"NANIIII?!"
Sage Shima could not contain her sheer horror after reading just the first chapter of the cursed book.
The legendary Sage of the Six Paths had his dick aggressively bitten off by the Great White Snake from the Ryūchi Cave next door?!
And the White Snake had somehow seized that cursed opportunity to master Sage Power?!
"So that is it!" Shima gasped, connecting the unhinged dots. "No wonder the Ryūchi Cave, despite being full of slimy snakes, constantly insists they have evolved into 'Dragons'... They originally achieved their genetic evolution by consuming the Sage of the Six Paths' manhood!"
"This must be highly classified historical information Tsunade got from the Giant Slug. To cover her tracks and avoid a diplomatic incident with the snakes, she turned it into a trashy novel and had someone else publish it!"
As Sage Shima frantically read through the story, she suddenly had a terrifying epiphany.
Viewed from a strictly non-human biological perspective, the narrative actually made perfect sense.
The Great White Snake obtaining Sage Art Chakra by physically consuming a piece of the Sage of the Six Paths was fundamentally no different from how she was currently forcing Naruto to eat Mount Myōboku's sacred insects to naturally cultivate his own Sage Mode.
There were also the infamous Kinkaku and Ginkaku brothers from the Hidden Cloud, who historically gained Tailed Beast Chakra by literally consuming the Nine-Tails' raw stomach flesh.
These were all clear, documented examples of chakra transference via consumption.
As for how the Giant Slug knew all this ancient gossip?
The Shikkotsu Forest only had one true massive Slug entity and all the smaller summoned slugs were merely clones split from its main body.
Yet the Slug's functional memory was surprisingly fragmented.
Because when a Slug splits, it essentially gives birth to a new offspring.
As millennia pass and the number of splits increases, the earliest ancient memories gradually fade and corrupt.
That is exactly why the Slugs deferentially call Tsunade "Tsunade-sama" despite being far more older than her.
But now, for some highly specific reason, the Slug had apparently regained some of its original corrupted memories from the Warring States Period!
Sage Shima felt she had brilliantly uncovered the ultimate truth of the universe.
Among the leaders of the Three Great Sage Lands, the Great Toad Sage of Mount Myōboku spent most of his time asleep.
The White Snake Sage of Ryūchi Cave was their sworn, bitter enemy.
Even if the White Snake Sage were willing to share what actually happened back then, there was zero guarantee his account would be truthful.
"To help Naruto quickly master Sage Mode... should we have him eat the Great Toad Sage's dick?"
Sage Shima fell into deep, highly unethical thought.
First, it was biologically certain that the Great Toad Sage, who spent his days half-asleep and never exercised, must still possess his dick.
But...
"No, the Great Toad Sage is way too old and frail. What if he accidentally hemorrhages and dies during the amputation?"
Sage Shima shook her head, reluctantly dismissing the idea.
Besides the Great Toad Sage, only she and her husband Fukasaku remained as viable elders.
However, the couple have sex regularly and being normal toads, did not possess the specific anatomical dick required for the ritual.
Moreover, their Sage chakra reserves were vastly inferior to the Great Toad Sage's.
Even if they did have the parts, the concentration of raw Sage Art Chakra Naruto could extract from them would be entirely insufficient.
"That Tsunade girl deliberately pulled out this book the exact moment I left the office, which means she probably never intended to hide it from me. Yet she refused to tell me anything about Jiraiya's hostage situation."
"I have been reviewing the blood Summoning Contract these past few days, and Jiraiya is definitely not in any life-threatening danger... Could it be?"
Sage Shima felt like she had become Mount Myōboku's master detective.
Though she appeared to be just an old toad, her intellect and paranoia far surpassed that of ordinary humans!
Sage Shima recalled Naruto's efforts to train on Mount Myōboku—could this entire Orochimaru kidnapping plot just be part of an elaborate theatrical act Konoha was staging to motivate the boy?
If so, there must be a specific reason Tsunade deliberately let her see this cursed book.
They must want her to find a way to teach Naruto Sage Mode by using the book's... unconventional methods.
"Let's keep looking."
Sage Shima continued frantically flipping through the smutty pages.
She remembered seeing a specific anatomical diagram earlier...
Ah, that is it!
"The Sage of the Six Paths once had a highly improper, romantic relationship with the Great Toad Sage, and he used this physical connection to master his Sage Mode... Wait, what?! Are we supposed to arrange a cross-species marriage for Naruto?!"
"No, no, that is completely against current human customs! Besides, Naruto already has a girl he likes in the village. Let's think harder..."
"I got it!" Sage Shima suddenly exclaimed, her yellow eyes light up with inspiration.
"If raw quality is not enough, we will just overwhelm his system with sheer quantity!"
Having devised a foolproof plan, Sage Shima carefully hid the cursed book under a rock and hopped off to seek out Sage Fukasaku.
"Honey, let's take a nice, long hot spring bath together," she said smoothly. "I've finally thought of a way to help Naruto master Sage Mode quickly. I will explain the method while we soak."
"A hot spring bath?" Fukasaku asked, puzzled. "We don't have those here."
"An artificial one."
Sage Shima set up a massive iron cauldron and began rapidly heating water.
After ensuring the water was not boiling, she sprinkled in fragrant flowers and potent medicinal herbs, then aggressively pulled Fukasaku into the pot with her.
Gurgle, gurgle.
"Ah, this actually is quite relaxing," Fukasaku sighed, leaning back against the iron rim.
An hour later, Sage Shima hopped out of the murky pot.
Fukasaku followed, putting his cloak back on as he asked skeptically, "Do you really think this new training method will work?"
Neither of them had absorbed any toxins, but the water was now incredibly murky and infused with their concentrated toad oils after the long soak.
Still, it would not technically kill a human to drink it.
"This is the fresh chicken I bought for Naruto in Konoha today," Shima said, casually tossing the raw chicken directly into the murky water they had just bathed in.
"He hates eating our bugs, so this will give him some proper, heavy nourishment."
She then stoked the fire underneath the cauldron, bringing the bathwater to a rolling boil.
Naruto had woken up early that morning, but since he had not received any specific instructions from the toads to practice Sage Mode yet, he decided to sit by the river and start working on mastering his Tailed Beast Chakra with the Nine-Tails in his mind.
"Naruto-chan! You're training so diligently! Come have some fresh chicken soup first!"
Sage Shima, carrying the massive sloshing pot of soup, found Naruto meditating by the water.
"More bug soup?" Naruto asked, his face instantly falling in despair as he opened his eyes.
"Not this time! I went all the way to Konoha specifically to buy a chicken and make you some real chicken soup!"
"Granny Toad, this chicken soup looks... really off. And why is there so much of it?" Naruto stared in utter bewilderment.
Was this chicken soup or chicken bathwater?
The pot was so large he could practically bathe in it himself!
Could murky brown water even taste like chicken?
"This isn't ordinary chicken soup. I heavily infused it with rare medicinal herbs and essential oils from Mount Myōboku. Since you don't like eating the bugs, just drink plenty of this soup. We are going for quantity over quality!"
"Uh... okay," Naruto hesitated before reluctantly agreeing.
At least it was just herbs and chicken.
Even if it tasted like dirty bathwater, it was still infinitely better than crunching on live bugs.
After painfully struggling through half the massive pot, Naruto finally collapsed in the dirt, clutching his painfully swollen stomach and groaning.
"Naruto, we will begin teaching you the actual Sage Techniques now. To successfully enter Sage Mode, you must completely empty your mind, achieve absolute inner peace and eliminate all worldly distractions. Go sit up there and start meditating."
Sage Fukasaku pointed his cane to a small, flat stone slab perched atop a towering, jagged rock spire.
"Meditate?" Naruto's face instantly twisted into a grimace of pure agony.
It wasn't just that he was naturally restless, hyperactive and prone to severe ADHD.
With the giant fox constantly chattering and complaining in his mind, how could he possibly quiet his thoughts enough to achieve inner peace?!
"Old Toad Sage, isn't there any kind of shortcut?!"
Whack!
Sage Fukasaku leaped up and flicked Naruto sharply on the forehead with his cane.
"No shortcuts! If you want to save Jiraiya from Orochimaru, you have to do it the hard way! Wife, let's go! Let this idiot kid figure it out himself!"
The two toads hopped away, leaving Naruto slumped in place, completely dejected.
"Kid... actually, there is a shortcut."
The Nine-Tails, having watched the entire pathetic display, seemed to have made a difficult decision.
It spoke up in Naruto's mind after a long, heavy silence.