"Fuck this shit! I am not doing this anymore!"
Rei slammed the heavy wooden door behind him with enough force to rattle the house's foundation.
"You ungrateful brat! Get back here right now!" his grandfather's vein-popping roar echoed from inside the main hall.
Rei didn't even bother looking back. He picked up his pace, taking fast, deliberate steps away from the courtyard. But before he could even reach the front gate, another voice shattered the air—this one feminine, sharp, and terrifyingly annoyed.
"Why the hell are you pushing him so hard?!" his grandmother barked at the old man. "Just let him be! If he doesn't want to be a ninja, he doesn't want to be a ninja! Besides, he's an intelligent boy. He'll figure out his own path!"
"Don't you dare encourage his laziness!" the grandfather sputtered back. "Why should he waste a genius-level talent like that?! If I had half the talent he was born with back in my day—"
"Stop it with your pathetic 'what ifs'!" The gentle voice completely vanished, replaced by anger. "You didn't have that talent! You're just a washed-up old man trying to force your unfulfilled childhood dreams onto a four-year-old! I'm telling you right now, if you force Rei to train like a dog one more time, I'm packing my bags and leaving. Have fun living by yourself, you old ass!"
A second later, a loud SLAM echoed as his grandmother stormed out after him, effectively ending the household civil war.
Walking down the dirt path of Konoha, Rei let out a long breath. Hearing the front door slam twice made him feel surprisingly good.
Truth be told, he wasn't actually furious with his grandfather. In this second life of his, he wasn't stupid—he understood the old man's good intentions. In a world like this, strength meant survival, and a loving grandparent naturally wanted their grandkid to be strong enough to not die horribly.
The problem was... this was his second life. And because he carried the memories of a modern, civilized man, he physically could not bring himself to be an obedient little soldier.
Rei had been born in a stable nation in his previous life. A place with endless entertainment, delicious food, warm beds, and zero threat of getting stabbed in the throat by a mercenary wearing a wooden headband. So when he opened his eyes in this godforsaken, dogshit world, his brain utterly rejected the reality.
He paused by a fence and glanced up at the distant cliff face overlooking the village. Carved into the stone were the monumental faces of three men: Hashirama Senju, Tobirama Senju, and the current sitting Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi.
Rei scoffed.
If someone had given him a choice on where to reincarnate, the Naruto world wouldn't even break into his top one hundred choices. Heck, it wouldn't even make the top thousand.
His first choice would've easily been a protagonist in a high-class hentai or a fluffy, low-stress harem manga. Hell, a mundane slice-of-life world would have been paradise! Even if he had to be born in a slightly dangerous modern setting, at least he could use his modern brain to make a boatload of cash, live in luxury, and enjoy his life before getting clobbered by a truck or turned into slime.
Sure, the Naruto universe had plenty of top-tier, breathtaking women. But living here? He didn't have the damn energy to play the hero or fall in love.
Back in his old life, he loved watching the show. But if anyone forced him to actually live through Naruto's childhood, he would've lost his mind and triggered a second Nine-Tails incident long ago.
Thankfully, he wasn't Naruto. He was just a random side character—someone who probably didn't even exist in the original anime storyline.
His birth talent was admittedly ridiculous. The old man wasn't wrong about that. But without a broken system cheat, an absurd bloodline like the Sharingan, or Senju chakra reserves, his absolute ceiling in this life was at best Shadow-level—maybe comparable to Hiruzen in his prime.
And as for turning into some mad scientist like Orochimaru, researching dark jutsu to forcefully elevate himself to Six Paths level?
Bullshit.
Who the hell had the patience for that? Living in a creepy underground lab, melting body parts just for power? No thanks.
Besides, his family in this life happened to be absurdly rich. They owned real estate and local businesses in Konoha. With a fortune sitting right there waiting for him, his motivation to become a kunai-throwing, tree-jumping ninja dropped straight to absolute zero.
Why risk his life in a muddy ditch when he could just inherit the family wealth?
In the future, the Uzumaki kid and his black-haired rival were going to carry the sky on their shoulders anyway. All Rei needed to do was live comfortably, drink good tea, spend money, and enjoy his life. As long as he played his cards right, laid low during the Chunin Exams, and hid in a bomb shelter during Pain's eventual village-flattening Almighty Push, he'd be totally fine.
While Rei was comfortably planning his lifelong slack-off routine, his eyes caught sight of a familiar figure further down the street.
Bright blonde hair tied into twin tails.
Rei's body reacted before his brain even finished processing the visual.
His legs instantly stopped. Without missing a single beat, he executed a flawless, buttery-smooth 180-degree pivot and began walking in reverse at top speed, acting like he was just moonwalking back home.
"Rei-kun~!"
A sharp, boisterous voice cut through the street noise from behind him.
Damn it.
Rei froze. He mechanically turned his head around, a stiff, painfully artificial customer-service smile plastered across his four-year-old face.
"Ah! Tsunade-sama! Wow, long time no see! How have you been holding up?"
Tsunade crossed her arms, her brow twitching aggressively. "You brat, we literally saw each other two days ago! What do you mean 'long time no see'?"
"Ah, is that so? My mistake! Time flies when you're busy," Rei said smoothly, taking a step back. "Anyway, I just remembered I have extremely urgent personal matters to attend to, so if you'll excuse me—"
"Don't try to fool me, you little shit!" Tsunade snapped, grabbing him by the back of his collar before he could bolt. "Two days ago you gave me the exact same line! And then I found out that right after leaving, you went straight home and slept for six straight hours!"
Rei gasped in outrage. "Hey! Sleeping is the single most important activity in human existence! How could you downplay my rigorous rest schedule?"
Tsunade's eye twitched hard enough to cause a muscle cramp.
"Whatever," she grunted, tossing her annoyance aside as a predatory grin spread across her face. She reached to her waist and patted a visibly heavy leather pouch with a loud clink. "Come on, let's go gambling! I collected a large amount of cash today!"
Before Rei could even open his mouth to refuse, she hauled him along like a sack of rice.
Now, to be completely honest, Rei didn't actually hate gambling.
In fact, he loved it. He adored it.
Back in his past life, he had always been an ordinary guy, but in this life? He was blessed with an absurd, god-tier passive trait: extreme luck. He won roughly 99.9% of every game of chance he touched.
His personal motto used to be: I'd rather gamble my life away than live a life without gambling.
That was his ironclad belief... right up until he met this walking calamity god standing next to him.
Tsunade was the exact mathematical opposite of him. She possessed a terrifying, universe-defying 99.9% loss rate.
Their cursed meeting had happened a few months ago. As a four-year-old with a decent chunk of pocket money—which was fairly reasonable given his wealthy background—Rei had decided he wanted to double his cash. Naturally, he walked right into Konoha's underground casino. As for why a four-year-old was allowed into a high-stakes gambling den? Blame this wild, lawless ninja world where kids were handed sharp knives at age five.
Rei had proceeded to wipe the floor with the casino. He won game after game after game, creating such a scene that a crowd of desperate gamblers started following him around, placing their bets on whatever he picked.
And unfortunately, Tsunade had been in that crowd.
When the Legendary Sucker saw a kid winning non-stop, she excitedly slapped her money down on the exact same bet as him.
And that was when the laws of the universe broke down.
When a person with a 99.9% win rate teams up with a person with a 99.9% loss rate, cosmic balance dictates that the odds instantly collapse into a brutal, horrifying 50/50 coin flip.
For the first time in his second life, Rei lost a bet.
He had been utterly traumatized. He despised being forced to lose. But Tsunade? She was ecstatic. For her, winning even half the time was a divine miracle.
Ever since that fateful day, she viewed Rei like a human lucky charm. Every single time she spotted him wandering around Konoha, she would drag him to the nearest casino to exploit his luck, completely ruining his goal of avoiding high-profile plot characters.
"Listen, Tsunade-sama, I'm telling you, today is a bad day for dice," Rei groaned as he was pulled down the busy commercial street. "My left pinky toe is itching. That's a classic sign of bad luck—"
Suddenly, a strange shadow cast itself over Rei's face.
He paused, his words catching in his throat.
Subconsciously, his eyes drifted upward toward the blue sky above Konoha.
High up in the air, a dark object was falling out of the clouds. It was hurtling straight toward his head, expanding in his field of vision at a terrifying, unnatural speed.
Wait, what the hell is—
BOOM!
The impact exploded right on top of him with the force of a falling meteor, shattering the cobblestone street beneath his feet. Dust, debris, and shockwaves blasted outward in all directions.
Rei's vision cut to black instantly as his conscious mind was knocked into the stratosphere.
The absolute last thing his fading ears caught before total darkness took over was Tsunade's frantic, enraged voice ringing out through the dust cloud:
"REI! ARE YOU OKAY?!"
"YOU BASTARD THING! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?!"