Listening to music is something I will never stop. Therefore, hearing that my favorite boy group member suddenly left his group came as a shock. To me, music is more than melodies or words spoken. It was a way to keep me alive while in school, to give me inspiration and courage. I had followed a specific boy group since 2021, a few months after they debuted.
To me, they sparkled. Every member is good at singing and dancing in their own artistic way. I was proud of enjoying music from someone who was musically talented.
My music style clashes with a lot of people, so I never told anybody about it. The reason was to save myself from ridicule. It was enough that I liked reading manga and watching anime. Someone like me wasn't allowed to like such stuff.
Hiding in the corner of the classroom in eighth grade and listening to music while working was the highlight of my day. I'd put my earphone on the lowest volume in case someone heard what I was listening to. Sitting there, I was all jittery and happy. I thought about so many things. About how I would be when I grew up. Would I create music? Meet these artists and work with them? Make music that people love and enjoy?
When listening to music, my imagination and inspiration spring forth. No one can tell me to stop. I'm in my own world where no one can invade. Not even the noises of the world. But two days ago, the world started seeping into my world. My imagination both sprouted and came to a halt.
The departure of one person can change my musical direction, my world. His flight to forge his own path was both breathtaking and melancholy.
I lie on my bed, still numb to the news. Speculations are already going around about why he left the group. Some people, like me, are sad over the fact that we never got to see the whole group perform. Yet we are still happy he chose to go solo, or are we?
"Adah, why do you look so sad?" Joel enters my room. "I've been knocking on the door for a while. Has something happened?"
I show him an article on my phone. "He has left the group." He throws a quick glance at my phone before laying his head on my lap.
"Is this why you're so glum?" He fiddles with my hair.
"Yes. I never got to see them perform as a whole group. I've been watching them since I was twelve." I sigh.
"Adah, I know. You hardly ever stick with something this long, be it music, movies, or books."
"I always have something that I replay over and over, and now they're six members. Sure, I'll still support them, but it feels weird."
"Everything I'm ever interested in is either out of reach or not available." A smirk appears on his face.
"But I am. I'm never out of reach for you. So don't be so sad. I'm sure you'll go to one of their concerts one day. You know K-pop groups usually have reunions and stuff."
I sigh, muttering.
"It was so unexpected. No one saw this coming. I've not done anything as a thank you for all their years. Not even a single comment."
"Yes, you have. You always watch their videos every Thursday. Plus, you can start now." I look down at him.
"How?"
"Cello. You should pursue it wholeheartedly. I would love to hear you write a piece about someone who inspires you."
My thoughts come to a hasty halt.
The reason I always listen to their music is because I was so proud of being able to listen to people who give their all, no matter what. Even after an awful survival show, they still manage to always do their best. Just the sheer grit makes me think about how I should give my all in everything I do.
Nothing is ever in vain. Everything has a meaning. Just as when I was in the saddest moments of my life. The only comfort I had was crying once a month in my bathroom quietly, praying and talking to God, telling Him how hard life was.
"Adah, to earth!" He caresses my cheeks. "There you go, drifting off into Neverland. Don't think too hard about it. There is always something you can do. You're more talented than you think."He slowly exhales.
"Don't think about the bad times. Remember the feeling when you're listening to music. What you're thinking about, how your emotions and imagination flow."
He sits up, eyes solemnly looking at me, not patronizing me for reacting over music.
"Do what only you can do. Something that will bring you joy and peace. I know you have big aspirations, and you'll make them."
"But what am I supposed to listen to now? It's not the same. I can't change a routine of five years." I can hear my heart hurriedly beating, but calming down at his touch.
"It's okay. Who knows, maybe he'll come back by God's grace. Even so, make sure every moment you spent listening is worth it."
"Do you really think I can make it far in life? What if I give up on my music and what—"
He softly places his hand over my mouth.
"Don't belittle yourself. The connection you feel toward music is proof enough that you can make it."
"Not only can you play an instrument, you bring forth inspiration while listening to music. And you're able to apply that to the books you write."
I'm the one who feels sad, yet his eyes and voice tremble more than mine.
"The stories you create in your head are so intricate. One moment, one melody is enough to bring forth a world."
He hugs me tightly.
"What you are feeling right now is beautiful. It shows how you can appreciate people's talents."
"Why are you crying, Joel?"
"Because I hate when you don't believe in yourself. And I'm not crying. The way you make me caught in your feelings is amazing."
I grip onto him tightly.
"It's not just your facial expressions. It's you. I get swayed by your every move. So seeing you feel sad makes me feel even worse."
I slowly exhale.
"What should I do now? I never thought someone halfway around the globe could impact me like this. I know that this has made me realize that music impacts me deeply—" I bite down on my lip.
"Don't bite your lip," he whispers. "I'll help you. I'll make sure you find your spark again. And you know how?" I tilt my head. "In what way?" I ask.
"By listening to their music. Stopping now will only halt you. If they bring forth so much happiness, maybe it's meant to be. A timeless inspiration."
A surprise big enough—
to leave me empty.
Loneliness in a world of diversity.
Am I the odd one out?
A difference is peculiar, foreign.
Like someone departing.
Abruptly they show up.
Bravery so commendable.
Believe, accept that you are unique.
Make that your weapon—
for others and you.
A positive impact is good.
An eternal impact is exceptional.