Commissioner Gordon still clutched his phone like it was a live grenade, his face pale and shiny under the fluorescent lights. From the speaker came Mrs. Gordon's unmistakable voice, sharp enough to cut glass. "Pamela! My dear Pamela! Tell me about yourself! I'm fascinated by the woman who finally stole my daughter's heart! It's like a dream come true!"
Barbara groaned behind both hands. "Oh my god, Mom, you're embarrassing me so much."
Mrs. Gordon's voice only grew louder. "You were both abducted simultaneously and rescued each other! I've never heard of such a thing! How does it feel dating my daughter, knowing you saved each other's lives?"
Pamela, trying not to laugh, gently took the phone from Gordon and spoke with a calm, respectful tone. "Mrs. Gordon, it was an honor to help your daughter escape Professor Woodrue. It's a shame he only went to Arkham. He deserves a real prison — but that's Gotham's justice system for you. Your daughter and I are completely law-abiding citizens. Everyone who survived down there received medical care and proper support. Isn't that right, Commissioner?"
Gordon clasped his hands together as though giving a eulogy. "Yes, yes. Sadly, most couldn't be saved. Many were missing internal organs. Dr. Woodrue was selling them to fund his research — dozens of the homeless, even animals. Wolves, too. May they rest in peace."
A horrified gasp came through the phone, followed by a shriek. "Oh my god! My precious daughter! GORDON! You listen to me, you old conniving man! If my daughter gets abducted one more time, I'm leaving you!"
Barbara's eyes widened. "Mom, seriously—"
Mrs. Gordon cut right through her. "I'll take our daughter! I'll take the house! I'll take your pension! I'll take your badge, Gordon!"
Gordon's glasses fogged instantly. Sweat poured down his temples as he stammered, "Yes, dear! I'll make sure nothing happens to Barbara again!"
"And not just Barbara!" she barked. "Pamela too! You increase security around their apartment! If I hear about even a single incident — so help me — there'll be no supper for you tonight!"
The Commissioner looked ready to faint. "Yes! Yes, dear!"
Pamela leaned close to Barbara, whispering through a suppressed laugh. "Your husband is so henpecked."
Barbara muttered under her breath, "You have no idea. It's a miracle he's still a cop and not a meter maid."
Gordon stood stiffly while his wife continued her tirade through the tinny speaker. Then her tone shifted into a new register of outrage. "And another thing! When the hell is Batman coming over for supper?!"
Barbara froze. Pamela blinked.
"He promised last time he stopped by — during that crime spree — that he'd bring back my Tupperware!" Mrs. Gordon thundered. "WHERE IS MY TUPPERWARE, GORDON?! You better turn on that damn Bat-Signal and tell him to get his butt over here! He owes me a meal! I made coleslaw! I turned around to ask what dressing he wanted, and poof! He was gone! Rude! You tell that masked vampire if he swoops in at midnight again, he's sitting down and eating dinner with this family! Do I make myself clear, Gordon?!"
Gordon's jaw trembled. "Honey — I'm sorry — there's an emergency on the radio, I have to go." He jabbed at the phone screen and hung up.
From the speaker, her distant voice still echoed, "GORDON! Can you hear me?! Don't hang up on me, mister! No supper for you tonight! Where's my Tupperware?!"
The Commissioner lowered the phone slowly, his whole frame sagging. "Well!" he said with forced cheer. "Busy day! I'd better get back to the office. Then home early. It's lasagna night." He muttered under his breath, "Gotta calm her down…"
He straightened, trying to recover his dignity. "Barbara, make sure you get home soon — with Pamela. We'll… talk about grandkids later."
"Dad!" Barbara hissed.
He ignored it, smiling shakily at Pamela. "It's been great seeing you again. You've made my daughter stronger. Thank you for helping her escape that madman." He backed toward the door. "Gotta go! Peace!"
And with that, Commissioner Gordon bolted from the room like a man fleeing gunfire.
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