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The bright, sunny morning absolutely immediately after soaking in the luxurious hot spring.
Waaaaaah!!! WOO-OOO-OOO-OOO!!!
A massive, deafening, literal air-raid siren suddenly, violently blared directly over the peaceful farm. Its shrill, ear-piercing noise aggressively, brutally woke up absolutely everyone who had happily drunk way too much wine last night with completely equal prejudice.
Leo violently sat up in bed with a massive start, his heart hammering against his ribs, and frantically ran out of the bedroom before he absolutely even had time to get fully dressed. Violently throwing open the heavy wooden front door, he was immediately, terrifyingly met face-to-face with a grim-looking, furious Yuuka Kazami, who was radiating a suffocating, pitch-black aura of pure, murderous intent.
"What's wrong?! What exactly happened?! Did the Chireiden idiots accidentally launch their unstable nuclear energy facilities directly at us?!"
Leo absolutely wasn't the only one completely bewildered and terrified. Yuyuko, Flandre, Chen, and the others also nervously poked their bed-headed heads out of their respective rooms to see exactly what apocalypse was going on. They terrifiedly wondered exactly who could have possibly angered the Flower Master this early in the morning; with that incredibly massive, suffocating amount of killing intent radiating from her, one might logically think her precious Sunflower Field had just been completely leveled with a bulldozer!
"My... my cute little lamb is entirely gone! Waaaaah!"
The tiny, crying Little Fairy standing safely behind Yuuka Kazami's leg finished speaking tearfully and violently set off the massive, magical air-raid siren in her hand again.
This time, however, the Little Fairy's terrified tears magically, instantly appeared directly as cold sweat on Leo's pale forehead. Similarly, the massive group of people directly behind him—who had originally woken up with some cranky resentment at the noise—immediately, smoothly pretended they were absolutely just getting up to use the bathroom, silently shut their bedroom doors with terrifying synchronicity, and actively acted as if absolutely nothing had happened, hiding under their thick covers and going straight back to sleep!
"Who exactly came to your stupid farm last night?"
Yuuka Kazami was currently very, very angry. Those cute, fluffy small animals were incredibly well-cared for by the chaotic Little Fairies, who happily, diligently took them outside to play at the Fairy Lake every single day. She had genuinely grown quite secretly fond of watching them as well while sipping her morning tea. Then, early this morning, a distressed Little Fairy came running directly to her crying loudly, saying the cute animal she specifically adopted was completely gone from its pen. This was a blatant, highly disrespectful lack of fear and respect for her territory. She immediately brought the crying Little Fairy directly to the World Lord's door for answers.
Actually, strictly speaking, their absolute first stop this morning wasn't the farm at all. There was a highly effective, completely unwritten administrative procedure in Gensokyo: if absolutely anything valuable was suddenly lost or missing, find Marisa Kirisame first and give her a brutal physical beating. Beating the witch every single time might logically result in some unjust collateral damage, but beating her exactly every other time would definitely, inevitably let some actual stolen things slip completely through the cracks!
After Marisa Kirisame met her tragic, heroic, explosive end in the forest earlier this morning, Yuuka Kazami aggressively rummaged through the smoking ruins of her house for a while but absolutely found nothing matching a lamb. Only then did she completely turn her murderous gaze to the farm to furiously ask exactly who had suspiciously visited the barn yesterday.
"Well... have you... have you had breakfast yet? If absolutely not, please just have some food first."
Leo frantically wiped the cold sweat from his pale forehead and politely, nervously ushered them inside the house. Entering the kitchen, he immediately, desperately pulled out the massive plate of leftover roasted mutton skewers from yesterday's feast out of the fridge. These skewers were absolutely only left over because Yuyuko had completely drunk far too much chilled fruit wine at the barbecue banquet and passed out early on the grass; otherwise, there absolutely wouldn't have been a single, pathetic scrap of meat left to save him!
"Here, please just eat something hot to peacefully calm down first. We'll definitely think of a logical way to search together exactly once everyone else wakes up."
Thank goodness for magical Stardew Valley technology! The mutton skewers desperately taken out of the time-freezing fridge were perfectly preserved exactly as hot, juicy, and sizzling as they were when freshly grilled last night. The incredibly rich, mouth-watering aroma of roasted cumin and chili spices immediately made the screaming Little Fairy completely stop crying. She wiped her snotty tears, obediently picked up a heavy wooden skewer, and started aggressively eating the meat.
"(╯▽╰ ) Mmm... It smells so incredibly good~~"
Yuuka Kazami completely froze for a long moment when she saw the specific shape and smell of the mutton skewers. She gave Leo a completely speechless, deeply judgmental look, then sighed heavily, gracefully picked up a skewer, and began to delicately eat. The terrifying, suffocating murderous aura surrounding her instantly vanished into thin air.
What else could she actively do? She had to somehow politely find a way to coax the crying Little Fairy without destroying the farm. These animals legally belonged entirely to Leo's farm in the absolute first place; he could legally, aggressively eat them however the hell he wanted. No matter how much personal affection you romantically had for the cute little animals, it was completely useless against property rights. In strict terms of both reason and logic, she absolutely couldn't justify helping the Little Fairy seek violent revenge for this perfectly legal BBQ.
"Big Brother, these spicy meat skewers are incredibly delicious! Exactly what kind of meat is it?"
The simple-minded Little Fairy happily ate until her tiny mouth was completely covered in thick grease and oil, holding a heavy skewer in one hand and a cold drink in the other. She absolutely wasn't crying anymore; a completely bright, innocent smile blossomed on her cute face.
"This... is actually premium mutton skewers."
Mutton skewers... mutton... lamb!
The innocent smile on the Little Fairy's greasy face completely froze, her eyes widening in absolute horror. They were entirely innocent creatures, absolutely not completely stupid—Cirno excluded. Though she was exactly like a young child, she still had completely basic, mathematical logical reasoning skills. The absolute, exact moment Leo stammered out those specific words, she instantly, horrifyingly knew exactly where the delicious skewer currently in her hand aggressively came from!
"Wu! Wa?! Chew chew chew, Little Lamb... you're honestly so incredibly tasty."
She was fully, emotionally about to violently cry out loud again, but the overpowering, rich fragrance and incredible taste from the spicy skewer in her hand violently, forcefully suppressed the deep sorrow in her fragile heart. The Little Fairy tearfully, aggressively finished the remaining juicy mutton on the stick and immediately, greedily reached out for another one from the plate.
"Big Brother..."
The Little Fairy completely wiped away the remaining, pathetic tears in her eyes and suddenly became a bit incredibly shy and fidgety, her wings fluttering.
"What's up now?"
"I violently want to eat beef skewers next! And chicken skewers, duck skewers, rabbit skewers, and massive pork skewers! I absolutely know exactly who's currently raising the biggest, fattest animals in the barn right now!"
Even... even though her deep, emotional feelings for the cute little lamb were very, very deep and genuine... it really, truly was so incredibly, impossibly delicious!
Since it was tragically going to be exactly like this, she absolutely couldn't be the single, only unlucky fairy to lose a pet! Feel exactly the same culinary pain as me, sisters! Shinra Tensei! The world shall know true pain and BBQ!
At this exact, terrifying moment, this innocent Little Fairy completely became a staunch, ruthless collaborator. She violently pulled Leo entirely outside the front of the farm and, exactly like the Shinigami calling out names from a death note, aggressively pointed out several other happily playing Little Fairies who were just about to cheerfully leave the barn with their small, adopted animals.
Happily holding the remaining mutton skewers like a bribe, she aggressively chased them down in the dirt. After some intense, dark whispering and negotiating, she successfully, ruthlessly exchanged the delicious mutton skewers directly for their live animals and soon aggressively herded them all directly back to Leo's butcher block.
"Big Brother, let's aggressively begin the harvest!"
They truly say collaborators are the absolute most detestable; when one of your own violently turns on you, they're by far the most ruthless! The Little Fairy standing proudly before him currently had leftover BBQ seasoning smeared on the corner of her mouth from the mutton skewers, and she stared intensely and hungrily directly at the terrified animals she had just ruthlessly swindled from her friends!
"Um... Sister Yuuka?"
Leo looked at Yuuka Kazami incredibly uncertainly, holding a cleaver. He was genuinely, terrifyingly afraid that if he actively killed all these animals right now, the massive swarm of other Little Fairies would violently make a massive, apocalyptic scene too.
"Absolutely don't look at me for permission, human. Figure it out yourself."
Yuuka Kazami stood to the side, crossing her arms grumpily. Had she scientifically known it would completely turn out exactly like this corrupt mess, she absolutely wouldn't have bothered coming. Now she had to annoyingly share Leo's massive headache.
"Then let's just aggressively eat them all! I'll buy more from Marnie after we're completely done! I'll buy a massive lot this time—exactly one entire batch strictly, specifically for you guys to raise as pets for fun, and completely another massive batch strictly, specifically raised for meat!"
Leo violently gritted his teeth and made the final, expensive capitalist decision.
Bringing the massive herd of animals entirely back to the farm, Yuuka Kazami aggressively sent the treacherous Little Fairy away to wait. Youmu Konpaku, eyes glowing, held a massive, heavy Bone-cleaver in her left hand and a razor-sharp Meat-slicer in her right, violently, professionally processing the fresh ingredients at terrifying, high-speed slashes.
Leo aggressively held back a starving Yuyuko and Yukari Yakumo, who tried to violently crowd their way into the kitchen. They had cowardly, silently played completely dead when the massive trouble first came to the door earlier, so now they absolutely wouldn't politically be included in the massive breakfast feast!
Flandre and the others were physically children, so Leo absolutely didn't hold their cowardice strictly against them. Ran Yakumo was his official, loving wife, so she was naturally, smoothly allowed entirely through the door to eat. Youmu, actively working as the skilled chef, could also legally have a massive share.
But you two ancient adults aggressively slack off and cowardly dodge absolutely all responsibility every single day, yet you completely still want to greedily eat the premium meat?! Go outside and miserably eat plain, watery porridge, exactly the kind where I absolutely won't even put a single grain of rice in it for you!
"Aww~~ I desperately want to eat! I completely want to eat! Here, take this, let me entirely through right now!"
Yuyuko Saigyouji struggled incredibly hard to forcefully pull her hand away from Leo's grip, but she absolutely was no match for his enhanced, raw physical strength. After thinking rapidly for a tense moment, she violently reached out with her free other hand directly into Yukari Yakumo's silk clothes, ruthlessly pulled out a glowing Shrinking Talisman, and aggressively, violently slapped it directly onto her absolute best friend's arm!
Then, she effortlessly picked up the completely stunned, tiny Yukari Yakumo and violently, aggressively threw the small child exactly like a human bowling ball directly at Leo's face! While he completely panicked and frantically let go of the doorframe to safely catch the flying, tiny Yukari Yakumo, the ghost laughed, slipped through the gap in an absolute flash, and entered the kitchen!
"Yuyuko! You absolute traitor!"
Yukari Yakumo, who absolutely never, ever expected her closest, ancient best friend to violently betray her like this for a snack, was held awkwardly in Leo's arms and completely forgot even to physically struggle. She watched completely helplessly as the ghost Yuyuko happily picked up a massive, sizzling skewer directly from the grill and began to aggressively, happily eat.
If ancient besties aren't meant to be violently sold out for a BBQ skewer, they'd be completely, functionally pointless!