Vulnerability is a parasite. It creeps up on you and feeds on the defenses of your amygdala. ALWAYS stay on guard. The words of my trainer at the Academy from four years ago rang out in my head as I faced Meridian's board. They all stared at me in confusion and awe. Not Teiris though, her face was a plain mask of indifference, at least that's what I picked up from the half of her face that wasn't burnt. Emberwrights did always have that sort of horrificly calm look about them so I was not startled by it.
Warden seemed on edge about something, his mental shields holding off so strong I couldn't get a read on him. I didn't even bother scrutinizing all of them at this point. We had gone through my story multiple times, they all still seemed shocked by my memories and probably how unaffected I was. They had of course taken the liberty of sifting through them to confirm what had actually happened on the day of my mother's passing, going in deeper only left them partially traumatized at the brutality of my father's actions, yet here I was calmly sitting and waiting for them to excuse me away.
Reid was still astounded beyond words, worrying himself sick about my mental being. Oh his thoughts were loud ever since he'd revealed what had happened in his perspective. He questioned how things would be between us, how I was doing mentally and my heart bled for him, it really did. I just felt...numb and overwhelmed by everything. On one hand, I felt this explosive paroxysm of love and wanton for him and on the other I also felt this overwhelming urge to hide, control and my mage training and natural personality made it so hard for me to process what I felt.
I'd been to see therapists before, when I was around fifteen years old after I'd joined the Academy. I was so used to having everything so thoroughly scrutinized that I ended up intellectualizing everything I felt instead of letting myself feel it, especially with my brain being back to factory settings and all. That must be why this four figures of authority standing before me were appalled by my lack of reaction to my past. What did they expect though? For me to cry and wail at the memory of the so beloved hero they called my mother? For me to sob, snivel and bawl my eyes out at the memory of my father? Well sorry to disappoint for the lack of show to them.
"Are you going to hand me over to the Sages now that I have my memories back?" I asked my mind etched deep in boredom's claws. Malaise had crawled and settled in my bones as they pried and prodded my brain for answers. "No, we won't. As a matter of fact, we have reason to protect you even more." Telena stated looking me directly in the eye with a sympathetic nod that said she was on my side. "Plus it's my time to keep up my end of the deal." She chimed sweetly.
"You'll be staying here from now on," Riveka Sr. said to me curtly before adding. "You will have access to everything we know and we will expect your full co-operation." and made quick work of leaving the room, followed by Telena.
"You will have evening sessions with me, seven to eight pm," Teiris said dryly and headed for the door. Well wasn't she just a cloud of glitter and rainbows. Warden was left sitting opposite me with an unreadable expression on his face. I made sure all Teiris was already out of the room before flicking my wrist in a familiar pattern and cast a sound proofing spell on the room. "How long have you known?" I queried him eyeing him suspiciously. "And better yet, what reason did you have for keeping it secret?" I added.
"You've always been ahead of your peers." He deflected and I scoffed. "Do you always tend to state the obvious to your trainees?" I quipped a bit too icily even for my liking. Ever since Reid had explained his side of the story a lot of gears had been turning in my head. A number of things seemed rather...unscrupulous. And here he was, all this time he had known that it was Reid who had in fact killed my mother, yet he hadn't reported it, no punishment no nothing. What did he have to hide? And why?
His deep brown eyes bored into mine with the intensity of a laser beam locking onto it's target. His mental shield still held in place. "Not that's it's any of your business in this particular territory but....." He hesitates a bit before continuing on. "Jenn and I had been seeing each other." The admission did leave me astounded but I schooled my features so that I didn't portrayed any emotion. "I was heartbroken..." he'd started before I cut him off. "Jesus Christ not the pity party." I drawled. Obviously that made me seem like some emotionless bitch who didn't care. But it didn't help finding out that my mother had been seeing this amazing guy, while I was living my own secluded lonely hermitude of a fucked life, for years. "Don't include your grief in the speech at least. It's the one thing I can feel off you from miles away given your mental shields are tightly in place." Adding that I think makes it better.
I don't think it does. My brain mocked but I didn't pay it any attention.
He cleared his throat, schooling his features so the worry lines disappeared from his dark skin, leaving his face smooth looking and stern. "We had been seeing ach other for three years, and when she died I went to TCS as quickly as I could and managed to secretly get access to her corpse. I managed to extract the memories I needed before they were able to take her for Advanced Magical autopsy. That's how I found out, and even though I resented him for it for quite a bit, I also understood the complicated situation he was in. Furthermore, I had bigger fish to fry at the moment." His finishing tone was dead serious.
"This is the part where you stop trying to get past my mental shields and take a seat. " He instructed and I did so.
"So you remember when your mother had told you she had six months left to live." he started and my heart rate picked up.