You are all I've ever asked for. I can with great faith say that I'll see you tomorrow, without the fear of being shunned. Together we grow. It takes a while for seeds to grow. Yet in due time the harvest will be reaped. Therefore love strongly and do not fear mistakes. It's a part of who we are. We'll try over and over. And we will go far.
So breathe and take it easy. Take in the sun. Like a snowball that hits with a hard impact, it melts in the sunlight.
"I'll never let that go," Joel pants, short of breath. "I'll catch you." I squeal with laughter from my hiding place.
"Adah, come on! We need to hit them first!" Bae peeks out from our snow fortress.
"Yeah, Bae is right. We need to get them first," a kid says softly, tugging my coat. "Alright, do you think I'll be able to hit him again?"
"You probably will. You have a great aim," Bae nods. "By the way, my name is Benjamin. You can call me Benny."
A smile spreads across my face. "Alright, Benny! How should I move forward?"
"Good thinking, asking me, Ms. Adah. You should—" I interrupt Benny with a smile. "No need to be so formal. You can call me Adah."
"Bae, how long will you and Adah hide? Come on out. Don't tell me you're scared?"
Before we can stop her, Bae stands up. "Who's scared? David, you—"
Before she can finish her sentence, she gets hit by a snowball. Children cheer happily.
"I need to drink something warm." Joel holds my hand. "Are you cold? Should we go back home?" I feel a slight flutter in my chest.
"No, there's no need to. I just want to drink something warm." Bae looks at me, smiling. We both have the same idea. We enter Sally's bakery yet again, peering at the glass display.
"Let's pick the desserts we didn't take last time," I say as I lift a tray. "Were you hungry?"
I feed Joel an apple tart. "No. My energy was drained from playing in the snow. I haven't done that in a while."
"So this is an energy boost, I suppose?" He looks at me smiling.
"Yes, it is. But can we go to that cute shop we saw on our way here? Bae and I want to look around."
"You two still have so much energy left," David says. "Of course we do. Eat your cake. I especially picked it because cherry is your favorite fruit," Bae says. "Do you want those pink plushies?"
"How did you know?" Bae looks surprised.
"You and Adah have been talking about them for quite a while. I remember you showing one of them to me while we were in school." David turns to Joel.
"Looks like we'll have to do some shopping after this. I know the owner of the store. He promised me a discount if I ever brought my girlfriend in the future."
David looks smugly at Bae. "Oho, he did? You sure did grow up to be a dependable man, David," Joel says, laughing.
"You're not the only one who gets a discount around here," David adds.
"Enough talking. Eat." Joel eyes my plate.
"I meant to eat your own food," I say, noticing his eyes on my lemon meringue tart.
"What? Don't you want to share with me?"
"Didn't I ask you if you wanted a lemon tart?"
"Well, I thought you were going to pick the one without meringue. Can't I have a little bite?" He opens his mouth, ready to be fed.
"It tastes really good!"
"Of course. It always tastes better when it's from someone else's plate."
He licks his lips, eyes smiling as he looks at me. "How about I bake for you?"
"You know how to bake? David, has Joel ever baked for you?"
"He has baked for me sometimes when coming over to my place, but not as often as you think."
"Did it taste good?" Bae asks. "It tasted great! It's one of the reasons I like to eat desserts—except for when my mom bakes." Bae's face slightly turns cold.
"I also like the desserts you give me. So don't get sad, okay. I love everything you feed me."
Her face lights up. She starts squirming around in her seat, unable to contain the joy.
He holds my hand yet again while we walk to the gift store. My hands feel warm. The warmth isn't from my mittens. It's from him.
"Bae, look! It's so cute! It's the new dress for Bunbun. They also have it in an amethyst and violet color."
"It's cute. Will you be getting it?" Bae says while holding five different plushies.
"Yes. I'll also be getting Choo. What are you buying?" While pondering, David comes up with a solution.
"Bae, how about you buy one and I buy two. Then for your birthday, I'll buy you some more."
"How many?" David chuckles."It's a secret. I can't tell you what your birthday gift will be."
I walk to Joel, who is on the other side of the store. He hides something upon seeing me.
"What's behind your back?"
He looks like a child caught eating candy. "I suppose nothing ever gets past you." He lets out a sigh. "I wanted to give you this on New Year's Eve."
"It's the limited edition of Choo."How did you find this?"
"I put in an order four months ago. I didn't want you to find out like this," he mumbles under his breath.
I put down the plushies I'm holding onto a shelf. My hand caresses his cheek.
"Bend your head," I whisper. "I can't touch you if you're not close."
Something shifts. He pouts while speaking. "Adah, tell me that I did a good job."
"You did extremely well. Above and beyond my expectations. You really pay attention to me."He looks at me, smirking. "Of course I pay attention to you. How you feel is the most important."
"I wouldn't ask God for you if I couldn't even notice the smallest things in your actions and words."He lowers his head. The air turns tense.
"I won't. We're not alone. Instead, I'll only kiss your hand." My heart beats rapidly.
"Adah, there is so much I want to do for you. You're my love."
His words hit a soft spot, and I melt. No matter how many times I hear his words of affirmation, they always bring feelings of joy within me.
Sometimes words are stronger than we think. We assume that our words are fleeting, but they carry a lot of power. At times they strengthen or weaken us. That's why we should think about what we say. It can bring joy or discomfort.
"Adah," he says, yawning.
"What? Are you tired of shopping?" He nods. I notice him slowly blinking more.
"I'll tell Bae and David that—"
He sits on a chair, leaning into my chest. I can hear my heart beat louder.
"Adah, let's stay like this for a while. Bae and David will meet us here."
"How are you so sure about that?" I say, chuckling. He smiles at me, whispering with a tired voice.
"Because Bae's favorite character is here. It's the one David showed me. The one he wants to buy for her."
He breathes heavily, as if he has something to say. The things he usually keeps in his heart.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I should have helped you more. Whenever the guys spoke about you in a demeaning, judging way, I should have told them off. It was my pride telling me that I wouldn't lose you."
I tilt my head, not understanding what the problem is.
"You were always there. All I could see was you across the room, even when you were with Bae."
"It was enough for me. Or so I thought. When I saw you again, when we started school, I thought that maybe waiting and holding on to something was worth the while."
I hunch forward, staring into his eyes. They waver, but not out of fear. It's happiness and regret.
"I could have done something more. You were my source of inspiration. Seeing you calmed everything around me."
"Joel, there was nothing more you could do. Staying silent is sometimes the best we can do. Silence is an action."
"But it still hurt you. If I had said something, maybe—"
"Thinking about 'what if' won't help. What's done is done. And you did help me. You made sure to always look my way, and I felt great comfort in that."
I slowly rub his cheeks.
He must have so much to say, but he should never blame himself for things in the past.
"Let's move forward. Live for now. Not for tomorrow. For today. Today is a new day. Tomorrow is gone. When the time comes, we'll face it together."
"Adah… if I cry, will you dislike it?" A hushed smile appears."No. I'll like it. You'll still look beautiful and strong to me."
Don't fear the tide—
watch how it flows.
A delightful time with you
makes my surroundings shine.
Lovely company is sweet,
so sweet you'll come back.
To remember is precious.
It shows interest.
Questions unanswered, full of purpose.
To be truthful is caring—
loving and kind.
So enticing and lovable.
That's what you are to me.