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An incredibly massive, smoky, and loud outdoor barbecue feast was fully underway.
Thick, intoxicating clouds of spicy smoke and the mouth-watering sound of loudly sizzling animal fat filled the humid night air. Yuyuko Saigyouji happily held several massive wooden skewers of heavily grilled squid tightly in her delicate hands, her pale mouth corners completely and shamelessly smeared with thick, dark soy sauce from the sticks. She was obediently, lazily letting a sweating Youmu Konpaku meticulously wipe her cheeks with a silk handkerchief, while her predatory, pink gaze remained absolutely, terrifyingly fixed on the massive, heavy iron basin of raw, marinated lamb skewers sitting innocently on the wooden ingredient rack.
The two Little Kappa currently in charge of manning the blazing charcoal barbecue felt extremely, physically uncomfortable under such a blatant, terrifyingly heavy stare. It felt exactly like being targeted by an apex predator! They shifted their webbed feet slightly and nervously, frantically pretending to tidy up the greasy counter, and desperately found a heavy metal pot lid to completely cover the massive basin of prepared lamb skewers from the ghost's line of sight.
Leo had finally, ruthlessly made a move on the massive sheep in his barn. It was on a completely dark and windy night when he and the stealthy Youmu quietly, violently slipped into the locked Livestock Shed, meticulously selected a massive, plump lamb, and exactly like a ruthless thief stealing a neighbor's dog, heavily carried the struggling lamb to a deserted, bloody corner to process it separately. Leo greedily kept the massive, premium lamb leg hidden in the fridge for a secret midnight taste later, while the absolute rest of the massive lamb was aggressively skewered onto sticks here, patiently waiting to be eaten by the crowd.
"Where is Leo! It's been so incredibly long and he's absolutely still not here. Should we just aggressively start grilling the premium meat without him?!"
Remilia Scarlet elegantly, ridiculously cut the greasy street-food squid into tiny, perfectly square pieces with a silver steak knife and used a delicate silver fork in her right hand to gracefully bring them to her mouth. She was an aristocratic young lady, a proper, 500-year-old dignified lady, and would absolutely never eat with cheap BBQ sauce smeared all over her pale face like some feral people sitting across from her.
"Um... this specific iron basin contains premium ingredients personally brought by the boss himself. We absolutely can't legally handle them on our own without his explicit, verbal permission."
The two terrified Little Kappas aggressively hugged the massive, heavy iron basin to their chests, trembling violently, bravely using their small, green bodies to physically block absolutely everyone's greedy view of the raw meat.
Working here at the bathhouse, they received massive, easy monthly college credit rewards without having to exhaustingly haul heavy red bricks and mix toxic cement at dangerous construction sites in the sun like the others. These cushy credits were practically given away for free!
Today, this single iron basin of raw lamb was entirely their physical lives. The basin stays in, the people stay alive; the basin is violently destroyed, the people are entirely dead!
With such terrifying, absolute conviction, the two Little Kappas, who hadn't even formally graduated from vocational school yet, actually bravely stood completely firm under Yuyuko's suffocating, soul-crushing gaze, standing as perfectly straight as a wooden board. Even if their terrifying senior boss, Nitori Kawashiro, aggressively came over today, absolutely without Boss Leo's direct order, they'd violently kick her out of the kitchen!
"Grill it, grill it! I'm finally here. Keep aggressively grilling, keep eating!"
Just a split second before Yuyuko could completely lose her mind and devour absolutely all the raw ingredients and the Kappas along with them, Leo finally emerged exhaustingly from the heavenly spa building.
Though, he looked rather completely, violently disheveled, with faint, highly suspicious red pinch marks completely covering all over his exposed skin. He was closely followed by the tiny 'Sumi Yakumo', who currently wore an incredibly smug expression of absolute, terrifying satisfaction.
How exactly to accurately describe the violent, compromising situation back then in the water?
After Leo had desperately shouted that single word, 'Mom,' he completely, violently shattered the ancient peace of mind Yukari Yakumo had painstakingly cultivated over so many thousands of years. The two of them instantly engaged in a brutal, no-rules wrestling brawl in the boiling hot spring using the absolute most primitive (meaning absolutely no clothes), most savage (meaning absolutely no magic allowed, just pure fist to flesh), and most wild (meaning completely childlike, hair-pulling fighting) methods possible!
In the violent end, Yukari Yakumo aggressively came out on top. Although Leo constantly talked a massive, arrogant game and never refused any visual 'benefits' Yukari Yakumo usually, teasingly offered, he absolutely wasn't some kind of actual, uncontrollable lecherous fiend.
Faced directly with a completely naked, furious girl aggressively fighting him in the water, he was naturally, gentlemanly restrained by his Earthly morals and ended up just helplessly covering his face, being brutally pummeled and violently pinched by Yukari Yakumo against the rocky edge of the hot spring!
After aggressively venting her ancient anger by violently pinching Leo all over his arms and chest until he begged for mercy, Yukari Yakumo triumphantly, maliciously wrapped the 'equipment' (the white bath towel) that had 'dropped' from Leo completely around herself as a makeshift dress. She then smoothly opened a tiny Gap to fetch a freezing bottle of chilled fruit wine, leaned back comfortably against the hot spring edge, and took small, elegant sips.
Glancing down at the shivering Leo, who was currently squatting miserably deep in the water exactly like a violently bullied little wife trying to hide his modesty, the corners of her mouth curled into a deeply satisfied, arrogant smile that clearly said, 'The physical service was incredibly good, I'll definitely request your beating again.'
"Didn't expect exactly that, little brother. You're actually quite the polite gentleman, completely not fighting back even in such a highly compromising situation."
Yukari Yakumo herself absolutely hadn't expected Leo to be so incredibly, morally tolerant. When she violently started the physical fight, she was fully mentally prepared to be aggressively counter-killed and pinned, then immediately go outside to loudly cry fake tears to Ran, completely ruin Leo's pristine reputation, and finally, triumphantly take Ran back to her maiden home at the Lost Home to happily watch the massive domestic drama unfold with popcorn!
As for exactly what would physically happen after being counter-killed and pinned naked, Yukari Yakumo had already flawlessly planned it out. Ever creatively heard of the 'Shrink Talisman'? Exactly as long as she violently stuck that glowing thing on herself mid-assault, she'd legally have an absolute, invincible golden body!
As long as the strict internet censorship bot 'Tomato' absolutely doesn't change its name to 'Top Club,' she'd be completely, legally unbeatable! Go ahead, try inappropriately touching me as a child, I absolutely dare you! I'll loudly report you to the system in a single minute and have you banned!
The ancient Sage of Youkai absolutely never, ever fights unprepared, uncalculated battles. Getting humiliatingly captured during the Lunar War was purely a massive, unforeseen accident. Who on earth knew Eirin Yagokoro's two moon rabbit disciples were so incredibly strong, and that one of them even specifically specialized in completely countering her dimensional Gap escapes?!
"Hmph! I am a highly refined, modern scholar, purely appreciative of classical beauty but absolutely not lewd! If you'd just properly put on some damn clothes and try fighting me again, if I absolutely don't brutally use your backside to play a loud, percussion rendition of 'Gokuraku Jodo,' consider these two magical Stardrop fruits I ate completely wasted!"
Leo sat in his chair at the BBQ, rubbing a painful red pinch mark on his arm. He openly admitted to himself he liked comfortably watching unhealthy, explicit things, especially in certain hidden internet categories back on Earth. But passively watching and actively doing are two completely different moral things. A true gentleman is strictly judged by his physical actions, absolutely not his chaotic thoughts. Otherwise, Satori Komeiji would have violently stayed far, far away from him in absolute disgust long ago, instead of occasionally coming over to the farm to playfully tease him. Satori Youkai are incredibly, painfully sensitive to such dark, lecherous matters.
"Alright, alright, I'll officially consider you a harmless gentleman. Get up right now, or they'll aggressively come looking for us in the mist."
Yukari Yakumo had laughed twice in the water, said absolutely nothing more, quickly reattached the glowing Shrink Talisman to her arm to violently turn back into the tiny child 'Sumi', and went directly to the changing room to comfortably get dressed. As for exactly what dark, plotting things she was thinking behind that smile, absolutely only Satori Komeiji legally knew.
Back to the loud, smoky barbecue party.
"Yay! Meiling! I absolutely want extra, extra spicy!"
Upon finally hearing the boss's order that they could aggressively eat the lamb, Flandre immediately ran over with glowing eyes, violently grabbed a massive handful of raw lamb skewers from the terrified Kappas, and eagerly handed them directly to Hong Meiling. The two of them completely occupied a hot corner of the massive iron grill and happily started tinkering and seasoning on their own.
Remilia fundamentally preferred much lighter, delicate flavors and absolutely wasn't very interested in greasy, heavy barbecue, spending most of her aristocratic time gracefully enjoying the cold seasonal fruit platter.
Flandre was entirely different. She aggressively played in the wild mud with Meiling every single day, and the two incredibly physical fighters often ran around absolutely everywhere. When starving, they'd violently hunt some massive, unfortunate wild prey in the woods and literally cremate it with fire magic on the spot! Plus, since Hong Meiling heavily liked aggressive, tongue-numbing spicy food, Flandre's culinary palate had also organically become quite incredibly heavy and chaotic.
The premium lamb skewers, with their absolute perfect, mouth-watering mix of rich fat and tender lean meat, slowly, beautifully turned a sizzling golden brown under the terrifying high heat of the glowing charcoal. Massive drops of liquid oil dripped heavily down onto the white-hot charcoal with a loud HISS, violently mingling with the choking, intoxicating aroma of roasted cumin and chili spices, making absolutely everyone's mouths uncontrollably water.
"I actually have another massive, lifelong dream: to completely, gluttonously eat roasted lamb skewers until I'm physically full. Back on Earth, these specific things are incredibly expensive—three entire coins for a single skewer, about five coins for a pathetic, fingernail-sized piece of cheap meat! I absolutely couldn't afford it at all as a worker."
Leo aggressively popped the metal cap off a freezing, glass bottle of chilled carbonated soda with his thumb. He had expensively bought this specific, refreshing batch directly from the horse girl Special Week through the inter-dimensional system app. He could actually, technically make fizzy carbonated drinks himself on the farm if he really wanted to—he just mathematically needed to build a heavy pressure tank to violently force CO2 gas into the beverage, pure mechanical brute force would easily do the trick.
But there was absolutely no need for that exhausting labor. With an existing, flawless purchasing channel to modern worlds, there was absolutely no logical need to aggressively make everything himself from scratch. He absolutely wasn't some massive, polluting world factory, he was just a wealthy, lazy farm owner enjoying his luxury life! Why actively suffer unnecessarily with heavy labor when there was a vastly more convenient, capitalist way to just buy it?!
Leo even seriously considered asking Special Week to immediately purchase a massive batch of premium, modern equipment from her Earth when the rich Uma Musume girls came over for their summer training camp—plush electric massage chairs, massive air conditioners, luxury cars, you name it!
Not that he entirely looked down on Gensokyo's traditional, magical summer cooling methods, but there was mathematically only exactly one Cirno, and she absolutely couldn't safely be everywhere at once without melting!
"Absolutely nothing in the world beats the sharp, freezing, refreshing throat-hit of sweet carbonated drinks. Greasy, spicy barbecue absolutely just pairs perfectly with ice-cold soda. This is truly, fully living!"
Soaking in boiling hot springs, aggressively eating premium barbecue, surrounded by incredibly beautiful, powerful girls, lazily farming exactly only when he was bored, peacefully fishing at the Seaside dock—absolutely no need to frantically work a 9-to-5, no terrifying forced corporate labor.
This magical, lazy life was far, far better than exhaustingly working the miserable night shift on New Year's Eve, painfully coming home to a freezing apartment at dawn on New Year's Day, completely collapsing and sleeping until 4 p.m., and waking up catching a miserable cold!
Work?! Absolutely not even stray dogs would willingly do it!