'Why? Why did I ruin everything for myself? Why can I not, just be normal? Why can I not do anything properly?'
I held my hands out, cooling them off with the air from the fan.
'it is normal? Who are you trying to lie? get a grip already, what did you even contribute to the world with? exactly, nothing. You helped waste materials and that is all. You really are useless.'
I stop the fan and finally choose clothes to wear. My hair, still somewhat soaked, splashes around unnoticeable rain.
First underwear, then shocks and only after pants.
With the lower part covered, I untie the towel and finish with the dressing.
"What am I doing with my life? Start studying already...or not...if you fail in life, there will be no one, and-..."'I should stop talking to myself out loud. What was about to say anyways? Dumb shit.'
I stare at the black screen of my computer, thinking it might give me answers for my own question.
I press the start button and wait, then I play games.
-School-
A place I have lost interest in. Everyone will one day be gone and I will never see them again, so why bother?
"Yo, tissues." 'tissues...I mean, my only contribution to this class is bringing paper, so why get excited?'
"Steve. Can you pass them?" 'Steve...I wonder if he got bullied for his name before...at least made fun of it's a sure.'
"Okay" He grabbed the tissues I handed him and moved on. When Scott finished, Steve gave them back to me.
Steve went back to talking with Scott, David and Ted. Scott was into electronics, David into editing...I think. He is the second best student in this class, at least by grades. Ted liked sports and games.
Four different flavors yet they make one ice cream.
I have enough to fill a classroom, so why can I not fit?
'because you're-...I, you-...Why speaking is such a pain? You can not even speak properly, so why bother?'
-Home-
Mother, brother.
Mom is sitting in the living, watching TV. Me and my brother give food and water to the animals.
"Bring water." He said, grabbing the pig feed.
I bring water and place it down. The two pigs gather, but he pushes them to put the food for them in.
I take the empty bucket from him and hand over the water one.
"Don't fight or I'll beat you" He said to the pigs, just before one pushed the other one away. He slapped that pig. "Let him eat"
-inside the house-
"What do you want to eat?" Mom asked before we even said anything.
"fries with cheese and-... [-]"
"And you?"
"I am not hungry." I walk to the bathroom and wash my hands
"Why?"
"Cuz I am not hungry."'go ahead, speak back like the broken door you are. Why can't you shut already?'
-Room-
Well, there is nothing to speak about it. It is just a teenager room, 'I do what teenagers, no, what trash does, sit and rot. Rot brain, rot. As fast as possible, maybe I'll get disowned once I fall off.'
-Exam preparing-
Nothing again. I am stuck between studying and wanting to rot.
-University-
First year, hell.
'Monday from ten to eight, Tuesday from two to six.'
-Inside-
'Group two...group two...There is someone.'
"Excuse me, are you from [...] major? Do you know where group two is?"
"[...]? sorry, I am from [...], I don't know about [...] class."
"I-I see. Thanks anyways."
-With the group-
'Well they are here...Why am I excited to meet them? Any friendships you will get will end anyways, so stop with the nonsense.'
"Seems like we will be classmates from now on, so let's get along"
"Y-yea."'suit yourself. I am not going to interact with others more than the tissue person. There is no reason to'
-Two weeks in-
'...Two is stone, then the hatchings should-...Why do I still struggle? I am at the last three again.'
"How do you put hatching?"
"Press H then enter"'Thank you for the question and response before I embarrassed myself again'
"I am not going to do any of this ever again" Scott got up, packed his things and walked towards the exit "Peace!"
"Bye"
"Mhm."'...sweet, now it is just me and Edward. Please do not say anything and finish already.'
-Second year-
"Edward, how about we go for a drink"
"Ah, I still need to prepare for the exams man, I can't today"
'Don't mind me passing through...Don't look at meee~'
"Maybe Stacy will, or mouse"
"Nah, I wanted to go drinking with you. Next time I guess"
'Finally at my seat'
'Stacy, I think she is the girlfriend of someone. Not that it is my business.'
Mouse is not a real mouse, just a girl who sits two seats behind me that got two teeth that stick out like a cartoon mouse. She is usually talking a lot, but lately, she started to not hang out with her friends that much.
'I'll just zoom through this life and become nothingness, so why worry about them?'
-Shop-
'...maybe I should look around more. Who knows what I would find?'
Should have I not said that, nothing would have changed.
I walk some more around and face mouse looking at some jeans. Before I could make an excuse in my mind, she opened her mouth.
"Hi."
"Hello."'This is probably so awkward for her! I should have never been born!!'
"Shopping?"
"Yes...well, just looking for now"
She laughed. 'Oi, oi! I didn't say anything funny!'
"Do you mind if I join?"'Go homeee!'
"I would probably bore you"
"Don't worry, I can hold a conversation going"'Go hommmeeeee alreadyyyyyy'
"Okay then."'DIE! Useless nobody! die in a ditch you worthless body!'
-A few days later-
[mouse]Hey
?
[mouse]Can we meet?
Something happened?
[mouse]Mhm...
[mouse]But i cant say it on the phone
Where are You?
[mouse]Meet me at [...]
-At [...]-
She sat on a bench with her head down.
I saw her and went to the shop nearby.
I pressed the warm coffee cup against her cheek "Here. It's cold outside"
She looked at me like she saw a ghost, then her tears spilled from her eyes.
"My mom died...and my dad said if I don't start paying him rent, I can't leave there anymore."'Damn old dude!...Who raised you like that?!'
I sat down besides her. "Tough luck..."'What am I supposed to do in this kind of situation? Why did you text ME to come?!'
"hey...can I hug you?"'Say no! say no! say no!'
I held my arm out. She leaned on me and cried for hours.
-A few days later-
I decided to let her live in my apartment. There is nothing between us, but even I felt bad for her.
She would go to university first, then I. She cooks, I clean. A healthy house-mate relationship.
Until one of her friends saw us at the shop together.
"Yo mouse! Haven't seen you in a while. You out with your husband? Nice, nice." 'This guy is pissing me off. Husband my ass, there is nothing between us.'
"A-...No, we aren't like that, just classmates. Right, mouse?" I look at her. She nods quetly, but something about her. '-Nawh...'
"Is that so? Well good luck girl. Don't wait too long" He walked to a woman with a baby.
'There is no way...But what if there is? What would I-'
"He likes to joke around, but he's a good guy"'What should I do? No, what can I do?'
"Hey...About what he said-..." I saw her freeze and even jump a little. "...-it might be too soon for that, but how about the first step? Just saying, if you're okay with it"
She let her head down- 'I knew it was a bad move.' -and started crying.
She hid her tears with her hands.
"That's not what you're supposed to say in a shop."
"R-right..."
-After university-
"Mom, dad, uncle, brother... Old classmates, new friends, I hope it's not too late to thank you all and wish you a happy life, one that rivals this moment for me. Please welcome at my wedding and have a good time. Thank you."