When the alarm went off for the sixth time, she slammed her hand on it to turn it off with an annoyed expression on her face. She dragged herself to the bathroom wishing the remaining weeks of the semester will quickly pass by. "Another day to go to school and stay with nuisances for eight whole hours, ughhhhhh" she groaned "at least Thea is there" she thought,The past few months have been nothing but vexing, every little thing annoyed her from school to the house. The only best part about the "darkest times"as she had named it is her friendship with Thea. How they went from strangers to friends she doesn't know. Once she had bathed and dressed she headed to the bus stop, she hopped in a bus upon arriving and went to school. In school, she saw her. Her only real friend in school was Thea from the very first week, Thea had been the one person who made the days bearable. They sat together in class, exchanged glances when a teacher says something funny and laughed at little things others might ignore and ignored things others might laugh at.
Still, coping in school was not easy. Her brother Roland was a senior and he was a top student, making her sometimes quiver at the thoughts of teachers having expectations of her too..she was not like her brother.Every day felt like a quiet battle moving from class to class, pretending to fit in a world where most people didn't notice her. Thea was drop-dead gorgeous and she always felt small when walking beside her, sometimes she would linger Infront of the mirror hoping her reflection might shift just a little into something closer to Thea's beauty . Over time she noticed how people were drawn to Thea, how they respected her and how they all wanted to get close to her leaving her on the sidelines, And though she hated to admit it, a quiet ache formed in her chest. Was it envy?, or something more like jealousy, she couldn't quite discern
She kept to herself when Thea was not in school, her voice soft in discussions. When it comes to her classmates her feelings are mixed.some seemed kind enough, but most of them carried an air of indifference. They had their own groups and inside jokes. It didn't bother her too much, she preferred it that way.
The first year passed slowly, yet somehow too quickly. By the end of it she looked back and realized how much had changed and how much hadn't. She had survived the endless assignment,the surprise tests, the awkward introductions and the nervous laughter. There were teachers she actually liked, and those small connections mattered more than anyone knew. Mrs Gabrielle,who thought English, had a calm way of guiding and explaining the subject. That made her love her lessons more. Mrs Petra, Mrs Pete she had secretly nicknamed her, the math teacher, was strict but surprisingly encouraging nad fair, she made numbers less frightening, Even if only a little.
There were others she didn't care much for—teachers who barely noticed her, who only saw the louder, beautiful, more outspoken smart students. She held it not the few who made her feel seen and the best of them was Mr James . And they were enough. Outside of school, her life was a cycle of chores and daily routines, she helped tidied up the house, helped with cooking and sometimes helped as an escort. On weekends,she would help cook usually simple meals, but she enjoyed the rhythm of it,the way spices and steam filled the air.
Her family wasn't insanely rich,but they were well off. Her mother was still old school, she thought how to cook and made her do more than half of the house chores .Her family wasn't perfect, but they were here and in their own ways ,they grounded her. She often thought about restarting, taking her books seriously "tomorrow I am learning no jokes , no TikTok,no procastination" she would say to herself sometimes even out loud . Restarting meant waking up earlier, focusing better, smiling more maybe even being more brave enough to talk to new people. She wrote it down in her dairy —on the corners of her notebooks,on her bedroom wall "restart" but every attempt failed, and she always slid back into her same old patterns. It became almost like a joke she shared with herself. "Restarting is easy to say but it sure is had to do"
When vacation finally arrived she felt the weight of relief settle over her like a soft blanket. No more alarms at dawn, no more rushing to the bus stop ,no more long days of trying to feel busy whiles secretly being lost. she already had her plans laid out, semester break classes heavy on that one because she wanted to see him again Iser she missed him ,the stranger, he did not know her but she did and she was dead set on getting his number this break, movies ,sleep until noon on weekends, bury herself in dark romance books. There was something about those books that fascinated her,the intensity, the danger , the way love bloomed in the most unexpected places and situations. She read them secretly,never daring to mention them or show them to her family, it was her world ,her escape,her guilty pleasure. Vacations became her little world of freedom.
She woke up after the seeping sunlight rest on her face it was eight in the morning she took a shower and got dressed checking herself in the mirror and changing herself in four different clothes till one satisfied her...she wanted him to notice her but he didn't, he has a girlfriend Korry told her " they will breakup eventually" she always countered back . She was dead set on taking his number today, it was Friday and like a middle schooler and her first love she would do every outrageous thing to get his contact. After double checking for the twentieth time she finally left. Upon arriving she sat at the front row seat, she was already late but decide to attract attention anyways, she sat beside Korry. "Welcome madam president" Korry said with a smile "Korry " Lila called "shut the fuck up" she said with a half smile "ok sorry " he replied through a fit of laughter. When it was break, half of the students went out to buy food she stayed in there with Korry watching anime and plotting how to get Iser's number. "Ayo? Er.....do you have Iser's contact?" She asked Korry, "Girl....I told you he has a girl " Korry replied still focused on his anime "Do u have the god-damn contact or not" she asked slightly irritated, "yeah I do ", "send it to me will ya " she replied " Korry exited his anime and sent her Iser's number "don't you come back crawling to me when he ignores you, I warned you " Korry replied"thank you so much!!" She said almost shrieking . After taking his number, she couldn't bring herself to text him so she decided to ask Korry for help again, he took her phone and texted him pretending he was out of data and needed one of his friends contact, Iser replied immediately,when the reply came through Korry handed her phone back to her, his attention back on his anime . With the unsaved number on her phone lila shutted the screen,and focused on the anime along side Korry.
Lila didn't bother texting Iser when she got home that day. Soon after she stopped going to classes altogether, claiming she was simply "too tired" And just like that her days in the classroom ended.The rest of vacation became her little sanctuary of loneliness, she drifted through the weeks like a sloth, sprawled across her bed with a book in hand, slipping in and out of sleep. It became a cycle—books, sleep,films food repeating endlessly until the days blurred into one another.