—you know it's the 2149 universe? Have you been there? Did you meet a dancing zombie Thor?"
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