Uchiha Madara reached a solid conclusion, but it was utterly useless.
He had absolutely no strength.
Forget snatching Chiyo back—if he tried sprinting two steps, his frail legs might literally snap in half.
All Madara could do was maintain his cold, aloof expression and sweep his gaze across the others.
Right now, he could only bank on these idiots and pray they successfully dragged Chiyo back.
If Chiyo stayed in their hands, whether or not they'd actually give him a chance to revive was a coin toss, but at the very least, they wouldn't waste Chiyo's single resurrection charge.
However, the first person to jump into action wasn't one of Granny Chiyo's desperate "pursuers."
It was Pakura.
The exact second Pakura saw Granny Chiyo getting abducted by "Danzo," she dropped her cover and launched herself forward, her hands flashing through the air.
Blazing Scorch Release fireballs instantly spun to life around her body.
Using the raw centrifugal force of their rotation, Pakura whipped several fireballs straight at "Danzo."
Only... just as the blazing orbs were about to slam into him, they paused.
"Danzo" didn't even flinch, continuing his dead sprint into the distance with Granny Chiyo tucked firmly under his arm.
Pakura had no choice but to physically chase after him.
At the same time, she silently confirmed that her opponent possessed insanely rich combat experience.
He had immediately deduced that she couldn't actually risk detonating the attack, so he didn't even bother dodging or weaving signs to counter.
Pakura's Scorch Release was basically infamous as the low-budget version of Truth-Seeking Balls. Under normal circumstances, the fireballs floated around her body just like the real deal, and she could freely manipulate their shape, size, and trajectory on command.
The moment a Scorch Release orb touched a living target, it completely evaporated every drop of water in their body, instantly turning them into a shriveled, dried corpse.
For an organic shinobi, taking a hit from a Scorch Release orb really wasn't much different from eating a Truth-Seeking Ball.
The only real difference was that Scorch Release could actually be blocked with standard ninjutsu.
Pakura's attack just now had purely been a tactical bluff meant to force "Danzo" into revealing an opening.
Unexpectedly, the guy saw right through her bluff.
"Danzo" knew damn well she couldn't risk incinerating him while he was holding Granny Chiyo, so he bet his life on the fireballs stopping.
"You idiots, stop standing there gawking!" Pakura barked at the remaining crowd. "If you actually want Granny Chiyo to lower herself and marry you, then hurry up and help rescue her!"
Knowing her lethal jutsu kit was custom-built for slaughtering armies and totally unsuited for a delicate hostage rescue, she tossed those words over her shoulder before sprinting off.
The rest of the peanut gallery finally snapped out of it and scrambled after "Danzo."
Jiraiya had been the first to raise the alarm earlier, but he had merely been trying to derail the conversation and cast suspicion on Uchiha Madara's master plan.
His true goal was to buy time and stall the pack, giving the Third a clean window to haul Chiyo away.
Now that his hands were tied, he had no choice but to grit his teeth and join the chaotic pursuit.
Otherwise, his act would look way too fake.
"Tch. What the hell does 'lower herself and marry' even mean?" Gengetsu Hōzuki grumbled mid-sprint, deeply dissatisfied with Pakura's phrasing.
Whether the old woman married or not didn't mean a damn thing to him.
He wasn't actually trying to pursue her anyway.
The real issue was the phrase "lower herself."
It made it sound like they were a bunch of low-status peasants unworthy of her grace.
He was the freaking Mizukage ffs!
"Lowering means taking something off the shelf because it's expired and not allowed to be sold anymore," Jiraiya blurted out on pure instinct.
"?"
"..."
Smack!
"You shameless Konoha sleazebag! How dare you slander Granny Chiyo's purity!"
Pakura, who had originally been leading the pack, violently whipped around, delivered a stinging slap straight to Jiraiya's face, and instantly spun back around to continue the chase.
"..."
Jiraiya cupped his stinging cheek, feeling terribly wronged.
Had he actually said anything wrong?
As a seasoned smut novelist, Jiraiya understood the metaphor of "being taken off the shelf" better than anyone.
Didn't "being taken off the shelf" literally mean the goods were no longer cleared for public consumption?
'...Uh. Wait.'
Jiraiya's brain suddenly connected the dots.
Granny Chiyo being taken off the shelf... no longer allowed to be sold... wasn't that basically implying Granny Chiyo was...
'Okay, yeah, maybe I actually deserved that slap,' he realized.
Jiraiya rubbed his face, completely unable to voice his suffering.
He could only pray to the Sage of Six Paths that the old man Sarutobi hauled ass, shook their pursuers, and properly explained his grand plan to Granny Chiyo.
Otherwise, he just took that brutal slap for absolutely nothing.
"Wait a second! We left Uchiha Madara totally unguarded back there! What if he's actively plotting some scheme while our backs are turned?!" Jiraiya suddenly shouted again.
Part of his concern was genuinely real, but a massive chunk of it was just him desperately trying to sabotage the pursuit and give Sarutobi Hiruzen a clean getaway.
Jiraiya stared at the fleeing figure up ahead, who was dangerously close to getting intercepted by a flying Ōnoki, and silently groaned.
If only Minato had been his partner for this op.
Halfway through the chase, the guy could have just casually found a blind spot, popped a Flying Raijin, and instantly teleported Chiyo to safety.
...
Back at the starting line, Uchiha Madara simply sat and waited.
It didn't take long before Granny Chiyo was successfully rescued and escorted right back.
Chiyo aggressively shooed the others away and finally gave Madara her answer.
Even though his elaborate romantic pursuit had totally crashed and burned, his cold, transactional pitch of 'revive me first, then I'll revive your family later' had actually worked.
And so, Chiyo summoned Kazekage Gaara—the jinchūriki of Shukaku, the One-Tail—to play backup.
One's Own Life Reincarnation didn't just demand a human sacrifice.
It also required a colossal pool of chakra to stabilize the jutsu.
In the original timeline, reviving Gaara had only succeeded by leeching off Naruto's massive chakra reserves.
Chiyo couldn't physically pull it off alone.
And so, amid a burst of wildly arrogant laughter, Uchiha Madara was successfully revived!
Even though the newly resurrected Madara had no actual eyeballs, it didn't matter.
He violently activated his Susanoo and effortlessly captured the One-Tail's jinchūriki.
From there, he marched straight to Amegakure.
Crushed under the overwhelming, god-like might of his Susanoo, even Nagato, who packed the Rinnegan, couldn't hold the line.
Madara brutally defeated him, snatched his eyes back, and awakened his Limbo clones.
Having successfully reclaimed his Rinnegan, Uchiha Madara summoned the terrifying Gedo Statue and immediately sealed Shukaku inside it.
Next up, it was time to ruthlessly sweep across the shinobi world and round up the rest of the Tailed Beasts!
He was officially on track to become the Ten-Tails' jinchūriki!
....
Meanwhile, just outside Amegakure.
At the little secluded Naruto-Sasuke cabin, the masked man slipped out of the shadows.
He had already thoroughly scouted the surrounding perimeter.
Tonight was the night he would finally rip Sasuke's Rinnegan right out of his skull.
The masked man silently phased into Sasuke's pitch-black room, reaching his hand out toward the sleeping Uchiha's eyes.
Squish.
Hiss.
A triumphant, twisted smirk curled beneath his mask.
But in the very next millisecond, that smug smile completely froze.
Because the tactile feedback was horribly, terribly wrong.
The masked man instinctively threw a brutal punch right into "Uchiha Sasuke."
With a loud poof, the transformation broke, revealing Naruto, who had been completely strung up upside-down under the covers.
Sasuke wasn't even there!
Before bailing, Sasuke had slapped a genjutsu on Naruto, used a Transformation Jutsu to disguise the blonde idiot as himself, and then deliberately tucked him into the bed completely upside down.
The masked man legitimately thought he was gouging out a pair of eyeballs just now.
But in reality...
The masked man's face turned a sickly shade of ashen beneath his mask.
He desperately wanted to initiate a tactical retreat, but after a second of horrified hesitation, he speed-walked straight into the bathroom and viciously scrubbed his hands with soap.
So where the hell was Sasuke?
Naturally, he was chilling in Sunagakure.
To rapidly master his brand-new Rinnegan, Sasuke originally planned to hit up Nagato for some expert tutoring.
But after chewing on it, he realized Nagato was technically an outsider.
However, there was a perfectly viable, top-tier Uchiha alternative he could consult.
So Sasuke tracked down his older brother, Itachi, and the two of them hauled ass to Sunagakure to personally pay Uchiha Madara a visit.
Itachi currently possessed a spare pair of the future Sasuke's Rinnegan, too.
Even though he had no intention of transplanting them right now, if a massive threat forced his hand, he would need to use them.
Because of that, just like his little brother, Itachi needed a crash course on Rinnegan mechanics.
And so, the two Uchiha brothers had casually slapped a massive genjutsu over the completely powerless Madara, shamelessly pirating the legendary ghost's Rinnegan user manuals and combat techniques right inside the illusion.
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