The long hand of the analogue clock in June's bedroom slowly crept to 5 while the small hand had struck 1. It was 1:05 AM. Three hours since June had attempted to sleep.
The fan above June's head filled the dark room with a low hum. June lay in her bed, dark eyes bags had long formed under her already red rimmed eyes from sleep depression.
This was the 4th day that sleep had escaped June grip this week.
She tossed, turned, sat and threw herself back as she loudly sighed in utter exhaustion and annoyance. Eventually, she reached out her hand to grab her phone that lay next to a journal on the little lamp table next to her bed. June then pulled herself up, unlocked her phone and opened a messaging app.
She clicked on one of the pinned chats and started to type. 'I can't sleep again. I just can't stop thinking about you...and I know I shouldn't.'
Her finger hovered over the send button a few times but she instead exited the app, opened the gallery app and mindlessly scrolled through photos of a repeated face. As she did, tears streamed down her face but she bit hard on her lower lip to suppress the sobs that tried to escape he throat.
June was 21 a second year old second year law student at Flynn Law University. One of the best in her city.
It had officially been a year since she took a leave from university following an incident that haunted her even in her sleep. A year had gone by since she last saw him, someone she had held so dearly to her heart but parted with without even a goodbye.
Her last memory was of him on the cold floor in a pool of his own blood and his cold face lined with dried tears.
Before all of this, June had been a studious law student who loved to read old books and novels. She loved astrology and every school day she had lunch at a pond on campus grounds to watch ducks, dragon flies and butterflies. She didn't have many close friends at campus except for Keighley, a friend she met while studying for the law entrance exam at the same academy. Her hair was always nearly plaited with long bright blue braids, her favorite color.
The day they first met was an ordinary summer weekday, hot and lively with the numerous freshers that flooded the campus grounds. June was already in the lecture hall at her seat by the window, with her note books and text books open studying intensively.
The hall was hot from the summer air, the other students in also studied and some spoke in low hushed tones. The lecture was yet to arrive.
After a while, June raised her head from her notes towards the entrance and that's when she spotted him. A boy by the entrance bent to his knees and panting like he had run 10 kilometers through the heat. He brushed his fingers through his hair and stood up straight and scanned the hall until his eyes met hers. This was Ryan. He was tall, lean but slightly mascular. His silky wolf cut brown hair followed down to his nape in waves. He was clad in a brown university coat exclusively released only for the freshmen. He also wore white shirt neatly tucked into his long black pants. He didn't take his eyes off her and neither did she.
He is clearly in the wrong place. June thought to herself as she observed him.
He then without breaking eye contact, strolled from the entrance, through the aisle till he was right in front of june. He scanned the hall again and again, with confusion written on his face. As soon as the lecturer's greeting echoed in the hall, he hastily slipped into one of the seats in the row right in front of June.
June caught off guard by his sudden behavior and was caught between listening to the lecture and now curious watching him like a cat that had spotted a new item to play with.
He's shoulders relaxed as he leaned back and let out a sigh of relief. The window light besides him brought life to the blonde highlights in his hair giving it an ereathal glow.
He then pulled out his phone and quickly scrolled through short form videos with the volume off. His attention wasn't on the videos, but around the hall. What ever he was looking for, only he knew.
When the lecturer finally began, he turned around so fast that June's heart almost left the rib cage. He leaned in, cleared his throat and plastered a wide smile on his face. His eyes were slightly brown with a green hue that glowed gently with the light rays from the window.
"Hey...um." he started, his hand brushing through his hair. "I think I have the wrong place. I was supposed to be at an orientation."
He really was lost. June said to herself.
June leaned forward towards him and whispered. "Orientation is in the main hall."
His eyes flinched and his smile slightly flickered as he quickly leaned away. June was caught off guard and adjusted herself straight and away from him.
"This is an Abitration lecture for second years." She added raising her voice higher and her eyes back to her notes.
He didn't respond and June didn't feel the need to engage with him again.
"Thanks." his low voice cut through the awkward silence.
"Umm," she responded. She still kept her head low.
Then he whispered again. "Hey."
June quickly looked up and instantly she realized how close her face was to his. His face instantly flushed red and he looked away. He didn't lean away this time.
"Uhm." She responded.
"Do you know someone called Dexter? He's supposed to be in this class." He asked still looking away.
June however didn't hear the question. She had long wandered in her thoughts about how 'strange' he was.
Ryan turned back to face her. A small smile fixed on his face and his fingers in his hair.
" Uhmm... D-Dexter, do you know him?" He asked again.
His voice pulled June back from her thoughts and she immediately shook her head. "No!"
He nodded. "Okay," and faced ahead again.
That should have been the end of it but he didn't leave the lecture. He stayed, took no notes, scanned the hall and stole one too many glances at her when he thought she wouldn't notice.
When the lecture finally ended, he turned to her again.
"I didn't really want to go to orientation," he said, a sheepish grin tugging at his mouth. " But if this is what studying law feels like…" He exhaled dramatically. "I'm scared."
She gave a faint smile, unsure how to respond.
"Anyway," he added, already standing, "see you around, Blue."
"Blue!" June repeated out loud but he was already gone.
Even now, a year later she still remembered that awkwardness around him and how he kept his eyes locked on her as he walked through the aisle. He seemed like someone who would crash into someone's life without warning and leave footprints behind.
Dear diary,
I think I've relapsed again
It's already 1am, I haven't slept well in 3- now 4 days
My won't stop replaying everything that went down
I don't know what to do or who to tell
No one should have to hear me rumble about the same thing over and over
I want to stop myself, I want to forget, I want to heal but he won't let me...
~ June
1st draft
The clock struck 1:07am. June, a third year law student lay on her bed. Staring at the fan on the ceiling. Sleep wouldn't come, no matter what she did.
Her phone laid next to her with the unsent message: you probably don't care now, but I still like you.
She tossed and turned, sighing heavily. Eventually, she sat up, picked up her phone with trembling hands, and glared at the message. After a long pause, she deleted it.
It had been a year since they met. A year since she let some one into her heart only to be crushed completely.
They were no longer even, just-friends, they never got proper goodbye.
A year had gone by, but the past Haunted her like a recurring nightmare that never seemed to end.
Before all of this, June had been a second-year law student, driven by a dream to become a lawyer. She kept her circle small, not due to lack of confidence, but because she feared the cost of losing people. Her long blue braids were a crown she wore with quiet pride. Law demanded everything from her, but she'd learned early to balance pressure with silence, to survive without losing herself.
But now, that dream was on pause. She'd run away to hide from feelings she never got to process... feelings for someone who had broken her so badly the pieces were scattered far, and she couldn't find some of them.
The day they first met was an ordinary summer weekday, hot and bright. June was already seated in the lecture hall, notebooks open, waiting for the lecturer to arrive.
Then he came in. Tall, emerald eyes, silky layered brown hair with highlights. He was simply dressed, neat without trying too hard. What caught her attention wasn't his clothes, but the ease with which he moved, as if, the world belonged to him.
He smiled, a wide, careless kind of smile as he glanced around the room like someone who knew he was lost and didn't mind it. He didn't ask for directions. Instead walked passed the first desks and dropped into the seat directly in front of her, no hesitation at all.
June quietly observed him as he pulled out his phone and started watching videos with volume low, shoulders completely relaxed and uninterested in the fact that class was about to start.
When the lecturer finally began, he glanced around the room in mild confusion. Then he turned, leaning back to face her, and cleared his throat.
"Hey, I think I have the wrong place. I was supposed to be at orientation."
June blinked, caught off guard for half a second. Then she leaned forward just enough to hear him.
"Orientation's in the main hall," she whispered back. "This is ADR lecture."
His smile widened.
"Thanks."
She didn't respond. She looked away, though she could still feel his eyes on her.
Then he whispered again leaning even closer.
"Do you know someone called Dexter?"
June shook her head. "No."
He nodded. "Okay."
That should have been the end of it. But he didn't leave. He stayed through the entire class, taking no notes, drifting in and out of focus, stealing glances at her when he thought she wouldn't notice.
When the lecture finally ended, he turned to her again.
"I didn't really want to go to orientation," he said, a sheepish grin tugging at his mouth. "But if this is what studying law feels like…" He exhaled softly. "I'm scared."
She gave a faint smile, unsure how to respond.
"Anyway," he added, already standing, "see you around, Blue."
And just like that, he was gone.
Even now, a year later, she remembered that moment. His bright, easy smile, his low, steady voice. He had seemed like the kind of person who would crash into someone's life without warning and leave messy footprints everywhere.
And he did.
Dear diary,
It's 1:07 and I can't sleep.
I can't forget him,
My mind is like a broken record player stuck in a loop,
I don't know what to do,
Who to tell,
And how to stop myself.
~ June